(1/22/18) NBW Presents: Monday Bloody Monday May 5, 2020 15:56:06 GMT -5
Post by Action Reel on May 5, 2020 15:56:06 GMT -5
Dark Match: Bum Fights Gauntlet
Ninja Bob Vs. All Comers
Ninja Bob Vs. All Comers
Lights go up as the arena still fills from concession areas. In the ring awaits Zander Hobbs, referee for this bum fight contest, and all 260 pounds of Ninja Bob. He leans over the ropes when “We the People” by A Tribe Called Quest hits. Bum Fights Commissioner Old Jo Lamarche appears with a mic in hand. He signals to cut the music.
Commish: We got a good show tonight. Before we get this started, let me promise you all… Captain Pelican is not in the building. He will not be the nuisance he insists on being to this division. A mockery to all vying for the Cardboard Crown…
A mixed reaction of boos and “We Want Captain” follows.
Commish: I don’t give a damn what you want! I banned Pelican from this arena… Now let’s begin the match. Send out his first challenger, The Great Stevo!
Lights dim for a man in a masked hoodie. Ninja Bob readies in the ring. Stevo hops the ropes and runs right into a stiff as hell haymaker. He covers his mouth as if collecting teeth. Bob follows with huge chop across the chest. Stevo, the smaller of them, goes down hard.
Conway: Well this one is off to a lightning pace. The Great Stevo walked right into a buzz saw in the form of, I guess, karate… Ow! Another of those thunderous chops have him breathless.
Commish: Ninja Bob has more than that behind his punches.
Conway: But is Stevo ready for this fight? He’s rather young, isn’t he?
Commish: Look at him getting peeled off the mat. Bob is gonna kill him.
Stevo leaps when thrown into an opposing corner. On the rebound, he does a devastator kick right upsides Bob’s temple. He follows that with a two handed face crusher. However, ninjitsu prevails letting Bob slither away from the pinfall.
Conway: Speed may be his weakness.
Commish: True, but Bob can end this with one of those kicks.
Conway: Stevo measuring a dropkick – Bob evades – spinning wheel kick!
Commish: All his weight was behind that. Cover him!
Commish (on the mic): All right… you ready for more?
Though half-full, a sizeable cheer cheers. Ninja Bob climbs to the mid-rope and raises his arms.
Commish (on the mic): Round two… send him out!
A random rock n’ roll beat hits for the sprinting image of Jobber Dave in his jobber gear and homemade mask. He slides into the ring and goes for an immediate lockup with Bob.
Conway: Jobber Dave is ready to go. Fans know his heart and soul stands with this company.
Commish: Say it how you like… Bob back in control with a headlock.
Conway: Can he punch the forehead like that?
Commish: Nah… but I’ll allow it.
Several big punches pummel his opponent before Jobber squeezes his head free. Doing so pulled his mask up to his nose. Before Dave can fix it, Ninja Bob hits a three-punch combo followed by a spinning back elbow. Dave goes to all fours. Bob bobs his head then makes an incomplete cartwheel…
Conway: And a huge lariat from the ninja!
Commish: Dave goes down… finish him.
Commish (on the mic): Get that sack of shit outta my ring!
Fans boo when Bob tosses Jobber Dave through the ropes like garbage.
Commish: All right, all right… I think we’re ready for an actual contest. Someone bring out the big guns… Corey Bull!
Lights dim but nothing goes over the speakers. The Commissioner stands awkwardly by his table. All of a sudden, “Pelicans We” hits and lights go out entirely. When they come up, there stands Captain Pelican in his yellow fishing gear. His harpoon glows off strobing lights.
Commish: Bob, cut this trash down for good!
Conway: Well… now we have a stare down. Neither wanting to near that dangerous weapon.
Commish (on the headset): Bob is going to end this goddamn problem—
Conway: Or what?
Commish: Believe me, Sara. You don’t want to find out.
Ninja Bob makes a karate stance before screaming. The captain yells back, then charges with his fishing spear. Bob dodges and grabs its long, weathered shaft. Strength prevails with Ninja Bob disarming his unexpected foe.
Commish: Where the hell is Bull? He was supposed to be out here!
Conway: Ninja Bob might have this handled.
Commish: Somebody better take that harpoon!
Conway: Bob has it in hand – look!
He steps back, and with a tease to the crowd, karate chops through its gimmicked shaft. It splits in two. Seeing this has Pelican glaring red. A rush overtakes him into a flurry of groggy punches. Bob answers back with stiff chops to vital areas.
Conway: Right to the throat! And the Captain just got rocked.
Commish: Kill him!
Conway: Pelican grabbing at Bob’s ankles… he’s hammered down with two hands.
Commish: Surprise was his only weapon. In a fight, Pelican is trash.
Conway: He did work his way into the title slot before.
Commish: Yeah, then they brought me back. Now we can begin a real league.
Ninja Bob walks around the ring hulking himself up. Captain Pelican stands one knee. He looks dead on his feet. Bob powers up his signature punch…
Conway: Pelican! Can he do that!
Commish: He punched the man in the crotch!
Conway: Bob down to his knees… the Captain cuts him with a lariat of his own.
Captain Pelican stumbles to the middle ropes and gives a seafaring salute to the crowd. He then takes off, crushing himself and the self-taught ninja. Hobbs goes for the count yet the Commissioner’s figure stand at the apron. He motions for Pelican to come get some – the Captain charges on command and falls right into a trap. Lamarche opens the ropes, causing him to tumble outside.
Commish (on the mic): You better count that fast, Hobbs.
Commish: Faster mother fu—
3 4 5 6 7 8 9 – 10!
Commish: Sorry Cap’n, looks like ya Cinderella story is over. This is my divison!
On cue, several thick-necked security rush down work over the Captain. They then drag him to the back. Meanwhile, Ninja Bob begins to wake up.
Commish: Morning Bob, have a good nap? Guess you don’t that you won, huh?
Ninja Bob looks terminally confused.
Commish: Bet you’d like that title shot too… Well you slept through it. Now get yo’ ass to the back before I toss you out of my ring.
Exeunt Ninja Bob and the Commissioner as the screen fades to black.