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Post by Kyle Kemp on Jul 29, 2019 16:07:51 GMT -5
Roleplay: Becoming Kyle Kemp Handler: K Kemp Overall thoughts: Its boring. Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 RATING: 4 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW Kemp, I got you in a strange metric. Like, the promo is good from a technical and match related stand point but the character stuff is tough to read. Its tough because its you at a kitchen table and you on the outside steps then hey, PPV title match - > Lets dark room promo. Kemp, I swear to god. I want to punch you in the face with my lips. It makes me crazy because its on point for match and character but theres no creativity. This is still a creative hobby. I cant abide in this as a PPV US title match. Slam? Sure, lets go. PPV? No fire. No heart. I’m never sold on PPV promos that are simple and basic. That's the time to step up. That's the time to go. That's the time to prove that Kemp is the real deal and not the butt of a joke. But if you dont win, sorry to say but you’re the butt of the joke. You’re entire promo was: “ I’m not a joke. Take me serious.” Oh here.. Lets watch Kemp pay his bills, talk to himself and wait for Amazon Prime. Such. brave. Such bold. The match stuff was on point about the opponents but you didnt elevate yourself. You’re going to prove that you earned this, that you’re going to win. Unless that belt comes from Pubishers Clearing House, I dont think you are. I don’t believe that. You did not make me believe that. Now, you might win. I’ve been wrong before. That's the glaring theme to me. As good a writer as you are. As good a character that you’ve made, you still have to overcome proving yourself as a character because there are little to no major title to your name. You want this or you don’t. You want to win the belt or you don’t. This week, I dont think you wanted to win. Its there, its technically good but it dont jump off the page. And the personality thing - over played. Unless you’re making a whole story like Wades doing, its just watered down at this point. But that's how I see kemp. Its sadI wish this was better _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Put yourself in more creative positions and situations. Expand on the character development with the personality thing if you want to stick with it. High profile matches deserve high profile promos. Damn....Heard. I’ll be better next time! I just feel like the face turn fell flat with Kemp and now I’m in a hole and trying to dig my way out. You’re right. I definitely need to be more creative. I’m just struggling with what is going to work with Kemp going forward. I definitely wanted to win but maybe the creative stuff is what I’m missing. I appreciate the feedback! I love how honest you are. Much appreciated
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Post by Lissie Hope on Jul 29, 2019 16:13:47 GMT -5
I think the all-American face would really work for you here, because we don't really have one. There's Payton but we all know something bad is gonna happen there and he's restricted to 1K, but I really do think you've got the potential to seize that role here. I'm rooting for you, too! And I think Odin is tapping into the crux of why you've been a little stagnant lately. You really are one of the best writers here and you have a history that you can sell; becoming the major, wholesome face in AW could easily work with this character. Good luck!
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 29, 2019 16:37:23 GMT -5
By creative I dont mean crazy stuff like me or Wade or sumthin. Stick to the character but sitting on your front steps and kitchen table? come on, dude.
if you're going to be face. Do lizzies advice. Dare I say
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 29, 2019 17:09:53 GMT -5
Roleplay: Parents in vain
Handler: Slayer
Overall thoughts: Not up to par
Rating Overview
Scene Description: 2
Character Development: 2
Shoot: 3
Flow: 5
RATING: 2.5 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
I dunno where you want me to star. It says posted via mobile so that's prolly all I need to know. It looks like you just typed up what you could on your phone and posted it. Hardly something for me to review, it wouldnt be fair. You had 4k, looks like you did 1k for an important ppv match. Its not good work for the event.
I still get this weird tweener sense, too. You have a gimmick that's fluid and in this big match for slayer, you’re looking at the stars. I know you can do better. I know you want to do better. I’ll give you points for posting rather than not but if you got time to write a promo, write a full promo that explores and develops. Saying that you want to win or you earned this isnt CD. The shoots ok but its just not a fully realized rp.
I know you’ll bounce back but you really need to kick it in gear and pick up a big win.
_______________________
SUGGESTIONS
Hopefully you’re able to put more time into promos. Efforts going to go a long way.
Character development. Really expand the character.
Wrap up all elements into what winning means to you for match content.
