Doloris Rex, or "Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout, John Q. Public?"
Jun 15, 2020 6:17:28 GMT -5
via mobile
Quixote Della Torre, Crow McMorris, and 1 more like this
Post by Jay Omega on Jun 15, 2020 6:17:28 GMT -5
OOC Author's Note: What I present to you here is my original Evo RP, which I finished several days before deadline. While I was somewhat satisfied with this product, I reached out for an unbiased opinion, which led to the version submitted for judging. This is being posted just to show what could have been...
*With a flicker of static, we cut from a black screen to the interior of a tastefully decorated(if somewhat spartan) office, where the Hardcore Maniac, Jay Omega reclines on a brown, leather therapist's couch. Dressed for competition in his glossy crimson attire, Omega holds his battered leather mask in the bottom half of his field of vision, alternating his gaze between the mask, and the middle distance of his thoughts, found somewhere on the ceiling. Positioned behind the matching wingback chair, we are unable to see exactly to whom Jay is speaking. Furthermore, we seem to be interrupting a session already in progress.*
JAY OMEGA: --life's been defined by tragedy, really. A bit of good luck, but mostly a lot of bad. My parents dying, the system failing me, homeless at fourteen. Then a bit of good when I met the man who was more a father to me than my own was, and he set me on the path to becoming a wrestler. But my formative years were shaped by a pain that I couldn't process and had no outlet for, and Lady Luck's liberal use of her dry strap-on had already made me a bitter, angry young man who found that hurting others made me hurt a little less. As a reckless little shit who didn't care about himself, is it any wonder I gravitated toward the more high-risk moves and matches?
*We cut away from the therapy session to a blank, white screen, and the following words appear in plain black text.*
*The text fades, and two voices begin speaking, their words appearing onscreen.*
Man 1: --Covers the U.S. Championship, next is this Hardcore Games match; who do you like?
Man 2: Ooh, dat's a tough call. Any udder day, I'd say Corey Black, y'know? Dat guy's made me a lotta money over da years.
Man 1: Heh heh, you don't need to tell me, Frankie.
Frankie: But dere's some hungry young fucks in dis match, ain't dere? Dis QDT fella an' Ryan Elias wanna rip each udder apart, Scott Slayer, Bishop, an' Kancer all lookin' ta make a impact after gettin' da short stick lately, and we can't fuggedabowt fuckin' Jay Omega bein' back on da scene.
Man 1: Yeah, wasn't he a big deal for a hot minute something like five years ago?
Frankie: Sure, if we're talking mainstream, top-level kinda stuff, but you don't handle da indies, Tony; dere's a lotta big fish in all dem little ponds, and Jay Omega's been true most a dem.
Tony: You and your fuckin' indy promotions. Hey, they're talkin' about startin' up Little League again, you wanna lay down a couple bills on my kid's team? *wheezing laugh*
Frankie: Fuck you, Tony. I watched dis guy t'row Dusty Spears off a cell, den hit a double rotation Shootin' Star Press on da guy; he's fuckin' crazy!
Tony: Yeah, I don't know who Spears is, and I don't know what a Shootin' Star is.
Frankie: Doesn't matter. My point is, Jay Omega's been around da block a few times, an' if dere's a Hardcore scene, he dominates it.
Tony: Yeah, but Corey Black is the favorite to win, with two to one odds.
Frankie: He's also at a major disadvantage in clusterfucks like dis. Yeah, gimme twenty large on Omega.
Tony: You sure? Vegas is giving five to one against him.
Frankie: Really? In dat case, make it fifty large.
Tony: All right, but it seems like a sucker's bet to me.
Frankie: Ay, if it was Black an' Omega one on one, I wouldn't even bet on it, dat's how close it'd be. But dis Omega guy is da fuckin' embodiment of chaos, and he's callin' himself da Hardcore Maniac again; you t'row him in a match like dis, when he's got a grudge against Black? Fuggedabowdit.
