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Post by Claire Hawkins on Dec 15, 2019 21:58:30 GMT -5
Of course!
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Post by Lissie Hope on Dec 15, 2019 22:04:47 GMT -5
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Post by Lissie Hope on Dec 15, 2019 22:11:27 GMT -5
Just wanna say, it’s pretty great that you’re staying involved though you’re not competing. It’s been a bit of an adjustment for me (and lord knows I have a whole slew of other shit going on that makes it even harder) but just wanna let you know that I miss you, and I appreciate you, and I’m glad you decided to do this again. You’ve got such an open mind to you that’s so unselfish and so insightful, so I just wanna say I admire you. That’s all.
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Jan 6, 2020 18:54:29 GMT -5
Just wanna say, it’s pretty great that you’re staying involved though you’re not competing. It’s been a bit of an adjustment for me (and lord knows I have a whole slew of other shit going on that makes it even harder) but just wanna let you know that I miss you, and I appreciate you, and I’m glad you decided to do this again. You’ve got such an open mind to you that’s so unselfish and so insightful, so I just wanna say I admire you. That’s all. See, you SAY that but you haven't even seen what I have to say. I could just completely trash it like a salty biznitch and just be mean af. YOU DON'T KNOW ME! Real talk; sorry for the weeks-long delay. Hopefully, it isn't as much of a letdown as I think it might be. Bloom X: PowerOverall thoughtsFirst and foremost; you are always on top of your game when it comes to this little hobby and your rise to AW Champion is the undeniable fact that I’m right. However, I feel like you let your foot off of the gas pedal too soon and this Roleplay is proof. From the beginning there is a lot going on within this that I found myself either being overwhelmed or just uninterested when it came to the actual meat of the roleplay; the shoot. Before you dismiss my critique bear in mind that this has nothing to do with our contrasting styles. However, it does have to do with that I found myself being drawn to and becoming more interested in the small exerts then either the shoot and the fan expo (Which was enjoyable regardless). Due to my attention being drawn elsewhere both instances of the shoot felt weaker when compared to other roleplays that you’ve created. Fuck. I’m not even sure if I’m explaining my thoughts correctly; story of my life. I guess what I’m trying to say is that both instances of shoot were just too similar in tone. The “Hero” and “Villain” concepts are a duality that, despite the efforts of popular tweeners, can be cleanly defined. Yes; somebody can surely argue otherwise and, especially since I’m terrible at debates, will probably win. However, you had the chance to abruptly flip that switch and go full heel for a true killshot. Unfortunately, you missed. Why? You aren’t going to out babyface one of the guys who is basically known as a perpetual babyface (as far as I have known/read of FPV anyway). However, I’m not taking anything away from you because I did enjoy the “Hero” position. It’s just that when it came to the “Villian” portion…..it felt more like was more based on the “ImTheBadGuyButNotReally” hesitant side of things and it felt less like you were trying to convince yourself that Lissie had the best hand at the table. If you’re going to straddle the duality of “Hero” and “Villain” don’t be afraid to buckle down and go full force; it’s Lissie MOTHERFUCKIN’ Hope for a reason. Breakdown Normally this is when I go through each segment and touch on each thing. However, there just isn’t anything that I feel I need to really say. Individually each portion is solid; just try and touch up on the tone issue. God; that was much help. I’m sorry. If you have any questions or want to get deeper into the murky machinations of my subpar mind; then shoot me a message (Good luck with that one though lol). GG WP m8 .
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Jan 12, 2020 4:09:35 GMT -5
Bumpages
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Post by Corey Bull on Jan 12, 2020 5:05:26 GMT -5
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Apr 28, 2020 17:01:45 GMT -5
Okay.....so.......attempt at this number.....three?
So, since I started doing feedback stuff in APW again, I thought that it would be fair if I tried my hand here in AW with it once more. If anyone does decide to offer their beloved RP's up for sacrifice then be warned that it may take a bit longer than APW. Cause you know, larger roster and possibly a larger/more varied demand from you thirsty novelists.
Also; if anyone that didn't get their previous RP cut open like a arty (but would still like to) let me know; I shall do my best to tell you something you either don't know or didn't see (which isn't likely cause you're all crazy good).
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Post by Stuart Slane on Apr 29, 2020 7:05:03 GMT -5
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Addy A
CW/TV Champion
Posts: 254
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Post by Addy A on Apr 29, 2020 15:50:34 GMT -5
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Apr 29, 2020 21:13:34 GMT -5
Murky Motives aka Stuart Slane Talks out his AssOverall Thoughts:Alrighty, so I have to say that I found the piece quite a fun read. It introduces the current Staurt Slane and gives a bit of insight into his current situation; the feud witht he Reedys with a touch of the political touch was a nice partial seriousness that I felt went well with the absurdity PETS and the rest of his WCF days (cause let's face it; it was absurd lol). However, despite having a fair amount match relevence, I kind of felt like there was a very distinct lack of shoot. Needless to say; you can't properly shoot of every person in the HR, but it would have been nice if you had touched on a few more people than the 14 ( you still had 100 words left).The Breakdown:Part IHonestly, this is primarily the only part that I felt that I had an issue with as a reader and it started within the first paragraph. For whatever reason, the last few lines just didn't click straight away when I read them and it kind of felt like you missed an opprotunity. Granted that doesn't mean much when you take into consideration that my thought processes tend to be scattered about like rabbit trails.
Also, despite them being used with a certain purpose in mind, the merit badges kept me from being completely hooked until the second part. Part IIThis is the part that really hooked me as a reader. We have the continuation of event from part one and the introduction of the seriousness that will later balance the absurdity.Part IIIMore CD that transitions into more of a wrestling focus (generic feedback is generic). Sadly, there isn't much I feel that I need to say; it was good. THat's it and that's all it needs to be. (I'm terrible at his lol)Part IVAs I said above, there is a very distinct lacking in the shoot department. I'm not taking anything away from Slane's muffler chat (cause that wasentertaining), but it would have been nice if you had at least a couple more one-line mentions.Final Thoughts:As I already said; I found this piece to be entertaining and I hope you had as much fun writing it as I did reading it. Other then that; it's nice to see some more WCF faces that I have yet to see and GLHF!
GG WP M8
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