Post by “The RevolutiDaddy” Wesley on Aug 2, 2019 20:48:49 GMT -5
The 1987 Volkswagen Rabbit Cabrio continued its long haul down streets gilded by Great Plains, kicking up doom and gloom in its rear view. Both Wesley and Ariel seemed to be feeling some type of way after their brutal assault on KOS at Carnage - an act that effectively broke the man and left his future in jeopardy. The heinous nature of the assault took an emotional toll on them, one they lacked the necessary skills to cope with, so they buried it under dark humor and self deprecation. Wesley sat in the passenger seat, his phone nestled snug in his hands, furiously scribing an invariable tomes worth of words.
At least, that’s how it felt to Ariel Shadows whose hands gripped the steering wheel of the Rabbit piloting that “WCF Destruction Tour 19” they were on.
“What is that?” She asked, “Your unibomber manifesto?”
Wesley balks and blows a raspberry.
“I don’t even know how to make bombs.”
Ariel guffaws and slaps her knee.
“Easy”, she replies, “First you have...”
Wesley holds his hand out.
“Whoa! Stop!” he shouts, “There might be kids watching this fucking shit.”
Ariel looks around suspiciously.
“Well kids, just go listen to Hand Grenades by The Offspring”, she states, causing Wesley to shake his head, “Anyways, what are you writing?”
Wesley finds a stopping point before addressing Ariel.
“Last week at Carnage was a message”, Wesley replied, “And this is their ENLIGHTMENT; a quick write up for these old timers taking up tv time with midcard comedy gimmicks. It uh...it ain’t gonna fly anymore.”
“You think they’re apt to listen?” Ariel asked, “I mean, KOS is on his deathbed right now and nobody bat an eye. Meanwhile, Kyle Kempward won the United States Championship and everyone lost their fucking minds.”
Wesley huffs from the diaphragm and shakes his head, using his thumb and forefinger to push on his eyeballs.
“This is the state of wrestling in two thousand nineteen”, Wesley replies, “None of these carny marks give a shit about this business. Back when my old man was wrestling, it was a brotherhood. Now? It’s just a bunch of self mark wannabes looking for a quick payday.”
Ariel hawks a loogie out the WIND-DUH in the general direction of self mark jabronis.
“Truer words have no been spoken”, Ariel states, “Man Wesley, how the fuck did you get so Enlightened?”
“I’ve aged decades in years”, Wesley replies, “I’ve seen it all before and now the cycle repeats itself. It’s disgusting...but we’re going to put an end to it once and for all. They think we’re done, like we’re gonna lay down for the Savage Gods? Psh, fuck that. We haven’t even gotten started, yet.”
Wesley fiddles around on the floorboard and pulls up an old can of dill pickle Pringle’s, louse with wires and doo dads.
“Yo, what the hell is that?” Ariel asks, her eyes wide, “I thought you said you didn’t know how to make bombs.”
“This isn’t a bomb”, Wesley replies, “It’s my mobile WiFi hotspot. Don’t get shit for service in North Dakota. Jot that down. The only thing this state gave the world was Wiz Khalifa and even that’s a god damn stretch.”
Ariel takes notes using her boobs to hold a pencil. More talent in one tit then half this roster has in their whole body, yet so overlooked. Same with Wesley.
“Not anymore”, Wesley said aloud.
“What?” Ariel asks.
“Oh shit, thought I was doing the internal monologue”, Wesley replies, “Trying to kill some time before this uploads and...we’re done.”
The Pringle’s can makes some shifty dial up noises as Wesley’s post uploads to Action Wrestling DOT COM. Odin is all too familiar with dial up, Asgard still ran on AOL, Norton’s antivirus expired about twenty million years ago LMFAO.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following is a blog post uploaded to Action Wrestling DOT COM from “The Guru Daddy” Wesley’s personal account. The views and opinions expressed are not shared by corporate.
I know what everyone is most likely thinking.
They’re not thinking “how could you, Wesley?”
They’re not even think “why would you, Wesley?”
No, they’re only thinking about themselves. They don’t think about the welfare of their peers. Their brothers and sisters who travel the exact same roads they do, facing similar challenges in their personal lives as well as in the ring. They only think about “what’s next for ___________”
You all know it’s true. You see it backstage.
No “hey man, nice match out there!”
Nah, they only say “hey, did you watch my promo? What did you think?”
This is my blanket reply, just so you never ask me again: It was great for the two fucking people you were trying to pop you stupid mark.
