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Post by Crimson Blackwell on Jul 14, 2019 19:06:58 GMT -5
Posted a new one Odin. Let me know what you think.
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Teo Blaze
Professional Wrestler
Buy Gentburgercoin!
Posts: 335
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Post by Teo Blaze on Jul 14, 2019 22:12:19 GMT -5
This Week's RPNo hurry at all, but if you have any time I would love to hear any feedback or advice. This week is much less of a straight promo, at least that was my goal. Odin da bess for doing all this.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 15, 2019 12:38:11 GMT -5
Slayer and teo on deck. Will get to today
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 15, 2019 14:35:44 GMT -5
Roleplay: opposites
Handler: Scott Slayer
Overall thoughts: “I am Roger’s media exonerated masturbatory climax.” fucking muder
Rating Overview
Scene Description: 2
Character Development: 3
Shoot: 4
Flow: 5
RATING: 3.5 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
This is a great promo and the 1k limit really help bridge the skills gap because there is only so much that can be done within that limit. I have nothing but praise for this.
You have us a bit of SD, enough to give us a sense of things while minding the fact you cant go into super detail.
You talk about the death of your parents, your uncle being a jerk and how you could enhance the TV title.
When we get to shoot, you dig in on Peyton talking about his personality and how it wont help him. You come across strong and in charge. I laughed so hard with that Media orgasm comment. I thought it was well rounded and hard hitting because you looped it around saying that Peyton isnt going to be able to handle it but you can and honestly, I believe you.
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SUGGESTIONS
I think you found a sweet spot. Keep doing this.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 15, 2019 15:51:00 GMT -5
Roleplay: Playing with Fire
Handler: Teo Blaze
Overall thoughts: This is a very stronf rp
Rating Overview
Scene Description: 5
Character Development: 4
Shoot: 5
Flow: 5
RATING: 4.5 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
This promo is much more your speed than the last one I read ( was that a debut? ) I think you did a great job getting across that Nick Halden isnt worthy. The 2nd scene talked about Claire and the belt and how that related to you. This was very tight from top to bottom. I dug the start of the promo and the focus shoot in the 2nd. You kept teo strong throughout and talked about the king of media persona.
The SD was flawless
The CD was as good as it could be without going overboard. It was mostly at the end but you showed Teos personality in the 1st
Shoot was fantastic. I enjoyed it. It was strong and worded excellently. It was good smug stuff. enjoyable
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SUGGESTIONS
Keep this up. I have nothing to add. Good to see a heel type Teo
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Post by Lissie Hope on Jul 15, 2019 21:20:50 GMT -5
I usually hate for my RPs to have grammar errors but I was fucking hammered when I wrote the second CD and didn’t catch them. Despite that, I’m curious if you think I improved on framing a shoot more in line with being a wrestler while maintaining the metaphorical poeticism I like to write with. Hit me if you can! actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3576/entente-reflections
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 15, 2019 22:06:42 GMT -5
I'm the last person you want to grammar and spell check ur stuff lol but I'll take a look when I can
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Post by "Dreamcatcher" Ariel Shadows on Jul 16, 2019 10:43:47 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 16, 2019 14:43:16 GMT -5
I usually hate for my RPs to have grammar errors but I was fucking hammered when I wrote the second CD and didn’t catch them. Despite that, I’m curious if you think I improved on framing a shoot more in line with being a wrestler while maintaining the metaphorical poeticism I like to write with. Hit me if you can! actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3576/entente-reflectionsRoleplay: Entente V Handler: Liz Hope Overall thoughts: the murder continues Rating Overview Scene Description: 5 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 4.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW So you really melted everybody into the floor with this. Idk who Cecelias is but people on twitter are going to have check the O BIT CHU ARY cuz this was whole sale murder of character that I aint ever heard of or read and judging by the promo I prolly never will. That character even post? IDK but I wouldnt blame her if she didnt cuz this was golden shovel material. You could have talked hot dog shit to Casey Holliday and to me, it wouldnt matter. The SD was brilliant. Loved it. Its engaging. The CD was good. You gave us a arching story to continue week by week. Shoot. Keep going. Never have enough Flow was standard. There is nothing to dislike in this promo. I like to end promos with match content by that's me and hardly reflects on the piece. I feel the shoot was strong enough to be the last effect of the rp rather than the CD. I felt you had a good use of word count and everything seemed even and presented nicely with no glaring issues. You really cant get much better than this _______________________ SUGGESTIONS You’re consistently spot on. Theres not much to improve on
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Post by Corey Bull on Jul 16, 2019 17:54:25 GMT -5
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Post by Estrella Luiz ✨ on Jul 16, 2019 23:01:38 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 17, 2019 22:39:06 GMT -5
Bull and Estrella.
I have 3 rps and 1 unlimited this week
Might be a bit before I get to this. Hopefully the weekend
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Post by Estrella Luiz ✨ on Jul 17, 2019 23:19:04 GMT -5
Bull and Estrella. I have 3 rps and 1 unlimited this week Might be a bit before I get to this. Hopefully the weekend Take your time!! No rush!