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Post by Ms Anicka Swan on Aug 1, 2019 20:09:23 GMT -5
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Post by Lissie Hope on Aug 1, 2019 20:37:55 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 2, 2019 18:48:42 GMT -5
Swann
Hope
sometime this weekend
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Post by Ms Anicka Swan on Aug 2, 2019 20:51:27 GMT -5
Swann Hope sometime this weekend And here I was hoping for your honest opinion.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 4, 2019 16:12:41 GMT -5
Roleplay: Pretty Shiny Things Handler: Ani Swann Overall thoughts: Not up to par Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 RATING: 3.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW Gonna ignore the rating because word counts seem to limit things with my scale. In any event, you went with a basic interview segment, fair play, you gota stuff to talk to talk about. I liked the little bit that you gave. The only thing that sticks out is that you have off more the underdog vibe than the persona you were trying to give. Accenting your strengths and even acknowledging your ‘weakness’ as you did should be good but it made you more the underdog IMO. Its not bad, but I know you were trying to hype yourself up as someone trying to take Paytons belt. I think you’re close but idk if that will get you the win. If you worded it more like you’re the terror in the small package and looks are deceiving. ~ See, they’re not thinking that Ani’s “just to damned small” to be in this match. Oh no no no.. [She shook her head.] Right now, they’re thinking ‘Oh shit, Payton’s about to lose his title’ and placing their bets accordingly. They already know that no matter how good Luiz is, she’s clearly not the Beast that is Ms Swan. Hell, half the men on the roster aren’t the Beast that Ani is. ~ I like this. This sums up what you wanted to do. I feel like your normal skill set is hurt by the cap because you want to write more. This was a good promo. It was strong, again, IDK if it beats Peyton but it could. It also could have been more direct in the shoot The top part about Ani getting belts to see how far she can go felt glossed over but I like hammer and nails shoots that digs deep. If you do win, its a big win and hopefully you’ll get more comfortable with a smaller word cap but I can hardly tell that you had any issues with it. Ani Swann is here and shes going to be tough to beat _____________________ SUGGESTIONS Ratchet down what you want to say so you can make better use of your word limit. You have the character and motivations down, you dont need help with that.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 4, 2019 17:20:04 GMT -5
Roleplay: Entente VII
Handler: Liz Hope
Overall thoughts: Gucci
Rating Overview
Scene Description: 5
Character Development: 5
Shoot: 5
Flow: 5
RATING: 5 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
This promo is fore from top to bottom. It felt like one big dirty secrete with you and Ryan with CC kinda being a third wheel. I dug the dynamic with Ryan and the shoot was spot on. The SD was intenseand well paced, you didnt pine on with description. I liked the character development at the end and the detective stuff. I feel like Lizie is going places. This ALL IN could very well be yours. I dont think I have a bad word to say about this piece. Fantastic all around _____________________
SUGGESTIONS
Keep doing this. Go get your world championshio
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Post by Lissie Hope on Aug 4, 2019 17:25:06 GMT -5
Holy shit.
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Post by “The RevolutiDaddy” Wesley on Aug 4, 2019 17:54:07 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3745/enlightmentAyy I know we’re opponents this week but I’m curious to know what you think. I feel like I shot less around my opponents this time which is something the character kind of narratively forces me to do lol, but I was more aware of it this time around. If you don’t want to since we’re duking out this week, I understand too
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 4, 2019 18:34:33 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3745/enlightmentAyy I know we’re opponents this week but I’m curious to know what you think. I feel like I shot less around my opponents this time which is something the character kind of narratively forces me to do lol, but I was more aware of it this time around. If you don’t want to since we’re duking out this week, I understand too lovers fight every once and a while lmao
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Post by “The RevolutiDaddy” Wesley on Aug 4, 2019 18:42:30 GMT -5
Still smoochin
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Post by Ms Anicka Swan on Aug 4, 2019 18:47:48 GMT -5
I feel like your normal skill set is hurt by the cap because you want to write more. _____________________ SUGGESTIONS Ratchet down what you want to say so you can make better use of your word limit. You have the character and motivations down, you dont need help with that.
Word count be killin' a bitch, man.
I come up with the scene and I am like.. how in the hell am I going to get all of that in that limit? haha.
I am not used to them. I am used to telling stories.
Thank you for your kind words, they were much appreciated...
i have a feeling Ani's still gonna gif ya tho
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 4, 2019 19:07:07 GMT -5
I know you. You've been smooching with everybody. Leo, Al, lil more with the gimpy leg.. Billy Bob... Cliff.
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Aug 4, 2019 19:17:30 GMT -5
I can see that you possess a grocery list of back log, but should you ever get a stray hair I would appreciate a bit of All Daddy fact spittin'. The more things change....I said I wouldn't do this, yet here I am. Quoting myself like a bloody fool. lol
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 5, 2019 12:25:22 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3745/enlightmentAyy I know we’re opponents this week but I’m curious to know what you think. I feel like I shot less around my opponents this time which is something the character kind of narratively forces me to do lol, but I was more aware of it this time around. If you don’t want to since we’re duking out this week, I understand too Roleplay: This is your enlightenment Handler: Guru Daddy Overall thoughts: everyone I know is dead…. Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 3 Flow: 5 RATING: 3 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I like the humor, I like the taking credit for Ariel and I liked how you turned me into a fucking swamp monster. Maybe I am, i dunno. You brought it in the round about way without getting into the truth death of it all but you hit me good by saying all my tag partners are dead and dying. Damn shame what I did to that dog. Anyway, pretty solid for the 2k limit. I would have liked more in terms of what you and Ariel want and how you’re going to get there. Work in that CD a bit better. I found it funny but I get the inside jokes. _____________________ SUGGESTIONS Don’t suck. Easy, right?
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Post by Kennedy Matthews on Aug 5, 2019 12:43:28 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 5, 2019 13:28:00 GMT -5
I can see that you possess a grocery list of back log, but should you ever get a stray hair I would appreciate a bit of All Daddy fact spittin'. The more things change....I said I wouldn't do this, yet here I am. Quoting myself like a bloody fool. lol Roleplay: The More things change Handler: Metal Witch Overall thoughts: these promos are always top Rating Overview Scene Description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW You have such great consistency and a wonderful narrative voice. Its not just scene SD but you have CD and match relevance too. The promo just seems so dominant from top to bottom. I dont see how you’re not already a main event world champion? Hopefully you did great ( results this week arnt up ) and you beat Lockheart and jump up in the card. The actual spoken match content was lacking though, I would have liked less narrative about unrelated things and more match shoot but it all blended nicely. You always have a commanding presence through the entire piece. I really don't have anything critical to say other than some narrative should have been spoken. You know your character and got her down pact. It never hurts to expand more on desires and match content. _____________________ SUGGESTIONS Keep this up.
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