Tony: Okay, fifty large it is. So how 'bout this next match, between--
*The conversation cuts off abruptly, and a moment later we cut back to the therapist's office.*
JAY OMEGA: ...different masks throughout my career; sometimes literal, sometimes metaphorical. Like my penchant for comedy; everyone knows the funniest people are the most depressed, and boy am I funny. When I want to be. Take this Cue Dee Tee guy; a month ago I'd've intentionally mispronounced his name, then wasted ten minutes going on about the "Quick Hottie", Delilah Torres, before supposedly learning he's a man, then wasting another ten minutes questioning his sexuality. I'm not in the mood to laugh, though, so I don't find his inclusion in the Hardcore Games very funny. He has no dog in this fight, his quarrel is with Ryan Elias, and as far as I know, neither of them have expressed much interest in the Hardcore Championship before now. Me? I made my intentions clear the moment I signed that contract; I want that belt, and Della Torre had best keep his little family feud away from my fucking fight with Corey. I'll tell you this right now; if Quixote comes tilting at this windmill, he's gonna find a fucking giant ready to crush him. Fee fie foe fum, motherfucker.
*We cut back to a blank screen, and after a moment, the following words appear in plain text.*
*A half second after the text fades, further text begins to appear, filling the screen from the bottom up, eventually being pushed off as though the chat were happening in real time.*
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Corey Black's sword fight with Jay omega was epic! So hyped for Evo!
boba_fetty_wap: ya bro tat shit was fuccin lit
shooting_starscream: poor kancer. can you spell concushion?
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Apparently you can't.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: *concussion
shooting_starscream: watevr
guest187615 has entered the room
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Guest! Identify!
guest187615 has changed their name to Televangelina_Jolie
Televangelina_Jolie: Hey guys!
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Oh, hey Angie!
boba_fetty_wap: hey
Televangelina_Jolie: Hi Mark!
shooting_starscream: what up ange. so who do you guys think is gonna win the hardcore gakes matcj?
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: The King, duh. Corey Black is untouchable.
boba_fetty_wap: stop succin blacks dick all the tim
boba_fetty_wap: omegas got this like addy a has hurpees
boba_fetty_wap: undenyably
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: On his mouth?
shooting_starscream: god you are such a tool mark.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: I'm also a mod.
shooting_starscream has been kicked.
Televangelina_Jolie: …
Televangelina_Jolie: Mark!
boba_fetty_wap: XD
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: He knows I'm joking.
guest188317 has entered the room
guest188317 has changed their name to shooting_starscream
shooting_starscream: still a tool. who's your pick angie?
Televangelina_Jolie: QDT for me! He's got a lot of motivation going into this.
Televangelina_Jolie: And he's sexy af.
Aluminum_Falcon: K I'm back, kids are in bed, what are we talking about?
shooting_starscream: hardcore games, who's your pick?
Aluminum_Falcon: Deff Omega; he's the only one with the skill and focus needed to dethrone tKoAW.
Televangelina_Jolie: Boo! QDT! QDT! QDT!
boba_fetty_wap: dis man knows wassup
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: You wish, Brad; Corey Black's gonna hold the strap until he hits 500 days.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Then he'll abdicate and be the man who ends the GOATslayer's streak.
boba_fetty_wap: ur dreemin dude theres way to much preshur on black from all sides
Aluminum_Falcon: He's right. Plus QDT is great, but a) he's more focused on Elias…
Aluminum_Falcon: And b) he's not primarily a hardcore wrestler. Neither is Black, really.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: XIII
Aluminum_Falcon: I said primarily; XIII's not a regular thing.
Televangelina_Jolie: BRB, pizza's here!
boba_fetty_wap: u no who is a hardcore wreslter and is focsued on the belt?
boba_fetty_wap: ill give u a hint its not scot slayer
guest188369 has entered the room
guest188369 has changed their name to Patrick
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: You guys must be smoking some really fantastic weed.
Patrick has left the room
shooting_starscream: that was weird.
Televangelina_Jolie: Hawaiian pizza is the best pizza. Fight me.
boba_fetty_wap: gross
Aluminum_Falcon: Pineapple is love. Pineapple is life.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: I have a pineapple.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: I have a pen.
shooting_starscream: oh god please don't.
