Post by raj banerjee wrestling fan on Jun 15, 2022 17:46:32 GMT -5
Energised by divine revelation after his previous failure to kindle the competitor in Raj ahead of his number 1 contenders match to the Cruiserweight Title, Pablo Tudor, Sage of Satori, is convinced he's on the right path now - hypnosis. We reopen in a dark room, illuminated only by crystals and pungent with incense fog. Pablo and Raj sit lotus style. The former periodically chimes a triangle.
"I address the Higher Self of Raj Banerjee. Are you with us?"
"i have munchees.can we order onion bhajis and watch chalenge???i marri cara maria sorbello 1 day."
"Shh! Become aware of your breathing. Visualize a tranquil beach, feel every sensation. At the sound of my voice, you are feeling... very... sleepy."
Raj snores, fast asleep already. Pablo chimes the triangle again and an ominous sensation pervades the room.
"Higher Self, come forth through the veil! We welcome you now!"
Raj's pupils are open, dilated. He convulses profusely before suddenly stopping, eerily still. He growls the following.
"I am not a Higher Self per se but I am the one who gets shit done. I will lead Raj to becoming the number 1 contender to Stephen Singh's Cruiserweight Title and there's not a damn thing Havoc, Leah Lincoln or even the legendary Teo Blaze can do to stop us."
"What is your purpose, oh divine spirit?"
"QUIET! You are so far off base."
He/it turns robotically to the camera.
"Havoc, I'm so glad the wolf emerged from the sheep's clothing. Least you're doing more than just huffing and puffing now... but you'll never blow this house down. Raj and you share three things - difficulties with women, the fuel of underestimation and a Golden Idolo shaped scalp. But this vessel I inhabit overcame these latter two obstacles in my very first match, yet you still toil with them 8 years in; scraping by with a paltry DQ victory when I put Vicente to bed, literally! Does it vex you to realise that the technical acumen you so gruellingly labored for yet FAILED to excavate from the Land of the Rising Sun, Raj Banerjee cultivated and perfected all from his maami's basement? Your moniker 'The Wanderer' truly does you justice - directionless, lost, pathetic."
"Lovely Leah, now we come to you... which Raj will probably do when he encounters you, by the way. But regardless of his pubescent emissions, ultimately you're just another bitch in the dog pound. You crawl along bleating about being a surprise package, waving the 'oppressed female' flag... understand this - Action Wrestling, unlike Raj, isn't virgin territory. They've been fucked by women before; you ain't no feminist icon primed to strap-on shaboink this place from behind."
"Legend has it, your nickname-sake, the 'Swamp Witch', old Hattie from the Bayou, survived off the fear her folklore fostered. Unlike her, your mythology's all too transparent and you're years behind on the Suffragette shit. Bottom line, you're still the same girl who had a nervous breakdown after kicking some creep's jaw in. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAA... shut up."
"Teo, on paper the greatest threat. Statistically most decorated Cruiserweight in history - 3 singles and 5 tag reigns. So why do you feel so... stagnant? In WCF and early AW, you wrestled for identity, oscillating between hero and villain, name changes, masks; a walking imposter syndrome. An inconsistent, teenage angsty scene kid."
"Today, you're settled in your skin. CruiserClash mainstay, Gent, comfortable, static. Congratulations. You deserve our respect... but what you really need is shaking up. What better way than to be pinned by a far from orthodox 18 year old 'superfan'? It's time to question who you are again, to have the rug swept from under those tired feet, to reignite the Blaze. I, Raj, will substitute your comfort zone for a raging kiln - either be reshaped like clay or burn to ashes!"
Quivering at the entity's hostile demeanour, Pablo consults a nearby book, reciting something.
"Foul demon, I command you, in the name of The Universe and All That Is... come OUT of this man!"
'Raj' laughs scornfully.
"OK dickhead, careful what you wish for..."
Suddenly Raj softens and returns to his regular dumbass self.
"sooo...onion bhajis???"
"I address the Higher Self of Raj Banerjee. Are you with us?"
"i have munchees.can we order onion bhajis and watch chalenge???i marri cara maria sorbello 1 day."
"Shh! Become aware of your breathing. Visualize a tranquil beach, feel every sensation. At the sound of my voice, you are feeling... very... sleepy."
Raj snores, fast asleep already. Pablo chimes the triangle again and an ominous sensation pervades the room.
"Higher Self, come forth through the veil! We welcome you now!"
Is anybody there? Please HELP ME! He's coming back... QUICK!!!! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
"I am not a Higher Self per se but I am the one who gets shit done. I will lead Raj to becoming the number 1 contender to Stephen Singh's Cruiserweight Title and there's not a damn thing Havoc, Leah Lincoln or even the legendary Teo Blaze can do to stop us."
"What is your purpose, oh divine spirit?"
"QUIET! You are so far off base."
He/it turns robotically to the camera.
"Havoc, I'm so glad the wolf emerged from the sheep's clothing. Least you're doing more than just huffing and puffing now... but you'll never blow this house down. Raj and you share three things - difficulties with women, the fuel of underestimation and a Golden Idolo shaped scalp. But this vessel I inhabit overcame these latter two obstacles in my very first match, yet you still toil with them 8 years in; scraping by with a paltry DQ victory when I put Vicente to bed, literally! Does it vex you to realise that the technical acumen you so gruellingly labored for yet FAILED to excavate from the Land of the Rising Sun, Raj Banerjee cultivated and perfected all from his maami's basement? Your moniker 'The Wanderer' truly does you justice - directionless, lost, pathetic."
"Lovely Leah, now we come to you... which Raj will probably do when he encounters you, by the way. But regardless of his pubescent emissions, ultimately you're just another bitch in the dog pound. You crawl along bleating about being a surprise package, waving the 'oppressed female' flag... understand this - Action Wrestling, unlike Raj, isn't virgin territory. They've been fucked by women before; you ain't no feminist icon primed to strap-on shaboink this place from behind."
"Legend has it, your nickname-sake, the 'Swamp Witch', old Hattie from the Bayou, survived off the fear her folklore fostered. Unlike her, your mythology's all too transparent and you're years behind on the Suffragette shit. Bottom line, you're still the same girl who had a nervous breakdown after kicking some creep's jaw in. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAA... shut up."
"Teo, on paper the greatest threat. Statistically most decorated Cruiserweight in history - 3 singles and 5 tag reigns. So why do you feel so... stagnant? In WCF and early AW, you wrestled for identity, oscillating between hero and villain, name changes, masks; a walking imposter syndrome. An inconsistent, teenage angsty scene kid."
"Today, you're settled in your skin. CruiserClash mainstay, Gent, comfortable, static. Congratulations. You deserve our respect... but what you really need is shaking up. What better way than to be pinned by a far from orthodox 18 year old 'superfan'? It's time to question who you are again, to have the rug swept from under those tired feet, to reignite the Blaze. I, Raj, will substitute your comfort zone for a raging kiln - either be reshaped like clay or burn to ashes!"
Quivering at the entity's hostile demeanour, Pablo consults a nearby book, reciting something.
"Foul demon, I command you, in the name of The Universe and All That Is... come OUT of this man!"
'Raj' laughs scornfully.
"OK dickhead, careful what you wish for..."
Suddenly Raj softens and returns to his regular dumbass self.
"sooo...onion bhajis???"