Journey to the End of the East Bay
Jan 19, 2021 2:39:55 GMT -5
Lissie Hope, Stuart Slane, and 1 more like this
Post by Johnny Bacchus on Jan 19, 2021 2:39:55 GMT -5
Kat put her face in her hands, her fingers massaging her temples. She’d taken her red-framed cat’s-eye glasses off and placed them on the industrial spool serving as a coffee table, her eyes closed in exasperation as her lips parted with a groaning voice.
“So… again. You applied to be an actor on that stupid fucking wrestling show you force us to watch every week.”
Johnny’s grin was like a Cheshire, turning so his legs kicked over the back of the fabric couch and his head hung upside-down.
“Not an actor – no. Wrestler.”
“You have no athletic skills! No formal training!”
“Irrelevant! And we were gonna go to D.C. to get a slice of the action anyway.”
Kat motioned towards him, her fingers splaying before coming together in two accusing jabs in his direction.
“No. You were gonna go to D.C. to 'bash the Fash'. I told you I didn’t feel like getting teargassed by Army or shot by some CHUD with a death wish.”
“Alex, you wanna come?”
The third member looked up as he set the mail on the spool, his own sorted letters clutched in his hand. “As funny that sounds, I can watch you get your ass kicked from the couch,” he said with a shrug as he headed off towards the kitchen, “But good luck!”
Johnny’s Doc Martens kicked into the air until he twisted to an upright position. “Well, fine,” he shrugged, “if nobody’s gonna support me, I’m going to the alley to record my promo.”
Kate groaned, her hands raising to run through her blonde locks.
“The fuck is a promo?”
“Is that like when Hulk Hogan would do a bunch of cocaine and scream at the interviewer?
Johnny’s hand shot up in a finger-gun, aimed towards the kitchen where Alex’s voice had just resonated.
“Alex, c’mon! I need someone to hold the camera!”
“Oh hell yeah.”
As Alex darted across the room and followed Johnny out the door, Kat stood up and crossed the room. It was eighteen days in, and she was breaking Dry January.
Imma keep it one hundo: I’m in deep. See, when you’re on Unemployment, every week you gotta fill out this little form that says “I looked for work” and they ask you to list everywhere you applied. So, like, you can just lie, but sometimes they audit it, especially because all the geriatrics in Marin that COVID hasn’t gotten to keep screaming about welfare fraud. So, ya know, send in a few applications you have no intention of showing up to the interview for – no harm, no foul, yeah? And, bro, I honestly kinda fuckin’ love this show, so I thought it’d be a good bit.
Well… surprise!
I mean, I totally signed the contract immediately. Like, c’mon, why the fuck wouldn’t I? It’s like a thousand bucks for a basic match or something, and what’s the worst that could happen? I’m here thinking like: it’s your first week, they’ll give you Andrew Stone or something.
#NAH -> #VSFORTUNE -> #VSPARK -> #FML
(That’s that Z homage. Go ahead and sue me coward I am so broke.)
And just when I thought I’d made my AW Week One Checklist, now I gotta revise it:
Don’t make eye contact with Circe Cicero while eating ham at catering
Make eye contact with Officer Marsh while eating ham at catering
Take picture with Dandy doing the Following hand sign
Take discrete picture of Ash Blake’s feet
Pantomime blow-job motions at Cassidy Adler
Give Julian Parks his Fischer-Price My First L
- First things first: I wanna pet your dog. It looks like a good boy.
- Second, congrats my man – it ain’t nothing to sneeze at putting down Jayson Price.
Nah, just some kid they dragged in off the streets.
Well, train that keen eye on this: I ain’t a picture on your dartboard, and your ass ain’t pinning me. You can be motivated, but I’m hungry like The Wolf, too. And that undefeated record’s about to disappear like it was handed to Fortune.
Get it? Because he’s a magician who makes things disappear, but he’s just kinda crapped the bed so far. You get it, right?
Here’s my magic words: please don’t get too mad when you get owned. That’s just Socialism under Biden.
“So, how’d that sound?”
Alex looked from Johnny to his phone screen and frowned.
“Ah, shit, I forgot to set it to video. It just took a picture, I didn’t get anything.”