The Fox Report 01 04: A friendly PSA
Jan 24, 2021 14:37:28 GMT -5
CJ Phoenix and Stuart Slane like this
Post by Tsukiko on Jan 24, 2021 14:37:28 GMT -5
The camera fades in to reveal the Fox Report's retro 1980's cheesy glory. However, the expected Anchor was not present; Lyan Rogan was nowhere to be seen! Instead, perhaps disappointedly, there was Ryan Logan standing before the iconic desk; dressed as if she were heading to a baseball game.
"What's up CrusierClash true believers? It's ya gurl, Ryan Logan, here to bring ya the straight shootin' smack that you have all come to love. However, as you can see, we're takin' a bit of a backseat on the antics so that we can address a VERY important matter.
Like, it's SUPER SERIOUS.
Ya see, there has been a recent influx of those "I-DON'T-HOW-TO-WRESTLE-BUT-IMMA-WRESTLE" types of people over the last year or so. Now, I'm all for that type of thing; you do you. However, the issue I have is when the "gimmicks"; that's a fancy wrestling term; people overlap and basically become the same. For example, there were about four or five people that came into Action Wrestling with the whole "TRUST-FUND-BABY-BUT-IMMA-BAD-BITCH" shtick and there was only one that was a success.
Even then she wasn't very successful, I guess?"
Trailing off, the Fox Friend's voice drifted off until it was barely audible. Then, almost impatiently, the sound of two hard knocks could be heard; instantly bring Ryan back to reality.
"OH!
Right, back to what I was saying; the flood of these types has become somewhat troubling and we here at the Fox Report would like to issue a Public Service Announcement."
"Seriously, just stop it with the carbon copy crap. Because it leads to people like Regan Vorhees appearin' and thinkin' that they're the next big thing in the wrestling business when they haven't an effin' clue what's the deal between those ropes. Like, they're so deluded in their thought processes that they ACTUALLY believe that money can buy the things needed to be successful in this business; experience and REAL determination.
I mean, for [bleeep] sake people!"
Taking a moment to calm herself, Ryan rubbed her temples.
"Ya know what? [bleep] it, I'll just talk straight to the clueless cooter herself.
Listen, Regan; we get that you're some rich girl that thinks wrestling will be your form of The Most Dangerous Game, but ya gotta understand that you're gonna need to do better than flauntin' your daddy's money on those tasteless vignettes. Instead of trying to hide it, just embrace your twelve-toe inbred nature and just run with it. After all, we already know that you have a peculiar penchant for porkin' piggie peen on the family farm whenever you get the chance. So just drop the bullshit pleasantries and be the stereotypical redneck cunt you were born to be.
Cause that false attitude of yours is going to get the shit beat outta ya.
Unlike you, my girl Tsu is the REAL effin' deal when it comes to fightin' and going to war. Last week, against Keeton, that was only a glimpse of what the Shimmering Kitsune can do and I can promise ya that'll it'll be more clear that she is the TOP woman on CruiserClash as the year goes on. Plus, unlike you, she has already won championship gold outside of Action Wrestling and it's only a matter of time until she claims some more.
These scrubs are on the clock an' they don't even know it!
More importantly, Voorwhoore, Tsukiko is unlike YOU.
Tsu is a FIGHTER.
Tsu is a WARRIOR.
Tsu will continue to compete until the VERY breath from her lungs is completely gone. Yet, despite her vastly superior fightin' spirit, she isn't one to look down on others just cause they're different. It doesn't matter to her what her opponent's financial situation is or what ethnic background they're born from; she'll fight them and treat them with the RESPECT that a warrior deserves.
Cause that's who Tsu IS.
So go ahead Reggie, film your silly video and continue lookin' down on people. Just know, that once you step into that ring, you're steppin' into a fight with a woman that has more determination and experience than you'll ever have.”
Popping up from behind the desk, Tsukiko smiled.
"BOOM!"