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Post by Lissie Hope on Aug 22, 2019 11:25:56 GMT -5
I’ll wait till you’re done with those before I ask for my next 5/5.
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Post by Alex Richards on Aug 22, 2019 11:31:20 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 22, 2019 15:37:35 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3856/corduroy-dreamsThis differs heavily from my usual style, far less shoot than normal, more character development/story, and not based at all in reality. Not expecting the best grade here since it's a bit of an odd one from me, but keen for feedback nonetheless. Roleplay: Corduroy Dreams Handler: Lockheart Overall thoughts: gangs back together Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 RATING: 4 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW Certainly not as hard hitting as it could be but its exceptional. You hit up the CD quiet well and the SD was fine. You talked to Wade and talked about BK.. I think your big issue is that you already fought Richards and TFK and you just run out of things to say. You won before. Its old hat, you already put your good material into the promo. Its good work but this was your match to lose. I think its just time for lockheart to lose. Its unfortunate but it was a battle that you couldnt win.you’ve been champ a long time, you beat everyone… its just a crap situation that you find yourself in. I think the downnsides are that you didnt play up the ppv part. Maybe you got too comfortable as champion and the character doesnt help. Cocky never helps in the long run because eventually, its all you got and sometimes that's not enough. I think Lockheart needs a backseat role, do quiet stuff so we can miss him. You spent all this time as world champion, the promo almost just exists. Again, I dont think you did anything wrong in this promo but its a victim of circumstance. _____________________ SUGGESTIONS Give us more of lockhearts story
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 22, 2019 17:02:29 GMT -5
Roleplay: Ladder to the stars
Handler: TFK
Overall thoughts: nothing says champion like an empty store front
Rating Overview
Scene Description: 3
Character Development: 4
Shoot: 4
Flow: 5
RATING: 4 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
A Broken down mall doesnt scream PPV rp or event world title rp. If this was for a lesser belt, this could pass but I’m reading this and thinking.. TFK future world champion… hanging out in a mall to prove a point? OK, sure..
Heres the thing.. You walk around the mall.. You shoot.. You had some throw back… but the lynch pin of you winning is that you’re in a mall. You’re not presenting yourself to be a champion. I think you had a ‘good idea’ it just wasnt the right place for it. It was a weak presentation. Its a shame because you have good content in here but your choice of promo shot yourself in the foot.
Its not like XYZ is bad, I think the presentation and the medium of delivery is bad. Idk if this is the weakest rp from the main event but so far i think its dissapointing. I think we should have gotten more from you. We didnt. Its hard to put TFK into that main event slot because hes 0-2.
Sucks. You deserve better but you gotta give us better
_____________________
SUGGESTIONS
none
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Post by Wade Moor on Aug 22, 2019 17:07:46 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 23, 2019 16:16:38 GMT -5
Roleplay: Impact Handler: Scott Slayer Overall thoughts: MARTHA!!!! Rating Overview Scene Description: 2 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 2 Flow: 5 RATING: 2.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW So whats good and what bad? I think you’ll find a sweet spot in this division. I think you have some things to work through with the death of your parents and your uncle. Slowly I think you should move past that and focus more on Culture Shock. You started which is nice. However, everything with the hospital was nice tough for CD and gives us better looks into Slayer. The shoot was ok. I think you have a good chance. It would be great for you and help you grow as a writer. It;ll be great to give culture shock a yet another belt. You’re growing and learning and that's important. _____________________ SUGGESTIONS Set slayer in a direction and fight for it. Set that character development and story and continue
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 26, 2019 14:22:15 GMT -5
Roleplay: Power of Negitive thinking Handler: Alex Richards Overall thoughts: Alex Richards shouldnt giggle Rating Overview Scene Description: 4 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 RATING: 4.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW On first read through I had trouble thinking how you could have lost then on the 2nd, I saw it. Alex Richards doesnt giggle. Alex richards, done played himself. Congratulation. You made yourself already out to be the loser. That's what was bad in this promo,. You already admitted defeat and thus, told the audience that you were going to lose. You need to shed that underdog look. Everyone wants to count you out, cool you mentioned it but if you keep bringing it up, you’ll just reenforce it. Like Alex has stock. Hes a main event guy but i think this promo shows you just gate keep the main event. No one needs to believe in Alex Richards because they all know alex richards. Maybe 15 ppl out of 50 dont already know you. Why show them you’re the underdog ? you should be past that and if not, being past it starts right now. You wrote good shoot and you showed the trials that Alex has been through but you no longer need to prove that you’re a contender because you ARE ONE To show why you should be, is to show that you shouldnt be ( if that makes sense) it just admits that you’re false and Alex isnt false. Alex is a big man. He is a dangerous man, even if hes a goof. You shouldnt sleepon him so dont give us reasons too. _____________________ SUGGESTIONS You’re no longer Alex Richards, sniffer of the big time. You are the big time. You belong. Show us.
