Post by T.F.K. on May 10, 2018 20:52:46 GMT -5
The Cutting Room Floor:
The godlike camera comes to life and in walks a clown of sorts, one from some seedy part of Michigan most likely. He chugs a bottle of Orange Faygo and steps onto the stage in front of the camera.
(TFK)
Hello, sir, what's your name?
The clown man adjusts his chained collar that hangs out a bit from his ICP hot topic gear.
(Unhinged Jay)
It's ya boy Unhinged Jay here.
Thad pulls out a notebook and jots down a few notes.
(TFK)
Okay… Looks like you're reading for the part of Tatters the Tantalizing…
(Unhinged Jay)
Nah, your boy Unhinged Jay has 40 kids bro, I gotta get that big check to play Roy Speede.
Thad looks to the godlike camera which looks at him, they shake in unison and then they both look back to Jay.
(TFK)
Umm… Right, well that's definitely not your star caliber, you're more like a Karlie Nash or an Adam Young… Sooo, how aboutcha just read for Tatters and save us all the headache?
Jay shrugs and adjusts his jelly bracelets.
(TFK)
So Jay, I'm going to ask for your best ad libbing here… I'm going to throw some things at you and ask for you to deliver your best lines based off what I give you. Understand?
Jay nods.
(TFK)
You are a clown, a sideshow freak of sorts and you have a hetero life mate named Muffins… You seem off putting to our younger viewers and your star power has been locked up in the 201 and fun division for obvious reasons.
(Unhinged Jay)
Your boy Tatters here and I've been a slave to that 201 division for longer than I needed to be because it's the sideshow’s time and we are coming to Havoc to let the freaks rise.
Jay throws his hands up.
(Unhinged Jay)
Nah, that ain't me, I'm hardcore from the streets of Detroit boy! I'm not a damn clown! I'm the realest of real!
Thad hand gestures a cut to the camera.
(TFK)
I'm not letting this tool hijack my camera for nonsense.
The camera fades abruptly.
in walks Jaleel White (Jay Frost).
(Jaleel White)
Heya, Thad, thanks for taking my call to be one of your auditionist…
Thad nods.
(TFK)
I see your auditioning for one of those 201 and fun joke wrestlers...
Jaleel goes to talk but Thad cuts him off.
(TFK)
Truth be told, i don't think you need to audition, Steve. Your career has had bigger highlights than anything Jay Frost has done and that's saying something since he held that 201 title… But being a king of the dipshits doesn't really mean anything, does it, man?
(Jaleel White)
Well the name's Jaleel, not Steve and sure I've accomplished a bit more than Jay has, but…
(TFK)
Jay should simply feel honored that you even wanted the part… True story, but I'm glad you stopped by. Maybe you can contact my dad about his Taboo Family Matters reimagining that he's going to be filming next month… Imagine the buyrates on a cameo of THEE Steve Urkel.
The camera abruptly fades out to the next tryout, which is Fabio (Rose) standing in a halter top.
(TFK)
NO! NEXT!
Fabio doesn't even get a chance to speak and we fade out again.
The godlike camera comes to life and in walks a clown of sorts, one from some seedy part of Michigan most likely. He chugs a bottle of Orange Faygo and steps onto the stage in front of the camera.
(TFK)
Hello, sir, what's your name?
The clown man adjusts his chained collar that hangs out a bit from his ICP hot topic gear.
(Unhinged Jay)
It's ya boy Unhinged Jay here.
Thad pulls out a notebook and jots down a few notes.
(TFK)
Okay… Looks like you're reading for the part of Tatters the Tantalizing…
(Unhinged Jay)
Nah, your boy Unhinged Jay has 40 kids bro, I gotta get that big check to play Roy Speede.
Thad looks to the godlike camera which looks at him, they shake in unison and then they both look back to Jay.
(TFK)
Umm… Right, well that's definitely not your star caliber, you're more like a Karlie Nash or an Adam Young… Sooo, how aboutcha just read for Tatters and save us all the headache?
Jay shrugs and adjusts his jelly bracelets.
(TFK)
So Jay, I'm going to ask for your best ad libbing here… I'm going to throw some things at you and ask for you to deliver your best lines based off what I give you. Understand?
Jay nods.
(TFK)
You are a clown, a sideshow freak of sorts and you have a hetero life mate named Muffins… You seem off putting to our younger viewers and your star power has been locked up in the 201 and fun division for obvious reasons.
(Unhinged Jay)
Your boy Tatters here and I've been a slave to that 201 division for longer than I needed to be because it's the sideshow’s time and we are coming to Havoc to let the freaks rise.
Jay throws his hands up.
(Unhinged Jay)
Nah, that ain't me, I'm hardcore from the streets of Detroit boy! I'm not a damn clown! I'm the realest of real!
Thad hand gestures a cut to the camera.
(TFK)
I'm not letting this tool hijack my camera for nonsense.
The camera fades abruptly.
in walks Jaleel White (Jay Frost).
(Jaleel White)
Heya, Thad, thanks for taking my call to be one of your auditionist…
Thad nods.
(TFK)
I see your auditioning for one of those 201 and fun joke wrestlers...
Jaleel goes to talk but Thad cuts him off.
(TFK)
Truth be told, i don't think you need to audition, Steve. Your career has had bigger highlights than anything Jay Frost has done and that's saying something since he held that 201 title… But being a king of the dipshits doesn't really mean anything, does it, man?
(Jaleel White)
Well the name's Jaleel, not Steve and sure I've accomplished a bit more than Jay has, but…
(TFK)
Jay should simply feel honored that you even wanted the part… True story, but I'm glad you stopped by. Maybe you can contact my dad about his Taboo Family Matters reimagining that he's going to be filming next month… Imagine the buyrates on a cameo of THEE Steve Urkel.
The camera abruptly fades out to the next tryout, which is Fabio (Rose) standing in a halter top.
(TFK)
NO! NEXT!
Fabio doesn't even get a chance to speak and we fade out again.