Silver Tongues and Golden Bungs
Sept 11, 2019 22:43:44 GMT -5
Guillotine (QDT), Ryan Elias, and 2 more like this
Post by T.F.K. on Sept 11, 2019 22:43:44 GMT -5
Silver Tongues and Golden Bungs:
(TFK)
The fuck happen last night?
The godlike camera pans around the trashed hotel room that's surrounded by sleeping… Muppets? Fozzy rests in a curiously "frosted" plant with a rubber chicken hanging out of his mouth, Beaker and Ralph sit side by side on a brown leather loveseat, Animal is passed out surrounded by Red Bull cans, and Thad feels around under his blankets, realizing he is in the nude and he isn't alone…
(Ms. Piggy)
Hmm, Kermie, you weren't afraid to take a leap last night, now were you. Oh dear, soooo many tadpoles…
Piggy comes out of the blankets with a classy pearl necklace on and Thad rubs his temples.
(TFK)
What in the blue hell happened last night? ZANDER!?! CRAIG?!?
As Thad yells, The Muppets spring to life and start running all over the hotel room waving their arms in typical muppet fashion, as if their hair was on fire.
(TFK)
Goddamn my head is killing me…
(Ms. Piggy)
Oh, Thaddy, I may have an idea of what happened last night…
Ms. Piggy pulls out a receipt for a Logan's Roadhouse.
(Ms. Piggy)
Oh dear…
Thad leaps out of bed, grabbing his jeans and slipping them on.
(TFK)
I LOVE STEAK! And that's a great idea, everyone check your pockets…
Thad notices he's talking to Muppets and they don't have pockets… He then looks at Ms. Piggy.
(TFK)
Do I even want to know?
Ms. Piggy pretends to blush.
(Ms. Piggy)
Don't be so coy, Thaddy…
Thad rolls his eyes and orchestrates the rest of the Muppets in a quick room clean up, like something out of an animated movie with the sped up camera and everything. The Muppets all place their findings on a coffee table in front of Thad.
(TFK)
Okay, okay… Now we are cooking with gas, people.
Thad picks up a leopard print bra and smirks.
(TFK)
Must've been to The Viper Room recently, that belongs to nameless brunette…
Thad tucks the bra in his back pocket and continues on through the findings. A yellow tennis ball is the next treasure he picks up.
(TFK)
Hmm… I don't remember hanging with the Williams' sisters… hmm very interesting…
Thad tosses the tennis ball from hand to hand and Ralph starts to follow every toss in anticipation.
(TFK)
Did we go to the US Open or something?
Thad shrugs and tosses the ball across the room with Ralph giving it chase. Thad looks over a few dust bunnies, a couple of green covered pennies, a lightly used recreational rubber chicken, an empty bottle of canadian Homemade Maple syrup, the AEW World title, and an unopened piece of bazooka joe bubblegum.
(TFK)
I don't know guys… Beaker, you have any ideas, man?
Beaker begins to point at each item on the table and mumbling in the process.
(Beaker)
Mi mi mi mer mer meeee… mi mi mi me me mer merrrr mee… MI MI MI.
Beaker then points to the AEW World title.
(TFK)
Of course I noticed the giant world title that none of us has ever heard of…
Thad chuckles and winks at the God like camera.
(TFK)
But what does it all mean?
Thad picks up the rubber chicken and starts walking around the room slapping the chicken into his opposite palm.
(TFK)
My head is still fuzzy from that hellacious chair shots from that dbag, Ryan Alias… Elias, whatever name that bozo goes by.
(Beaker)
Mi mi mi mer mmeee…
(TFK)
Yeah, I've heard the studies and there can be memory loss or even mood swings caused by any sort of concussion.
Animal walks over to the bathroom and opens it as everyone else is paying attention to Thad.
(TFK)
Or this could be the 7th level of hell for me and I am dead… All this time I've been calling Camilla a god damn Muppet, so now I must live my life amongst you stupid idiots…
(Animal)
Uh oh…
Thad turns to notice a giant vulture step out of the bathroom and Animal is shaking in place.
(TFK)
Who in the blue hell, let a vulture in here?
The vulture looks Thad in the eyes.
(Vincent)
Name's Vincent and it'd be best of you and your fuck around gang to take me BACK...
ṱ̷̭̥̦̱͔̜͚̗̘̭̓ǫ̵̛̹̼̘̻̟͓̽͗̈́́̐̑̉̉͊̿̚͝ ̵̢̨̼͔̺̜̻̜͙̼͖̇̽̈́̈́̐̕ͅT̵̥̾̽͆̅̈̿͆̾͐͝͝Ḩ̴̨̡̹̖̞̼̣̪̞̬̘̙̳̮̥̞̃͋̑̎̓̚Ę̵̫͓̟̲̼̰͇̯͉̻̠̃̎̅̓̔̂́̒̐̀͘ ̸̨̍M̸̼̰̾͒̑̍͗͗̎͘͠a̵̭̼̭̫͍̬͈̺̭̭͕͖̫̒̔̑̿͂̂̔̊̈́̅̇͐̒͌̈́ͅd̵̨̨̞͓̼̥͕͈͑͑̊͒͋̏̿̾͘̚͝ ̶̡̰̝̥̼̭̠̗͇̝̙̬̤͕̉̃̌̈́ͅẄ̵̨̱͕͎͚̭͉̒̌̏ỏ̶̘̹̂͗̽̔̈́̅̆r̶̢̬͙̯͙̗̱͖̦̣̲̤̤̙͈̉̅͂̈́̂ͅl̶͙̺̟̼͇̞̫̠̯̇͊̈́̿̒̚͜ͅd̴̝̋.
