Cashin' That Bonu$ Check
Jun 18, 2020 15:45:31 GMT -5
Karlie Nash, Claire Hawkins, and 5 more like this
Post by Dandy DiVito on Jun 18, 2020 15:45:31 GMT -5
The scene opens at a teller counter for a bank in Jacksonville. Dandy DiVito proudly waltzes up to the counter when the lady at the window calls for him to step forward.
“How can I help you today, sir?”
Dandy reaches into the pocket of his trashy jogger pants and pulls out a beat to shit, wadded up check. He unfolds and smooths the check out before proudly displaying it high in the air for the teller to see and read.
“I wan’ cash my fuckin’ bonus check. One-point-two million! Cash money, baby!”
The teller does a double glance when looking at the check, and her brow furrows.
“Can I see that, please?”
Dandy’s big beaming smile somehow gets bigger as he hands the check across the counter. As the teller examines the check, she is growing more visibly concerned and stressed out.
“Um, can you sit tight for a moment, sir? I need to check on something with my manager.”
Dandy’s smile sours a bit and he looks at the teller with suspicion in his eyes.
“Gimme my check back firs’.”
The teller cocks her head to the side in confusion.
“Sir, I need to take this with me. It will be safe. I promise.”
Dandy’s eyes narrow as he gives the teller the stink eye.
“It fuckin’ better be. Torture would be a super dick if he gotta cut me another one a’ them sons-a-bitches.”
“Have no fear, sir. I’ll be right back.”
Dandy stands awkward and alone at the counter. He’s looking around the bank, watching everyone coming and going, but primarily keeping a close eye on his teller as she chats up her manager who incredulously examines the check. The manager is clearly flabbergasted. Dandy grows more frustrated until both the manager and the teller return to the window to talk to Dandy.
“Hello, uh... Mr. DiVito…?”
“Sup?”
“Well, sir, I’m afraid we can’t just cash this check today.”
Dandy’s frustration peaks.
“And why THE HELL not?!”
“We just don’t have 1.2 million dollars in this entire branch of Chase, let alone this teller’s drawer, sir. We simply do not have the liquid capital to hand you at this time.”
Dandy sighs.
“How much do y’all got?”
“Each drawer is limited to roughly $5000 in small bills. We don’t have more than $200 thousand in the entire bank at any point. It’s for your security and for the bank’s. I’m sorry, sir.”
“I want e’rythin’ you can gimme righ’ now. Deposit the res’ of it in my account.”
“Sir…I…can’t just give you every dollar we have in the bank right now.”
“Goddamn it! Why the fuck not?!”
“I’d have to close the bank until we could acquire more transaction cash, and that’s not fair to other customers of the bank.”
Dandy is getting pissed at this point.
“So tell me… exactly how much of MY FUCKIN’ MONEY can you gimme today?”
“Please, sir, lower your voice. I understand your frustration, but…”
Dandy interrupts and speaks harshly but quietly and through gritted teeth.
“How. Much. Of. MY. Fucking. Money. Can. YOU. Give. ME. Today?!”
“10 thousand.”
“WHAT?!”
“Sir…”
Dandy lowers his voice.
“I wan’ my fuggin’ money!”
“We just need to deposit the remainder of the check into your account. It’s a pretty straight forward process as long as that’s what you’d like to do today. If not, then you can have your check back and make arrangements with Chase headquarters. Just let me know what you’d prefer, and I apologize for the inconvenience, sir.”
“Ughhhhhhhhhh, just gimme the 10k an’ deposit the res’.”
“How can I help you today, sir?”
Dandy reaches into the pocket of his trashy jogger pants and pulls out a beat to shit, wadded up check. He unfolds and smooths the check out before proudly displaying it high in the air for the teller to see and read.
“I wan’ cash my fuckin’ bonus check. One-point-two million! Cash money, baby!”
The teller does a double glance when looking at the check, and her brow furrows.
“Can I see that, please?”
Dandy’s big beaming smile somehow gets bigger as he hands the check across the counter. As the teller examines the check, she is growing more visibly concerned and stressed out.
“Um, can you sit tight for a moment, sir? I need to check on something with my manager.”
Dandy’s smile sours a bit and he looks at the teller with suspicion in his eyes.
“Gimme my check back firs’.”
The teller cocks her head to the side in confusion.
“Sir, I need to take this with me. It will be safe. I promise.”
Dandy’s eyes narrow as he gives the teller the stink eye.
“It fuckin’ better be. Torture would be a super dick if he gotta cut me another one a’ them sons-a-bitches.”
“Have no fear, sir. I’ll be right back.”
Dandy stands awkward and alone at the counter. He’s looking around the bank, watching everyone coming and going, but primarily keeping a close eye on his teller as she chats up her manager who incredulously examines the check. The manager is clearly flabbergasted. Dandy grows more frustrated until both the manager and the teller return to the window to talk to Dandy.
“Hello, uh... Mr. DiVito…?”
“Sup?”
“Well, sir, I’m afraid we can’t just cash this check today.”
Dandy’s frustration peaks.
“And why THE HELL not?!”
“We just don’t have 1.2 million dollars in this entire branch of Chase, let alone this teller’s drawer, sir. We simply do not have the liquid capital to hand you at this time.”
Dandy sighs.
“How much do y’all got?”
“Each drawer is limited to roughly $5000 in small bills. We don’t have more than $200 thousand in the entire bank at any point. It’s for your security and for the bank’s. I’m sorry, sir.”
“I want e’rythin’ you can gimme righ’ now. Deposit the res’ of it in my account.”
“Sir…I…can’t just give you every dollar we have in the bank right now.”
“Goddamn it! Why the fuck not?!”
“I’d have to close the bank until we could acquire more transaction cash, and that’s not fair to other customers of the bank.”
Dandy is getting pissed at this point.
“So tell me… exactly how much of MY FUCKIN’ MONEY can you gimme today?”
“Please, sir, lower your voice. I understand your frustration, but…”
Dandy interrupts and speaks harshly but quietly and through gritted teeth.
“How. Much. Of. MY. Fucking. Money. Can. YOU. Give. ME. Today?!”
“10 thousand.”
“WHAT?!”
“Sir…”
Dandy lowers his voice.
“I wan’ my fuggin’ money!”
“We just need to deposit the remainder of the check into your account. It’s a pretty straight forward process as long as that’s what you’d like to do today. If not, then you can have your check back and make arrangements with Chase headquarters. Just let me know what you’d prefer, and I apologize for the inconvenience, sir.”
“Ughhhhhhhhhh, just gimme the 10k an’ deposit the res’.”