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Post by Odin Balfore on May 17, 2019 10:32:37 GMT -5
Aye, Action Wrestling.
I did a thing back in the day where I would review promos and give constructive feedback. So I'm going to bring it back and give it a try. Heres how its going to work.
1. Post a reply asking feedback here on this thread.
2. in the post, provide a link to the promo ( NOT THE FULL RP )
3. I go in order of when replies are posted ( or do my best to because general comments exist.)
If I don't get to you in a timely manner, don't get bent about it. I'll do my best.
I grade promos on a scale system out of 5. so your rp will get a grade between 1 through 5.
I do this objectively as a reader, so I call it as I see it. Don't be upset if you disagree with my opinion
NOTE: I don't judge or book. Don't try to appease my grading system. This is meant to improve overall quality, not just net you wins. Don't get upset if you get a 5 on my scale and lose your match. I cant help you with that part.
The system looks like this
_________________________
RP:
Handler:
overview thoughts:
Grade: out of 5
BREAKDOWN
Scene Description:
Character Development:
Shoot:
Flow:
CRITICAL REVIEW
SUGGESTIONS
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Post by Wade Moor on May 17, 2019 11:17:23 GMT -5
I’ll add to it;
I listened to this mans advice for 5 years now. When I started, I couldn’t even buy a win, now I have multiple World Championships and tournament wins under my belt.
Odin has forgotten more about this game than we’ve even learned. Take his feedback and constructive criticism, then apply it to your formula. It’ll do wonders.
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Post by Dandy DiVito on May 17, 2019 12:58:38 GMT -5
I’ll throw down. I’ll pick out an RP and hit you up when I’m back on my computer (instead of my phone) later today.
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Post by Lissie Hope on May 17, 2019 14:03:28 GMT -5
I'm confused about the 'promo-only' restrictions, because your grading system also includes scene setting and character development. So you don't want to grade the story parts?
Just asking. I really would like some feedback on my stuff but I'm unsure what you're asking. Thanks! And thanks for doing it!
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 17, 2019 14:07:52 GMT -5
I'm confused about the 'promo-only' restrictions, because your grading system also includes scene setting and character development. So you don't want to grade the story parts? Just asking. I really would like some feedback on my stuff but I'm unsure what you're asking. Thanks! And thanks for doing it! I mean like include a link to the promo so I can view it, rather than you copy and pasting your full RP as a reply in this thread. It just keeps things a bit cleaner but you bring up a good point, please do not ask me to review something that just "character development." because its unfair to grade something that would tick those categories. Anything you post on the RP board is fair game for me to review
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Post by Lissie Hope on May 17, 2019 14:25:06 GMT -5
Sounds great man. Thank you! actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3050/awakening-vi-releaseI chose this one for a few reasons. Back in my old fed I used to do a lot of cliffhangers and time jumps but haven’t had a chance to integrate it here. My old fed was a 3 RP max per match so it made the stories more sustainable to include a hook to keep reading the next one. It works a little differently here with one per match so I am just curious to see if it’s something I should continue trying to do here or if it fell flat on its face. Thanks in advance.
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 17, 2019 14:32:35 GMT -5
Sounds great man. Thank you! actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3050/awakening-vi-releaseI chose this one for a few reasons. Back in my old fed I used to do a lot of cliffhangers and time jumps but haven’t had a chance to integrate it here. My old fed was a 3 RP max per match so it made the stories more sustainable to include a hook to keep reading the next one. It works a little differently here with one per match so I am just curious to see if it’s something I should continue trying to do here or if it fell flat on its face. Thanks in advance. sweet. I'll take a look.
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 17, 2019 15:15:43 GMT -5
Sounds great man. Thank you! actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3050/awakening-vi-releaseI chose this one for a few reasons. Back in my old fed I used to do a lot of cliffhangers and time jumps but haven’t had a chance to integrate it here. My old fed was a 3 RP max per match so it made the stories more sustainable to include a hook to keep reading the next one. It works a little differently here with one per match so I am just curious to see if it’s something I should continue trying to do here or if it fell flat on its face. Thanks in advance. Roleplay: Awakening VI Hander: Liz hope Overall thoughts: A breakout promo that shows many well rounded sides to liz the character and the handler. Rating Overview Scene Description: 4 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 2 Flow: 4 RATING: 3.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW This promo is well done and sound in every area. I’m present for different beats within Lizs life and day to day routine. So the development of the character both personally and as a wrestler is there. That brings more depth and gives you a lot of freedom. I like how you had the forethought to sandwich everything into the start of the rp, cliff hang it and wrap it up at the end. That all makes for a nice package. That was very well done. You have a decent grasp on the twenner / face shoot where you’re not overly going into destruction mode. To me, there could always be more and better shoot. In this, I felt the balance shift a bit. The promos def 90 CD and 10 Shoot. The issue in that is that you end up short changing yourself. You have all this great CD and description and you chop your legs out by giving a small section of match related content. Talking about future stuff with Kennedy was great but shes not the opponent this week. You have 36 hundred words and your match shoot is essentially: “ I’m going to kick you into the dirt” There wasnt a lot of substance in that shoot and even a hundred words more of digging into him would have helped. Shoot is like, my biggest thing because this is wrestling and not just As the world turns with lizzie hope. So in that dynamic, that shoot needs to stick. You don’t need to go guns blazing but def more than what was given. You gotta convince me that you’re going to beat him and that didnt convince me. You have a great grasp of making things flow and you could done so with Harry and explaining how you’re better, why you’re better and why despite his best efforts, hes going to lose. But that doesnt detract from the overall promo. I just have a keen eye for small hiccups. I’m digging the flow and the format though. Keep that going. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Keep the format and the style. I want to know that I’m reading Lizzie Hope. Anytime the reader knows its a Lizzie promo or a Wade promo or whoever, is a very good thing. Expand the shoot. Make time for the shoot. That's how matches are won. I dont have much to really give you because its all done well. Everything is rounded except for shoot and if your prior feds wernt shoot heavy, it takes time to develop that. Keep showing us lizzie hope. Its all there. With more time, it’ll come together and you’ll be a world champion, knockin Beach Krews dicks into the dirt.