The Muppets all run and hide behind Thad, who rolls his eyes, playing it cooler than a cucumber.
(TFK)
The Mad World huh with your bloodcurdling wine of its name? Do you have any idea how we all got here, Vinnie?
Vincent looks at the group and fluffs his feathers.
(Vincent)
I may or may not have ran into two stoners who said they were going to be future tag champs and they wanted to party with a Condor… And I may or may not have had the heart to correct them… Now take
Ṃ̷̝͙̠̟̱̜̆͐̅̿͐̉̊̇͘̚͝ͅÈ̵͓̰̳͔̦̠̦̈̀̋̈́̾́̋̾͝͝ͅ ̸̟̗̞̙͊̈́̇͆́̅̆̍B̶͉̦̜͂̔͑̌̒̃͐̒̽̋̽̚A̷͎͇͚̯͇͈̱̣͍̣̅͊̏́͋̉̚ͅC̸̢̧̘̼̘͎̱̤̻̜̭̭̺͛͗̓́̆̋̉̍͂͒̉͘͜͝Ḱ̵̛͎̙̞̼͉̫̩͙͔̣͕̖̥̲̽̓͋͂̿̃ ̸̛̪͇̪͔̹͙̺͖̱̟̠̖͇̠͆̔̃́͠ͅN̴̜̗̜͇̒̚Ŏ̷̡̮̜̣̟̟̙W̴̧̧͚̟͖̦̜͚̙̌̈́̍̆́̒̈́̊̉͜ !
(TFK)
Fuck it! Wrap'em up, I think I know the way to the white rabbit anyways!
(Vincent)
Whoa, who said anything about The White Rabbit?
(TFK)
Everyone knows the white rabbit led Alice through the looking glass and it ultimately led her to the Mad Hatter… Become topysturvey and bingo you're home… Plus I'm Hollywood BAY BAY, we know where all the hotspots are.
Vinnie looks concerned then instantly fragile as The Muppets bumrush him and with a little bit of that well known movie magic, our scene spins out and is replaced with a poorly shot moving pictures scene from yesteryear. Thad feverishly steers the wheel as The Muppets are sitting with a gagged Vincent in the back seat with them.
(Ms. Piggy)
I wish Kermie was here…
(Fozzy)
What do you call a frog on a hot tin roof? Waka waka…
Fozzy laughs and Ms. Piggy huffs at his remarks.
(TFK)
Enough you two, we are here…
The old timey car comes to a stop in a generic cityscape, a bright neon sign stands out amongst the humdrum background, it reads "The White Rabbit".
(TFK)
Among the Muppets and the noir scene that was about to unfold, I didn't think it'd lead us here of all places… The White Rabbit has been rumored to be the backdoor to the one place no sane man, should ever want to go.
The party gets out of the car and start dragging Vincent behind them as the dark sky starts raining down upon them.
(TFK)
Every inch of my soul screams out to me, telling me to throw the Muppets into the storm and retreat to safe shelter… But I push forward knowing the truth shall set me free...
The party enters The White Rabbit, a dive bar at first glance, the typical watering hole for the lost souls of this undetermined town, but it's the edges that are creeping closer. Like a veil being lifted a door in the far side of the bar illuminates.
(Bar Keep)
You see the door, doncha? Not many return once theys enter…
Vincent jiggles his feathers toward the tall and dark bar keep with the crooked smile and topknot man bun.
(Bar Keep)
Welcome home, Vincent... The Master has been looking for ya...
The door's light gets brighter calling the party in like moths to an overwelcoming flame.
(Ms. Piggy)
Oh dear… l don't have a good feeling about this, Thaddy…
(TFK)
We will return this buzzard to his master and then we will be on our way…
Thad takes a big gulp as the group stands outside the illuminated door waiting for Thad's reassurance to step in.
(TFK)
Vincent, it's time to go…
Thad grabs the buzzard and the group walks into the light, with Vincent leading the charge. Inside the dark room, the light source is coming from an oversized neon green lava lamp with fog coming out from the base.
(Vincent)
I'm BAAAAACK!!! Ļ̸̩̹͇̳̼͎͍̦͉͑̓̎͗̎̀̀̍̀̒̾̈́̇̒̕A̶̛̺̳̞̭̟͓̯̘͉͚͔̹̗͆͋̔̋̅̿͑̊̂̂̆̔̊̚Ţ̶͓͉͍͙̻͔̖̔Ȇ̶̫͈̟̤̝̳̬̝͖̪͔̠͓͗͋̓̓̂͂͜Ŗ̴̢̨̡̤̜̭͕̳͕̍̋ ̵̧̛̰͙̝̻̞̲͆̓̒̈́̒͐̍͂̆̈́̑͐͘̚L̵̡̨̬̟̘̥̫̩͈̆̈͐O̵̞͈͒̔͋͒̌͗̏͘S̸̪̜̙̺̬̚ͅĘ̴̧̲̼͍͙̬͈̜̱͎̀͠R̴̨̰̝̙̭̈́̊̐̀̄͒̏̃́͝ͅS̶̰̩̀̓̈́́͛̋̌̌͋̊̏̚͠ͅ!!!