I thought that management was the biggest problem in Action Wrestling, but it’s “the boys”. That’s “boys” colloquially. Can’t wait for The Royal Family’s furious DMs to me on Twitter.
But I’m not here to talk about them. I’m here to talk about these “WCF Megastars”. This “WCF-lite” situation. I remember the days when Torture was up Seth Lerch’s entire asshole over questionable booking decisions. There’s a reason Kyle Kemp never won a championship in WCF and that’s because he sucks. (And If Kemp has a problem with that, I invite him to come do something about it).
Torture, I guess you either die the hero or live long enough to see yourself posting “The 1975” lyrics on Facebook at four in the morning. I digress.
Yeah, we basically murdered Spencer Adams. Do I feel bad about it? Of course I do. I’m still human, after all. The man already lives in a god damn dumpster for Christ’s sake, now I took away his cup of coffee a day.
It’s sad, but it had to be done.
It had to be done so Action Wrestling can move forward. We’re trapped in this time warp. Action Wrestling has had opportunity after opportunity to make megastars from its own homegrown talent. The only one that’s shining is Lockhart and even he still had to play second fiddle to Wade Moor.
Shame.
But Ariel and I have thrown the rulebook in the trash. We’re done sitting idly by, watching this vicious circle go round and round, and the next move is beating the holy shit out of The Savage Gods.
Nobody’s put much stock in to us in this match, even though your boy is out there week after week driving ratings, trending on Twitter, selling Action Wrestling Network suns and popping those illegal streams. Can Odin Balfore say the same thing?
I can’t remember the last time I saw him on TV doing something other than bringing his stock down by losing to every member of The Hollywood Elite, another group of “coulda, woulda, shouldas” who don’t have any business on TV in 2019.
Is this how you envisioned your career? Sitting around collecting cobwebs on your “thickness”?
I’m not even gonna call you old because that’s just trite, but I will call you unmotivated. What do you have left to prove, Odin? Something to us? Or something to yourself? Please, ENLIGHTEN US! Bring down Ragnarok on our domes and show us that you’re fucking hungrier than Ariel. Show us that you’re hungrier than me. Can you?
The answer is simple: no. You can’t. Because you’re not. You have no drive. No goals. No ambitions. I went out there and potentially screwed a mans future for an opportunity at a spot while you can’t even be fucked to fight for the one you’re in. Bobby Cairo is rolling over in his god damn grave right now. He’d hit ya with an RCAIRO outta nowhere on straight up principle alone if he could see you now.
I’m gonna give you the next couple of days to get your affairs in order, Balfore. Get your grave plot in space - or whatever - all picked out. Call your friends and family and tell em funerals on Tuesday because you went up against “The Guru Daddy” Wesley and “The Dreamcatcher” Ariel Shadows on Monday and gave another half hearted performance. The sentence is steep, man, just like your fall from grace.
Fucking Enlightened.
And what about you Noble Savage? You had WCF in the palm of your hand, the other one squeezing them by the balls until you went and threw yourself in with Odin’s lot. Yo, let me tell you something about Odin: he don’t give a fuck about ya. Where are the rest of Odins old tag partners now?
Bobby Cairo? Dead.
Kaz Mazy? Probably dead.
Alex Richards? About to die, probably.
The list goes on and on. Those that have stood by Odin’s side but have fallen by the wayside. He’s a vacuum. His career has absolutely no upward trajectory and he’s just fine with that.
But I can tell you’re not. I can tell you want something more out of yours and hey, that’s just fucking peaches, but you got a 7’2”, 350lb gorilla on your back. He’s not even fully dedicated to Action Wrestling. I heard he was taking part time bookings in that cut rate fed chompin’ at the bit for a taste of that AW success.
He’s a goon and so are you for believing he has anything but his own selfish interests at heart. In one month, I’ve managed to raise Ariel out of threat of obscurity. In one month, Odin has led you down the path of unrighteous defeat. Sad fucking state of affairs for the WAR winner and subsequent main eventer of One.
Is this where you saw your career now back then? Doing low brow movie spoofs with Odin? (Can you guys do a Karate Kid spoof next week? I love that movie) You used to be a spooky bitch but you goofed it. Congratulations, you went all the way from Scream to fucking Scary Movie. All just in time to get your skull caved in by us (team name pending) this week.
What do The Savage Gods represent in Action Wrestling? What story are you trying to tell? That you two “still got it” or something. Track record says no and now we’re heaping a helping of “loss gravy” on that plate full of shit on Monday.
How the mighty have truly fallen.
I guess it’s better than getting powerbombed into a fucking chair, though.
