Post by Azurine Vebbins on Jan 3, 2021 23:55:45 GMT -5
Her promotional material opens with CruiserClash’s cutest, crimson-curled, combat choreographer Azurine Vebbins hosting a mock pub quiz. The “contestants” appear to be members of her extended family, mostly aunts, uncles, and two grandparents. Uncle Ulfred captains one team along with his brother Turi and Grandpa Preston Oscar. Meanwhile, the opposing team is led by Aunt Euphoria, Aunt June, and Grandma Lorraine. As for who's running the answer board? Well, it's the eclectic, electric eccentric who officiated her wedding last year: Uncle "Rev" Reverend Evander Vebbins.
Azurine Vebbins: Assertive aloha and attentive ahoy as we proudly play Poltroon Ploy! I’m your hostess wid da homely toast-est: Azurine Vebbins. Tonight’s chronically-condensed game revolves around a sin’le tidbit of trivia concernin’ da comin’ Cruiserweight Tag Championship celebration of Pineapple Promenade. As for who’s competin’ here at dis luxurious location? It’s Ulfred’s Ulcers versus Euphoria’s Exaltations! Top rhetorical’s on da board.
Ulfred Vebbins: Was one ulcer. One time. An ordered steel chair hit went sideways. Like I’d tell your Uncle Turi before he’d chicken out: always aim between da blades.
Turi Vebbins: Dat’s as high as I could swin’ one, Ulfred. Unless I held a pool cue, piñata stick, or cardboard tube, deyr’s no way I’m connectin’ wid someone’s external occipital protuberance.
Ulfred Vebbins: Nowadays, wouldn’t dat be an immediate disqualification?
*BADONK!*
Preston Oscar Vebbins: Well, dat was absolutely askin’ nice, boys.
Azurine Vebbins: Unfortunately, Uncle Ulfred, dat isn’t da number one response. Control of da board converts to Euphoria’s Exaltations. Also, ample appreciations for churchin’ dat up, Grandpa.
Lorraine Vebbins: Are Pineapple Promenade too glamorous for grapplin’?
June Vebbins: What size bowlin’ shoe does Teo Blaze wear?
Azurine Vebbins: You can go wid eider of dose queries or one of your own, Aunt Euphoria.
Euphoria Vebbins: Who’s da dastard duo gettin’ knocked on deyr duffs by pinfall?
Reverend Evander cues canned audio of hens clucking.
Azurine Vebbins: Dat audio file loopin’ indicates da fun and games portion of dis promotional material has mercifully ended. Members of Euphoria’s Exaltations will receive a prepared spaghetti dinner tomorrow night from Ulfred’s Ulcers. Speakin’ of spaghetti, Andre Jenson as well as Teo Blaze probably believe da gorgeous gams belongin’ to Nidrah and myself should gyrate dat way. We’ll bode just get weak in da knees when a couple dull, drab doorknobs come knockin’, right? Wrong. Only din’ gettin’ polished Monday night’s will be da Action Wrestlin’ Cruiserweight Tag Championships expertly earned by Pineapple Promenade. You may claim we’re too pretty. However, da real beauty comes from bumpin’ for someone proud enough to call me her partner. What’s actually gorgeous and gratifyin’? Knowin’ da gruelin’ grind of every grapplin’ session was not in vain. Den again, you could claim my dance partner and I are midcard muck-ups who won’t make dose straps special. Wrong again, you buncha babblin’ Bob Barkers. When I slip dat Cruiserweight Tag strap onto Nidrah’s whimsical waist...chanters everywhere will blare some familiar Foreigner since it “Feels Like Da First Time.” Plus, unlike you two doldrums, she brin’s da flash and I brin’ da pan.
Azurine Vebbins ends her spiel by flambéing a tuxedo shirt inside a nearby wok.
Azurine Vebbins: Assertive aloha and attentive ahoy as we proudly play Poltroon Ploy! I’m your hostess wid da homely toast-est: Azurine Vebbins. Tonight’s chronically-condensed game revolves around a sin’le tidbit of trivia concernin’ da comin’ Cruiserweight Tag Championship celebration of Pineapple Promenade. As for who’s competin’ here at dis luxurious location? It’s Ulfred’s Ulcers versus Euphoria’s Exaltations! Top rhetorical’s on da board.
Ulfred Vebbins: Was one ulcer. One time. An ordered steel chair hit went sideways. Like I’d tell your Uncle Turi before he’d chicken out: always aim between da blades.
Turi Vebbins: Dat’s as high as I could swin’ one, Ulfred. Unless I held a pool cue, piñata stick, or cardboard tube, deyr’s no way I’m connectin’ wid someone’s external occipital protuberance.
Ulfred Vebbins: Nowadays, wouldn’t dat be an immediate disqualification?
*BADONK!*
Preston Oscar Vebbins: Well, dat was absolutely askin’ nice, boys.
Azurine Vebbins: Unfortunately, Uncle Ulfred, dat isn’t da number one response. Control of da board converts to Euphoria’s Exaltations. Also, ample appreciations for churchin’ dat up, Grandpa.
Lorraine Vebbins: Are Pineapple Promenade too glamorous for grapplin’?
June Vebbins: What size bowlin’ shoe does Teo Blaze wear?
Azurine Vebbins: You can go wid eider of dose queries or one of your own, Aunt Euphoria.
Euphoria Vebbins: Who’s da dastard duo gettin’ knocked on deyr duffs by pinfall?
Reverend Evander cues canned audio of hens clucking.
Azurine Vebbins: Dat audio file loopin’ indicates da fun and games portion of dis promotional material has mercifully ended. Members of Euphoria’s Exaltations will receive a prepared spaghetti dinner tomorrow night from Ulfred’s Ulcers. Speakin’ of spaghetti, Andre Jenson as well as Teo Blaze probably believe da gorgeous gams belongin’ to Nidrah and myself should gyrate dat way. We’ll bode just get weak in da knees when a couple dull, drab doorknobs come knockin’, right? Wrong. Only din’ gettin’ polished Monday night’s will be da Action Wrestlin’ Cruiserweight Tag Championships expertly earned by Pineapple Promenade. You may claim we’re too pretty. However, da real beauty comes from bumpin’ for someone proud enough to call me her partner. What’s actually gorgeous and gratifyin’? Knowin’ da gruelin’ grind of every grapplin’ session was not in vain. Den again, you could claim my dance partner and I are midcard muck-ups who won’t make dose straps special. Wrong again, you buncha babblin’ Bob Barkers. When I slip dat Cruiserweight Tag strap onto Nidrah’s whimsical waist...chanters everywhere will blare some familiar Foreigner since it “Feels Like Da First Time.” Plus, unlike you two doldrums, she brin’s da flash and I brin’ da pan.
Azurine Vebbins ends her spiel by flambéing a tuxedo shirt inside a nearby wok.