Returns, Mystery Partners, and Lame Horses (1399 Words)
Nov 8, 2020 21:44:47 GMT -5
Stuart Slane likes this
Post by Teo Blaze on Nov 8, 2020 21:44:47 GMT -5
“Hello, dear Teo! It’s been too long, hasn’t it? Frankly I see no need to bore you with my various escapades since our last encounter, in fact I’d place a gold dragon that you’ve got a set of tales to rival even the most fantastic of mine! Ah, but where are my manners? Mrs. Sullivan, don’t dictate this part, but how should I tell him about the purchase? Don’t want him to think of me as some kind of robber-baron.”
“Milk, eggs, and chee- I say, are you still typing? Oh right! So it turned out that some famous rockstar or other purchased the land in a foreclosure sale. Something about turning it into a compound for hunting...what was it, Narwhals? Unimportant. The key takeaway is, I have spoken to the AW Brass and they’ve seen fit to partner us for this upcoming tournament! And I can’t have my longtime friend and tag partner at fifty percent, can I? Hence, I spoke to him and after all appropriate hems and haws, we settled on a reasonable price for your gymnasium. I’ve included the keys with this missive, I trust you’ll have a setup within a few weeks. I’ve been eyeing a few nearby properties as well, so consider yourself something of a landlord for the time being.”
“You know, I almost want to feel sorry for you two schmucks.”
“Let me make this simple- Alex Scott, I’ve already kicked your ass in the main event of Cruiserclash and made it look easy. I am so sure that I’m going to win this week that I haven’t even bothered to ask who my partner is.
Sounds crazy, right? How can Teo Blaze walk into a match on Cruiserclash without preparing and expect anything but a resounding defeat! What is he thinking? What could be going on in that warped little mind of his that makes him think that he could put himself at such a disadvantage?
And then you remember who we're up against.
And you realize that I could walk into this match blindfolded, drunk, and let Alex Scott and Max Mahoney each have a steel chair, and the only thing I’d have to worry about was a reprimand for violating FCC rules against brutality!
Have I made myself clear yet? Because as much as I would like to stand here and say that Alex Scott has carved himself out a nice little niche as the Dark Horse of Cruiserclash, he’s tied himself to a sandbag with ski-goggles and jumped right into the deep end here.
I might like you Alex, but that’s not gonna stop me from kicking your ass and moving on to the next round of this tag team spectacular. Man, woman, child, handicapped dwarf? I could give a damn when it comes down to it, when you face Teo Blaze, you face Teo effin’ Blaze.
Let’s talk about that partner of yours, Alex, that Albatross around your neck. You know, I have to wonder if you chose to partner with the guy who kicked your ass in his debut, or if this is another one of D-Day’s experiments. Toss together two folks and see what happens. But let’s assume for your sake that there was some actual thought put into this pairing.
Max Mahoney is, quite frankly, a failed experiment of a human being who failed at the first hurdle that he came across. Oh sure, when he was winning it was great! But the moment that he slipped against Tsukiko, you could see it. The passion, the excitement was gone. The man is a front runner. When he’s winning, he’s all too happy to primp and preen like an exotic bird in the zoo. But the shine is off the diamond after only two matches, and rather than go back to square one, look in the mirror, and say that maybe, just maybe he botched a few life choices, he’s doubled down, and now he’s trying to pull you down with him!
Alex, take my advice and cut the dead weight. You may be my opponent, but I have to tell you that you’re better than this guy. If you think that this jabroni is your path to finally cracking that glass ceiling, well… let’s just say that you’re going to be disappointed.”
“Oh, and before I forget, my partner went ahead and sent me something to tell you both, so why don’t I let him weigh in a bit?
Ahem…
‘Listen here you wine-soaked, overstuffed excuses for fighters! I do hope you’re prepared for the thrashing that is about to come your way- for indeed, myself and Teo have been all too eager to work out a frustration or two, and you seem like quite the perfect recipients. Please understand that our blows bear no malice, but we simply cannot help ourselves! A man is a man, after all! And when all is said and done, if you happen to be a few molars shy, then all the better! I know a good dentist or five, and having a gold tooth or two might finally give you a bit of personality! Take it, Teo!’
He actually wrote that at the end. I may not know who this guy is, but I think I’m starting to like his style.
Let me go ahead and sum up here, boys.
Max Mahoney? You’ve gone from up and comer to has been so fast that it may actually be a new record, and no amount of hair spray or body oil is going to erase the fact that you are a joke to the roster. But Alex? I’d go so far as to call you a dark horse.
But right now, you’re a dark horse with a broken leg. You’re lame.
And you know what happens to lame horses, don’tcha?”
“Consider yourself warned. See you this week.”
Teo turned the note over in his hand, the arch of his eyebrow climbing with every single word. It was clear that whoever his mystery benefactor was, he had little understanding of the process of dictation. Or identifying himself, for that matter.
