Learning to Fight Dirty: A Muddy Matchup! (2Gents: 1397)
Mar 28, 2021 21:26:04 GMT -5
Azurine Vebbins likes this
Post by Teo Blaze on Mar 28, 2021 21:26:04 GMT -5
“I think they’re ready for us in the training field! Come on, Jenson!”
The voice comes from Teo Blaze, who eagerly leaps towards a specially created training area with his best friend. They slam into a field of mud, sectioned off into fourths with simple cords. Each one is labelled with a sign featuring each of their opponent’s names.
As Teo leads his partner forward, they come to the first section of the mud pit, labelled “Pineapple Promenade”. Stepping over the cord, the Gents assume a fighting stance.
“Now, as I understand it, they’ve set it up so we will face something to prepare us for each opponent.”
“Sounds about righ-”
Before Teo can finish his thought, he trips, falling face first into the mud! He gurgles, turning around to see a large pig, rolling around in its own filth.
“I should have known! Pineapple Promenade are like a pair of fattened pigs!”
“Oh? Do tell.” Jenson's voice comes amidst the squealing.
“You know, Pigs used to be wild. Javelinas, warthogs, take your pick! Fierce, lean beasts who would give predators a run for their money! That’s what Pineapple Promenade was once. But oh no, not any longer!”
“Oh, I see! They had that wild, hungry energy when they were fighting for survival, but once they felt that tag team gold around their waist-”
“They immediately let themselves become fat on the glory! They went from being wild predators to bacon-in-training!”
Teo turns his waist as Jenson flips, and the pig flops onto its back. Teo grabs a length of rope, and within a moment, quite literally hogties the creature.
“It’s a shame, isn’t it? Such noble creatures now left to be gobbled up by the other animals. Those face-painted clowns made a quick meal of two girls who were otherwise on their way to being something respectable.”
“Speaking of which…”
Teo’s voice trails off as the Gents step into a new corral. This one is of course labelled for Cruiserclash’s newest additions, and despite being a single match in, they had already grabbed the spotlight.
“Well that first one wasn’t too bad.”
“Not unlike the team it represented. But what could possibly represent a team of clowns? This area looks practically empt-”
No sooner has the word left Jenson’s mouth than a large reptile leaps from the mud directly at him! Using the mud to camouflage itself, the Gents now find themselves confronting a crocodile!
“Oh no! Not my partner!” Teo says, tackling the scaly monster out of midair, with Jenson quickly grabbing it by the tail as the two put it in a combination headlock and bearhug!
“Camouflage! Exactly! This beast was using that mud like those two Juggalosers are using their face paint!”
“To underestimate the situation, to underestimate your foe!” Jenson says, punching the crocodile in the ribs.
“Exactly! It’s the exact trap that they used to beat Pineprom, isn’t it? A goofy facade distracts from the focus and intensity underneath!”
“So they’re tougher than they appear, eh? So how do we beat them?”
“Well you see,” Teo says, wrapping his legs around the Crocodiles mouth to hold it closed, “The trick here is to not fall for the smokescreen. To always be prepared. It’s all a distraction, a ruse! They count on people looking at them and seeing a pair of buffoons!”
A crocodile doesn’t want you to fight it fair. As big and as bad as they can be, they wait and attack people who aren’t ready. We might have fallen for it...except they overplayed their hand. And you know, when you’re used to fighting someone not taking you seriously, when you’re used to fighting people with their guard down? You don’t know what to do when someone is ready for you.”
As if to illustrate his point, Teo grabs another length of cord from Andre’s outstretched hand, and wraps it around the mouth of the crocodile, leaving it completely unable to open its mouth.
“In a fair fight, those who camouflage themselves always end up retreating back where they came from. You okay, buddy?”
“I’ll be okay after we finish and walk out of that mud pit with those belts on our shoulders. On to the next one!”
As the Gents step into the third square, labelled “Red White and Bruised”, they have barely had time to walk through the rope before a grimy looking man with a camera leaps forward, snapping pictures wildly.
“Oh, I get it. Red White and Bruised are nothing but a pair of mudslingers!”
“Damn straight!” Teo says, grabbing the camera out of the man’s hand, and using the strap to choke the hapless paparazzo.
“You know, I hate people who thrive on negativity.” Andre says, lining up a superkick.
“Oh believe me, I know. I’ve had so many matches with Karlie that I think that I could write a biography. Portrait of an egotist: The many failings of Red White and Bruised.”
“Well, I mean she does have that little church group of hers.”
“And New York has the Jets, what’s your point? Just because an organization exists, that doesn’t mean that they’re going to win a championship anytime soon. But that’s not how they see it. Spin, spin, spin. Sling that mud! Try and make everyone else look dirty and eventually you’ll look good by comparison, right?”