Televangelina_Jolie: So who's your pick, Cliff?
shooting_starscream: gotta go with the popular opinion and give it to omega.
SnarkSmark_FunkyBunch: You guys suck.
shooting_starscream: dude, it's all he's talked about since havoc; not even black is that focused.
Aluminum_Falcon: Plus Jay spent YEARS crushing every hardcore division in the indies.
boba_fetty_wap: prety sure hes had more hardcore belts than any other kind to
boba_fetty_wap: and hes been wreslting since b4 I was born
Televangelina_Jolie: I keep forgetting how young you are. But don't forget about QDT guys!
shooting_starscream: face it, angie; qdt has a baby that elias is using as a game piece...
shooting_starscream: he's just not going to be able to keep his mind on winning the match.
boba_fetty_wap: tru say
Aluminum_Falcon: I wouldn't normally discount guys like Kancer or Scott Slayer, but this?
Aluminum_Falcon: This is the HARDCORE MANIAC we're talking about; the rest don't compare.
shooting_starscream: ya bro; black's real good, but this is exactly where omega thrives.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Can we talk about something else?
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Who do you guys think is gonna win Walter/Richards?
shooting_starscream: richards for sure.
boba_fetty_wap: no way bro
*A flicker of static, and we're back in the office. Omega now sits on the couch with his mask dangling between his knees, speaking directly to whomever is in the chair.*
JAY OMEGA: --because there just wasn't any point in me being there. Much like how there's no point to Della Torre and Ryan Elias being in my Hardcore title match. Ryan Elias is a third-rate chumpstain with no notion of the situation he finds himself in; every single competitor in this match who isn't Corey Black is just a body for me to bury in order to see my conquest through. I give zero fucks about Elias and his games with Quixote; if he so much as sneers in my direction, I'm gonna knock his teeth so far down his throat, he'll need to shove a toothbrush up his ass to clean them.
*The Hardcore Maniac shakes his head once, dismissing the disturbing visual from his mind.*
JAY OMEGA: But speaking of burying bodies, it makes me wonder what kind of spineless coward Della Torre is. I tell you truly, were I in his situation, Mister Chavo Blue would have already mysteriously vanished, Tawny Lane would be in cuffs, and Debonair would be safe and sound at home with Daddy. But Quixote decided that working a couple of matches was more important than hiring a lawyer and fighting for his daughter. He might not have won custody, but he could have had the kid apprehended and put in a better home, where he could visit.
*Omega half shrugs and tilts his head, conceding a point to himself.*
JAY OMEGA: He could still do that, to be honest. But hey, why do what's best for his child when he could turn it into a fuckin' spectacle, right? Sure, Elias made the opening move, but Cue Dee Tee chose to play his game, and he continues to play by Ryan's rules, when he knows he's being manipulated. And this stupid ass chickenshit cuck thinks he's worthy of the Hardcore Championship? No, he ain't worthy to lick Elias' leftovers outta Tawny's ass. I don't give two squirts of llama piss what this jackhole did in the Cruiserweight division, because this is where the big boys hang, and Cue Dee Tee don't got what it takes to be the face of the Hardcore division. Ryan Elias? He just doesn't have what it takes, period. I'm gonna give them both a free lesson on the meaning of hardcore; they might not like what they learn, but hey, the price is right.
*With yet another flicker of static, we cut back to blank white for a moment, while the following plain text appears.*
*Static flickers, and we find ourselves in a bedroom festooned with an assortment of merchandise from Action Wrestling and its associated predecessors(WCF and UCI). In the middle of the shot is a twenty-something, scruffily-bearded young man, fully occupying the padded computer chair he sits in. As with the therapy session, we seem to be coming in partway through a broadcast in progress.*
THE GENERIC HEEL COMMENTATOR: --the fuck is this Hardcore Games match all about you ask? Well the word in the dirt sheets is that it's going to be like the movie the Hunger Games, or if you're not a fucking fourteen year old girl, the vastly superior anime that Hunger Games ripped off; Battle Royale. Now, I said like those movies, meaning there's going to be a bunch of weapons scattered around the arena for everybody to use. It does not mean we're going to see a bunch of kids killing each other. Well, maybe; Action Wrestling's heritage is pretty fucked up. Now we'll get to who's in the match and who I think is gonna win in a second, but first, if you like the content on my channel, be sure to hit subscribe, powerslam that like button, and ring the bell to join the notification squad. Also, be sure to stick around until the end of the video to find out how to enter the weekly giveaways; this week's prize is a collection of Teo masks.
