Post by Trey Bouchet on Dec 15, 2020 20:05:27 GMT -5
Trey’s dressed as Papa Noel* sitting on a gingerbread throne. His girlfriend Fabunni’s wearing an elf outfit.
“Merry PleXmas CruiserClash! In the spirit of the season, and because I am not Corey Black, I have composed lists!”
Fabunni scoffs surreptitiously, but the newly omniscient** Trey notices anyway.
“Problem?”
“What happened to ‘plexpect my best’?”
“Hey! This will be on point.”
“Mhm.”
“And I kept the lists short and sweet; just like me!”
“You mean ‘simple’?”
“Man, you are going to feel so bad at the end of this,” Trey mutters, reaching into his coat to produce a scroll, “CruiserClash is Action Wrestling’s very own Island of Misfit Toys, where the most plexccentric personalities in the sport coplexist. Still, for CruiserHavoc I’m dividing them into two categories.”
He unrolls the parchment for disuplay.
“There are people in this match I adore. Azurine, Nidrah, Sierra, Sara Pettis, and Kolya are all great wrestlers and genuinely good people. At CruiserHavoc that will not matter. Affection can’t keep me from what I want for PleXmas. Neither can respect. Those I admire: Flop, CJ Phoenix, The Two Gents-”
“Wait: you’re talking nice about Teo Blaze?”
“Grudgingly. Dude’s legit, He beat me three straight. And now that he’s teaming up with Gary Gygax’s favorite wrestler he seems a lot less bitter. Got to give him his due. But that doesn’t plexempt him from what else he deserves. What they’re all getting; whether they’re pleX-factors like Regan Voorhees or carpetbaggers like Max Daemon.”
“Max Daemon: mmmmm.”
“Alright, Max’s moving to the ‘Truly Naughty’ category for that quip. He’s joining Keeton and Karlie Nash.”
“Relax, Papa Noel: you’re still the only one I call Daddy.”
Trey’s cheeks turn even more rosy, “Back on topic. Everyone- good and bad, grinders and slackers- they all make the list and will get the same thing from me.”
“Suplexes.”
“Yep. And despite knowing the complete plexicon I won’t be choosy: whatever works best to get them up and over that top rope. I’ll plexecute more Germans*** than the Red Army if that’s what it takes to win.”
“Oof,” Fabunni winces. Meanwhile, a smirking ‘Papa Noel’ produces another scroll to unfurl:
“That’s it! That’s the list. Me. The Suplexpert! The Cajun Catapult! Deus Plex Machina! I’m the single soul eligible to receive the Cruiserweight Title. CruiserHavoc is a metaphoric White Elephant Gift Plexchange, and I will be the last to choose.”
“How so? Isn’t Sierra Silver ‘choosing last’ because she beat you to be the final entrant?”
“I said it was a metaphor, my pointy eared pedant,” Trey grins, “But yeah, Sierra’s coming out last. Props to her. She fought hard and smart for that spot. And when she does get to enjoy the spoils of victory, I will be there in the ring to congratulate her, right before tossing her out.”
“Ok, what about the man who starts the match? Any thoughts on Kaz, Papi?”
“Legit Naughty. So troubled even his own Dad, who’s an ‘ends justifies the means’ kind of guy, fears for him. Kaz deserves the accolades he’s gotten with the End Of the Year voting, but the rage he feels about his old tag partner is misdirected and disrespectful to his memory. I don’t know how he’s going to handle losing the title, but I can’t worry about that. Not if I want to win.”
There’s a pause as Trey contemplates Kaz’s plight. He eventually brightens and shoots Fabunni a coy smile, “Wait. I almost forgot.”
He fishes out a third roll of paper to show.
“You, boo. The person who has stood by me through everything; who’s held me up and kept me grounded; who I cannot live without. I love you, Fabunni.”
Trey gets up from his seat.
He removes his beard, hat, and mittens.
He takes out a small jewelry box.
He faces a flustered and flummoxed Fabunni.