Pow! The sleazy photographer takes a 2Gents superkick right in the mush, falling backwards with an unceremonious plop.
“You know, they say we’ve been cozying up to management to get where we are.”
“Ha. Says the duo who’s gotten more tag title shots than anybody on the roster. If there’s anyone who’s been receiving favors, it’s damn sure not us.”
Only one to go. The gents slip gingerly into the last square...but as soon as they do, a large bubbling mass seems to erupt from the earth! With a squelch of terror, the Gents are confronted by a large, unidentifiable mass of living mud!
“Andre, what is-”
Teo barely has a chance to finish before Jenson has already leapt into the creatures mouth, standing on its tongue and using the Uvula like a speedbag!
“Teo, you can’t be afraid of the unknown! It doesn’t matter what it is, only that we defeat it!”
Teo gets a glint of excitement in his eye and quickly leaps onto it as well. The creature seems horrified by the fact that the Gents are not even slightly perturbed by its gruesome countenance.
“Sara Pettis reeks of desperation, doesn’t she?”
“Come on Teo, she’s just misguided”
“Yeah, misguided into what I would only describe as the worst mistake of her life. She went from being the success story of Cruiserclash, the world behind her, she achieved so much...and now she’s “Just another face in a crowd of monsters””
“You’ve got me there. I want to feel sympathy, but the fact is that she’s gone ahead and hitched her wagon to Void and Devil’s gate, so whatever consequences come are on her. Speaking of Void, what do you make of him?”
"Ha! Trying to make Void seem interesting is like trying to divide by Zero."
“I must say I agree. He’s had solid wins, but I’d rather he just walked out to the ring and challenged us. That whole smoke and mirrors and cloak thing, what was that?”
“A sad attempt at mind games, I’m afraid. I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t underestimate them in the singles division. But this is the Tag team Division, and this is our home! They needed us to be afraid so that we wouldn’t remember that they are still amateurs when it comes to being a team.”
“And mind games don’t work on the Gents! We would fight anyone!”
“Anywhere!”
“And any time!”
With that, the Gents leap from the creature’s maw, and it sinks back down into the bog. They turn and celebrate their success with a signature fist bump.
“Boy, Jim Mud really doesn’t want us as champions, does he?”
“Teo, when have we ever given a damn what Jim Mud wants?”
“Well said, buddy. Come on, let’s hit the showers. We’ve got a Match to win.”
“And let’s just see anyone try and stop us!”
With that, the Gents walk from the pit, leaving the representations of their opponents all lying and defeated in the background as the camera slowly fades.
The voice comes from Teo Blaze, who eagerly leaps towards a specially created training area with his best friend. They slam into a field of mud, sectioned off into fourths with simple cords. Each one is labelled with a sign featuring each of their opponent’s names.
As Teo leads his partner forward, they come to the first section of the mud pit, labelled “Pineapple Promenade”. Stepping over the cord, the Gents assume a fighting stance.
“Now, as I understand it, they’ve set it up so we will face something to prepare us for each opponent.”
“Sounds about righ-”
Before Teo can finish his thought, he trips, falling face first into the mud! He gurgles, turning around to see a large pig, rolling around in its own filth.
“I should have known! Pineapple Promenade are like a pair of fattened pigs!”
“Oh? Do tell.” Jenson's voice comes amidst the squealing.
“You know, Pigs used to be wild. Javelinas, warthogs, take your pick! Fierce, lean beasts who would give predators a run for their money! That’s what Pineapple Promenade was once. But oh no, not any longer!”
“Oh, I see! They had that wild, hungry energy when they were fighting for survival, but once they felt that tag team gold around their waist-”
“They immediately let themselves become fat on the glory! They went from being wild predators to bacon-in-training!”
Teo turns his waist as Jenson flips, and the pig flops onto its back. Teo grabs a length of rope, and within a moment, quite literally hogties the creature.
“It’s a shame, isn’t it? Such noble creatures now left to be gobbled up by the other animals. Those face-painted clowns made a quick meal of two girls who were otherwise on their way to being something respectable.”
“Speaking of which…”
Teo’s voice trails off as the Gents step into a new corral. This one is of course labelled for Cruiserclash’s newest additions, and despite being a single match in, they had already grabbed the spotlight.
“Well that first one wasn’t too bad.”
“Not unlike the team it represented. But what could possibly represent a team of clowns? This area looks practically empt-”
No sooner has the word left Jenson’s mouth than a large reptile leaps from the mud directly at him! Using the mud to camouflage itself, the Gents now find themselves confronting a crocodile!
“Oh no! Not my partner!” Teo says, tackling the scaly monster out of midair, with Jenson quickly grabbing it by the tail as the two put it in a combination headlock and bearhug!
