The Finale to CruiserClash
Spayde Martinez Gets Her Opponent
Jimmy Garcia: We still have yet to see any sight of the former Cruiserweight Champion, Miss Mae, and we are nearing the end of the evening!
J.J. Biggs: I don’t know why this was such a huge surprise to you, Jimmy! Spayde laid out the challenge last week, wanting to grant her the rematch she doesn’t even deserve, and that little pipsqueak wants nothing to do with it!
Jimmy Garcia: Give it a rest, man. We still have some time! She’s gonna accept, I can feel it!
Ace of Spades” by Motorhead hits the PA and the cameras search the arena looking for the AW Cruiserweight and Women’s Champion.
J.J. Biggs: You were saying?? How many times does Spayde have to come out here and address the audience? How many times does she have to lay her balls on the table and how many times will Mae duck for cover?
Jimmy Garcia: Well this is truly unfortunate. I really thought we’d see Mae out here to accept. I’m so disappointed.
They eventually come to discover Spayde Martinez making her way through the crowd. Spayde jumps the security railing and climbs into the ring. Slung over her shoulder is her beautiful and extravagant title belt unlike any belt in Action Wrestling with a large women’s empowerment symbol - ♀️ - embossed in a flat black against the silver and gold of the belt’s metal plate. Wrapped around her waist is the Cruiserweight Championship. Spayde slides under the bottom rope of the ring and calls for a microphone.
Spayde Martinez: Where the fuck is this b—
A voice erupts over the loudspeakers, interrupting her.
Jimmy Garcia: OH MY GOD!!!!1
J.J. Biggs: President Biden! He’s here! A week before we descend upon the White House lawn!
Jimmy Garcia: I don’t think he’s actually here, J.J.
J.J. Biggs: He is! I thought I’d seen some secret service agents! We saw that idiot Mae staring at an empty seat in the RV. Did those dummies pick up THE PRESIDENT?!
J.J. Biggs immediately gets to his feet and places a hand on his heart. The arena is in hysterics as Spayde Martinez is completely fuming at the interruption. But the laughter turns to cheers as the sound of “Running Up That Hill” by Placebo slowly cascades over the loudspeakers!
Jimmy Garcia: She’s here! Mae is here!
The curtain slowly draws open and Mae’s golden hair pokes out, and she nervously enters the arena, her eyes drawn towards the ring as Spayde is seething like rabid wolverine. She wants Mae to come to the ring right now! But Mae shakes her head ‘no’.
Spayde Martinez: Let’s go, you little bitch!
Mae winces at the harsh insult.
Miss Mae: I told you already, Spayde. I don’t want to fight you. I just… I can’t. Believe me, there’s nothing I appreciated more than holding that Cruiserweight Championship. But I can’t hold it like you do. Like you will. I’m not going to fight you now... or at Revolution.
Jimmy Garcia: This is heartbreaking!
J.J. Biggs: What have I been saying all along?? She’s a sham!
Jimmy Garcia: You’ve gotta appreciate that she has the courage to admit it, J.J.!
J.J. Biggs: Admit what? That she’s an anorexic, drug addict coward??
Jimmy Garcia: Christ, J.J.!
Miss Mae: You are going to be an excellent Cruiserweight Champion, and I’m not going to stand in your way.
Spayde Martinez just laughs at the embarrassing display.
Miss Mae: My shoulder is wrecked from your arm-hold thing two weeks ago.
J.J. Biggs: Stop making excuses! Just go back to whatever meth house you crawled out of!
Miss Mae: So I can’t fight you.
The fans are starting to boo now.
Miss Mae: But someone else will! Maybe it’s my good friend…
“Kings and Queens” by Ava Max hits the speakers and the tron shows the name “Little Miss 201” Vivian Rae Jade! She hops out on to the stage with an infectious enthusiasm but Spayde Martinez is just smirking at her.
Spayde Martinez: That the best you got? I’ve already beat the fuck out of each of you before. Both of you could line up across from me at the same time and I’d still fucking murder you.
Vivian doesn’t let the disrespect dull her energy. She grabs the microphone from Mae.
Vivian Rae Jade: Yeah, Spayde. You’re a big bad bitch... So much stronger than everyone else in the game... We all bow down and quake in fear --
Mae nods her head.
Vivian Rae Jade: I’m being sarcastic. C’mon Mae, we’re going to get you a spine!
Spayde Martinez: This is such a waste of fucking time. You spineless little girls don’t have what it takes to…
Mae interrupts.
Miss Mae: Relax, Spayde. Patience!
Spayde’s face washes over with rage at the rude interruption.
Vivian Rae Jade: Unfortunately, it won’t be me who takes that belt off of you. Like Mae here, you’ve also put me out of commission for a while. Instead, how about a woman who doesn’t lose matches!
Miss Mae: At least, not anymore.
Vivian Rae Jade: Come on out!
Our Last Night’s “Look What You Made Me Do” shakes the arena, and the fans rise with the arrival of the Child of Fate, Sara Pettis!
Jimmy Garcia: Oh this could be just the woman for the job!
J.J. Biggs: I’ve got to admit, Sara Pettis and Spayde Martinez would be money!