He gets down on one knee-
Plexeunt
*Cajun for Santa
** Kris Kringle is plexempt from FISA court oversight
*** See EB White’s quote about jokes and dissecting frogs to understand why this footer offers no real plexplanation
“Merry PleXmas CruiserClash! In the spirit of the season, and because I am not Corey Black, I have composed lists!”
Fabunni scoffs surreptitiously, but the newly omniscient** Trey notices anyway.
“Problem?”
“What happened to ‘plexpect my best’?”
“Hey! This will be on point.”
“Mhm.”
“And I kept the lists short and sweet; just like me!”
“You mean ‘simple’?”
“Man, you are going to feel so bad at the end of this,” Trey mutters, reaching into his coat to produce a scroll, “CruiserClash is Action Wrestling’s very own Island of Misfit Toys, where the most plexccentric personalities in the sport coplexist. Still, for CruiserHavoc I’m dividing them into two categories.”
He unrolls the parchment for disuplay.
NAUGHTY
The Field
“There are people in this match I adore. Azurine, Nidrah, Sierra, Sara Pettis, and Kolya are all great wrestlers and genuinely good people. At CruiserHavoc that will not matter. Affection can’t keep me from what I want for PleXmas. Neither can respect. Those I admire: Flop, CJ Phoenix, The Two Gents-”
“Wait: you’re talking nice about Teo Blaze?”
“Grudgingly. Dude’s legit, He beat me three straight. And now that he’s teaming up with Gary Gygax’s favorite wrestler he seems a lot less bitter. Got to give him his due. But that doesn’t plexempt him from what else he deserves. What they’re all getting; whether they’re pleX-factors like Regan Voorhees or carpetbaggers like Max Daemon.”
“Max Daemon: mmmmm.”
“Alright, Max’s moving to the ‘Truly Naughty’ category for that quip. He’s joining Keeton and Karlie Nash.”
“Relax, Papa Noel: you’re still the only one I call Daddy.”
Trey’s cheeks turn even more rosy, “Back on topic. Everyone- good and bad, grinders and slackers- they all make the list and will get the same thing from me.”
“Suplexes.”
“Yep. And despite knowing the complete plexicon I won’t be choosy: whatever works best to get them up and over that top rope. I’ll plexecute more Germans*** than the Red Army if that’s what it takes to win.”
“Oof,” Fabunni winces. Meanwhile, a smirking ‘Papa Noel’ produces another scroll to unfurl:
NICE
Trey Bouchet
“How so? Isn’t Sierra Silver ‘choosing last’ because she beat you to be the final entrant?”
“I said it was a metaphor, my pointy eared pedant,” Trey grins, “But yeah, Sierra’s coming out last. Props to her. She fought hard and smart for that spot. And when she does get to enjoy the spoils of victory, I will be there in the ring to congratulate her, right before tossing her out.”
“Ok, what about the man who starts the match? Any thoughts on Kaz, Papi?”
“Legit Naughty. So troubled even his own Dad, who’s an ‘ends justifies the means’ kind of guy, fears for him. Kaz deserves the accolades he’s gotten with the End Of the Year voting, but the rage he feels about his old tag partner is misdirected and disrespectful to his memory. I don’t know how he’s going to handle losing the title, but I can’t worry about that. Not if I want to win.”
There’s a pause as Trey contemplates Kaz’s plight. He eventually brightens and shoots Fabunni a coy smile, “Wait. I almost forgot.”
He fishes out a third roll of paper to show.
NICEST
Fabunni Poindexter
“You, boo. The person who has stood by me through everything; who’s held me up and kept me grounded; who I cannot live without. I love you, Fabunni.”
Trey gets up from his seat.
He removes his beard, hat, and mittens.
He takes out a small jewelry box.
He faces a flustered and flummoxed Fabunni.
He gets down on one knee-
Plexeunt
*Cajun for Santa
** Kris Kringle is plexempt from FISA court oversight
*** See EB White’s quote about jokes and dissecting frogs to understand why this footer offers no real plexplanation