The lamp flickers off and then comes back on, Vincent is gone and a letter is left behind attached to the lamp.
(TFK)
Thank you friend for returning what belongs to ME. Return now from with which you came, your mystery continues to unfold as long as you continue to pull on the strings to unravel the tapestry…
An ominous force pushes the group out of the door and back into the bar where the bar keep is cleaning a glass mug with a purple sham cloth.
(Bar Keep)
I should've mentioned that you were here last night, I suppose…
Bar Keep shrugs and cackles a bit.
(TFK)
What do you mean?
(Bar Keep)
You were running around with some World title saying you FINALLY did it and that you were "The King of Your World" or something. Then your Muppet friends there stole Vincent from The Mad World and there's a green one that took aaaaaaalot of shrooms from one of the locals in here…
(Ms. Piggy)
Kermie?
(Bar Keep)
He was tripping balls that's all I know, freaking jerking off on everything. Even my favorite indoor PLANT which you took.
The Bar Keep snaps his fingers.
(Bar Keep)
Oh and one more thing before I send you on yous way…
The Bar Keep hands Thad a dented up black steel fold up chair.
(Bar Keep)
You were ranting and raving about that thing too.
Thad rubs the back of his head, feeling the mark that was left from Ryan Elias's attack.
(TFK)
Ryan fucking Elias…
The Bar Keep smiles sheepishly.
(Bar Keep)
You wanna rewatch your rant?
The record needle scratches and Thad slowly nods.
(Bar Keep)
Excellent!
The Bar Keep snaps his fingers and a projector kicks on, causing the group to turn around to see Thad rambling at the bar.
(TFK)
Ryan Elias… That bozo forced the powers that be and that stupid Muppet, no offense… To put me through a series of concussion protocol bull shit… Worst part is, he hit like a bitch!
Thad on the screen struts around.
(TFK)
I'm still standing! He couldn't finish off THE DIRECTOR bay bay! He's too busy looking for demonic sinners, that he doesn't realize The Hollywood Elite aren't sinners whatsoever, we're simply ELITE. No matter how much of a silver tongue the jack wagon has, he can barely talk himself into winning a match when it matters. He can't persuade a ref to call a match in his favor. Don't even get me started on that lackluster cinematography for his below standard promos he puts out every week… I could find better shot quality film in the "adult room" at your local Family Video store. Ryan isn't even a new comer who has shown promise… What has he done since coming to AW? Go ahead and sound the crickets, because the guy's been a miserable sight to see in the ring the entire time! Pauly Shore made a bigger name than he did in AW, if that tells you anything. He straight stole a page out of Old Pauly Shore's play book, trying and get TFK to make my ass famous. Believe me you're not an original kid, you're a JUST A reboot in a world made up of reality TV, made for TV movies, and flicks full of old people trying to prove they still have IT.
(Bar Keep)
Alright, buddy, I think it's time for you to take your fancy title and go. So goodbye to the camera.
(TFK)
Goodbye to the camera, I'M THE KING OF MY WORLD BAY BAY!!!
The screen cuts off as Thad struts with the title.
(TFK)
Jeez that concussion did a number on me…
(Bar Keep)
Well good luck in your adventure, we have one crazy crazy baby shower coming here soon, so you guys gotta scatter.
(TFK)
Yeah, yeah, we got the hint… Until next time.
Thad salutes the Bar Keep and shuffles the Muppets outside.
(TFK)
Fozzy, what was that joke about a frog on top of a tin roof again?
(Fozzy)
Waka waka!
(TFK)
I think you're onto something there… Everyone pile into the car.
With a little bit of movie magic the group ends up at the hotel climbing onto the rooftop. As they come through the exit door and cross the rooftop they notice one Kermit the frog sprawled out on the rooftop casually drinking some tea.
(Kermit)
Oh hey, I was wondering if you'd all find me up here. Frog on a tin roof, am I right?
(Fozzy)
Waka waka!
(TFK)
Kermit, this may sound crazy, but we don't remember what happened last night at all…
(Kermit)
Oh man, yeah you guys were off the walls last night. I stepped up here to make a call to my Agent because nostalgia is all the rage right now. Before I knew it, the door was jammed and I was stuck like chuck…
Ms. Piggy tackles Kermit as soon as she sets eyes on him.
(Ms. Piggy)
My Kermie!!!
Thad slowly steps away as The Muppets are scrapping around with one another.
(TFK)
Now that we can end this so called Muppets Hangover shit show…
Thad motions the godlike camera to come to him.
(TFK)
Did you see this shit, Ryan Elias? Drink it AAALLLLL IN MAAANNN, because this is how much of a threat you are too THE DIRECTOR of Action Wrestling and The Hollywood Elite. I literally just wasted an entire promo piece on me playing around with fucking Muppets, visiting The Mad World, and spoofing The Hangover...
#ARTISDEAD
(TFK)
I could've easily stood in front of my godlike camera and bashed you for being poorly character developed and poorly directed in your C/D film projects you put out every week… That CGI work is abysmal and it really pales in comparison to your ring work. I can't even say you're a flash in the pan because the only thing you've done in AW that's worth while is attempt to piss off THE SINNERS known as The Hollywood Elite… Come on, kid, if you think I'm pissed right now, you may want to reread the script because this match is a one off and you'll be pushed further down the ladder where you obviously rightfully belong, as well as every other velveteen wrestler in the back who believes they're on OUR level… Simply put, Ryan Elias, you choose to walk these lands surrounded by sinners…
Thad smirks.
