Teo Blaze
Professional Wrestler
Buy Gentburgercoin!
Posts: 332
|
Post by Teo Blaze on Sept 12, 2019 0:56:55 GMT -5
Whenever you get a chance, I have no problem if you want to wait till After Sunday, but like I said I'm trying to improve my Multi-Man stuff so would love any feedback! This Week's RP
|
|
|
Post by Joey Flash on Sept 12, 2019 1:11:10 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Corey Bull on Sept 12, 2019 14:32:17 GMT -5
|
|
Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
|
Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 13, 2019 14:05:16 GMT -5
Shoot is fine, CD is dope. This is about what I've come to expect. One big thing that sticks out even more here though is multi-dimensional character work. I like that. A lot of people have characters where the character is cocky on screen, they are cocky to family and friends, they are cocky in all story/all shoot, and so on. That sort of thing can feel like a letdown when you see people who are one mood and mindset 25/8. Lissie doesn't come off that way and especially in this RP, she has really good range of emotion and character. That's people though, right? Sometimes you're happy, sad, angry, quiet, loud, etc. So yeah, I like this. I don't have criticism for you with this roleplay, it did a good amount with the word count given. I just like that Lissie is written like a real human being whose experience feels real.
|
|
Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
|
Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 13, 2019 14:16:54 GMT -5
I think the biggest strength here is the sort of slight, but appropriate mood shift that is happening here. Dandy continues to become increasingly serious, even with his sort of funnier shots at people remaining in play. It's sorta the same thing I thought Teo did against Beau when they had to fight for their last name. It's the way the fire is sort of focused and continues to come back to make sure you feel his conviction. In a nutshell, it's "Send'em all at my head, I'm the champ and I'm gonna die in there and they can bury me with the belt at the end if I gotta flatline in my efforts to keep this shit from the rest of you". I feel his intensity, it's what makes him a convincing top guy and current world champion. It's a lot of the same energy that surrounds a guy like Lockhart and his massive title reign, that ability to just really shove your determination down people's throats. Again, here's another RP where I don't have a legit criticism, just pointing out some shit I think works and should be carried out in future RPs. I'd prefer a bit more CD to border and weave through it all, but I think we got enough of that conviction and main event mindset out of what DD was saying to where it doesn't hurt that there isn't traditional CD happening here. Overall, good shit and I look forward to facing off again on Sunday. <3
|
|
Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
|
Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 13, 2019 14:39:41 GMT -5
Whenever you get a chance, I have no problem if you want to wait till After Sunday, but like I said I'm trying to improve my Multi-Man stuff so would love any feedback! This Week's RPSo, the shoot is really good once it gets into. For the record, the All In was also good, so I don't think you're flopping or struggling in any sense on the multi-man challenge front. I think the biggest strength here is that you keep rolling through the shoot. It continually punches and feels properly focused. The mood setting is another good point here. The work does a good job of sort of lifting Teo up as if he's really on a raised platform overlooking everyone and everything in spirit. I think my one criticism though is that while the setup leading into the shoot worked good to set that mood, it did occupy a bit too much word count with what felt like half of the RP. The first part (before Land of Confusion) and the second part of shoot that follows it do feel a bit repetitive as a setup for the pure shooting itself. You do get rolling with the work though, which grants some forgiveness to the critique, but that's just the thing I'm noticing in terms of what could be improved/tweaked a tad. It's good though. I enjoyed it. Teo's at a point in his career where he's really got the veteran strut to him and that's dope. I think you're doing fine work here and this is another solid work.
|
|
Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
|
Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 13, 2019 15:09:19 GMT -5
The biggest strengths here? The quote-boxed interludes that are laced throughout are one and the stamina is another. I think what's cool is how the pace of the shooting feels like Joey is in a fight. He sorta gets warmed up and paces around strategically, then he's doing the McGregor and taking big swings, then you get to the end where being in the later rounds make him feel just a little grittier as conditioning is tested, and then he finishes it off by trying to come back with some more big swings to tack on extra points for the scorecard. There's that underlying feel there that I thought was similarly cool with RPJ's promo against Karlie. I dig it. I guess the one thing here that sorta takes away a bit is there's maybe too many fake-out/fake kudos moments. I think one just leading into the meat and potatoes would've worked since those boxed interludes served the same or a similar purpose anyways. That's just a nitpick though. Yeah, I don't have much else other than that though. You know what it is.