Right, right, the keys. Teo reached into his pocket and removed them as he approached the heavy iron doors. The logos had long since faded, and a heavy padlock and chain had been woven between the handles. Teo took a deep breath as he looked at the small metal keyring that now rested in his hand. A deep breath rattled as he looked at the heavy padlock.
He had expected it to feel more dramatic. Like some kind of long forgotten wasteland, like a portal to somewhere that he had long since sealed away. And yet as he stood in front of the door of a building he had assumed would always remained closed to him, keys in hand… he couldn’t help but feel...content. Like seeing an old friend for the first time.
With a slow motion, he brought up his hand, inserting the key into the lock, and with a sharp click, the entire chain fell from the handles, the doors swinging inward.
Despite the dust.
Despite the dirt.
Despite the fact that the power hadn’t been on in years.
It felt like home.
===
===
“You know, I almost want to feel sorry for you two schmucks.”
Teo is no longer standing anywhere near the vicinity of the gym, but now is seated on a bench outside of a small bodega, a glass bottle of soda in his hand with a straw sticking out of it. His smile bears the grin of someone whose thoughts are on recent good fortunes, but his eyes betray the same look of grim determination, of anticipation that comes before every match. His pose may be relaxed, but his expression is anything but.
Sounds crazy, right? How can Teo Blaze walk into a match on Cruiserclash without preparing and expect anything but a resounding defeat! What is he thinking? What could be going on in that warped little mind of his that makes him think that he could put himself at such a disadvantage?
And then you remember who we're up against.
And you realize that I could walk into this match blindfolded, drunk, and let Alex Scott and Max Mahoney each have a steel chair, and the only thing I’d have to worry about was a reprimand for violating FCC rules against brutality!
Have I made myself clear yet? Because as much as I would like to stand here and say that Alex Scott has carved himself out a nice little niche as the Dark Horse of Cruiserclash, he’s tied himself to a sandbag with ski-goggles and jumped right into the deep end here.
I might like you Alex, but that’s not gonna stop me from kicking your ass and moving on to the next round of this tag team spectacular. Man, woman, child, handicapped dwarf? I could give a damn when it comes down to it, when you face Teo Blaze, you face Teo effin’ Blaze.
Let’s talk about that partner of yours, Alex, that Albatross around your neck. You know, I have to wonder if you chose to partner with the guy who kicked your ass in his debut, or if this is another one of D-Day’s experiments. Toss together two folks and see what happens. But let’s assume for your sake that there was some actual thought put into this pairing.
Max Mahoney is, quite frankly, a failed experiment of a human being who failed at the first hurdle that he came across. Oh sure, when he was winning it was great! But the moment that he slipped against Tsukiko, you could see it. The passion, the excitement was gone. The man is a front runner. When he’s winning, he’s all too happy to primp and preen like an exotic bird in the zoo. But the shine is off the diamond after only two matches, and rather than go back to square one, look in the mirror, and say that maybe, just maybe he botched a few life choices, he’s doubled down, and now he’s trying to pull you down with him!
Alex, take my advice and cut the dead weight. You may be my opponent, but I have to tell you that you’re better than this guy. If you think that this jabroni is your path to finally cracking that glass ceiling, well… let’s just say that you’re going to be disappointed.”
Teo shakes his head condescendingly, as though he is talking to a child trying to play with matches, but his expression suddenly changes, and with a grin he reaches into his back pocket to remove a familiar note.
Ahem…
‘Listen here you wine-soaked, overstuffed excuses for fighters! I do hope you’re prepared for the thrashing that is about to come your way- for indeed, myself and Teo have been all too eager to work out a frustration or two, and you seem like quite the perfect recipients. Please understand that our blows bear no malice, but we simply cannot help ourselves! A man is a man, after all! And when all is said and done, if you happen to be a few molars shy, then all the better! I know a good dentist or five, and having a gold tooth or two might finally give you a bit of personality! Take it, Teo!’
He actually wrote that at the end. I may not know who this guy is, but I think I’m starting to like his style.
Let me go ahead and sum up here, boys.
Max Mahoney? You’ve gone from up and comer to has been so fast that it may actually be a new record, and no amount of hair spray or body oil is going to erase the fact that you are a joke to the roster. But Alex? I’d go so far as to call you a dark horse.
But right now, you’re a dark horse with a broken leg. You’re lame.
And you know what happens to lame horses, don’tcha?”
Teo holds up his hand, his finger extended and thumb back in the shape of a gun. He points it directly at the screen, closes one eye, and with a flourish, “fires” it directly into the camera, right between the eyes of the viewer.
With that, Teo holds up his hand and mimes blowing smoke from the end of his finger. With one final wink at the camera, the scene fades to black.