Teo Blaze
Professional Wrestler
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Posts: 334
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Post by Teo Blaze on Aug 28, 2019 18:27:47 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3898/fire-inside-blaze-any-nameThis was a week I really tried to vary up the formula a bit. I’ve noticed I tend to lean more heavy into the shoot, which has given me trouble in multi-man matches because I end up having to ration out the word count. I end up with Teo just talking non-stop (like at All-in). It’s super cool you’re doing this, by the way!
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Lockhart
Professional Wrestler
Playtime is over.
Posts: 743
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Post by Lockhart on Aug 29, 2019 8:29:11 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3856/corduroy-dreamsProbably my most experimental and out of my usual style that I've done with the character, especially in regards to shoot. Is this something I should stick with, improve upon in some way, or should I add in more elements of the usual formula This is going to be tough and probably short, because there's not a lot if anything inherently wrong or super faulty with this as a whole. When I read RPs for this match, I thought there was a real solid chance that you'd beat us all and extend the reign. I didn't think the flow and CD was too harsh of a detour from things I'm used to seeing from you. My biggest thing going forward is that whatever way you take the CD arch you're planning to jump into, I think it would benefit you to shift the tone when possible in ways that makes Ryan feel less like little brother. You just had a world title reign that might never be beat in terms of time held and that's pretty huge. I think the hardest thing to balance when the CD comes back to #BeachKrew is that again, it feels like little bro is telling the reader he's alpha, but it feels in the CD with how the dialogue goes at times that he is indeed the young boi that is sorta held and rocked in the arms of his closest allies. This might sound like it's a bigger issue than it is or I think it's all shit or needs tossed out, that's not really how I'm seeing it though and I hope I'm kinda sorta making sense. I think it's a smallish part of the biggest hangup of the established BK connections in AW, alpha dogs who joined up at a time that their respective legacies were taking them to a place of being these GOAT individual performers. Both you and Wade ARE that 100%, but there's times where BK CD can tell us that these two S tier warriors are trying to out-applaud one another. I think stuff based around the BK alliance is cool, but I'd love to see it match a bit more with the shoot and having Ryan really navigate the path he's on as this great individual in the context of himself. You do that for the most part well, but those times where it leans away could be shined up and improved a touch. It's interesting, Ryan was meant to be an "alpha, dominant" character - which is what I've displayed in shoot, but I never felt like that ever really got fleshed out on the shows, no matter how hard I tried. Yeah, he won, but since he's not a "big guy" I don't think he ever really got considered as dominant, but rather as a survivor. But that's my natural shoot style and it's what I'm comfortable with as the character, so that's why it tends to be a bit jarring from the rest of the CD, where I present him closer to how he's represented on the shows. A survivor, a skilled/smart guy who can get out of the tough situations, but still has some doubts even after the great run he's had. Especially in regards to #BK I started building a lot of fear of betrayal and that he wasn't sure if he was the best of the group, considering Wade was almost "letting him" have the spotlight while the others weren't really gunning for the top either. The RP was meant to be a reflection of that and sort of "wrap up" the whole #BK era while leading towards a potential future story arch with Wade boi. I don't really know where I'm going with the character now RP wise. There's stuff planned for the character on the shows obviously but yeah, gonna be tough to work out where I go from here. Should be fun. Thanks for the feedback man, was great getting your perspective on the character. <3
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 29, 2019 13:33:28 GMT -5
I know I have a couple to do still and I will get to them, but please bare with me as my internet was shut off (currently working on RPing from my apartment complex's "computer lab") and we will be switching providers soon and I might not get to catching up further on feedback super soon.
