Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 22, 2019 19:43:58 GMT -5
I admittedly have my weeks where I don't read RPs as much as id like. I'd like to change that and feeling an obligation to respond to feedback requests help. Shoutout to Odin for continuing to do it for as long as he has, this is just me helping you and helping myself at the same time and contributing more hopefully.
I'll take requests immediately and should start responding later tomorrow.
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Post by Alex Richards on Aug 22, 2019 19:58:56 GMT -5
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Post by Derrick Vayden on Aug 22, 2019 20:19:16 GMT -5
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Sam Kidsgrove
Professional Wrestler
International Champion
Posts: 476
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Post by Sam Kidsgrove on Aug 23, 2019 2:40:59 GMT -5
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Post by Guillotine (QDT) on Aug 23, 2019 3:00:30 GMT -5
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 23, 2019 14:07:54 GMT -5
Get to gradin, spence. Kappernicks kneakin ain't gone save you this time
Lololololoooo
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Post by Odin Balfore on Aug 23, 2019 14:08:37 GMT -5
Get to gradin, spence. Kappernicks kneakin ain't gone save you this time Lololololoooo Kneeling + Damn these illiterate fingers
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 23, 2019 16:34:48 GMT -5
Right, so I'll start off saying what I've always said about your work. I think that when it comes down to it, you're one of the best face shooters (and shooters in general) I've read. Alex always feels consistently punchy and motivated whether it be by loyalty, anger, or just a love for competition. That's something to me that always comes across and it did here too. That being said, you didn't NEED a lot of the first half of this one. Is it good? Is it a winning and high level roleplay? I think so, but at the same time, you didn't tell the reader a lot that we didn't already know. You are Alex fucking Richards. Anyone who is in this community knows that. We've all seen a lot of the road you've traveled down. Alex is a fighter who has really had to workhorse his way to the big wins and that's sick, but we know a lot of what you said for the first 40-50% of this work (prior to getting into match based shoot). It was by no means bad, but it wasn't filling us in on new things with Richards. Flashbacks like that are fine, but these ones didn't bring us new revelations. Honestly, you don't need to prove your prowess here in AW. I think you'll only go up if moments like these show you at your most confident and sure of yourself consistently. UCI world champ, WCF world champ, a big Evo win where you became a recognized member of the WCF hall of fame. You're a vet, man. Your stock is high and it will STAY high so long as you do your thing, which I think you are. I don't think you're off too drastically or doing anything bad here or in general that's super damning. As I said before, solid work. Could've possibly won, but it didn't. Being in this match, I obviously wasn't asked to judge this so I don't know thoughts from Digger and Tort on it, but they're vets too. They wanted you back because they know your journey and why your awesome. You have a match against Hajeet to qualify for a huge ass chamber match. They like you. They obviously dug your work. I hope your chin is up and your eyes are to the present/future and I hope your next RP reflects that, because just like always, there's that chance that Alex Richards might just swoop in and pluck the belt from some motherfuckers.
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 23, 2019 17:00:22 GMT -5
You know, you should be proud of this one. THIS is what we as a community fucking love to see. I personally just fucking love when we get a newcomer with promise who comes in and spends the months that follow really grinding and trying to hone his craft. Complacent efedders stay in one spot. The hungry ones move up. It's that simple. I understand that going from 700 to 4k words in a sudden leap is going to be a lot for anybody. This was a step up. It wasn't the kind of step up that will grab you an All In briefcase or strap a rocket to your back and send you directly to the upper card, but it shows your ability to jump from the #1 in a specialist division to someone who could definitely be working the normal cap and going for titles in the middle of the pack. That's not a statement to hang your head over either. That is GOOD. Few people will be rockstars from day 1, the rest of us gotta grind. This RP is a thumb ups, because it shows an up trend. You don't have to go to "main roster" any time soon, but you totally can. This RP has solid shoot throughout, but tone and confidence fluctuate. This sorta comes back in a way to what I just told Alex. I think the difference is that DV does and should have something to prove and a chip on his shoulder is nice. But why would a RP where you show that fire and chip on your shoulder spend it's initial moments telling the reader that DV is sort of a puss in those moments? I like the way you used MM to jump from thing to thing. That jump to Claire's grave and the shoot on her was especially fucking dope with how that was all brought in to the fold. That set up though, man. Idk. I felt like you were the Morty to MM's Rick. Not because he sorta drug you through these scenes, but because you were this scared kid. You might be the little bro in this community in some sense (not in a bad way), but you're a 2x Cruiserweight champion. You're the man in your lane and you did that in pretty decent time, beating big names along the way. When you step up to a big main roster main event type match, you should have little reason as a character to believe you're gonna be fucked. Shoot is solid, transitions were pretty dope as well. I look forward to your step up to higher word counts, whenever that may come. Again, this was a good midcard work that shows a higher ceiling/fuck ton of potential. I understand the jump in word count is a challenge in itself. You can get there if you want and with more grind, I think the sky is the limit.