Jimmy Garcia: This explains the road trip! They have been concocting this three-headed assault on the dual-champion, and we’re all here for it!
J.J. Biggs: You love to see it! Of course, Mae and Rae are too cowardly to do something themselves, but they’ve enlisted the help of the ultimate survivor!
Sara Pettis jumps onto the stage and pats her girls on the back as Spayde, once again, looks totally fucking annoyed and unimpressed.
Spayde Martinez: The best you can wrangle up is this bitch with a dead husband who lost every match she was in last year? This is seriously the best you can do?
The fans pelt Spayde with boos at the mention of Raging Dead RIP. Sara Pettis doesn’t let the blow phase her. She is handed the microphone. She gives Spayde a sarcastic golf clap, then holds up the mic.
Sara Pettis: Ladies and gentlemen... give it up for your dual-champion... Broken Record Martinez!
The fans laugh, as does the trio of friends.
Sara Pettis: Yes, Spayde... my husband is dead... and I lost every single match last year. Next you're going to tell me that I'm washed up, a has-been, a joke. Follow that up with how I'm weak and I should just stay home so my daughter doesn't end up an orphan. Try harder, honey. I've heard it all before. I've taken more hits in the ring than you've taken in the alley you crawled out of.
A collective "ooohhh" fills the arena.
Sara Pettis: Look at all you've achieved here in Action Wrestling... and you take it all for granted. You think that because you've got bigger balls than the men of this roster... that you're just going to walk all over us. Your time is almost up, Spayde. The fight of your life is coming... and you're going to fall so hard they'll call you Miss McGregor.
Spayde Martinez is angrily challenging them to come down to the ring now! And much to everyone’s surprise, all three of them starting marching forward in unison! They’re about halfway down the ramp, and Spayde wants them all! Three on one, it doesn’t matter!
Miss Mae: Wait.
The halt sends a hush over the arena.
Miss Mae: This is what she wants. This isn’t what any of us want. This isn’t what everyone in this arena wants.
Everyone is confused now; the commentators are silent. The fans are taking in every word she’s saying. Vivian and Sara look confused as well.
Miss Mae: You’ll make a great Cruiserweight Champion, Spayde. But here’s the thing — You don’t deserve to hold… the WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP.
SPAYDE MARTINEZ IS FUCKING FOAMING AT THE MOUTH NOW!
Miss Mae: We’ve got something else in mind.
THE THREE LADIES TURN THEIR ATTENTION FROM SPAYDE… TO THE TOP OF THE ENTRANCE STAGE.
OVER THE LOUDSPEAKERS, THE SOUND IS CLEAR AS DAY.
THEY KNOW THIS VOICE.
THEY KNOW THIS INTRODUCTION.
“I’m the baaaaaaad guy…”
Jimmy Garcia: Oh my god…
J.J. Biggs: THIS IS UNREAL!
THE BIGGEST FUCKING POP.
THE ARENA FUCKING EXPLODES.
THE TRON LIGHTS UP.
Jimmy Garcia: I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! IT’S BEEN TWO MONTHS SINCE WE LAST SAW LISSIE HOPE IN AN ACTION WRESTLING RING…
J.J. Biggs: ...AND THE FIRST TIME WE’VE EVER SEEN HER ON CRUISERCLASH!
THE FANS ARE COMPLETELY GOING APESHIT AS THE CURTAIN SPREADS OPEN, AND ON THE ENTRANCE STAGE, THERE SHE STANDS!
Jimmy Garcia: THE TWO-TIME WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! THE TWO-TIME AW WOMAN OF THE YEAR! SHE'S BACK!
J.J. Biggs: THIS IS THE BIGGEST NAME THAT COULD SLOW DOWN THE MOST DOMINANT WOMAN IN THE HISTORY OF CRUISERCLASH!
Jimmy Garcia: THE QUEEN OF CRUISERCLASH… MEET THE HEROINE OF ACTION WRESTLING!
LISSIE HOPE STANDS AT THE TOP OF THE ENTRANCE STAGE! HER ARMY OF SUPPORTERS STAND HALFWAY DOWN THE RAMP! SPAYDE MARTINEZ IS STARING DAGGERS AT THE RETURNING LISSIE! AND LISSIE DOESN'T NEED TO SAY A FUCKING WORD... THE STAGE IS SET, THE TENSION IS THROUGH THE FUCKING ROOF!
Jimmy Garcia: AND DID I HEAR THIS CORRECTLY… THIS IS GOING TO BE FOR THE WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP!??
J.J. Biggs: I BELIEVE SO, JIMMY!
Jimmy Garcia: WE ARE OUT OF TIME! WHAT A WAY TO SEND US OFF TO REVOLUTION! LIVE, THIS SUNDAY FROM THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN!
J.J. Biggs: SPAYDE MARTINEZ! LISSIE HOPE! THE WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP ON THE LINE! THE BIGGEST MATCH IN CRUISERCLASH HISTORY!
Jimmy Garcia: SEE YOU THEN FOLKS!
The screen fades to black with split shots of Lissie and Spayde’s faces!