(TFK)
As I walk through these lands all around me I see posers with their ungrateful hands out begging for more of The Hollywood Elite. They're begging for one us or all of us to give them "THE RUB" because that's the only way they can feel relevant in our obviously overshadowing shadow. The Mermaid Yoga instructors think they have the tag titles well in hand and they'll rise to the top at the expense of The Hollywood Elite… That's the exact spot you find yourself in this week, due to your reaching further beyond your means. You keep your head in the clouds looking for angels and demons, not realizing that you're not casted in Touched by an Angel this week… No you're casted in the direct to home video retelling of David vs Goliath. I have an ego that obviously can't be satiated… While you're still struggling to find your footing… Let alone your ROCKS to get off to claim victory. You have found yourself playing the role of a pubescent boy week in and week out, prematurely reaching what you thought was a victory, but as my pops taught me about his biz… That's just pre cum before the money SHOT. That's a sensation you have yet to feel too often in Action Wrestling and I will not be the bitch boy to get you to that climax. You will simply play the towel of just another day for Thaddeus Franklin King as I move along with my Hollywood Elite brothers. Action Wrestling belongs to us and the sooner you realize it, the better, Ryan Elias, because you have been playing the lost soul trying to find his voice for faaaaar too long and I don't know how many more loses you can eat, before you choose to end your own torture.
Thad shakes his head at the godlike camera.
(TFK)
Ryan Elias, I along with the rest of the Action Wrestling faithful, have to know what was going through your mind when you chose to pick THEE LARGEST GROUP in Action Wrestling history to pick a fight with? You speak with that silver tongue of yours and that shit only gets you so far… If this was Big John Frost's neck of the woods, I know for a fact he'd turn that silver tongue around make short use of that golden bung of yours… But lucky for you, this isn't the big house, this isn't even The Viper Room. This is Action Wrestling's Execution PPV which you can bare witness on the Action Wrestling for a convenient price of just $9.99. A fair price to see Ryan Elias finally learn his place by being humbled by Thaddeus Franklin King.
Thad looks over his shoulder to the muppets.
(TFK)
How about you Muppets deliver that AEW title to its rightful owner and let the grown ups speak for real here…
The Muppets all salute Thad and Kermit stops just as everyone else exits the roof.
(Kermit)
If you could, Thad, make sure Gonzo gets to Jim Henson studios before the weeks over…
Thad laughs out loud.
(TFK)
You know… I wasn't sure what my old man had in mind when he said he wanted to shoot some gonzo porn… But if he's using your friend, it's gotta be some next level freaky shit.
Kermit waves his arms and yells out loud.
(Kermit)
I know… Aaaaaahhhhhh!
(TFK)
Don't worry, I'm sure Gonzo is in some good company, nothing but professionals with my old man… If he has to be at Henson by the end of the week, he'll be there.
Kermit shakes Thad's hand.
(Kermit)
Oh thank you, Thad, thank you so much.
Thad half smirks and returns a hand shake to Kermit.
(TFK)
Don't mention it, buddy…
The two nod and Thad is left truly alone with the godlike camera.
(TFK)
So many would see what's going on right now as just childish games mixed with attention deficit disorder, but realistically, I don't want you to miss this now… Belittling your short comings in Action Wrestling isn't worth the words to be spoken out loud… The entire company learned how desperate you were for the spotlight when you jumped me like the coward that you truly are. Hell, you used a steel chair and you couldn't even finish me off, kid. If you were aiming to just piss me off that I'd actually say your name… Correctly? Then you succeeded. But if you believe for one second that getting my attention is going to be healthy for your career is a whole other story all together. Thaddeus Franklin King is a main eventer and the likes of Ryan Elias will forever be a fucking dreamer. Dreamers are those who see what people greater than them have and they attempt to envision themselves having the same accomplishments. You'll never be THEE FIRST ACTION WRESTLING US CHAMPION… FACT… You'll never reach longest champion of ANYTHING… Plain and simple, Ryan Elias, you are a man on a mission that only YOU YOURSELF CARE ABOUT. There's no grandmaster out of this world being who is praising you for your efforts. You are merely a man aiming to tell a compelling story to people who have already changed the channel on you. Rotten Tomatoes won't even mention your name, for Christ's sake. I mean, Ryan Elias, to say you are far out of your depth is an understatement of the century. You're not even starring in the same film as me, you were cut out in the extra B roll we had left over. The higher level is for leading men and the sooner you realize YOU ARE JUST AN EXTRA, the sooner you're realize what your true role in this world is… You need to talk the big game and you have to make just one believer out of someone, that way the viewer has hope in some sort of underdog story… Truth is, you're not even captivating enough to live that underdog dream. You're a waste for Action Wrestling payroll and you're a waste of good B roll.
TFK flashes his million dollar smile.
(TFK)
But this defeat, as crushing as it will be for your fragile state… It doesn't have to be the end of the most lackluster man in all of Action Wrestling history. You can take an L with pride knowing that you were given a chance to square off with THE Director of Action Wrestling and the 1st true main eventer you've laced up the boots with. So after that inevitable rings and you're sent to the back with your head hung low, just remember, we in The Hollywood Elite always give great feedback to the lesser known talent, and we truly want you to do the best your little heart can do...
Thad salutes the camera and then snaps his fingers.
(TFK)
Oh, by the way, before I forget, RJ Collins I've heard you're in need of a win, buddy… I'm sending over no named redhead for the night, believe me, she's a sure thing.