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Post by Corey Bull on Aug 28, 2019 10:13:30 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 28, 2019 18:10:25 GMT -5
Roleplay: Rise of Keviathan Handler: Wade Overall thoughts: how do you build this character Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 2 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 RATING: 3 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW My main take away in this is how do you build your character.? Thisi s whats hard about personalities and entities - its all IN WADE. Wades only course for development is to be more/less like the demon inside him. Shoot, you’re killlin everybody in shoot. That's A+ all day My concern is you boxing yourself into a hole and you gotta find the rip chord quick to save the character over the gimmick. Kane, undertaker, finn, Bray - the issue is its gimmick > character development. The most development taker ever got was a jake roberts face turn and introducing Kane. If Leviathan was a different person, its one thing but I think duality gimmicks are fun but limiting. Perfect example: Oblivion. You get one speed or no speed. I think the gimmicks gonna run it course because if people dont bite into it for their roleplays, you’re dead in the water. I would figure out exit plan A-G and start plotting a course and you Leviathan as a special thing. Be Wade, use Leviathan sparingly and without warning. Killer promo, could have won but Lissie Hope is a beast. Dear Lord. _____________________ SUGGESTIONS Color code your shit so I know whos talking. You know I cant read.
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Post by "Dreamcatcher" Ariel Shadows on Aug 31, 2019 9:39:48 GMT -5
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Post by Rain (Pandora) on Sept 2, 2019 15:14:40 GMT -5
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 3, 2019 13:45:07 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Sept 3, 2019 13:50:00 GMT -5
Oh shit .. ppl asked for help.
I'll get right on this
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Post by Odin Balfore on Sept 3, 2019 13:50:34 GMT -5
Bull
Shadows
Pandora
Kos
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Post by Odin Balfore on Sept 3, 2019 14:56:35 GMT -5
Roleplay: Hatebringer cometh Handler: Corey Bull Overall thoughts: Built a better monster Rating Overview Scene Description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 RATING: 4.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW You guys make this hard lol. I have nothing bad to say. I liked the overall feel of the promo. My only take away is that we now have maybe TO MANY of the demon/ personality gimmick so setting yourself apart will be something to think about. I love Corey Bull the character, I dig this stuff, if done well. I didnt like the confession thing. Its just played out IMO. At this point in his life and career, why is he doing this? Its just a weird talk to me and it takes away from the key points of the character. I feel its not a wise choice of setting for that conversation. _____________________ SUGGESTIONS I think its time to start expanding the character
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Post by Odin Balfore on Sept 3, 2019 15:17:35 GMT -5
Roleplay: Chicken Dinner Handler: Shadows Overall thoughts: Ohio is Algonquin for hell Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 2 Shoot: 2 Flow: 5 RATING: 2.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I was not a fan of this promo. It starts off fun but then it sinks down because the match related content is loose and little and I thought it could have been tighter. I like the team with Wes. I think that's a lot of fun. I liked the scene description. I liked how it worked with the team but I’m always critical of match relevance and shoot. I’m always going to think that its what we do as a wrestling promo. I’m down for adventures. I do that a lot and have fun and I can tell that you’re having fun and that's great but theres not a lot of match focus till the end and its not as strong. I would have like to have seen more of that or at least Wes to continue this. If he had a continuation, the promo would be a lot better. The DnD stuff was fun but it was too short. However, wordcounts suck lol _____________________ SUGGESTIONS Balance out CD and match content. You have a fun style make sure that its spread around so we can see it.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Sept 3, 2019 17:30:23 GMT -5
Roleplay: Heed my warning Handler: Pandora Overall thoughts: Pandora is Pandora Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 2 Shoot: 2 Flow: 5 RATING: 2.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW Its interesting, just not well planned out. The poems are fun but there needs to be more. I want to read more and i wished there was more. Id like more backstory ( im sure i missed another rp ) but to bring it all together and have this far out character that's just unhinged might be fun. I dont think this is where you’ll get to where you need to be match wise. This was more CD centre RP its cool stuff _____________________ SUGGESTIONS More match focus
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Post by Odin Balfore on Sept 4, 2019 19:41:13 GMT -5
Roleplay: S2E6
Handler: Kos
Overall thoughts: Wheres the end game?
Rating Overview
Scene Description: 3
Character Development: 3
Shoot: 3
Flow: 5
RATING: 3 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
Honest question: How do you win? How does this RP propel you to winning. You did half the leg work and forgot the other half.
So like, you hammered Odin his integrity and his desire to win but hows that relate to you? Where was Spencers rebuttal to it to boost himself? You fixed it at the end when you talked about Dandy but it all seemed kinda basic. I’m not getting the ‘oh shit, Spence is going to win.’ Its a good promo but its not as hard hitting as it could be given the circumstances.
Its hard when its a ppv and theres 5 ppl and a 4k word count. Its a lot of blending and refining. You gave everyone their own time so thats a good mark. I think you did the best you could given what we all have to deal with.
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SUGGESTIONS
Big matches deserve big promos
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Post by Kennedy Matthews on Sept 4, 2019 23:30:37 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Sept 5, 2019 18:47:50 GMT -5
Roleplay: How I Became your Mother
Handler: Kennedy
Overall thoughts: very well rounded
Rating Overview
Scene Description: 3
Character Development: 4
Shoot: 4
Flow: 5
RATING: 4 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
This is a well rounded promo with good CD at the staart with a good take away for Kennedy. The hospital scene with great imsight and gave depth. I think you came strong for red white and Bruised. I thought that last paragraph was really strong. The promo is very comprehensive and well built. I cant wait to see where this goes. the promo was kinda short so theres not a whole lot to say you nailed all the boxes and did some very good work _____________________
SUGGESTIONS
none
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