“Camouflage! Exactly! This beast was using that mud like those two Juggalosers are using their face paint!”
“To underestimate the situation, to underestimate your foe!” Jenson says, punching the crocodile in the ribs.
“Exactly! It’s the exact trap that they used to beat Pineprom, isn’t it? A goofy facade distracts from the focus and intensity underneath!”
“So they’re tougher than they appear, eh? So how do we beat them?”
“Well you see,” Teo says, wrapping his legs around the Crocodiles mouth to hold it closed, “The trick here is to not fall for the smokescreen. To always be prepared. It’s all a distraction, a ruse! They count on people looking at them and seeing a pair of buffoons!”
A crocodile doesn’t want you to fight it fair. As big and as bad as they can be, they wait and attack people who aren’t ready. We might have fallen for it...except they overplayed their hand. And you know, when you’re used to fighting someone not taking you seriously, when you’re used to fighting people with their guard down? You don’t know what to do when someone is ready for you.”
As if to illustrate his point, Teo grabs another length of cord from Andre’s outstretched hand, and wraps it around the mouth of the crocodile, leaving it completely unable to open its mouth.
“In a fair fight, those who camouflage themselves always end up retreating back where they came from. You okay, buddy?”
“I’ll be okay after we finish and walk out of that mud pit with those belts on our shoulders. On to the next one!”
As the Gents step into the third square, labelled “Red White and Bruised”, they have barely had time to walk through the rope before a grimy looking man with a camera leaps forward, snapping pictures wildly.
“Oh, I get it. Red White and Bruised are nothing but a pair of mudslingers!”
“Damn straight!” Teo says, grabbing the camera out of the man’s hand, and using the strap to choke the hapless paparazzo.
“You know, I hate people who thrive on negativity.” Andre says, lining up a superkick.
“Oh believe me, I know. I’ve had so many matches with Karlie that I think that I could write a biography. Portrait of an egotist: The many failings of Red White and Bruised.”
“Well, I mean she does have that little church group of hers.”
“And New York has the Jets, what’s your point? Just because an organization exists, that doesn’t mean that they’re going to win a championship anytime soon. But that’s not how they see it. Spin, spin, spin. Sling that mud! Try and make everyone else look dirty and eventually you’ll look good by comparison, right?”
Pow! The sleazy photographer takes a 2Gents superkick right in the mush, falling backwards with an unceremonious plop.
“You know, they say we’ve been cozying up to management to get where we are.”
“Ha. Says the duo who’s gotten more tag title shots than anybody on the roster. If there’s anyone who’s been receiving favors, it’s damn sure not us.”
Only one to go. The gents slip gingerly into the last square...but as soon as they do, a large bubbling mass seems to erupt from the earth! With a squelch of terror, the Gents are confronted by a large, unidentifiable mass of living mud!
“Andre, what is-”
Teo barely has a chance to finish before Jenson has already leapt into the creatures mouth, standing on its tongue and using the Uvula like a speedbag!
“Teo, you can’t be afraid of the unknown! It doesn’t matter what it is, only that we defeat it!”
Teo gets a glint of excitement in his eye and quickly leaps onto it as well. The creature seems horrified by the fact that the Gents are not even slightly perturbed by its gruesome countenance.
“Sara Pettis reeks of desperation, doesn’t she?”
“Come on Teo, she’s just misguided”
“Yeah, misguided into what I would only describe as the worst mistake of her life. She went from being the success story of Cruiserclash, the world behind her, she achieved so much...and now she’s “Just another face in a crowd of monsters””
“You’ve got me there. I want to feel sympathy, but the fact is that she’s gone ahead and hitched her wagon to Void and Devil’s gate, so whatever consequences come are on her. Speaking of Void, what do you make of him?”
"Ha! Trying to make Void seem interesting is like trying to divide by Zero."
“I must say I agree. He’s had solid wins, but I’d rather he just walked out to the ring and challenged us. That whole smoke and mirrors and cloak thing, what was that?”
“A sad attempt at mind games, I’m afraid. I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t underestimate them in the singles division. But this is the Tag team Division, and this is our home! They needed us to be afraid so that we wouldn’t remember that they are still amateurs when it comes to being a team.”
“And mind games don’t work on the Gents! We would fight anyone!”
“Anywhere!”
“And any time!”
With that, the Gents leap from the creature’s maw, and it sinks back down into the bog. They turn and celebrate their success with a signature fist bump.
“Boy, Jim Mud really doesn’t want us as champions, does he?”
“Teo, when have we ever given a damn what Jim Mud wants?”
“Well said, buddy. Come on, let’s hit the showers. We’ve got a Match to win.”
“And let’s just see anyone try and stop us!”
With that, the Gents walk from the pit, leaving the representations of their opponents all lying and defeated in the background as the camera slowly fades.