Network Exclusive Interview with Cult Leader Daniel Dream
Jun 23, 2020 9:59:45 GMT -5
Carnivore and Stuart Slane like this
Post by The Papa John's Pizza Man on Jun 23, 2020 9:59:45 GMT -5
--Roughly 24 hours after the 22nd of June's episode of Clash--
Daniel Dream sits to the left as the interviewer is seated to the right, facing Daniel.
Interviewer: Daniel, thank you for this opportunity to interview you because I've been wanting to interview you for a while now but I know you don't like interviews.
Daniel takes a deep breath.
Interviewer: What got you into wrestling?
Daniel Dream: I remember a scared little boy dreaming of nothing more than being like his daddy. Hehehe, he drowned me and hurt my family. I ran away from my home in Atlanta, I met my then soon-to-be adoptive father Lee Matthews, he got me into wrestling. Thirty years of being in wrestling with wins, losses, championship wins. It's easy to be me, hehehe. I am a survivor.
Interviewer: There are a few that believe in your preachings, what are your preachings and who are The Cult of Carnivore?
Daniel Dream: I am the messiah. I believe in resurrection and maybe even reincarnation caused by the life force flowing through me because of my complete meat based diet. I believe in my miraculous acts of levitation and prophecy that I have performed in Action Wrestling. I believe in Hell. I believe in Purgatory.
I believe if Z, Trip, Momus, Poseidon, and the son of my opponent make me happy then aliens will escort them to The Kingdom of Heaven during the apocalypse when the stars align. Z, Trip, Momus, and Poseido have accepted the beliefs to be at carnivore-level so they’ll need to ascend to the next level while the son of my opponent needs to be indoctrinated because he is at sheep-level.
The interviewer suddenly switches the tone of his voice.
Interviewer: Indoctrinating the son of your opponent, sheep-level, what does this mean?
The Cult Leader leans forward and folds his hands
Daniel Dream: You have people that treated you like a person, people that understood you, people that accept you, people that love you...people that care. The Cult of Carnivore? We're different. People mistreated us, people misunderstood us, people rejected us, people hated us. When I dreamed, I heard their screams. Do you think for one second the universe cared?
No.
The universe did not care. It’s important for a father to go to his son and tell his son that he loves him one last time because The Cult of Carnivore is awaiting. It’s important for a father to go to his son and tell his son goodbye because there is no certainty that his son is returning.
Interviewer: There are a few following your example of being a cult leader in Action Wrestling such as Karlie Nash and The Papa John’s Pizza Man, what do you think about them?
Daniel Dream: I’m not a follower, I am a leader. The only thing I can dream of now is being a savior. I think the idea of a Papa John’s cult is stupid.
Voice: EMBRACE THE SILENCE, YOU HAIRY FROGFISH!!
Dream can be seen rolling his eyes, as a very battered, very bruised The Papa John's Pizza Man walks into shot. He's being held up by a nervous-looking Pizza Druid. His left leg looks especially hurt and PJPM grunts with every assisted step.
PJPM: You are an egregious fool. Thinking there was one singular location on this quantum plane where you could communicate about Papa John's without me hearkening it?!
But.. heh.. I am in the mood of the good. Hark, Carniv of the Ore, hark to me as my crimson, luscious, ultra flexible sentient meat-line currently resting inside my furious mouth dictates my Boice of Vox and fires away my sermons of truth. Look at this wall to thou's right.
...
T-..
Turn me.
N- no-! No, to the left, you vacuum!
The Pizza Druid awkwardly turns Pizza Man so he's pointing at the wall behind them. Dream just stares at him unimpressed as PJPM rants to the wall.
PJPM: You are this wall.
Misguided, muscular and passionate and potent, but misguided.
You say you believe in retribution, resurrection, but perhaps you yourself are in need of that.
Perhaps you've spent so long tending to sheep thou have forgotten you are merely a goat.
Druid: Pith-
PJPM: SSSHH!!
The truth has dispossessed my way of thinking and I simply cannot pretend that your Thrimes of the Cought have extracted anything but fiery rage.
The 1st amendment is followed by the slightly less memorable 1.5st amendment, which states none could ever insult Papa John's, or it's cults, and could nay so much as glance at the thought of not being eternally monogamous to a 6 dollar Papadia.
Ye hath wronged me, you boat.
Formula states I should punish ye, but the NASCAR driver of an Intelligent-Pizza-Brain steers vengeance-Pizza-body of the track.
I retain the Court of the Shut.
Druid: Piththa Man, he-
PJPM: Cease your desecration of my Phors of the Meta, Charlie! You shit!
Yeees, while policies dictate I once again march my anger upon all dirt, that serves as the dressing for the upper and lower mantle and all other layers of this earth. Yet, my mind has stumbled upon on a better of the idea.
Thou art a Carnivore. A consumer of meats. The Papa John's is a provider of meats. Perhaps if you joined the Ministry of Mariana thou wouldst be able to-
Did he walk off whilst I was speaking?
PJPM is turned to face the interviewer again. Dream is nowhere to be seen and PJPM clenches his fist in anger.
Druid: Yeah, he walked away as thoon as you thtarted thpeaking. I tried to te-
PJPM: Every fricking- Hmph!! That muscular vermin!
Ugh... my nerves are upon-ed by him.
I' th' haste, pawn.
The druid very, very slowly turns PJPM around and then they very, very slowly walk off screen.
The camera pans back in on the interviewer just as PJPM mumbles "Yeah, well I feature within a fucking Telltale game.." from offscreen.
Interviewer: Uh... I suppose that concludes this interview. This has been an AW Network exclusive. You still recording? Okay, what in the he-..
The camera cuts away.