|
|
Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
|
Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 13, 2019 15:19:40 GMT -5
It kinda looks like you're taking pointers and continuing to tweak the overall structure and outline to become a more dynamic character. Whether intentional or not, that's sick. I love that the bordering CD makes it almost just regular that Corey Bull is a big ass hardcore wrecking ball. It feels like I'm seeing Jason Vorhees run errands and that's sort of what the pre-game boils down to. Not a bad thing, it's kinda cool and quirky and fun. It's the calm before the storm. You're doing what I said I wanted to see you do to grow here. Again, that's sick. Just keep at it, man. I don't have some big elaborate tip for you other than to continue to improve that shoot and continuing to find way to flesh out and bring us further detail and expanded glimpses into the world of Corey Bull.
|
|
|
Post by Dandy DiVito on Sept 13, 2019 22:35:06 GMT -5
Thanks, dude. I appreciate the hell out of you taking the time to do this.
|
|
Lockhart
Professional Wrestler
Playtime is over.
Posts: 743
|
Post by Lockhart on Sept 14, 2019 0:59:01 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Guillotine (QDT) on Sept 14, 2019 11:49:35 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Kyle Kemp on Sept 14, 2019 11:56:22 GMT -5
|
|
Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
|
Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 14, 2019 12:05:09 GMT -5
This was pretty great for sure. (Not to try to rip the Odin style of feedback or anything, but I think Imma start dropping a 1-10 blanket RP rating on these, but just won't be doing a category rating breakdown. I figure this can maybe not only help the person receiving feedback, but also give others some direction on higher rated works to look to for inspiration and what not) I think you came at this about as good as anyone can come at a 1 v 1 matchup. Same as Joey, I was immediately impressed by the stamina. The CD itself was a pretty shining example of well written dialogue for characters interacting more normally and believably (that Lissie Hope type ish) This roleplay also does a really good job of showing Ryan as he juggles the priority queue both personally and professionally, which is something that not everyone can do. It's not easy to layer it on like that. No part of this lacked or needed more. I think it's also worth noting that a lot of people don't know how to go at Joey outside of "Well, you're really good, but don't underestimate me!" or some shit. You managed to hound and attack him as a man as much as you did a professional. It had it's punchlines, but the energy given off went beyond that to where I felt like you trying to recreate the efedding equivalent of Pusha T's "The Story of Adidon". I heard a person or two say they thought of this as one of your best if not your best RP yet and I won't say it's not. It actually feels like a better work to me the more I dive into it. I'm not digging up minor weaknesses, but rather subtle strengths. It's seasoned. You feel confident and that conviction in your voice is really loud. You stood your ground and stood it really well. While I wouldn't say this match/program is the deepest or richest I've seen in AW, it DID make for a fun RP battle and accomplished a solid big fight feel just off of roleplay quality. Probably one of the most high effort RP battles in recent XIII memory. It feels cheeky that I'm starting ratings on this since I'm rating it as highly as I am, but this was pretty spectacular and a strong RPOTY contender on shoot quality alone. Overall rating: 10/10
|
|
Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
|
Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 14, 2019 12:39:56 GMT -5
First off, I'd say this is definitely an improved big match RP when compared to your All In one (which wasn't bad either, but I dig this a fair bit more). The vibe off the bat starts off in a Guillermo Del Toro and then dives head first into HBO Drama territory. It's kinda fun and manic in what it does, but also dark and uncomfortable when it needs to be. One of the big positives is how it shows us a varied look at the life of a sports celebrity going through challenging times. He remains as strong as one could be under the pressure and that's good, helps lend itself to the believability of QDT coming out the other side of this fucky situation. It really did feel like an hour of a popular HBO or Showtime series though. Very well written and did a good job of spinning all these different bits and making them sort of flow through each other. Y'all motherfuckers really aren't giving me much to sink my teeth in to as far as being able to criticize though lol, so good on you. This felt really good. It felt properly personal. I wouldn't say it was PERFECT, but it's damn close. It's a high level, main event type RP layed out in a particular way that I think would win you main event matches way more often than not. Overall rating: 9.5/10
|
|
|
Post by Guillotine (QDT) on Sept 14, 2019 12:47:41 GMT -5
First off, I'd say this is definitely an improved big match RP when compared to your All In one (which wasn't bad either, but I dig this a fair bit more). The vibe off the bat starts off in a Guillermo Del Toro and then dives head first into HBO Drama territory. It's kinda fun and manic in what it does, but also dark and uncomfortable when it needs to be. One of the big positives is how it shows us a varied look at the life of a sports celebrity going through challenging times. He remains as strong as one could be under the pressure and that's good, helps lend itself to the believability of QDT coming out the other side of this fucky situation. It really did feel like an hour of a popular HBO or Showtime series though. Very well written and did a good job of spinning all these different bits and making them sort of flow through each other. Y'all motherfuckers really aren't giving me much to sink my teeth in to as far as being able to criticize though lol, so good on you. This felt really good. It felt properly personal. I wouldn't say it was PERFECT, but it's damn close. It's a high level, main event type RP layed out in a particular way that I think would win you main event matches way more often than not. Overall rating: 9.5/10 Hey man, thank you. Great to know I was on the right lines. I think I could've gotten it a little sharper and tighter if it weren't for my last minute, deadline hugging tendencies which I'm gonna be trying to address over the coming months.