*For a moment, the screen is filled with a multitude of Teo del Sol and Teo Blaze mask replicas, many of them garish variants unlike anything actually worn by the man in question. These vanish as quickly as they appeared, leaving us alone once more with the scruffy and unkempt wrestling nerd.*
TGHC: Okay, so there's seven guys in this clusterfuck, and I'm lookin' at the list of competitors goin' "why the fuck are Bishop, Kancer, and Scott Slayer even in this match? What's more, why the fuck is Derrick Vayden not in this match?" Is it because Torture likes to bury his talent as much as Seth Lerch used to, ten years ago? Is it because Camilla Gonzalez couldn't book her way out of a wet paper bag even if Jaice Wilds ran in with a pair of scissors? We may never know. What we do know, is that Jay Omega has rechristened himself the Hardcore Maniac again, and he's hellbent on reclaiming his throne as the King of Pain. Personally, I don't think Ryan Elias and Cue Dee Tee combined have a prayer of stopping him, even if they were able to recruit Bishop, Kancer, and Slayer. Really, the only person who stands a chance here is the champ himself, BUT! He's also got the biggest target on his back. Corey Black can't afford to drop his guard for a second, 'cause there's six sharks circling, just waiting for a hint of blood in the water. Of course, three of them are harmless nurse sharks, and two of them are a tiger shark and a hammerhead fighting each other, but that last one is a Great White, and he's huuungry. So here's my official prediction: After a brutal fight, and it's going to be fucking close, but Jay Omega is going to pin Corey Black for the title, you mark my words. All right! Next is--
*Static, and we're back in the office, the Hardcore Maniac now wearing his mask as he continues his diatribe.*
JAY OMEGA: --cycle, just the same thing over and over. Like how Corey Black is still spouting the same tired rhetoric he was a month ago, about how I'm a bottom of the barrel nobody who's only good for that cheap return pop. Must have been fuckin' embarrassing for the King of All Wrestlers to be punked out by some bottom of the barrel nobody. But he called me out for calling my shot, so I had to back it up. There ya go, Corey; I tossed your wannabe Viking ass out of the ring to pick up my win over you. Yeah, my win; fuck you, Bishop. Now, I could have pinned Corey then and there, or demolished his protege for the dubya, but to what end? No, I'll pin Corey's shoulders to the mat when doing so will mean something. Make no mistake, doc, I can and will beat Corey Black any time I want, and any way I want. The Black Reign ends at Evolution, because there's a one man army storming the castle gates. Corey just wants one thing; just to play the King. But the castle's crumbled, and he's left with just a name. Where's your crown, King Nothing?
*Omega's eyes flicker to the camera as he says the last five words, then back to whomever is in the room with him.*
JAY OMEGA: Corey's ego may be almost as big as my own, but his inflated sense of self worth does have some merit, unlike the other three jackholes in the match. Why are Kancer, Bishop, and Slayer here? Well that's the sixty-four thousand dollar question, isn't it? The answer is simple; these three tributes are only there to provide warm bodies for the initial slaughter. They are filler, meant to ensure this hot mess doesn't turn into two simultaneous singles matches, and that's honestly a pretty good idea on the suits' part. In theory, anyway; ain't a damn thing on this planet that's gonna stop me. Corey said it himself; I'm the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn't very nice. I've already proven it to myself, just as I've proven it to Corey. Monday night, at Evolution, I prove it to the world.