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Post by Shadowlove on Aug 29, 2019 19:04:12 GMT -5
I know I have a couple to do still and I will get to them, but please bare with me as my internet was shut off (currently working on RPing from my apartment complex's "computer lab") and we will be switching providers soon and I might not get to catching up further on feedback super soon. In the mean time, this might help with your internet speed:
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Post by Rain (Pandora) on Sept 2, 2019 15:18:23 GMT -5
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 2, 2019 15:43:23 GMT -5
Fuck, this is really solid work! It basically addresses and works on everything I recommended be worked on for Bull and your writing going forward. CD set ups are solid and vivid, dialogue is good, gives us some very much needed character development that flows between the opening and ending scenes in a positive way. Honestly, I don't have a ton to say in the way of constructive criticism for you on this one. Whenever you find yourself in a PPV or other high profile match and the 4k is intact, I'd love to see this format and approach with another 750-1k words thrown on top to further develop and swing a bit harder on it, really giving yourself that extra room to shine in your work. Other than that, continue working at unique shoot points to go along with riffing (the shoot here was more varied and palatable than what I read in the 3 RPs for Black, but can always be a lane you improve upon), but this was an improvement in itself, so good work!
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 2, 2019 16:00:54 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3898/fire-inside-blaze-any-nameThis was a week I really tried to vary up the formula a bit. I’ve noticed I tend to lean more heavy into the shoot, which has given me trouble in multi-man matches because I end up having to ration out the word count. I end up with Teo just talking non-stop (like at All-in). It’s super cool you’re doing this, by the way! It's dick sucking time, because I have exactly zero criticisms for this piece. Dungeon Master Torture threw you a curve ball and you bought into it. He gave you a quirky stipulation that many others would probably look at and cry a river and rage and no sell the shit out of, but you did what you SHOULD do with it and you converted it into energy. Yes, this was a shoot heavy promo with Teo rolling, but it should be. The kayfabe should have these two men showing themselves as a couple of dogs fighting for pride. You displayed yours while promising to strip Beau of his. It transitions quite nice from past to present to future in regards to your career (which is an approach I love in RPs and think people should do more of when given the full cap). This was gritty and sweaty. This felt like the very notion that they would try to take away Teo's last name had him up in a state of natural high that felt like I was listening to the surprisingly crystal clear thoughts of an addict. If you wanted me to tell you what to do, I'm sorry that you won't get it this week lol. Singles and multi-man matches are all different (your All-In RP was still great as well), but it's all positives from me here.
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
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Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 2, 2019 16:10:51 GMT -5
I like this one too. This is the day for short and positive feedback apparently. This felt like an expanded Boogeyman promo. Pandora is a fucking crackhead and I kinda dig it. I think she works well for these lower word count divisions. It's not overtly shooty, but the sort of crazed, childlike nursery rhyme thing is cool in a lane of oddities and small word caps. CD setup was kept to a minimum and that's good. It should still exist, so keep that in here, but continue to make them short if the lane is 700-1k word caps. Fun micro character, excited to see where you take her. Would love to see her go on to just be this uncomfortable presence whose proximity just forces discomfort. Nothing I can point to as a pointer, but feel free to drop future RPs in this thread and I'll see if anything pops up!
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Post by Odin Balfore on Sept 2, 2019 17:30:20 GMT -5
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Post by Roger Payton Jr on Sept 3, 2019 8:36:57 GMT -5
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 3, 2019 13:27:56 GMT -5
The biggest plus is how well you built yourself up throughout the RP. Super exceptional work in terms of building yourself up. The first half of this did feel drastically more focused than the second though. The drastic shoot promo works fine when you know how to do it, which you do. It just feels here like the first half is so fucking high and focused and hitting all the right notes as Odin takes a veteran stroll through this main event. I sorta feel like he lost that energy a touch later in the work though. Dandy, Teo, and ARP are getting thoroughly beat up on in this one and that's great. I just feel when it came to KOS and Richards, it went from stamping people with the D to giving them a light slap on the wrist and then coming back around to the 3 competitors who really got it in this one. If it felt like you didn't have as much to hit certain characters with, I get that, because it happens to all of us I think, but I definitely felt there was an imbalance there. Overall, it's good and I enjoyed it though.