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 22, 2019 15:23:17 GMT -5
OK I'm going to get crackin on these
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 22, 2019 16:15:51 GMT -5
Roleplay: Release your monsters Handler: Corey Bull Overall thoughts: I like the concept Rating Overview Scene Description: 4 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 RATING: 4.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I like the concept of the promo. I like the off camera promo. However, it leaves me wanting more and not a good way. I feel as though you told half a story. The off camera stuff was fine and I’m not going to harp on it. But I’m going to harp on the fact that you could have finished the promo. The calling out of Oblivion was a great start. They antagonizing his demons with your demons was a great start but that's all the promo was. A great start and no finish. You could have talked about how your demons could have beaten his or your hardcore parraells but you started and stopped and its kinda soured me. Like, dude, get in there and finish it. I wasnt a fan of the scene choice. On your ranch. In home. In comfort, you know, talkin bout monsters as monsters do - but that's better than broken down assylum in bum fuck no where. I think it was a bad choice to cut short. I think you had a lot of room left to write. Could have done better. You win points of a scale but in the meta, a poor choice to cut it short as you did. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Use the word count. Use what you have on the opponent.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 22, 2019 16:57:39 GMT -5
Roleplay: La Revolucion Handler: Estella Overall thoughts: I didnt say you’re a criminal, you did and I agree. Rating Overview Scene Description: 1 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 2 Flow: 5 RATING: 2.5 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW I like the idea of Estrella being held down be it in her head or by the reality of the company. Its a strong motivation. However, you have a hill to climb with a 1K word cap. Everything counts. The shoot was just you saying how the champion is a paper champion - its a fine point to make but again, word count. The fight the power narrative is great too but the balance. The last bit of the scene description was 167 words. That could have been used elsewhere. Its a fine walk the promo was enjoyable but any little misstep especially against Roger is going to spell the end. You really have to plan out 1K rps to get maximum benefit. I dont think you got the best bang for your buck but still a good promo. Forget about the rating because its not meant for 1K things. There is only so much you can do but what you can do has to be on point and I dont think when it comes to Can Estrella beat Payton? I dont think you convinced me. _______________________ SUGGESTIONS In 1k, everything counts. Legit, everything. Converse and maximize. Its a battle against the cap and opponent, rather than trying to fill 4K or 5K or whatever. You have a 1k and that's easy to lose yourself on because if you get a grove and you’re rockin, you then gotta go back and fix. Plan carefully next time you’re in this match.
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Post by Kyle Kemp on Jul 28, 2019 22:43:24 GMT -5
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Post by Crimson Blackwell on Jul 28, 2019 23:04:32 GMT -5
Posted a new one Odin. You know what I want.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jul 29, 2019 15:31:42 GMT -5
Roleplay: Becoming Kyle Kemp Handler: K Kemp Overall thoughts: Its boring. Rating Overview Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 4 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 RATING: 4 of 5 ___________________________________ CRITICAL REVIEW Kemp, I got you in a strange metric. Like, the promo is good from a technical and match related stand point but the character stuff is tough to read. Its tough because its you at a kitchen table and you on the outside steps then hey, PPV title match - > Lets dark room promo. Kemp, I swear to god. I want to punch you in the face with my lips. It makes me crazy because its on point for match and character but theres no creativity. This is still a creative hobby. I cant abide in this as a PPV US title match. Slam? Sure, lets go. PPV? No fire. No heart. I’m never sold on PPV promos that are simple and basic. That's the time to step up. That's the time to go. That's the time to prove that Kemp is the real deal and not the butt of a joke. But if you dont win, sorry to say but you’re the butt of the joke. You’re entire promo was: “ I’m not a joke. Take me serious.” Oh here.. Lets watch Kemp pay his bills, talk to himself and wait for Amazon Prime. Such. brave. Such bold. The match stuff was on point about the opponents but you didnt elevate yourself. You’re going to prove that you earned this, that you’re going to win. Unless that belt comes from Pubishers Clearing House, I dont think you are. I don’t believe that. You did not make me believe that. Now, you might win. I’ve been wrong before. That's the glaring theme to me. As good a writer as you are. As good a character that you’ve made, you still have to overcome proving yourself as a character because there are little to no major title to your name. You want this or you don’t. You want to win the belt or you don’t. This week, I dont think you wanted to win. Its there, its technically good but it dont jump off the page. And the personality thing - over played. Unless you’re making a whole story like Wades doing, its just watered down at this point. But that's how I see kemp. Its sadI wish this was better _______________________ SUGGESTIONS Put yourself in more creative positions and situations. Expand on the character development with the personality thing if you want to stick with it. High profile matches deserve high profile promos.
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Jul 29, 2019 15:52:01 GMT -5
I can see that you possess a grocery list of back log, but should you ever get a stray hair I would appreciate a bit of All Daddy fact spittin'. The more things change....
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