*The Hardcore Maniac rises to his feet, and the scene fades to black.*
*With a flicker of static, we cut from a black screen to the interior of a tastefully decorated(if somewhat spartan) office, where the Hardcore Maniac, Jay Omega reclines on a brown, leather therapist's couch. Dressed for competition in his glossy crimson attire, Omega holds his battered leather mask in the bottom half of his field of vision, alternating his gaze between the mask, and the middle distance of his thoughts, found somewhere on the ceiling. Positioned behind the matching wingback chair, we are unable to see exactly to whom Jay is speaking. Furthermore, we seem to be interrupting a session already in progress.*
JAY OMEGA: --life's been defined by tragedy, really. A bit of good luck, but mostly a lot of bad. My parents dying, the system failing me, homeless at fourteen. Then a bit of good when I met the man who was more a father to me than my own was, and he set me on the path to becoming a wrestler. But my formative years were shaped by a pain that I couldn't process and had no outlet for, and Lady Luck's liberal use of her dry strap-on had already made me a bitter, angry young man who found that hurting others made me hurt a little less. As a reckless little shit who didn't care about himself, is it any wonder I gravitated toward the more high-risk moves and matches?
*We cut away from the therapy session to a blank, white screen, and the following words appear in plain black text.*
===============
Excerpt from Atlantic City telephone logs
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Excerpt from Atlantic City telephone logs
===============
*The text fades, and two voices begin speaking, their words appearing onscreen.*
Man 1: --Covers the U.S. Championship, next is this Hardcore Games match; who do you like?
Man 2: Ooh, dat's a tough call. Any udder day, I'd say Corey Black, y'know? Dat guy's made me a lotta money over da years.
Man 1: Heh heh, you don't need to tell me, Frankie.
Frankie: But dere's some hungry young fucks in dis match, ain't dere? Dis QDT fella an' Ryan Elias wanna rip each udder apart, Scott Slayer, Bishop, an' Kancer all lookin' ta make a impact after gettin' da short stick lately, and we can't fuggedabowt fuckin' Jay Omega bein' back on da scene.
Man 1: Yeah, wasn't he a big deal for a hot minute something like five years ago?
Frankie: Sure, if we're talking mainstream, top-level kinda stuff, but you don't handle da indies, Tony; dere's a lotta big fish in all dem little ponds, and Jay Omega's been true most a dem.
Tony: You and your fuckin' indy promotions. Hey, they're talkin' about startin' up Little League again, you wanna lay down a couple bills on my kid's team? *wheezing laugh*
Frankie: Fuck you, Tony. I watched dis guy t'row Dusty Spears off a cell, den hit a double rotation Shootin' Star Press on da guy; he's fuckin' crazy!
Tony: Yeah, I don't know who Spears is, and I don't know what a Shootin' Star is.
Frankie: Doesn't matter. My point is, Jay Omega's been around da block a few times, an' if dere's a Hardcore scene, he dominates it.
Tony: Yeah, but Corey Black is the favorite to win, with two to one odds.
Frankie: He's also at a major disadvantage in clusterfucks like dis. Yeah, gimme twenty large on Omega.
Tony: You sure? Vegas is giving five to one against him.
Frankie: Really? In dat case, make it fifty large.
Tony: All right, but it seems like a sucker's bet to me.
Frankie: Ay, if it was Black an' Omega one on one, I wouldn't even bet on it, dat's how close it'd be. But dis Omega guy is da fuckin' embodiment of chaos, and he's callin' himself da Hardcore Maniac again; you t'row him in a match like dis, when he's got a grudge against Black? Fuggedabowdit.