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Post by Odin Balfore on Sept 3, 2019 13:29:24 GMT -5
I ran out of word count lmao
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
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Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 3, 2019 13:43:37 GMT -5
Good God, man. One half tongue in cheek, one half murder. If this were against a newcomer, they'd probably PM the owners claiming bias and proceed to rage quit. Luckily, it's a fun and vicious verbal beatdown against a more seasoned member of the fed with angles that have definitely been explored, but probably never been executed quite as well. It all just works out well here, a minimalist approach that pulls the reader in to make them feel what's coming next. The Great White remains calculated and plans its attack out perfectly and hits Karlie Nash with a promo that at no point loses itself or its aggression. One of the better single opponent shoots I've seen in a long time. Well done!
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
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Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 3, 2019 13:43:59 GMT -5
I ran out of word count lmao All good lol
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Post by Kennedy Matthews on Sept 5, 2019 20:19:43 GMT -5
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Post by Ryan Elias on Sept 7, 2019 0:31:16 GMT -5
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
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Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 11, 2019 13:01:56 GMT -5
This is definitely an improvement. I guess what I should offer right now is my take on WHY it is and how you can continue on a path of growth. I don't know a ton about the writing process with The Royal Fam and how exactly everything is divided up in conversation and planning, so take me saying this with a grain of salt, but I think at the heart of it and how it's pushed in various interactions, it FEELS like you're someone who spearheads the TRFverse material and that's cool. However, (and I have seen it with the overall group at times) I think y'all have scatterbrained tendencies at times and throw a lot of ideas at the wall to see what sticks and that's fine, but from an outsider perspective, that TRFverse often feels messy and disjointed, flipping a lot between who's out and who's in or who has real or fake beef with who and so on and so forth. It's not necessarily the content, it's a need for focus. It can feel confusing. Generally, this RP is an improvement because it FEELS focused and natural flowing for the majority of it's duration. Shoot got into a decent groove with pace and feel after a bit. I guess for example, the CD was overall solid, but maybe putting more thought into certain passages such as this one (which came off as sort of a cartoonish detour in it's wording and how it was thrust into the scene and contradicted the mood): ”I thought you said she was on vacation. Estrella was still smart regardless of the medicine in her system. I decided it was time to come clean.
”She was kidnapped by a psychotic new girl named Pandora. Geri thinks she smoked some bad weed and Pandora is all in her head but she is actually kind of Ted Bundy-ish… with prettier hair.”
Estrella is enraged… as much as her current state of being would allow her to be. ”So, let me get this straight. You and Lissie are too busy arguing amongst yourselves to go and find our friend? Get out! Both of you! Do not come back until Geri is with you.”
Just the sort of overuse of exposition that makes this flip from the feel of a dynamic TV-type scene to something from a small town theater production. Honestly, just stick with it. I think this worked overall. I know this is still a fresh change of direction, so it's gonna take some time. I'd just work on tightening the screws and coming at the RPs that follow with further improved clarity and focus.
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 11, 2019 13:20:42 GMT -5
This is..really good. This is really great. THIS IS REALLY GOOD! THIS IS REALLY GREAT! *Yells in Anthony Fantano* I don't have constructive criticism. I have no criticism. I was trying to develop my advice mid-read (as I do with these) and just when a part would come up where I'd go "wellll.." the next part made it work. Normally, I'd kinda rip on someone for the spastic change in tone that I see here, but it works for you and that's rare. Some parts are over the top, some are subtle, many of them feel tongue in cheek..but it all just feels like you really had a lot of fun writing this and it leads to me having fun reading it. Character development? On point and exactly what I try to stress to every headscratching fedder that comes through here and wonders "what do?" The description was fucking excellent, honestly. Word choice in important lines of description were perfectly middle of the road in a way that makes this digestible, but never feels poorly written or weak in terms of diction. Another thing, normally people who shoot with a flurry of cursing and seemingly barking/shouting at the opponent cap their ceiling off fairly low. That is not the case here. Somefuckinghow, you make it work for you. The style is original, your ceiling is high. This sort of curveball style could win a world title. This RP could win a world title (imo, can't speak on behalf of the two dads, cause this is all just my thoughts.) Yeah, I loved this. Well done!
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Post by Lissie Hope on Sept 11, 2019 13:23:27 GMT -5
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Post by Dandy DiVito on Sept 11, 2019 15:07:38 GMT -5
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