Thad gives a thumbs up as the godlike camera fades to black.
(TFK)
The fuck happen last night?
The godlike camera pans around the trashed hotel room that's surrounded by sleeping… Muppets? Fozzy rests in a curiously "frosted" plant with a rubber chicken hanging out of his mouth, Beaker and Ralph sit side by side on a brown leather loveseat, Animal is passed out surrounded by Red Bull cans, and Thad feels around under his blankets, realizing he is in the nude and he isn't alone…
(Ms. Piggy)
Hmm, Kermie, you weren't afraid to take a leap last night, now were you. Oh dear, soooo many tadpoles…
Piggy comes out of the blankets with a classy pearl necklace on and Thad rubs his temples.
(TFK)
What in the blue hell happened last night? ZANDER!?! CRAIG?!?
As Thad yells, The Muppets spring to life and start running all over the hotel room waving their arms in typical muppet fashion, as if their hair was on fire.
(TFK)
Goddamn my head is killing me…
(Ms. Piggy)
Oh, Thaddy, I may have an idea of what happened last night…
Ms. Piggy pulls out a receipt for a Logan's Roadhouse.
(Ms. Piggy)
Oh dear…
Thad leaps out of bed, grabbing his jeans and slipping them on.
(TFK)
I LOVE STEAK! And that's a great idea, everyone check your pockets…
Thad notices he's talking to Muppets and they don't have pockets… He then looks at Ms. Piggy.
(TFK)
Do I even want to know?
Ms. Piggy pretends to blush.
(Ms. Piggy)
Don't be so coy, Thaddy…
Thad rolls his eyes and orchestrates the rest of the Muppets in a quick room clean up, like something out of an animated movie with the sped up camera and everything. The Muppets all place their findings on a coffee table in front of Thad.
(TFK)
Okay, okay… Now we are cooking with gas, people.
Thad picks up a leopard print bra and smirks.
(TFK)
Must've been to The Viper Room recently, that belongs to nameless brunette…
Thad tucks the bra in his back pocket and continues on through the findings. A yellow tennis ball is the next treasure he picks up.
(TFK)
Hmm… I don't remember hanging with the Williams' sisters… hmm very interesting…
Thad tosses the tennis ball from hand to hand and Ralph starts to follow every toss in anticipation.
(TFK)
Did we go to the US Open or something?
Thad shrugs and tosses the ball across the room with Ralph giving it chase. Thad looks over a few dust bunnies, a couple of green covered pennies, a lightly used recreational rubber chicken, an empty bottle of canadian Homemade Maple syrup, the AEW World title, and an unopened piece of bazooka joe bubblegum.
(TFK)
I don't know guys… Beaker, you have any ideas, man?
Beaker begins to point at each item on the table and mumbling in the process.
(Beaker)
Mi mi mi mer mer meeee… mi mi mi me me mer merrrr mee… MI MI MI.
Beaker then points to the AEW World title.
(TFK)
Of course I noticed the giant world title that none of us has ever heard of…
Thad chuckles and winks at the God like camera.
(TFK)
But what does it all mean?
Thad picks up the rubber chicken and starts walking around the room slapping the chicken into his opposite palm.
(TFK)
My head is still fuzzy from that hellacious chair shots from that dbag, Ryan Alias… Elias, whatever name that bozo goes by.
(Beaker)
Mi mi mi mer mmeee…
(TFK)
Yeah, I've heard the studies and there can be memory loss or even mood swings caused by any sort of concussion.
Animal walks over to the bathroom and opens it as everyone else is paying attention to Thad.
(TFK)
Or this could be the 7th level of hell for me and I am dead… All this time I've been calling Camilla a god damn Muppet, so now I must live my life amongst you stupid idiots…
(Animal)
Uh oh…
Thad turns to notice a giant vulture step out of the bathroom and Animal is shaking in place.
(TFK)
Who in the blue hell, let a vulture in here?
The vulture looks Thad in the eyes.
(Vincent)
Name's Vincent and it'd be best of you and your fuck around gang to take me BACK...
ṱ̷̭̥̦̱͔̜͚̗̘̭̓ǫ̵̛̹̼̘̻̟͓̽͗̈́́̐̑̉̉͊̿̚͝ ̵̢̨̼͔̺̜̻̜͙̼͖̇̽̈́̈́̐̕ͅT̵̥̾̽͆̅̈̿͆̾͐͝͝Ḩ̴̨̡̹̖̞̼̣̪̞̬̘̙̳̮̥̞̃͋̑̎̓̚Ę̵̫͓̟̲̼̰͇̯͉̻̠̃̎̅̓̔̂́̒̐̀͘ ̸̨̍M̸̼̰̾͒̑̍͗͗̎͘͠a̵̭̼̭̫͍̬͈̺̭̭͕͖̫̒̔̑̿͂̂̔̊̈́̅̇͐̒͌̈́ͅd̵̨̨̞͓̼̥͕͈͑͑̊͒͋̏̿̾͘̚͝ ̶̡̰̝̥̼̭̠̗͇̝̙̬̤͕̉̃̌̈́ͅẄ̵̨̱͕͎͚̭͉̒̌̏ỏ̶̘̹̂͗̽̔̈́̅̆r̶̢̬͙̯͙̗̱͖̦̣̲̤̤̙͈̉̅͂̈́̂ͅl̶͙̺̟̼͇̞̫̠̯̇͊̈́̿̒̚͜ͅd̴̝̋.