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Post by Geri Vayden on Aug 24, 2019 2:06:12 GMT -5
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Post by Corey Bull on Aug 24, 2019 15:34:04 GMT -5
Here is the three I did against Corey Black for Uprising. You said you had ideas...hit me here or in the DM box man.
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 24, 2019 19:27:01 GMT -5
Update: Busy writing rn, likely will be for much of tomorrow, but I have Monday off. Look for other requested feedback to be answered after my roleplay for the week is done.
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Lockhart
Professional Wrestler
Playtime is over.
Posts: 743
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Post by Lockhart on Aug 24, 2019 20:25:34 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3856/corduroy-dreamsProbably my most experimental and out of my usual style that I've done with the character, especially in regards to shoot. Is this something I should stick with, improve upon in some way, or should I add in more elements of the usual formula
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Jordan
Professional Wrestler
Posts: 250
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Post by Jordan on Aug 26, 2019 17:19:16 GMT -5
I'll apologize in advance, because I don't have a thing to point to and say "this could be improved" like I did with the last two (all due respect to those two works as well. This is actually brilliant. From top to bottom, this is a believable and excellent use of 2k. My biggest thing to note is to just go back to the writer who would kinda sorta have mixed match results here and there and come to me or others and ask "right, so how do I get better?" It's weird telling a writer who you see as already having it where they're going wrong. You've found that on your own, just as I knew and hoped you would. The key difference? Confidence. Your team nabbed the win here against solid competition and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that you shot like a big dog. THAT is what you were missing when you would ask for feedback way back and you knew that was the case. You're not asking HOW to improve there now, you're just doing it. That's what the upper card guys do. You put on the hardhat when it matters and just fucking go to work. Well done. The CD set up was a fun framing device that gave us just enough and led us into a very solid shoot promo that was focused and felt like it was written by a gritty vet. Well done.
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 27, 2019 13:14:35 GMT -5
So, this is kind of a tough one, honestly. I may not have as much to say of this one, because in a review setting, I think you sorta have to think harder when reviewing someone who's a better writer than you by all technical definitions. Personally, I view this as an easily arguable candidate to win the briefcase if Lissie didn't come out and hit you guys with a "welp, what can ya do?" type roleplay. The positives? Swagger and punchy shoot that all top matches call for and a pretty solid second and third leg of character development. The negative for me would probably have to be the setup and shoot framing itself. I don't know if I have a huge technical note about this one other than that the frame surrounding the actual shoot in Part 1. Part of that might be the font size in combination with what feels like a framing device that drags in parts and sort of works against very focused, mean, and aggressive smack talk. The supporting cast has flavor and the overall story on the work isn't shabby, but I felt like the non-shoot bits in that first scene could've had their overall length/amount chopped down significantly and I likely would've gotten the same effect if a better one. Overall though, the work has a lot of fun in it, so I hope this doesn't come off as me just dragging it for what is essentially not meant to be like a huge gripe. I enjoy your feel for a dynamic use of no-boundaries tone. That's always some good shit. This isn't a matter of "you need to rework or rethink everything you're doing". You and a handful of others just got caught by Lissie, it happens. Just minor tweaks and observations on how different parts in a roleplay can be maximized is all that is needed.
