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Post by Action Reel on Nov 3, 2020 1:00:08 GMT -5
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Post by Petrov Remastered on Nov 3, 2020 1:29:35 GMT -5
Welcome to beginning of when Petrov fuck you in ass, Matt Dam....
Math Hatred...
Dayton, Ohio.
AHEM.
Max Daemon, congrats on getting to this point.
Two matches in and you're the AW Pure Champion. That's a pretty big deal given how many people manage to wrestle for years without actually getting the good rub.
Hey, Shadowlove. How you doing, buddy?
It's your third match in and you find yourself up against the inside joke of Action Wrestling. Since you're a greenhorn around these parts, allow me to introduce myself.
The name's Petrov aka Alex Richards favorite wrestler aka your favorite wrestler's favorite wrestler..aka the girls who rejects you at the lame fucking afterparty's favorite wrestler.
A ten second Google search will tell you that my record is probably in the range of five wins and five hundred losses, so you should win this no problem.
You SHOULD.
But..
What if your instant breakout was never meant to be a three part act?
What if your head is inflating and you're denying the fact that all you really did was knockout the guy who can't even manage to knock out a grifting sports journalist on Twitter?
What if...there was a little switch somewhere in my brain and what if...somebody just pressed it?
What if five wins and five hundred losses doesn't mean a goddamn thing, because just when you think you have all the answers, I change the question.
Well...that sure would suck for you, wouldn't it?
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Post by Max f'n Daemon on Nov 3, 2020 8:04:05 GMT -5
Wow. Three matches in and they give me somebody who doesn't even take himself seriously.
For somebody who just doesn't win you sure ask a lot of hypotheticals. Let me play.
What if your career hasn't been a joke so far?
What if people actually took you seriously?
What if, when I beat you, I accidentally end your career by breaking your eye socket?
Hypothetically.
Don't fool yourself. If the girls reject me they don't come flocking to you. And if they do, they realize their mistake and come back to beg for it. I still give it to 'em because I'm a giving kind of guy, but to think that you get any action beyond that in a wrestling ring (and even that seems rare now-a-days) is fucking laughable.
Almost as laughable as this concept that you think you actually stand a chance. Hell, by the time I'm done you'll barely even be standing at all.
But hey, you're bold, so I can appreciate the confidence. It's misplaced as all hell, but given how my last encounter went, I'll be dammed if I don't take you seriously enough to not give you some form of credit.
Could you win this match? Yes. Anybody could. The world could also end tomorrow when a meteor strikes and destroys the planet, sending us plummeting into Mars to be erased by the void of space or by the horrid remains of the moon or the Earth's core.
Because the hypothetical of you actually beating me is so fucking hilarious, I can guarantee you would get a standing ovation if you were in front of an audience. Which would be the first and last standing ovation you would ever receive.
But hey. I'm doing fine. How's your head? Ready to lose it?
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Post by Petrov Remastered on Nov 4, 2020 15:59:19 GMT -5
I am indeed taking myself seriously, Max. This is serious shit.
Me beating you half to death and squeezing down on your skull so hard that your ears leak brain Jello..is very fucking serious.
You sit here thinking this is a joke as you scoff in the direction of the people in charge who booked this match says more about you and your career than it does mine. You're telling on yourself here.
Right now, you're wishing this was one big joke, because that's your wheelhouse. You would hope you're getting a free title defense against someone who others have managed to handle, but life's just not always fair like that.
The questions I've presented to you though, they're not hypotheticals.
They're absolutely rhetorical.
Fact of the matter is, I've been around the block and you haven't even pulled out of the driveway. I've seen everything this company has to offer. I know it, I understand it. You're 2-0 on the PBS circuit, but Petrov is about to show you what primetime looks like, what smoking a fat cigar and blowing the smoke into the camera on HBO looks like.
That Pure Title that you're holding, it was never meant for Noris Cranley. It was never going to be defined by a CW channel recasting of Shemar Moore for a Criminal Minds reimagining and it was never meant for you either.
This is the division for people who can end it quickly and decisively, people who are built like brick shithouses with fists the size of lunchboxes and right when you feel like you've arrived, I'm here to toss you over the front porch and into the hedges. Hopefully they aren't too uncomfortable, because generally speaking, I can tell that you are not right now.
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Post by Max f'n Daemon on Nov 4, 2020 16:52:02 GMT -5
Well you were right about one thing. I am most definitely not uncomfortable. In fact, I'm feeling pretty good.
I mean, I won a title in my second match with this company. For as good as you think you are I can guarantee you haven't accomplished anything near as impressive as that. And no, before you get hyped off your own shit again, being a big fucker with an ability to blindly swing your fists like they're hammers is not impressive, nor is it skillful. Effective, yes, but thinking you're top shit worthy of the exclusive cable package is, again, pretty fucking hilarious.
Because while you're stuck with the softcore shit on HBO, I'm rockin the hardcore mix on pay-per-view.
