Mismatched Oddities- The Gents Weigh in (2/2)
Nov 15, 2020 14:23:10 GMT -5
CJ Phoenix and Stuart Slane like this
Post by Teo Blaze on Nov 15, 2020 14:23:10 GMT -5
“I said, are you ready to start?”
“What?”
“We’re about to explain exactly how we’re going to kick the individual asses of the odd couple.”
“Jack Lemmon’s dead though, Teo, you know that.”
“And yet he’d probably be the easier opponent. Not that I am condoning grave robbing, but honestly if that’s what it takes to get us a feasible challenge in the tag team division…”
“Right, fair point, Go on then.”
“Now I could start with the low hanging fruit,the cheap shots, Stuart Slane impersonator, monotone whining also-ran who lacks more direction than a crackerjack compass, but let’s really break this team down for a moment.
Flop, you’re going to be the veteran in this equation, and you will bring with you all of the knowledge that you have accumulated throughout your time in the cruiserweight ranks, so I’ve gone ahead and made a list of what we need to watch out for, based on your vast experience.”
“Opponents beware, for Flop is an expert in the following fields: Goat raising, complaining, entitlement, excuse making, apathy, and denial. The only reason that we can come up with for these traits is an elaborate attempt to get opponents to underestimate him.”
“No!”
“Yes! But, due to his own ineptitude, he was placed in a handicap match I suppose. So is this all an elaborate attempt to get revenge on the team that humiliated him?”
“Could be!”
“Could be, but it isn’t, my friend. Flop doesn’t even want to be here. Rather telling that in his list of demands, he hasn’t once asked for a rematch with Red, White, and Bruised, eh? It’s almost enough to make one think that he doesn’t even want to be in this tournament. Look at how he treats his partner! Confusion, apathy, even what looks to me like outright contempt!”
“It’s positively shameful!”
“Oh Stella, you deserve better than this. I’m sure you’ve done your share of backpacking, but it still must be difficult trying to carry Flop to a victory.
“Exactly! It’s a bit of a paradox, isn’t it? You have Flop, who while inept, apathetic, and frankly kind of pitiful, at least has the common decency to be interesting in a train-wreck kind of way. And on the other side you have Stella Slater, who despite her skill in the ring is hampered by the fact that every person who sees her wishes, hopes that she is someone else. It’s a tragedy in two parts- a mismatched pair of losers who only make each other’s failings that much more obvious.”
“Shame, real shame.”
“You want to see what a real team looks like? Look no further. The Two Gents? We are there for each other. We help each other when we need it, just ask David Sanchez. You two?
You’re nothing more than a page in our history book.”
“What?”
Teo waved his hand in front of his partner’s face, as Jenson had spent the better part of the last few minutes staring ahead with a look of incredible focus.
“Jack Lemmon’s dead though, Teo, you know that.”
“And yet he’d probably be the easier opponent. Not that I am condoning grave robbing, but honestly if that’s what it takes to get us a feasible challenge in the tag team division…”
“Right, fair point, Go on then.”
Teo and Jenson share a grin and a fist bump before Teo turns toward the camera.
Flop, you’re going to be the veteran in this equation, and you will bring with you all of the knowledge that you have accumulated throughout your time in the cruiserweight ranks, so I’ve gone ahead and made a list of what we need to watch out for, based on your vast experience.”
Teo holds out his hand to the left, and Jenson almost immediately places a notepad, scrawled with pencil, which Teo holds and begins reading off of.
I don’t think we have to worry about that. Underestimating Flop is a surprisingly difficult task- the man is an overachiever when it comes to underachieving. Lest we forget that this is the man who lost the cruiserweight tag team titles to Red, White, and Bruised on their very first night on the brand?”
“Yes! But, due to his own ineptitude, he was placed in a handicap match I suppose. So is this all an elaborate attempt to get revenge on the team that humiliated him?”
“Could be!”
“Could be, but it isn’t, my friend. Flop doesn’t even want to be here. Rather telling that in his list of demands, he hasn’t once asked for a rematch with Red, White, and Bruised, eh? It’s almost enough to make one think that he doesn’t even want to be in this tournament. Look at how he treats his partner! Confusion, apathy, even what looks to me like outright contempt!”
“It’s positively shameful!”
“Oh Stella, you deserve better than this. I’m sure you’ve done your share of backpacking, but it still must be difficult trying to carry Flop to a victory.
I know, you’ve had a bit of a rough start here. People have been rather obsessed with the Slane comparisons, but if the merit badge fits? But Stella, have you considered even for a moment why people are so quick to make the comparison? It is because you have yet to distinguish yourself from the beloved scoutmaster. Take away the comparisons to someone more interesting and what are you left with? Bland tapioca.”
“Grey, mushy porridge!”“Exactly! It’s a bit of a paradox, isn’t it? You have Flop, who while inept, apathetic, and frankly kind of pitiful, at least has the common decency to be interesting in a train-wreck kind of way. And on the other side you have Stella Slater, who despite her skill in the ring is hampered by the fact that every person who sees her wishes, hopes that she is someone else. It’s a tragedy in two parts- a mismatched pair of losers who only make each other’s failings that much more obvious.”
“Shame, real shame.”
“You want to see what a real team looks like? Look no further. The Two Gents? We are there for each other. We help each other when we need it, just ask David Sanchez. You two?
You’re nothing more than a page in our history book.”
Teo smiles and turns to Jenson, the Gents sharing a final fist bump before the camera fades to black.