The Muppets all run and hide behind Thad, who rolls his eyes, playing it cooler than a cucumber.
(TFK)
The Mad World huh with your bloodcurdling wine of its name? Do you have any idea how we all got here, Vinnie?
Vincent looks at the group and fluffs his feathers.
(Vincent)
I may or may not have ran into two stoners who said they were going to be future tag champs and they wanted to party with a Condor… And I may or may not have had the heart to correct them… Now take
Ṃ̷̝͙̠̟̱̜̆͐̅̿͐̉̊̇͘̚͝ͅÈ̵͓̰̳͔̦̠̦̈̀̋̈́̾́̋̾͝͝ͅ ̸̟̗̞̙͊̈́̇͆́̅̆̍B̶͉̦̜͂̔͑̌̒̃͐̒̽̋̽̚A̷͎͇͚̯͇͈̱̣͍̣̅͊̏́͋̉̚ͅC̸̢̧̘̼̘͎̱̤̻̜̭̭̺͛͗̓́̆̋̉̍͂͒̉͘͜͝Ḱ̵̛͎̙̞̼͉̫̩͙͔̣͕̖̥̲̽̓͋͂̿̃ ̸̛̪͇̪͔̹͙̺͖̱̟̠̖͇̠͆̔̃́͠ͅN̴̜̗̜͇̒̚Ŏ̷̡̮̜̣̟̟̙W̴̧̧͚̟͖̦̜͚̙̌̈́̍̆́̒̈́̊̉͜ !
(TFK)
Fuck it! Wrap'em up, I think I know the way to the white rabbit anyways!
(Vincent)
Whoa, who said anything about The White Rabbit?
(TFK)
Everyone knows the white rabbit led Alice through the looking glass and it ultimately led her to the Mad Hatter… Become topysturvey and bingo you're home… Plus I'm Hollywood BAY BAY, we know where all the hotspots are.
Vinnie looks concerned then instantly fragile as The Muppets bumrush him and with a little bit of that well known movie magic, our scene spins out and is replaced with a poorly shot moving pictures scene from yesteryear. Thad feverishly steers the wheel as The Muppets are sitting with a gagged Vincent in the back seat with them.
(Ms. Piggy)
I wish Kermie was here…
(Fozzy)
What do you call a frog on a hot tin roof? Waka waka…
Fozzy laughs and Ms. Piggy huffs at his remarks.
(TFK)
Enough you two, we are here…
The old timey car comes to a stop in a generic cityscape, a bright neon sign stands out amongst the humdrum background, it reads "The White Rabbit".
(TFK)
Among the Muppets and the noir scene that was about to unfold, I didn't think it'd lead us here of all places… The White Rabbit has been rumored to be the backdoor to the one place no sane man, should ever want to go.
The party gets out of the car and start dragging Vincent behind them as the dark sky starts raining down upon them.
(TFK)
Every inch of my soul screams out to me, telling me to throw the Muppets into the storm and retreat to safe shelter… But I push forward knowing the truth shall set me free...
The party enters The White Rabbit, a dive bar at first glance, the typical watering hole for the lost souls of this undetermined town, but it's the edges that are creeping closer. Like a veil being lifted a door in the far side of the bar illuminates.
(Bar Keep)
You see the door, doncha? Not many return once theys enter…
Vincent jiggles his feathers toward the tall and dark bar keep with the crooked smile and topknot man bun.
(Bar Keep)
Welcome home, Vincent... The Master has been looking for ya...
The door's light gets brighter calling the party in like moths to an overwelcoming flame.
(Ms. Piggy)
Oh dear… l don't have a good feeling about this, Thaddy…
(TFK)
We will return this buzzard to his master and then we will be on our way…
Thad takes a big gulp as the group stands outside the illuminated door waiting for Thad's reassurance to step in.
(TFK)
Vincent, it's time to go…
Thad grabs the buzzard and the group walks into the light, with Vincent leading the charge. Inside the dark room, the light source is coming from an oversized neon green lava lamp with fog coming out from the base.
(Vincent)
I'm BAAAAACK!!! Ļ̸̩̹͇̳̼͎͍̦͉͑̓̎͗̎̀̀̍̀̒̾̈́̇̒̕A̶̛̺̳̞̭̟͓̯̘͉͚͔̹̗͆͋̔̋̅̿͑̊̂̂̆̔̊̚Ţ̶͓͉͍͙̻͔̖̔Ȇ̶̫͈̟̤̝̳̬̝͖̪͔̠͓͗͋̓̓̂͂͜Ŗ̴̢̨̡̤̜̭͕̳͕̍̋ ̵̧̛̰͙̝̻̞̲͆̓̒̈́̒͐̍͂̆̈́̑͐͘̚L̵̡̨̬̟̘̥̫̩͈̆̈͐O̵̞͈͒̔͋͒̌͗̏͘S̸̪̜̙̺̬̚ͅĘ̴̧̲̼͍͙̬͈̜̱͎̀͠R̴̨̰̝̙̭̈́̊̐̀̄͒̏̃́͝ͅS̶̰̩̀̓̈́́͛̋̌̌͋̊̏̚͠ͅ!!!
The lamp flickers off and then comes back on, Vincent is gone and a letter is left behind attached to the lamp.