|
|
Spencer Adams
Professional Wrestler
Wrestler of the Life
Posts: 315
|
Post by Spencer Adams on Sept 14, 2019 13:05:37 GMT -5
This is a really good RP as well. It's cool to see you continuing to improve after as much time as you've spent in the community. You're finding a higher ceiling this far down the line and that's pretty rare for people. This is definitely in that main event realm to me. I did enjoy the work, but I would've enjoyed it more if the text was spaced out, because good looooord man the format does this work no favors visually. The content is pretty dope, but if there's one thing to fix, it's got to be bringing the enter button into the mix more. (Legit though, I do really like this roleplay and maybe you're having format issues or on phone or some other device, idk haha) That first scene, really good! The second scene starts off a bit "meh", but rolls into really good shoot and isn't a serious offender in the grander scheme. The last scene, again, is another really good piece. The thing that makes Kyle Kemp so good to me is that he's a very real fake wrestler and athlete. Some people are crazy good at believable conversations while others are good at shoot or CD. The best thing you're doing is lending yourself to the match and the seriousness of facing Walter. This is a pretty perfect example of being aggressive while still building up the situation and adding to the buzz. I like how the tone is set with Kemp pulling out the bat and just committing to the idea that he has to stop Walter more than anything. This roleplay features one of the better Kyle Kemp shoots I've seen. This is an uptrend type roleplay and aside from bad formatting/lack of spacing and the fact that I felt the start of scene two was just okay, this was still a better than average work. Overall rating: 8.5/10
|
|
|
Post by Kyle Kemp on Sept 14, 2019 17:23:41 GMT -5
This is a really good RP as well. It's cool to see you continuing to improve after as much time as you've spent in the community. You're finding a higher ceiling this far down the line and that's pretty rare for people. This is definitely in that main event realm to me. I did enjoy the work, but I would've enjoyed it more if the text was spaced out, because good looooord man the format does this work no favors visually. The content is pretty dope, but if there's one thing to fix, it's got to be bringing the enter button into the mix more. (Legit though, I do really like this roleplay and maybe you're having format issues or on phone or some other device, idk haha) That first scene, really good! The second scene starts off a bit "meh", but rolls into really good shoot and isn't a serious offender in the grander scheme. The last scene, again, is another really good piece. The thing that makes Kyle Kemp so good to me is that he's a very real fake wrestler and athlete. Some people are crazy good at believable conversations while others are good at shoot or CD. The best thing you're doing is lending yourself to the match and the seriousness of facing Walter. This is a pretty perfect example of being aggressive while still building up the situation and adding to the buzz. I like how the tone is set with Kemp pulling out the bat and just committing to the idea that he has to stop Walter more than anything. This roleplay features one of the better Kyle Kemp shoots I've seen. This is an uptrend type roleplay and aside from bad formatting/lack of spacing and the fact that I felt the start of scene two was just okay, this was still a better than average work. Overall rating: 8.5/10 Thanks for the feedback! My new computer has been different at formatting. I’ll get it fixed!
|
|
|
Post by Beau Del Sol on Sept 15, 2019 8:13:26 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Kennedy Matthews on Sept 18, 2019 3:12:00 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Ryan Elias on Sept 18, 2019 18:15:50 GMT -5
|
|