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 27, 2019 13:25:27 GMT -5
Heads up that I have less to say on this just because it is a cruiserweight RP and thus, I have less to touch on. 201/Cruiser/Micro/whatever else you wanna call it is fucking hard. I can't do it and idk if I'll ever try for a serious long term run in a territory like it, so props to anyone doing so. That said, it goes without saying that you are given a very tight word limit that you really have to take advantage of and I don't know if you took enough advantage of that. It's weird and vibrant and colorful in portrayal, something that is a plus for this division that in a lot of ways, I do see as a place where out there ideas work well. That said though, the shoot felt secondary to mood and character portrayal. It's an alright piece of writing, but this feels like a 50/50 split of opponent focus and "doing your own thing". The way you came at KC was okay, but you weren't hitting him HARD imo. 700 words to me means beat'em the fuck up, make it snappy, and leave an impact. Again, writing isn't bad, but the overfocus on setup makes this feel more like a cruiserweight segment than it does a cruiserweight roleplay. My tip would just be to dial in next time a bit more.
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Post by Guillotine (QDT) on Aug 27, 2019 15:45:54 GMT -5
So, this is kind of a tough one, honestly. I may not have as much to say of this one, because in a review setting, I think you sorta have to think harder when reviewing someone who's a better writer than you by all technical definitions. Personally, I view this as an easily arguable candidate to win the briefcase if Lissie didn't come out and hit you guys with a "welp, what can ya do?" type roleplay. The positives? Swagger and punchy shoot that all top matches call for and a pretty solid second and third leg of character development. The negative for me would probably have to be the setup and shoot framing itself. I don't know if I have a huge technical note about this one other than that the frame surrounding the actual shoot in Part 1. Part of that might be the font size in combination with what feels like a framing device that drags in parts and sort of works against very focused, mean, and aggressive smack talk. The supporting cast has flavor and the overall story on the work isn't shabby, but I felt like the non-shoot bits in that first scene could've had their overall length/amount chopped down significantly and I likely would've gotten the same effect if a better one. Overall though, the work has a lot of fun in it, so I hope this doesn't come off as me just dragging it for what is essentially not meant to be like a huge gripe. I enjoy your feel for a dynamic use of no-boundaries tone. That's always some good shit. This isn't a matter of "you need to rework or rethink everything you're doing". You and a handful of others just got caught by Lissie, it happens. Just minor tweaks and observations on how different parts in a roleplay can be maximized is all that is needed. Whoa, holy shit. This is so kind of you, thanks so much. You've given me a few things to chew on. I tried to do a few things that weren't necessarily congruent with the character and the shoot framing was too gimmicky. Your first point is extremely generous and I must disagree. To even be whispered in the same breath as you would be a mighty compliment but I'm certainly not better technically. I'm especially trying to learn from you with regards to character development where, IMHO, you excel as one of the top maestros in the fed. Thank you!
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Post by Corey Bull on Aug 28, 2019 10:14:02 GMT -5
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 28, 2019 14:10:04 GMT -5
Here is the three I did against Corey Black for Uprising. You said you had ideas...hit me here or in the DM box man.