(TFK)
Thank you friend for returning what belongs to ME. Return now from with which you came, your mystery continues to unfold as long as you continue to pull on the strings to unravel the tapestry…
An ominous force pushes the group out of the door and back into the bar where the bar keep is cleaning a glass mug with a purple sham cloth.
(Bar Keep)
I should've mentioned that you were here last night, I suppose…
Bar Keep shrugs and cackles a bit.
(TFK)
What do you mean?
(Bar Keep)
You were running around with some World title saying you FINALLY did it and that you were "The King of Your World" or something. Then your Muppet friends there stole Vincent from The Mad World and there's a green one that took aaaaaaalot of shrooms from one of the locals in here…
(Ms. Piggy)
Kermie?
(Bar Keep)
He was tripping balls that's all I know, freaking jerking off on everything. Even my favorite indoor PLANT which you took.
The Bar Keep snaps his fingers.
(Bar Keep)
Oh and one more thing before I send you on yous way…
The Bar Keep hands Thad a dented up black steel fold up chair.
(Bar Keep)
You were ranting and raving about that thing too.
Thad rubs the back of his head, feeling the mark that was left from Ryan Elias's attack.
(TFK)
Ryan fucking Elias…
The Bar Keep smiles sheepishly.
(Bar Keep)
You wanna rewatch your rant?
The record needle scratches and Thad slowly nods.
(Bar Keep)
Excellent!
The Bar Keep snaps his fingers and a projector kicks on, causing the group to turn around to see Thad rambling at the bar.
(TFK)
Ryan Elias… That bozo forced the powers that be and that stupid Muppet, no offense… To put me through a series of concussion protocol bull shit… Worst part is, he hit like a bitch!
Thad on the screen struts around.
(TFK)
I'm still standing! He couldn't finish off THE DIRECTOR bay bay! He's too busy looking for demonic sinners, that he doesn't realize The Hollywood Elite aren't sinners whatsoever, we're simply ELITE. No matter how much of a silver tongue the jack wagon has, he can barely talk himself into winning a match when it matters. He can't persuade a ref to call a match in his favor. Don't even get me started on that lackluster cinematography for his below standard promos he puts out every week… I could find better shot quality film in the "adult room" at your local Family Video store. Ryan isn't even a new comer who has shown promise… What has he done since coming to AW? Go ahead and sound the crickets, because the guy's been a miserable sight to see in the ring the entire time! Pauly Shore made a bigger name than he did in AW, if that tells you anything. He straight stole a page out of Old Pauly Shore's play book, trying and get TFK to make my ass famous. Believe me you're not an original kid, you're a JUST A reboot in a world made up of reality TV, made for TV movies, and flicks full of old people trying to prove they still have IT.
(Bar Keep)
Alright, buddy, I think it's time for you to take your fancy title and go. So goodbye to the camera.
(TFK)
Goodbye to the camera, I'M THE KING OF MY WORLD BAY BAY!!!
The screen cuts off as Thad struts with the title.
(TFK)
Jeez that concussion did a number on me…
(Bar Keep)
Well good luck in your adventure, we have one crazy crazy baby shower coming here soon, so you guys gotta scatter.
(TFK)
Yeah, yeah, we got the hint… Until next time.
Thad salutes the Bar Keep and shuffles the Muppets outside.
(TFK)
Fozzy, what was that joke about a frog on top of a tin roof again?
(Fozzy)
Waka waka!
(TFK)
I think you're onto something there… Everyone pile into the car.
With a little bit of movie magic the group ends up at the hotel climbing onto the rooftop. As they come through the exit door and cross the rooftop they notice one Kermit the frog sprawled out on the rooftop casually drinking some tea.
(Kermit)
Oh hey, I was wondering if you'd all find me up here. Frog on a tin roof, am I right?
(Fozzy)
Waka waka!
(TFK)
Kermit, this may sound crazy, but we don't remember what happened last night at all…
(Kermit)
Oh man, yeah you guys were off the walls last night. I stepped up here to make a call to my Agent because nostalgia is all the rage right now. Before I knew it, the door was jammed and I was stuck like chuck…
Ms. Piggy tackles Kermit as soon as she sets eyes on him.
(Ms. Piggy)
My Kermie!!!
Thad slowly steps away as The Muppets are scrapping around with one another.
(TFK)
Now that we can end this so called Muppets Hangover shit show…
Thad motions the godlike camera to come to him.
(TFK)
Did you see this shit, Ryan Elias? Drink it AAALLLLL IN MAAANNN, because this is how much of a threat you are too THE DIRECTOR of Action Wrestling and The Hollywood Elite. I literally just wasted an entire promo piece on me playing around with fucking Muppets, visiting The Mad World, and spoofing The Hangover...
#ARTISDEAD
(TFK)
I could've easily stood in front of my godlike camera and bashed you for being poorly character developed and poorly directed in your C/D film projects you put out every week… That CGI work is abysmal and it really pales in comparison to your ring work. I can't even say you're a flash in the pan because the only thing you've done in AW that's worth while is attempt to piss off THE SINNERS known as The Hollywood Elite… Come on, kid, if you think I'm pissed right now, you may want to reread the script because this match is a one off and you'll be pushed further down the ladder where you obviously rightfully belong, as well as every other velveteen wrestler in the back who believes they're on OUR level… Simply put, Ryan Elias, you choose to walk these lands surrounded by sinners…
Thad smirks.
