Overall Thoughts:I am fully aware that I asked for this, but did ya really have to do me dirty like this? Come on, are you seriously expecting me to believe that there is anything that I can say that might benefit ya?
Way to drag the low-tier midcarder through the mud lol
Real talk; the rp is good, but not great.
Now, before people start gettin’ all up in arms and all “BAH! Ya don’t know shite ya pleb!”, I want you to keep in mind that anything I say or bring attention to is solely something that I would have an issue with if I were writing from the perspective of the Hawkins character. In no way am I thinking ro assuming that I know the KOS character then you do.
So take what I say with a grain (or heap) of salt. Savvy?
Alright, so as I already said, I find your rp to be good, but not great.
Why?
Tone; from the outset, the tone that you create is that of an uncertain nature and because of that your shoot feels fairly lackadaisical when it shouldn’t be; not when you got guys such as Teo and Odin in the match. Not taking away from Alex, Dandy, or ARP mind you, but ya really gotta bring it in a match of this caliber. However, you just don’t seem to want to and it comes through; very much a “he WAS a former world champ” instead of a “he IS a former world champ” kind of vibe.
If any of that makes sense.
If not, then don’t sweat it. I have an annoying bad tendency to incoherently ramble in a futile attempt at conveying my thoughts or feelings about things. lol
Part I: Path ¼Yeah, I’m going to go through all eight parts of this dang thing so strap in boy-o lol
*ahem*
As somebody that has a tendency to rely upon imagery for my rps I can say that I really enjoyed the opening bit of Character development. What happened haunts him and you can get a sense of regret as well. However, this is where the overall tone of uncertainty begins. IT is telling him that “We gon’ be alright” but he clearly doesn’t think that it will. Else why would there be a need for IT to go through the trouble of mind fucking him?
Not really anything worth noting, but I also have a few things that made me feel silly as I read this portion:
First, I had a moment of confusion when “I find myself walled in by blowing grains.” came up. For whatever reason, my mind went to “Grains” as in “Whole grains” or “wheat grains”. Even though you clearly stated that there was a wall of sand, my mind was like “nah, we’re going foodie bish” lol
Second, the use of “Cadaver” doesn’t seem entirely appropriate in the situation. I’m not sure why because the very definition of a “cadaver” is “a corpse”. Like, the wtf am I thinking?
My mind is an enigma even to myself lol
Part II: Zoo ¼Piggybacking the absurdity of the previous thing, I feel that “mesmerized” would have fit better then “infatuated”. Maybe if you named the chamber and humanized it then maybe, but this just a trivial thing that doesn’t really mean anything. Lol
As far as the shoot goes, it felt more like you were trying to reprimand ARP instead of actually shooting on her. It’s basically “Shame on you for being in this match.”. Nothing you say feels like it hits particularly hard nor do you give any reasons to why KOS is going to come out on top of this momentary encounter.
Plus, calling her “Ms.” all the time doesn’t help things either.
Also, why not just type out the entire “Miss” instead of “Ms.”? The word count wouldn’t have been affected lol
Part III: Path 2/4Again, more character development stuff that I am prone to doing myself, albeit a bit differently. I also liked the introduction of a sense of conviction as well. However, it is an uncertain conviction that the character himself doesn’t seem to be able to get behind. Due to that, and the aforementioned things, the rp comes of lackadaisical.
I won't lie. I like that word now lol
Part IV: Zoo 2/4Again we have more shoot boarding along the lackadaisical lines. It’s there and that all there is to it. There are no real points made nor do you make any argument for victory other than “cause I need it”. I’m not trashing it by any means. In fact, I liked how you brought up some of the recent things and how you brought up the simple truth that Richards is already at that level. Yet, it just doesn’t feel like KOS wants to win; doesn’t want to become world champ again. If that is the case then why is he there?
Prolly main event fatigue lol
Part V: Path ¾This is starting to feel more like a character development centric piece lol
Not like there is anything wrong with that per say, but you can tell that the shoot isn’t where it needs to be.
That said, I can say that I enjoyed the blending of the presser and IT speaking to him. Blur them lines of reality. YEET!
Part VI: Zoo ¾Finally! Now it feels like we’re starting to get somewhere with the shoot lol
From the onset, you can tell that KOS wants to go in and eviscerate Odin and the overall shoot does do some damage. Questioning his pride and he even cares anymore is good as well ass bringing the failure of the Savage Gods. However, in the end, it doesn’t seem to matter because I don’t feel like there was anything impactful to really drive home those points. Don’t get me wrong, they were there but they felt more like afterthoughts.
I honestly feel like the shoot on Teo is one of the best, if not THE best part of the rp. There is a definite fire in KOS as he delivers his spiel and I can say that its like a breath of fresh air when compared to the earlier shoots. Yet, it also falls short in terms of impact as well. Just as with the Odin shoot, you have those impactful words as afterthoughts. Don’t just say that KOS is Action Wrestling.
STATE that KOS IS Action Wrestling.
Part VII: Path 4/4A nice little bow to tie the Character development package up. I dig it.
Part VIII: Zoo 4/4Definitely the second better portions of shoot in the rp. As you might expect by now, it also suffers from the same things that part 3 of Zoo did. There just isn’t anything to really drive home the points that KOS brings up and if there is then they are afterthoughts.
I am fully aware that it sounds lazy, but that is what I see from my plebeian perspective.