Forgive me if this comes out scatterbrained or goofy, but I have some constructive thoughts I think, so stick with me. I like Corey Bull. I like Bolas. I like your work. That said, I can point to your work and invision how I think you continue to make leaps. With the work here, there are definitely some positives. You are pretty solid with what I always mention as "character riffing". This is the sort of writing (particularly in shoot) where you can really FEEL the gimmick whether it be a mood setting character or a dialect shit talker. You're a solid mood setter and you stick to your guns. I do like how there's this transition from A to B to C with these roleplays. You go from setting the stage, to giving us this idea that underestimating you is a mistake to the last one where the message feels very "We're ready". I also like how you lift up and parade the hardcore division as this awesome thing that Bull feels is hidden in plain sight from people who are essentially sleeping on it. Still, as much as I think you have an above average ability to do character riffing, the promos feel like they rely on it so much that they're not doing enough critical shoot with points that really "hit". There are some in there where alliances are brought up and touched on briefly and those are nice too, but the promos as a whole can kinda feel like the writing has Corey Bull in this endless loop of "I'm dangerous", "Tread lightly", "I will reign supreme". I don't know if we get a good enough sense of WHY in this case. Again, I really like the overall flow with how the tone transitions, but it feels surface level for much of the work and lacking big blows for a match that's 3 RPs each and based in trading blows. At the same time though, I totally understand the "CD factor" probably comes in to place here, meaning that it's definitely more difficult to shoot on an opponent that's equated to being this community's undisputed G.O.A.T. It's gotta be harder to shoot on someone who is so established that you probably feel like you're not hitting any chinks in the armor BECAUSE they're on such a high tier with their career and legacy. As it stands though, Corey Bull is having/has had a pretty exceptional AW run. Killed Spencer for UCI title, setting the stage for a whole division, that's cool shit. Eventually, I'd love to see you in the main event fighting in world title matches, because I think you're a smart enough guy capable of doing so. It will be easier to do that whenever you're out of these specialty divisions, but no rush to jump out of it. Part of the reason I want to see the leap eventually is because I want to see big, meaty fucking character development from Corey Bull. I saw bits and pieces of it with Bull and Bolas, but I think you'd kill it if you sat down and planned out overarching character development archs and stories. Your guys feel like comic book characters and I think if they have a deeper mythos in AW that ties in the monster on screen with what makes him that way, you'd be fucking killing it. It isn't just you that I think would benefit from this, because I've seen a fuck ton of monsters in efedding whose RPs a lot of times are "I'm a monster and you should fear me". You do have a bit more of an ability to adapt that I think can help you evolve further. So yeah, in summation, shoot with more direct points and rely just a little less on vague, semi-cryptic riffing (although I do like it's presence to some degree) and whenever you have the proper word counts to do so, plan out a big story in your RPs and actively develop it and follow that through and don't stop, because I think that when you do jump into heavy CD, it will actually help you mentally with shooting and help you diversify in everything you do.
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Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
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Post by Spencer Adams on Aug 28, 2019 14:32:18 GMT -5
actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3856/corduroy-dreamsProbably my most experimental and out of my usual style that I've done with the character, especially in regards to shoot. Is this something I should stick with, improve upon in some way, or should I add in more elements of the usual formula This is going to be tough and probably short, because there's not a lot if anything inherently wrong or super faulty with this as a whole. When I read RPs for this match, I thought there was a real solid chance that you'd beat us all and extend the reign. I didn't think the flow and CD was too harsh of a detour from things I'm used to seeing from you. My biggest thing going forward is that whatever way you take the CD arch you're planning to jump into, I think it would benefit you to shift the tone when possible in ways that makes Ryan feel less like little brother. You just had a world title reign that might never be beat in terms of time held and that's pretty huge. I think the hardest thing to balance when the CD comes back to #BeachKrew is that again, it feels like little bro is telling the reader he's alpha, but it feels in the CD with how the dialogue goes at times that he is indeed the young boi that is sorta held and rocked in the arms of his closest allies. This might sound like it's a bigger issue than it is or I think it's all shit or needs tossed out, that's not really how I'm seeing it though and I hope I'm kinda sorta making sense. I think it's a smallish part of the biggest hangup of the established BK connections in AW, alpha dogs who joined up at a time that their respective legacies were taking them to a place of being these GOAT individual performers. Both you and Wade ARE that 100%, but there's times where BK CD can tell us that these two S tier warriors are trying to out-applaud one another. I think stuff based around the BK alliance is cool, but I'd love to see it match a bit more with the shoot and having Ryan really navigate the path he's on as this great individual in the context of himself. You do that for the most part well, but those times where it leans away could be shined up and improved a touch.
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