(TFK)
As I walk through these lands all around me I see posers with their ungrateful hands out begging for more of The Hollywood Elite. They're begging for one us or all of us to give them "THE RUB" because that's the only way they can feel relevant in our obviously overshadowing shadow. The Mermaid Yoga instructors think they have the tag titles well in hand and they'll rise to the top at the expense of The Hollywood Elite… That's the exact spot you find yourself in this week, due to your reaching further beyond your means. You keep your head in the clouds looking for angels and demons, not realizing that you're not casted in Touched by an Angel this week… No you're casted in the direct to home video retelling of David vs Goliath. I have an ego that obviously can't be satiated… While you're still struggling to find your footing… Let alone your ROCKS to get off to claim victory. You have found yourself playing the role of a pubescent boy week in and week out, prematurely reaching what you thought was a victory, but as my pops taught me about his biz… That's just pre cum before the money SHOT. That's a sensation you have yet to feel too often in Action Wrestling and I will not be the bitch boy to get you to that climax. You will simply play the towel of just another day for Thaddeus Franklin King as I move along with my Hollywood Elite brothers. Action Wrestling belongs to us and the sooner you realize it, the better, Ryan Elias, because you have been playing the lost soul trying to find his voice for faaaaar too long and I don't know how many more loses you can eat, before you choose to end your own torture.
Thad shakes his head at the godlike camera.
(TFK)
Ryan Elias, I along with the rest of the Action Wrestling faithful, have to know what was going through your mind when you chose to pick THEE LARGEST GROUP in Action Wrestling history to pick a fight with? You speak with that silver tongue of yours and that shit only gets you so far… If this was Big John Frost's neck of the woods, I know for a fact he'd turn that silver tongue around make short use of that golden bung of yours… But lucky for you, this isn't the big house, this isn't even The Viper Room. This is Action Wrestling's Execution PPV which you can bare witness on the Action Wrestling for a convenient price of just $9.99. A fair price to see Ryan Elias finally learn his place by being humbled by Thaddeus Franklin King.
Thad looks over his shoulder to the muppets.
(TFK)
How about you Muppets deliver that AEW title to its rightful owner and let the grown ups speak for real here…
The Muppets all salute Thad and Kermit stops just as everyone else exits the roof.
(Kermit)
If you could, Thad, make sure Gonzo gets to Jim Henson studios before the weeks over…
Thad laughs out loud.
(TFK)
You know… I wasn't sure what my old man had in mind when he said he wanted to shoot some gonzo porn… But if he's using your friend, it's gotta be some next level freaky shit.
Kermit waves his arms and yells out loud.
(Kermit)
I know… Aaaaaahhhhhh!
(TFK)
Don't worry, I'm sure Gonzo is in some good company, nothing but professionals with my old man… If he has to be at Henson by the end of the week, he'll be there.
Kermit shakes Thad's hand.
(Kermit)
Oh thank you, Thad, thank you so much.
Thad half smirks and returns a hand shake to Kermit.
(TFK)
Don't mention it, buddy…
The two nod and Thad is left truly alone with the godlike camera.
(TFK)
So many would see what's going on right now as just childish games mixed with attention deficit disorder, but realistically, I don't want you to miss this now… Belittling your short comings in Action Wrestling isn't worth the words to be spoken out loud… The entire company learned how desperate you were for the spotlight when you jumped me like the coward that you truly are. Hell, you used a steel chair and you couldn't even finish me off, kid. If you were aiming to just piss me off that I'd actually say your name… Correctly? Then you succeeded. But if you believe for one second that getting my attention is going to be healthy for your career is a whole other story all together. Thaddeus Franklin King is a main eventer and the likes of Ryan Elias will forever be a fucking dreamer. Dreamers are those who see what people greater than them have and they attempt to envision themselves having the same accomplishments. You'll never be THEE FIRST ACTION WRESTLING US CHAMPION… FACT… You'll never reach longest champion of ANYTHING… Plain and simple, Ryan Elias, you are a man on a mission that only YOU YOURSELF CARE ABOUT. There's no grandmaster out of this world being who is praising you for your efforts. You are merely a man aiming to tell a compelling story to people who have already changed the channel on you. Rotten Tomatoes won't even mention your name, for Christ's sake. I mean, Ryan Elias, to say you are far out of your depth is an understatement of the century. You're not even starring in the same film as me, you were cut out in the extra B roll we had left over. The higher level is for leading men and the sooner you realize YOU ARE JUST AN EXTRA, the sooner you're realize what your true role in this world is… You need to talk the big game and you have to make just one believer out of someone, that way the viewer has hope in some sort of underdog story… Truth is, you're not even captivating enough to live that underdog dream. You're a waste for Action Wrestling payroll and you're a waste of good B roll.
TFK flashes his million dollar smile.
(TFK)
But this defeat, as crushing as it will be for your fragile state… It doesn't have to be the end of the most lackluster man in all of Action Wrestling history. You can take an L with pride knowing that you were given a chance to square off with THE Director of Action Wrestling and the 1st true main eventer you've laced up the boots with. So after that inevitable rings and you're sent to the back with your head hung low, just remember, we in The Hollywood Elite always give great feedback to the lesser known talent, and we truly want you to do the best your little heart can do...
Thad salutes the camera and then snaps his fingers.
(TFK)
Oh, by the way, before I forget, RJ Collins I've heard you're in need of a win, buddy… I'm sending over no named redhead for the night, believe me, she's a sure thing.
Thad gives a thumbs up as the godlike camera fades to black.