Tony: Okay, fifty large it is. So how 'bout this next match, between--
*The conversation cuts off abruptly, and a moment later we cut back to the therapist's office.*
JAY OMEGA: ...different masks throughout my career; sometimes literal, sometimes metaphorical. Like my penchant for comedy; everyone knows the funniest people are the most depressed, and boy am I funny. When I want to be. Take this Cue Dee Tee guy; a month ago I'd've intentionally mispronounced his name, then wasted ten minutes going on about the "Quick Hottie", Delilah Torres, before supposedly learning he's a man, then wasting another ten minutes questioning his sexuality. I'm not in the mood to laugh, though, so I don't find his inclusion in the Hardcore Games very funny. He has no dog in this fight, his quarrel is with Ryan Elias, and as far as I know, neither of them have expressed much interest in the Hardcore Championship before now. Me? I made my intentions clear the moment I signed that contract; I want that belt, and Della Torre had best keep his little family feud away from my fucking fight with Corey. I'll tell you this right now; if Quixote comes tilting at this windmill, he's gonna find a fucking giant ready to crush him. Fee fie foe fum, motherfucker.
*We cut back to a blank screen, and after a moment, the following words appear in plain text.*
*A half second after the text fades, further text begins to appear, filling the screen from the bottom up, eventually being pushed off as though the chat were happening in real time.*
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Corey Black's sword fight with Jay omega was epic! So hyped for Evo!
boba_fetty_wap: ya bro tat shit was fuccin lit
shooting_starscream: poor kancer. can you spell concushion?
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Apparently you can't.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: *concussion
shooting_starscream: watevr
guest187615 has entered the room
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Guest! Identify!
guest187615 has changed their name to Televangelina_Jolie
Televangelina_Jolie: Hey guys!
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Oh, hey Angie!
boba_fetty_wap: hey
Televangelina_Jolie: Hi Mark!
shooting_starscream: what up ange. so who do you guys think is gonna win the hardcore gakes matcj?
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: The King, duh. Corey Black is untouchable.
boba_fetty_wap: stop succin blacks dick all the tim
boba_fetty_wap: omegas got this like addy a has hurpees
boba_fetty_wap: undenyably
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: On his mouth?
shooting_starscream: god you are such a tool mark.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: I'm also a mod.
shooting_starscream has been kicked.
Televangelina_Jolie: …
Televangelina_Jolie: Mark!
boba_fetty_wap: XD
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: He knows I'm joking.
guest188317 has entered the room
guest188317 has changed their name to shooting_starscream
shooting_starscream: still a tool. who's your pick angie?
Televangelina_Jolie: QDT for me! He's got a lot of motivation going into this.
Televangelina_Jolie: And he's sexy af.
Aluminum_Falcon: K I'm back, kids are in bed, what are we talking about?
shooting_starscream: hardcore games, who's your pick?
Aluminum_Falcon: Deff Omega; he's the only one with the skill and focus needed to dethrone tKoAW.
Televangelina_Jolie: Boo! QDT! QDT! QDT!
boba_fetty_wap: dis man knows wassup
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: You wish, Brad; Corey Black's gonna hold the strap until he hits 500 days.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Then he'll abdicate and be the man who ends the GOATslayer's streak.
boba_fetty_wap: ur dreemin dude theres way to much preshur on black from all sides
Aluminum_Falcon: He's right. Plus QDT is great, but a) he's more focused on Elias…
Aluminum_Falcon: And b) he's not primarily a hardcore wrestler. Neither is Black, really.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: XIII
Aluminum_Falcon: I said primarily; XIII's not a regular thing.
Televangelina_Jolie: BRB, pizza's here!
boba_fetty_wap: u no who is a hardcore wreslter and is focsued on the belt?
boba_fetty_wap: ill give u a hint its not scot slayer
guest188369 has entered the room
guest188369 has changed their name to Patrick
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: You guys must be smoking some really fantastic weed.
Patrick has left the room
shooting_starscream: that was weird.
Televangelina_Jolie: Hawaiian pizza is the best pizza. Fight me.
boba_fetty_wap: gross
Aluminum_Falcon: Pineapple is love. Pineapple is life.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: I have a pineapple.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: I have a pen.
shooting_starscream: oh god please don't.
Televangelina_Jolie: So who's your pick, Cliff?
shooting_starscream: gotta go with the popular opinion and give it to omega.
SnarkSmark_FunkyBunch: You guys suck.
shooting_starscream: dude, it's all he's talked about since havoc; not even black is that focused.
