Post by Andre Jenson on Jan 3, 2021 12:05:38 GMT -5
Greetings and salutations everyone! Welcome to 2021. Fucking A! Sorry, I shouldn’t swear as a narrator but man, fuck 2020. It was nonsense and quite frankly can shit. That being out of the way, let’s go! We’re back once again with our Lord, our King, our man Andre Jenson, who, along with Teo Blaze is in fact on their 5th annual New Year's day adventure.
This year, they seem to be in *checks notes* A helicopter? Oh boy.
Anyway, Jenson is piloting and Teo is in the passenger seat. It’ll be a miracle if they survive.
“Teo, my good friend.” Says Jenson “I think you’re worrying way too much about this sort of thing.”
“I’m just asking why we have a Gentcopter now. I didn’t see this in the Gentcave.” Asks Teo
“It was in the Genthanger son, you’ve not been there yet. Besides, the better question is why can’t I buy pilot lessons?”
“Wait, what?”
“Oh look! A seagull! Means we’re close!”
“Pilot lessons?”
“Don’t worry, I’ve been playing a lot of Flight Sim in 2020.”
“Oh I heard there was a new one out, looks very realistic.”
“New one? They on 3.1 now?”
“Andre. Which version are you playing?”
“3”
“When was that released?”
“Erm, 1988. I think”
“We’re gonna die.”
“No!! We just need to find Te Fiti, then we’ll be cool.”
“Is this why we’re here?”
“Yup, I figured right, if we’re to defend our title this week against those Samoan girls”
“One isn’t Samoan, she’s from a different island in the Pacific.”
“Anyway, if we’re to defend our title against these girls we need to find Te Fiti to help us against them, she knows how to deal with small Samoan ladies.”
“You’ve been watching Moana haven’t you?”
“Yes, how did you guess? Either way, I got it sussed son. Way I figure is girls who are very attractive and well manicured are way too careful. They don’t like to chip nails or go for headlocks when you have an extensive modelling contract waiting in the wings, or if you’re basically fighting in between school runs.”
“Right?”
“So yeah, they don’t have what it takes to take on the Gents, and asking Te Fiti how she managed to beat Moana will be the final piece of the puzzle. You see, we are going to go all out this weekend, we’re going to show the world just why the two Gents are the ones to beat in the cruiser Clash division of divisions.”
“Ok! So I see what you’re saying! You are saying that the women are way too conservative and will not take anywhere near enough risks to win the title or go for it because they’re going to be too afraid to hurt themselves because they are too worried about how they look or their kids? Andre, do you have any care about personal injury at all?”
The gentcopter lurches suddenly to the left.
“Sorry, I missed that! I was tryna get closer to that smoking volcano over there and must have leaned out of my door a little too much. I just feel that these girls are in way over their heads. This isn’t a beauty salon or your mom and pop barber shop Teo, this is Action Wrestling. This is Cruiser Clash. We are the two Gents and we are the standard bearers of the Cruiser Clash division of divisions. If these girls think they can take our titles without going on a grand quest to deliver the heart of Te Fiti, they got another thing coming. Ain’t that right heart?”
Jenson looks back at the “Heart of Te Fiti” Which looks suspiciously like…
“That’s a basketball painted green isn’t it Andre?” Asked Teo, rather astutely.
“To the naked eye, perhaps. But, my son, can either of the Pineapple Promenade say that they have even remotely tried to follow in the footsteps of Moana? Nope, they don’t care about the islands. They never have. Now, tell me, friend. Does that island look suspiciously like a woman lying down?”
“I think so, I’m not su…”
Teo is interrupted by the gentcopter wildly swinging in the direction of the island Jenson is pointing to.