(KOS might disagree. If you’re reading this Spencer: we’re sorry, but not really.)
Noble? Drop the buffoonery. It doesn’t look good on you.
Odin? Take the fucking legends deal already. Action figures and video game licenses are a lot easier to sell than a fucking body slam at this point. Next one could kill ya, LOL.
Last week was just a message, but this is your ENLIGHTENMENT!
At least, that’s how it felt to Ariel Shadows whose hands gripped the steering wheel of the Rabbit piloting that “WCF Destruction Tour 19” they were on.
“What is that?” She asked, “Your unibomber manifesto?”
Wesley balks and blows a raspberry.
“I don’t even know how to make bombs.”
Ariel guffaws and slaps her knee.
“Easy”, she replies, “First you have...”
Wesley holds his hand out.
“Whoa! Stop!” he shouts, “There might be kids watching this fucking shit.”
Ariel looks around suspiciously.
“Well kids, just go listen to Hand Grenades by The Offspring”, she states, causing Wesley to shake his head, “Anyways, what are you writing?”
Wesley finds a stopping point before addressing Ariel.
“Last week at Carnage was a message”, Wesley replied, “And this is their ENLIGHTMENT; a quick write up for these old timers taking up tv time with midcard comedy gimmicks. It uh...it ain’t gonna fly anymore.”
“You think they’re apt to listen?” Ariel asked, “I mean, KOS is on his deathbed right now and nobody bat an eye. Meanwhile, Kyle Kempward won the United States Championship and everyone lost their fucking minds.”
Wesley huffs from the diaphragm and shakes his head, using his thumb and forefinger to push on his eyeballs.
“This is the state of wrestling in two thousand nineteen”, Wesley replies, “None of these carny marks give a shit about this business. Back when my old man was wrestling, it was a brotherhood. Now? It’s just a bunch of self mark wannabes looking for a quick payday.”
Ariel hawks a loogie out the WIND-DUH in the general direction of self mark jabronis.
“Truer words have no been spoken”, Ariel states, “Man Wesley, how the fuck did you get so Enlightened?”
“I’ve aged decades in years”, Wesley replies, “I’ve seen it all before and now the cycle repeats itself. It’s disgusting...but we’re going to put an end to it once and for all. They think we’re done, like we’re gonna lay down for the Savage Gods? Psh, fuck that. We haven’t even gotten started, yet.”
Wesley fiddles around on the floorboard and pulls up an old can of dill pickle Pringle’s, louse with wires and doo dads.
“Yo, what the hell is that?” Ariel asks, her eyes wide, “I thought you said you didn’t know how to make bombs.”
“This isn’t a bomb”, Wesley replies, “It’s my mobile WiFi hotspot. Don’t get shit for service in North Dakota. Jot that down. The only thing this state gave the world was Wiz Khalifa and even that’s a god damn stretch.”
Ariel takes notes using her boobs to hold a pencil. More talent in one tit then half this roster has in their whole body, yet so overlooked. Same with Wesley.
“Not anymore”, Wesley said aloud.
“What?” Ariel asks.
“Oh shit, thought I was doing the internal monologue”, Wesley replies, “Trying to kill some time before this uploads and...we’re done.”
The Pringle’s can makes some shifty dial up noises as Wesley’s post uploads to Action Wrestling DOT COM. Odin is all too familiar with dial up, Asgard still ran on AOL, Norton’s antivirus expired about twenty million years ago LMFAO.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following is a blog post uploaded to Action Wrestling DOT COM from “The Guru Daddy” Wesley’s personal account. The views and opinions expressed are not shared by corporate.
I know what everyone is most likely thinking.
They’re not thinking “how could you, Wesley?”
They’re not even think “why would you, Wesley?”
No, they’re only thinking about themselves. They don’t think about the welfare of their peers. Their brothers and sisters who travel the exact same roads they do, facing similar challenges in their personal lives as well as in the ring. They only think about “what’s next for ___________”
You all know it’s true. You see it backstage.
No “hey man, nice match out there!”
Nah, they only say “hey, did you watch my promo? What did you think?”
This is my blanket reply, just so you never ask me again: It was great for the two fucking people you were trying to pop you stupid mark.
I thought that management was the biggest problem in Action Wrestling, but it’s “the boys”. That’s “boys” colloquially. Can’t wait for The Royal Family’s furious DMs to me on Twitter.
But I’m not here to talk about them. I’m here to talk about these “WCF Megastars”. This “WCF-lite” situation. I remember the days when Torture was up Seth Lerch’s entire asshole over questionable booking decisions. There’s a reason Kyle Kemp never won a championship in WCF and that’s because he sucks. (And If Kemp has a problem with that, I invite him to come do something about it).