Aluminum_Falcon: Plus Jay spent YEARS crushing every hardcore division in the indies.
boba_fetty_wap: prety sure hes had more hardcore belts than any other kind to
boba_fetty_wap: and hes been wreslting since b4 I was born
Televangelina_Jolie: I keep forgetting how young you are. But don't forget about QDT guys!
shooting_starscream: face it, angie; qdt has a baby that elias is using as a game piece...
shooting_starscream: he's just not going to be able to keep his mind on winning the match.
boba_fetty_wap: tru say
Aluminum_Falcon: I wouldn't normally discount guys like Kancer or Scott Slayer, but this?
Aluminum_Falcon: This is the HARDCORE MANIAC we're talking about; the rest don't compare.
shooting_starscream: ya bro; black's real good, but this is exactly where omega thrives.
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Can we talk about something else?
SnarkySmark_FunkyBunch: Who do you guys think is gonna win Walter/Richards?
shooting_starscream: richards for sure.
boba_fetty_wap: no way bro
*A flicker of static, and we're back in the office. Omega now sits on the couch with his mask dangling between his knees, speaking directly to whomever is in the chair.*
JAY OMEGA: --because there just wasn't any point in me being there. Much like how there's no point to Della Torre and Ryan Elias being in my Hardcore title match. Ryan Elias is a third-rate chumpstain with no notion of the situation he finds himself in; every single competitor in this match who isn't Corey Black is just a body for me to bury in order to see my conquest through. I give zero fucks about Elias and his games with Quixote; if he so much as sneers in my direction, I'm gonna knock his teeth so far down his throat, he'll need to shove a toothbrush up his ass to clean them.
*The Hardcore Maniac shakes his head once, dismissing the disturbing visual from his mind.*
JAY OMEGA: But speaking of burying bodies, it makes me wonder what kind of spineless coward Della Torre is. I tell you truly, were I in his situation, Mister Chavo Blue would have already mysteriously vanished, Tawny Lane would be in cuffs, and Debonair would be safe and sound at home with Daddy. But Quixote decided that working a couple of matches was more important than hiring a lawyer and fighting for his daughter. He might not have won custody, but he could have had the kid apprehended and put in a better home, where he could visit.
*Omega half shrugs and tilts his head, conceding a point to himself.*
JAY OMEGA: He could still do that, to be honest. But hey, why do what's best for his child when he could turn it into a fuckin' spectacle, right? Sure, Elias made the opening move, but Cue Dee Tee chose to play his game, and he continues to play by Ryan's rules, when he knows he's being manipulated. And this stupid ass chickenshit cuck thinks he's worthy of the Hardcore Championship? No, he ain't worthy to lick Elias' leftovers outta Tawny's ass. I don't give two squirts of llama piss what this jackhole did in the Cruiserweight division, because this is where the big boys hang, and Cue Dee Tee don't got what it takes to be the face of the Hardcore division. Ryan Elias? He just doesn't have what it takes, period. I'm gonna give them both a free lesson on the meaning of hardcore; they might not like what they learn, but hey, the price is right.
*With yet another flicker of static, we cut back to blank white for a moment, while the following plain text appears.*
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Excerpt from YouTube channel "The Generic Heel Commentator", upload titled "Evolution 3 Predictions and Commentary"
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Excerpt from YouTube channel "The Generic Heel Commentator", upload titled "Evolution 3 Predictions and Commentary"
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*Static flickers, and we find ourselves in a bedroom festooned with an assortment of merchandise from Action Wrestling and its associated predecessors(WCF and UCI). In the middle of the shot is a twenty-something, scruffily-bearded young man, fully occupying the padded computer chair he sits in. As with the therapy session, we seem to be coming in partway through a broadcast in progress.*
THE GENERIC HEEL COMMENTATOR: --the fuck is this Hardcore Games match all about you ask? Well the word in the dirt sheets is that it's going to be like the movie the Hunger Games, or if you're not a fucking fourteen year old girl, the vastly superior anime that Hunger Games ripped off; Battle Royale. Now, I said like those movies, meaning there's going to be a bunch of weapons scattered around the arena for everybody to use. It does not mean we're going to see a bunch of kids killing each other. Well, maybe; Action Wrestling's heritage is pretty fucked up. Now we'll get to who's in the match and who I think is gonna win in a second, but first, if you like the content on my channel, be sure to hit subscribe, powerslam that like button, and ring the bell to join the notification squad. Also, be sure to stick around until the end of the video to find out how to enter the weekly giveaways; this week's prize is a collection of Teo masks.