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Post by Lissie Hope on May 17, 2019 16:07:37 GMT -5
Wow, thank you. It truly means a lot. And I totally agree with the shoot criticism. Still trying to find that voice.
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 17, 2019 16:13:47 GMT -5
Wow, thank you. It truly means a lot. And I totally agree with the shoot criticism. Still trying to find that voice. That takes time. you're not far off
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Sam Kidsgrove
Professional Wrestler
International Champion
Posts: 476
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Post by Sam Kidsgrove on May 17, 2019 17:07:12 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/2842/literal-tearsThanks man. This is the last non-havoc RP I wrote and it was a lot more focussed on shoot and less cd than I'm used to. Just wondering where the balance should be. Plus my guy really hates Dandy and in private he is horror show, wondering if that should continue.
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Post by Dandy DiVito on May 17, 2019 22:46:14 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/2800/dandy-dreamed-dreamThis is a bit older, largely because due to story reasons, DD hasn’t been booked in a non-Havoc match in a spell. I kind of gave up on the seeds i had planted here and in another RP I did around this time (a brain injury was going to have DD hallucinating folks from here on, but nahhhhhhh... now it was a temporary injury. Screw it.). Thanks for taking a look when you get a chance, Odin. I know I am not a particularly strong shooter, but I think this is perhaps my best shoot work. In turn, any suggestions there would be much appreciated.
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 18, 2019 16:30:34 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/2842/literal-tearsThanks man. This is the last non-havoc RP I wrote and it was a lot more focussed on shoot and less cd than I'm used to. Just wondering where the balance should be. Plus my guy really hates Dandy and in private he is horror show, wondering if that should continue. Roleplay: Litteral, Actual Tears Hander: Kidsgrove Overall thoughts: a bland, boring and basic ‘shit’ heel promo Rating Overview Scene Description: 2 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 2 Flow: 3 RATING: 2.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I’m going to start with the bad. The script format. Its not bad, overall because that's what scripts are and wrestlers read scripts and its a unique style not often used but it just doesnt translate well into the writing / reading part of efedding. I personally like using the script format from time to time but while it is technically sound, it doesnt lend to the appealing taste of viewership. Script format is basic scene and character direction that the director and actors flesh out. That YOU should have fleshed out. Theres leaving it up to the reader and then theres leaving the reader high and dry. Unfortunately script format in efedding tends to do that and it hurts big time. This isnt to say that you should stop using it. If you’re the only one in the fed using this style, keep using it. The format makes scene description and flow suffer. Brutally suffer and I found myself skipping around to find a bare bones promo. Then the content that I did read was just a whiny little shit of a heal crying about getting a raw deal and how people suck. That's played out from the rich, high society type that Kidsgrove is trying to be. Thanks but that's go home heat for me. What in that is supposed to make me root for or against kidgrove? Anyone with charisma or soul in their character could eviscerate Kidsgrove if he is consistently presented like this. That's not a good place to be. The shoot boiled down to saying how its just going to suck for lizzie hope. But then Sam respect her as a wrestler and person - so is he heel or face? If he’s tweener, that's even more dangerous. Whatever marks your trying to hit with Sam, they are missing for me. I know you said there was shoot in this promo but- there wasnt. I’m glad you had match related content ( which you had ) but shoot - talking first hand, in earnest about your match with Lizzie Hope, was not there. The development was there. I got the struggles and the frustration and I’m with that. You got me with that but that's all the rp had going for it. I want to see Sam fight Dandy but as a reader, why should i care of Sam wins or loses? Nothing in this makes me want to see more except go read Dandys promos to see why he’s givin Sam a fit. That's like the opposite of writing. I’m not sure how you managed to hype up your opponent with heel talk and make me not want to watch Sam at all or even care about his character. I think what hurts the most is committing to Sam Kidsgrove and going full tilt in a direction. Youve shifted gears so many times in this promo that you ended up going nowhere and it shows. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Pick a direction, mood, emotion, anything and go. A see a lack of consistency with character motivation in this promo and if Sams a heel and is playing cocky ‘ better than you’ type of character, it needs to be ratcheted down more. That can get picked apart by strong writers and eventually net you losses because you’re going to get upstaged by those writers and you won’t get far. Keep the format, just try to beef it up. Theres a reason why novels are novels and scripts are scripts. Shoot. Make me care about sam and his quest to wrestle. Everyone wants a super awesome side job but wrestlings not a damn side job. Wrestling is 300 days a year and a double shot on the weekends. Tell me why you’re better, why you’re going to win. Give the reader something to latch onto. Theres too many Sam Kidsgrove cocky heels in efedding. Why should I care about him? Make me care.
