Post by Spencer Adams on Nov 8, 2020 20:59:56 GMT -5
Part 1: A long time coming (7/31/16)
The crowd continued to boo as I looked on in...shock? That wasn't really the word I was looking for. After all, I always knew this was something that Howard Black had always had in him. He was never supposed to be a sidekick stablemate. He was better than that.
His eyes were red fucking hot, an ember flow staring daggers at anyone and everyone nearby.
He tries to brush past me and I decide to step in to cut off the dark eyed march.
Howard: Do you have any fucking idea, Spencer? Do you know what it's like to be in my position for all this time and to have people look at you like you aren't good enough, to look at you like you've just been washed from day one? It doesn't matter one goddamn bit how I went about this. Love me or hate me, that doesn't matter! Opinions are fleeting! What hasn't been is the doubt cast on me! I'm sick and tired and I'm just fucking...
Spencer: I get it, I do. I remember about a year ago when I knocked off Alex Richards for the people's title, my first real taste of gold on a stage anywhere near that big. I had the DRG rallying against me, half the rest of the locker room talking about me as somebody who would never get to the point that they were aiming for. It may not have been nearly the accomplishment as yours tonight, but right now, I'm thinking about that feeling at that moment in time. There was one person who embraced me after my win and reassured me as soon as I got to the back. You were it, Howard. You recognized what I could do from day one and you were the one who told me that I was meant for bigger and better things than serving as an out of place rookie boosting TUB's stock.
It was raw emotion boiling up just underneath the surface for a long time, a side effect of scratching and clawing in a company that always had a problem recognizing the quality of the talent that was always place right underneath its own nose.
Howard: What?
He remained short while I received the residuals of his lashing out.
Part 2: Cinderella Man
"Every time you get hit, feels like I'm getting hit too."
The titantron comes to life while the rest of the arena is empty and blackened. save for the center of the AW ring where a spotlight shines down onto me. I lean forward in my seat as Renee Zellweger's voice echoes all around me. It pauses and I sit in silence for a moment, camera now focused in on own face.
Still, I keep it as a reminder that we are two competitors who are capable of everything we claim to be and more. For most people, losing a match like that under those sort of circumstances would be enough to thoroughly break the spirit, but we're a different breed of competitor, aren't we? We aren't most people. We are the ones who people are most quick to point a finger at and run into the ground, because that's how it is when you've got an underdog narrative hanging over your head. Howard Black and Spencer Adams don't fall apart like that and when we decide to prove all that other bullshit as false, we dissolve narratives.
That's what you did when you bested some of the best talent in this federation to walk out of Clash 100 with the US title. The rest of the world can look at you and not see what you're capable of, but I refuse to. I've seen it every which way and seeing you come out on top against both the established and the upcoming was the confirmation I didn't really even need, but I'm glad that the rest of the world got it. It's moments like that where I am able to remind everyone else not to judge based on dumb shit like the seeding in this tournament, because you are here for a reason.
It's because when you returned at Havoc, you bested eighty percent of the field. When you found yourself staring down Joey Flash at Evolution, you managed to get the job done against the golden child of our era in WCF history. It's also because we had arguably the single best match in the history of Monday Night Clash where you took me to my absolute limit. I recognize that a big part of why I came out on top then was that I didn't wave off Howard Black like a dumb mark in a Bates shirt. Instead, I use the Howard Black blueprint for how to succeed as a little guy, taking the groundwork that you laid and doing everything I can to improve upon it.
Howard Black isn't some fringe playoff type who squeaked his way in last minute only to get knocked out by the top guy. You aren't the Orlando Magic in this situation, you're more like a Miami Heat type of competitor. A first round win over Lockhart is the type of statement that lets the casual fan or underinformed analyst realize that you really can get it done right now and it's all because of a rare level of grit and never say die attitude. That's been the one thing that carries you throughout your career and it's a damn good quality to have when it comes to navigating the most talented pool of competition that this business has ever seen.
People acted surprised when Jimmy Butler ran the gauntlet against the more favored Eastern Conference contenders, but just like Jimmy, you're a fighter. Lockhart was your Milwaukee Bucks, the top seed on our side of the bracket. That's who you took out. That carries weight and a whole hell of a lot of it too. Some will call it an upset, but I know that it's perfectly realistic. You beat one of the best in the opening round, because you are one of the best. You have something in you that gets you out of the gate looking strong and tells you to keep on going until the bitter end.
You've been around long enough to where you've definitely earned your veteran status, but it doesn't really matter at the end of the day, does it? For as many times as people choose to look at you and shout about how so and so is better, you are your own biggest critic. It's not quite their voices that hit you the hardest, its yours and that's why your friends and family telling you that they're proud and that you've already established worth and status in this business just doesn't cut it. It's almost like you don't believe people like us no matter how many times we tell you, because wrestling dysphoria has a stranglehold on your mind.
I wish that wasn't the case as you do deserve more than that, but it does give you that sense of urgency. Just like time ticking away at the last months of your career gives you that urgency. You've done so much over the stretch of that career, yet so little in your own mind. I believe you recognize the influence that you've had on the careers of myself and others like me, but you don't see it as nearly enough to be able to look back on and feel content. The fact that you were away while your peers and those who have taken so much from your craft managed to rack up the accolades..that's time that you feel has been missed.
The US Championship helps a little, but you feel you need more to be legitimized in the AW history books. Howard Black needs his face dead center in the live show roster book going forward, to be presented as the undisputed number one. You acknowledged that much when you told me I was settling with the tag titles. You don't have the ability to look at that US title over your shoulder and settle for being the best to ever hold it, because somewhere there's a chirping telling you that you didn't beat Walter and you'll never be on the same level as someone like Corey Black. That chirping says that Howard Black is just a pretty okay wrestler and you believe it and that breaks my fucking heart, brother.
You winning the UCI World Championship, that was YOUR moment where YOU cemented yourself, but you can only see it as an asterisk sitting in your trophy case since the run didn't last like you hoped it would. It's time to wake up, Howard. You are the fucking man. You are an all time great, because effectively booting Joey Flash from the industry..getting a world title win off of Crow McMorris..cutting the achilles on the career of Thomas Bates..it's all GOAT shit. You made it a long time ago and this run of yours? It's not crunch time, it's a well deserved victory lap. Win or lose, you are a winner in this company and every company that came before it.
2020 doesn't have to be your year. I know that you fucking ache for it to be, to walk out of Turmoil ahead of some of the most dominant figures in ages, but it's not a must for you. You don't need this tournament the same way someone like Odin Balfore does. Every step of the way in AW, you've looked fierce and competent. You've done plenty and when that time comes where you take off your boots and leave them in the center of this ring, she is going to breathe that one final sigh of relief, because she'll have spent the better part of twelve months feeling your pain and carrying your doubt on her back. He will be proud, because his dad is Howard fucking Black.
I see you fight every single week to live out your own personal fantasy as James Braddock, but you can rest easy. When I go out there and I beat you, don't beat up yourself and stare at the bottom of your glass pondering what went wrong. Think about what has gone right instead. Don't hang your head, just take a little longer to appreciate the time that we have left and everything that you will be leaving behind you after the next Evolution. You can stop trying to be Cinderella Man, because none of what you've accomplished so far has been unlikely. You are Howard Black and that's all you must be. When I advance, you'll understand that from bell to bell, I was fighting for you.