*For a moment, the screen is filled with a multitude of Teo del Sol and Teo Blaze mask replicas, many of them garish variants unlike anything actually worn by the man in question. These vanish as quickly as they appeared, leaving us alone once more with the scruffy and unkempt wrestling nerd.*
TGHC: Okay, so there's seven guys in this clusterfuck, and I'm lookin' at the list of competitors goin' "why the fuck are Bishop, Kancer, and Scott Slayer even in this match? What's more, why the fuck is Derrick Vayden not in this match?" Is it because Torture likes to bury his talent as much as Seth Lerch used to, ten years ago? Is it because Camilla Gonzalez couldn't book her way out of a wet paper bag even if Jaice Wilds ran in with a pair of scissors? We may never know. What we do know, is that Jay Omega has rechristened himself the Hardcore Maniac again, and he's hellbent on reclaiming his throne as the King of Pain. Personally, I don't think Ryan Elias and Cue Dee Tee combined have a prayer of stopping him, even if they were able to recruit Bishop, Kancer, and Slayer. Really, the only person who stands a chance here is the champ himself, BUT! He's also got the biggest target on his back. Corey Black can't afford to drop his guard for a second, 'cause there's six sharks circling, just waiting for a hint of blood in the water. Of course, three of them are harmless nurse sharks, and two of them are a tiger shark and a hammerhead fighting each other, but that last one is a Great White, and he's huuungry. So here's my official prediction: After a brutal fight, and it's going to be fucking close, but Jay Omega is going to pin Corey Black for the title, you mark my words. All right! Next is--
*Static, and we're back in the office, the Hardcore Maniac now wearing his mask as he continues his diatribe.*
JAY OMEGA: --cycle, just the same thing over and over. Like how Corey Black is still spouting the same tired rhetoric he was a month ago, about how I'm a bottom of the barrel nobody who's only good for that cheap return pop. Must have been fuckin' embarrassing for the King of All Wrestlers to be punked out by some bottom of the barrel nobody. But he called me out for calling my shot, so I had to back it up. There ya go, Corey; I tossed your wannabe Viking ass out of the ring to pick up my win over you. Yeah, my win; fuck you, Bishop. Now, I could have pinned Corey then and there, or demolished his protege for the dubya, but to what end? No, I'll pin Corey's shoulders to the mat when doing so will mean something. Make no mistake, doc, I can and will beat Corey Black any time I want, and any way I want. The Black Reign ends at Evolution, because there's a one man army storming the castle gates. Corey just wants one thing; just to play the King. But the castle's crumbled, and he's left with just a name. Where's your crown, King Nothing?
*Omega's eyes flicker to the camera as he says the last five words, then back to whomever is in the room with him.*
JAY OMEGA: Corey's ego may be almost as big as my own, but his inflated sense of self worth does have some merit, unlike the other three jackholes in the match. Why are Kancer, Bishop, and Slayer here? Well that's the sixty-four thousand dollar question, isn't it? The answer is simple; these three tributes are only there to provide warm bodies for the initial slaughter. They are filler, meant to ensure this hot mess doesn't turn into two simultaneous singles matches, and that's honestly a pretty good idea on the suits' part. In theory, anyway; ain't a damn thing on this planet that's gonna stop me. Corey said it himself; I'm the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn't very nice. I've already proven it to myself, just as I've proven it to Corey. Monday night, at Evolution, I prove it to the world.
*The Hardcore Maniac rises to his feet, and the scene fades to black.*