Torture, I guess you either die the hero or live long enough to see yourself posting “The 1975” lyrics on Facebook at four in the morning. I digress.
Yeah, we basically murdered Spencer Adams. Do I feel bad about it? Of course I do. I’m still human, after all. The man already lives in a god damn dumpster for Christ’s sake, now I took away his cup of coffee a day.
It’s sad, but it had to be done.
It had to be done so Action Wrestling can move forward. We’re trapped in this time warp. Action Wrestling has had opportunity after opportunity to make megastars from its own homegrown talent. The only one that’s shining is Lockhart and even he still had to play second fiddle to Wade Moor.
Shame.
But Ariel and I have thrown the rulebook in the trash. We’re done sitting idly by, watching this vicious circle go round and round, and the next move is beating the holy shit out of The Savage Gods.
Nobody’s put much stock in to us in this match, even though your boy is out there week after week driving ratings, trending on Twitter, selling Action Wrestling Network suns and popping those illegal streams. Can Odin Balfore say the same thing?
I can’t remember the last time I saw him on TV doing something other than bringing his stock down by losing to every member of The Hollywood Elite, another group of “coulda, woulda, shouldas” who don’t have any business on TV in 2019.
Is this how you envisioned your career? Sitting around collecting cobwebs on your “thickness”?
I’m not even gonna call you old because that’s just trite, but I will call you unmotivated. What do you have left to prove, Odin? Something to us? Or something to yourself? Please, ENLIGHTEN US! Bring down Ragnarok on our domes and show us that you’re fucking hungrier than Ariel. Show us that you’re hungrier than me. Can you?
The answer is simple: no. You can’t. Because you’re not. You have no drive. No goals. No ambitions. I went out there and potentially screwed a mans future for an opportunity at a spot while you can’t even be fucked to fight for the one you’re in. Bobby Cairo is rolling over in his god damn grave right now. He’d hit ya with an RCAIRO outta nowhere on straight up principle alone if he could see you now.
I’m gonna give you the next couple of days to get your affairs in order, Balfore. Get your grave plot in space - or whatever - all picked out. Call your friends and family and tell em funerals on Tuesday because you went up against “The Guru Daddy” Wesley and “The Dreamcatcher” Ariel Shadows on Monday and gave another half hearted performance. The sentence is steep, man, just like your fall from grace.
Fucking Enlightened.
And what about you Noble Savage? You had WCF in the palm of your hand, the other one squeezing them by the balls until you went and threw yourself in with Odin’s lot. Yo, let me tell you something about Odin: he don’t give a fuck about ya. Where are the rest of Odins old tag partners now?
Bobby Cairo? Dead.
Kaz Mazy? Probably dead.
Alex Richards? About to die, probably.
The list goes on and on. Those that have stood by Odin’s side but have fallen by the wayside. He’s a vacuum. His career has absolutely no upward trajectory and he’s just fine with that.
But I can tell you’re not. I can tell you want something more out of yours and hey, that’s just fucking peaches, but you got a 7’2”, 350lb gorilla on your back. He’s not even fully dedicated to Action Wrestling. I heard he was taking part time bookings in that cut rate fed chompin’ at the bit for a taste of that AW success.
He’s a goon and so are you for believing he has anything but his own selfish interests at heart. In one month, I’ve managed to raise Ariel out of threat of obscurity. In one month, Odin has led you down the path of unrighteous defeat. Sad fucking state of affairs for the WAR winner and subsequent main eventer of One.
Is this where you saw your career now back then? Doing low brow movie spoofs with Odin? (Can you guys do a Karate Kid spoof next week? I love that movie) You used to be a spooky bitch but you goofed it. Congratulations, you went all the way from Scream to fucking Scary Movie. All just in time to get your skull caved in by us (team name pending) this week.
What do The Savage Gods represent in Action Wrestling? What story are you trying to tell? That you two “still got it” or something. Track record says no and now we’re heaping a helping of “loss gravy” on that plate full of shit on Monday.
How the mighty have truly fallen.
I guess it’s better than getting powerbombed into a fucking chair, though.
(KOS might disagree. If you’re reading this Spencer: we’re sorry, but not really.)
Noble? Drop the buffoonery. It doesn’t look good on you.
Odin? Take the fucking legends deal already. Action figures and video game licenses are a lot easier to sell than a fucking body slam at this point. Next one could kill ya, LOL.
Last week was just a message, but this is your ENLIGHTENMENT!