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 18, 2019 17:04:19 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/2800/dandy-dreamed-dreamThis is a bit older, largely because due to story reasons, DD hasn’t been booked in a non-Havoc match in a spell. I kind of gave up on the seeds i had planted here and in another RP I did around this time (a brain injury was going to have DD hallucinating folks from here on, but nahhhhhhh... now it was a temporary injury. Screw it.). Thanks for taking a look when you get a chance, Odin. I know I am not a particularly strong shooter, but I think this is perhaps my best shoot work. In turn, any suggestions there would be much appreciated. Roleplay: Dandy Dreamed Hander: Dandy Divito Overall thoughts: certainly liked the first bit. Rating Overview Scene Description: 2 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 2 Flow: 4 RATING: 3 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I think part of what hurts and will hurt going forward with everyones RPs is the word cap. Its hard to get a lot in when word caps are 2 - 4 K. But not impossible. I like your diction with Dandy, it gives him soul. I know people will be attracted to that and waste a good chunk of their efforts mocking it but that's a strengh on your end. I’m on board with the character of Dandy but the execution of the promo is a different story. Scene description. A sentence and a half is not scene description. You’ll get massacred by good writers for it. And I mean, you wrote a classic honest promo here. But its a little too classic in its simplistic structure. Flesh out the description. CD: I’m great with the diction and Dandys self identification of being a fighter so - fuck it. With everyone wanting to be X profession aside from wrestler, its great that Dandy is that brawler whos going fight no matter what. Shoot: I dunno why people sleep on the shoot. I dont know why Dandy is sleeping on it either. You’re good at self hype. Self hype the match. Talk down to your opponent. Get down in that mud and be a fuggin G. Flow: Flows never really affected by anything. It was fine. I look at this promo and I see wasted potential but no real fault of your own. Either your new to Efedding or Dandy is new to you. I do get a sense that the diction is forced at times, it feels like your strugglin tah put dem wordz on dat page, boi. You gotta let dat shit sink in N flow threw you or else itz gone eat chu alive befo long, son. I also get the feeling you want to get to the end. Like me, it doesnt seem like you’re focused on description but you gotta give it some thought. There is nothing bad in the promo, there just isnt enough good in it. What saves you id that Dandy feels real enough to relate to and just just a character that I’m reading. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Expand on the scene description. I personally dont care about 2 sentences of SD but someone will. And you want to be strong in all fields. Diction: don’t let that be a killer for you. Sometimes it can be too much but for you and the reader. Shoot: Be a wrestler. Be a fighter. Be a shit talker. Get in there and cause some gawd damn muddah fuggin damage.
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Lockhart
Professional Wrestler
Playtime is over.
Posts: 743
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Post by Lockhart on May 18, 2019 20:01:29 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 18, 2019 20:46:38 GMT -5
I don't even know who you are Lmao mad Titan. Living the gimmick
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Lockhart
Professional Wrestler
Playtime is over.
Posts: 743
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Post by Lockhart on May 18, 2019 21:00:37 GMT -5
I don't even know who you are Lmao mad Titan. Living the gimmick Oh dude I didn't expect you to lmao I dropped one RP with him and bounced. The only notable character over there (if you want to even call him that) was Ethan King smh. You roasted him as well but not in RP feedback. You did some live WAR voice recording as Odin that was hilarious. Should bring it back for next Havoc if you can be bothered
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Post by Odin Balfore on May 18, 2019 21:35:41 GMT -5
I don't even know who you are Lmao mad Titan. Living the gimmick Oh dude I didn't expect you to lmao I dropped one RP with him and bounced. The only notable character over there (if you want to even call him that) was Ethan King smh. You roasted him as well but not in RP feedback. You did some live WAR voice recording as Odin that was hilarious. Should bring it back for next Havoc if you can be bothered I shoot on all the scrubs lmao
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Post by Claire Hawkins on May 18, 2019 21:45:31 GMT -5
Witch Beats Bitch Part IISign me up for the murder machine that this shall be known as! Definitely one of the shorter rps, but that comes with the 1k cap lol
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Post by Chris Santiago on May 19, 2019 4:52:50 GMT -5
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