Post by Magic Maddox on Dec 19, 2020 11:18:56 GMT -5
Magic Maddox sits on what appears to be a cloud with his feet dangling over the edge kicking back and forth like a bored child on a church pew.
“Can I go back, dad?”
The disembodied voice of Magic’s divine father rings loudly in smooth and bassy tones.
“Daaaaaaaaaaad! I just want to go see all my old friends! Jenson and Orret are going to be in CruiserHavoc, and I want to do it toooooooooooo! And Derrick might be around backstage, so…”
Magic trails off and mutters to himself.
“...maybe I’ll catch him in the shower.”
“Maddox, just lis…”
Magic whines more.
“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! Just let me go back! I can do it, I swear!”
“MADDOX, STOP INTERRUPTING ME! YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO GO BACK!”
“Wait… did you think you were dead? AGAIN?!”
“So did you think THIS was heaven?”
“It’s a cloud. Look over there, Maddox. A bird shit on your cloud.”
A look of disgust spreads across Magic’s face as he shifts his hand away from the bird shit.
“Do you honestly think we have bird shit in heaven?!”
“But I had COVID!”
“You had allergies.”
“BUT I DIED!”
“You took a nap, son.”
“I ascended to heaven!”
“You were tripping on cold medicine!”
“How did I get to the clouds then?! Explain that one, big guy!”
“I wanted to keep you safe in the pandemic I did that.”
Maddox’s whole physical demeanor shifts and deflates.
“I just...I just thought...I was dead…”
“And the fact that you’re alive is somehow bad news?”
“I didn’t say that!”
“I’m just saying, you sound disappointed, son.”
Magic lets out a deep sigh.
“I guess I just have been watching everything Derrick’s been going through down there and now I’m realizing I could have helped him stay out of the clutches of those dastardly Philador types or I could have saved Raging Dead…”
Magic trails off for a second with a tangential thought.
“I guess I shouldn’t have thought this was heaven. Raging Dead’s not here.”
“Oh, no, son. He’s in hell.”
“Some guy on the internet said he was a predator. That’s all it takes these days.”
“Really?! What about accepting me into their hearts and all that? You know, John 3:16?”
“This is the internet era! There are entire categories of sins people do today that weren’t even imaginable back when I talked to all the guys who wrote my memoirs.”
“Wow… That’s… that’s disappointing. Maybe we should fix it?”
“WHY NOT?! You’re GOD! You can do ANYTHING!”
“If I cancel the internet, Donald Trump will tell his followers I’m a communist, and my numbers in America will just plummet.”
“But you are a communist, aren’t you? I mean, what other explanation would you have for letting me turn a few fish into enough to feed thousands and all that ‘love your neighbor’ stuff?”
God refuses to respond.
“Right. I knew it.”
Magic’s voice turns to a playful mocking tone.
“Dad’s a commie! Dad’s a commie!”
God changes the topic swiftly to distract Magic.
“So… uh… CruiserHavoc, huh?”
A big smile spreads on Magic’s face.
“ME-DAMN, THAT’S RIGHT! HEAVEN YEAH!”
“This will be your first Cruiserweight Title match innnnn… a pretty long time, son. Are you sure you’re ready?”
“Why are you doing it then?!”
“I miss my friends, pop. I want to see Big Derrick and Even Bigger Derrick (heh heh). I want to see Andre again! And Orret! If Andre’s running with Teo again, he must be the coolest guy in the room, so I can’t wait to meet him and have a focused linear conversation! If I win, awesome, but that’s not my motivation, pappy.”
“I wanted to try it on. I don’t think it fit.”
“It definitely didn’t fit.”
“Well, you better get going if you want to make it in time, son.”
A smile spreads across Magic’s face.
“Thanks, Dad. I’ll see you soon.”
God mutters to himself.
“Sooner than you think.”
“Oh, nothing, son. Good luck!”
Magic leaps off the cloud and gently floats down to earth.