I've gotta admit your metaphors are impressive though. I've never seen somebody spew bullshit in so many different ways than you just did, but hey, everybody's gotta have a talent, because yours most definitely isn't wrestling.
Though it's astounding that for all the shit I gave Cranley, he was never as uninteresting or unapologetically bad at this as you were. The dude might've taken me to task but he actually gave a shit enough to show me he deserved this. You? You're hittin nonstop fouls with kids whose balls haven't dropped yet while I'm scorin Grand Slams with men bigger than you are, and they don't need to rely on steroids to keep up the look.
I'll give you one thing though: this Pure Title isn't meant for me. I'm meant for bigger things, 'specially here in AW.
But for right now? If holding down this division and making fuckers like you wish they'd never entered a wrestling ring is what I have to do to get there...than I'll gladly make you my 3-0.
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Post by Petrov Remastered on Nov 6, 2020 22:52:16 GMT -5
Here's the deal, Jack.
You beat Noris Cranley. You know who else beat Noris Cranley?
Noris Cranley.
The man never stood a chance in the grander scheme of this division and neither do you.
Especially now that I've entered the fray.
I see through you and with that, I see your lack of grit. I see a Bang pounding tryhard practicing his flutter kicks at Anytime Fitness to the tune of Shinedown's "Devour" while glancing over at the "Only God Can Judge Me" tattoo on your right arm.
I am God, Mr. Daemon and God is judging you.
Your real problem is...you can't see through me. There's no chance to, because I pulled back the curtain by choice. There's no more long con. This is it. I'm going to rip the gold from your hands, because I feel like it and I'm going to cut your lower card push drastically fucking short..because I feel like it.
My career up to this point has been..dormant, but with you, I smell blood in the water.
If you were a proper historian, you would look back at the rumble match where I outlasted the likes of Odin Balfore and raise an eyebrow. Either you don't know what I've got in me or it's part of what got erased for you. Well, that and knowing how to shoot above a sixth grade reading level.
You said on Clash that you didn't know what you were capable of.
I do, Max...and let me tell you, it isn't much.
Two and zero in a mud puddle.
Two and zero off the heels of beating nobody important.
Next? We will see five and five hundred put you to shame and put you on the shelf.
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Post by Max f'n Daemon on Nov 6, 2020 23:17:59 GMT -5
My name's Max. You obviously don't know jack if you're already getting things confused.
Cranley at least had the balls to stand there and talk to me. You've been pulling out his same exact shtick of thinking you're some all-powerful wrestler who's better than me...the only exception being you're bigger than him.
Being bigger doesn't make it, or you, original. it makes you slower and dumber. And I really didn't t think it was possible to get even dumber but goddamn you have succeeded at it.
Judge me all you want motherfucker. I've been judged my whole life and nobody has once passed the correct judgment. What's my verdict? I'm not good enough? I don't stand a chance against you? You're gonna beat my ass and take my title?
Who the fuck are you to judge? You walked in and immediately said you've lost over 500 matches. I haven't even had 500 matches and I'm already on the fast track to surpassing your shitstain record of 5. You think losing all this time and "waiting for the right opportunity" suddenly makes you a good wrestler?
Your career hasn't been dormant. You just straight-up fucking suck.
Much like Cranley you don't know a goddamn thing about me. Nobody here does. And the more you people seem to think you do the more I'm understanding why this division has been so lacking. It's not because people aren't willing to step-up. It's just that nobody is good enough to stay on top.
You're discrediting Cranley when he's done more to merit everybody's respect than you ever have. Maybe the next time (HA!) you get a shot you'll start wondering why you're always on the mat.
Oh, and Shinedown sucks. Go ahead and "devour" my dick while you're down there.
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Post by Max f'n Daemon on Nov 8, 2020 0:15:26 GMT -5
Dawn of the final day huh?
One more day and you've yet to prove anything to me or to the people watching. You came out like a rookie pointing to the outfield and managed to hit into an infield double play to cost your team the game. Then, after I responded, you decided that that probably wasn't the best approach. So you chose instead to remake yourself as some brick shithouse that can tear apart guys like me in moments. However, you've yet to fully understand that that whole "I'm bigger than you and can dismantle you" shtick isn't original, nor is it effective.
If you're a brick shithouse than that must make me the wrecking ball. It doesn't matter how big you are or how effective you think your hits can be. The only thing that matters and has always mattered is that I, Max Daemon, won the Pure Championship off a guy who does more to make himself a legitimate talent in this business than you have your entire career.
So if you think I'm going to be intimidated by the guy who's lost enough matches to have retired multiple times over, than your size is compensating for the small-dicked brain you've got locked inside your skull.
We're losin time, so here's one final piece on you, Petrov.
You aren't shit.
You've never been shit.
You will never be shit.
And when we're done, and I've retained my Pure Championship, I want you to understand something.
They will remember you.
But only as one of the stepping stones that I had to take to become the greatest professional wrestler in history.
So congratulations. You'll finally be relevant.
You'll be my 3-0.
And you can remember me as your 1...in 5-501.
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