Post by Jordan on May 2, 2020 19:51:56 GMT -5
ESPN Hollywood Havoc (Presented by BODYARMOR)
Shia Labeouf: We’re only a couple hours away from the biggest match of the year, but right now, is where the rich and famous try their hand at rumble action! We’re here outside Madison Square Garden, the people are having a good time, WE are having a good time! This is going to be a good one, folks! Joining me at this time on the headset is the arch enemy of the AW Champion, Paul Rudd.
Paul Rudd: I was thinking about entering the main event today, but that was before Richards managed to weasel his way out of the affair.
Shia Labeouf: Folks, we’ve got twelve competitors here ready to claim their spot in history as winner of the first EVER Hollywood Havoc. Without further ado, let’s get to the action!
Paul Rudd: Who’s it gonna be at number one?
Shia Labeouf: The crowd here building with anticipation!
?: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! NUMBER ONE?! YOU’RE SERIOUS?!
Paul Rudd: Ladies and gentlemen, entering first in Hollywood Havoc is none other than Kevin Hart!
Kevin Hart: THERE’S A CONSPIRACY! CAMILA, I’M SORRY FOR STANDING YOU UP! I’M FAITHFUL TO MY WIFE NOW!
Shia Labeouf: Kevin making his way to the ring now. How do you like Hart’s chances at number one?
Paul Rudd: He’s going to die.
Shia Labeouf: Well, it’s time to find out who drew number two!
?: NEW YORK CI-TAYYY! WE’RE COMIN’ TO YA LIVE AND IN ACK-SHUUUN! Kevin...oh, Kevin! My baby boy!
Paul Rudd: What are the odds?
Shia Labeouf: Jack Black draws number two! Jumanji co-stars set to go head to head!
Jack Black: YOU’RE GOING DOWN, SON!
Paul Rudd: Jack Black charging the ring! Here we go!
DING DING DING!!
Shia Labeouf: Jack and Kevin lock up, Kevin struggling for advantage!
Paul Rudd: Like David and Goliath, but sadder.
Shia Labeouf: Poke to the eye from Kevin Hart!
Jack Black: COME ON!
Paul Rudd: Gotta even the playing field somehow!
Shia Labeouf: Jack Black responding back with a twirl, perfectly executed.
Paul Rudd: Oh, and a headbutt from JB! Kevin Hart goes down!
Shia Labeouf: Time for number three!
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BUZZZZZ!
PEPSI MAAAAAAN!!!!
Paul Rudd: PepsiCo CEO Ramon Laguarta comes into this one at number three!
Shia Labeouf: I’m more of a coke guy myself.
Paul Rudd: Don’t wanna say that too loud, unless you’re trying to make Chet Dakota appear.
Shia Labeouf: Big right hands from Laguarta! Laguarta taking the fight to Jack Black!
Paul Rudd: Laguarta going at Jack with some bare knuckle tactics, he’s got him against the ropes now!
Shia Labeouf: Ramon trying to lift Jack over the top rope, but Jack doing his best to avoid elimination.
Paul Rudd: Stiff elbows from JB!
Shia Labeouf: Number four on the clock!
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BUZZZZZZZ!
Paul Rudd: Welcome to FLAVORTOWN!
Shia Labeouf: Guy Fieri at number four!
Paul Rudd: Fieri on the apron, shoving Jack into Ramon!
Shia Labeouf: Looking to fly!
Paul Rudd: SPRINGBOARD LARIAT FROM GUY FIERI!
Shia Labeouf: The crowd is loving it!
Paul Rudd: Both Jack and Ramon sent crashing to the mat and one has to wonder where Fieri’s agility is coming from.
Shia Labeouf: It’s Hollywood Havoc and Fieri came prepared!
Paul Rudd: Kevin Hart clinging to Fieri’s leg, striking away slowly but surely.
Shia Labeouf: Clock is up!
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BUZZZZ!
Paul Rudd: It’s a Jumanji reunion here at The Garden!
Shia Labeouf: Dwayne Johnson enters number five!
Paul Rudd: Johnson in the ring! Shoulder block takes Fieri down!
Shia Labeouf: Johnson picks up Laguarta!
Paul Rudd: Laguarta thrown over the top rope! We have our first elimination of the day!
Shia Labeouf: Cocking an eyebrow at the camera after that one. Dwayne Johnson is ELECTRIFYING!
Paul Rudd: Johnson looking comfortable out there.
Shia Labeouf: Imagine if he pursued a career in the ring!
Paul Rudd: Johnson has Black up!
Shia Labeouf: SIDE SLAM TO JACK BLACK!
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BUZZZ!!
Paul Rudd: Time for a chef showdown!
Shia Labeouf: Gordon Ramsay enters number six!
Paul Rudd: Johnson charging at Ramsay!
Shia Labeouf: Shoulder to the gut as Ramsay is now in ring!
Paul Rudd: Neckbreaker from Ramsay!
Shia Labeouf: Fieri is up!
Paul Rudd: Fieri and Ramsay coming to blows, both men quickly trying to lift the other over the top rope!
Shia Labeouf: They’re teetering here!
Paul Rudd: WAIT NO! KEVIN HART! KEVIN HART OUT OF NOWHERE!
Shia Labeouf: DOUBLE ELIMINATION! FIERI AND RAMSAY BOTH OVER THE TOP ROPE!
Paul Rudd: BIG eliminations picked up by Kevin Hart, but no time celebrate as number seven is on the way!
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BUZZZ!
Shia Labeouf: Britney Spears at number seven!
Paul Rudd: AW bringing out the A list today!
Shia Labeouf: Britney in the ring, bouncing off the ropes!
Paul Rudd: Johnson back up!
Shia Labeouf: Headscissors takedown to Kevin Hart!
Paul Rudd: Right back to it as Johnson gets to his feet!
Shia Labeouf: SUPERKICK TO JOHNSON!
Paul Rudd: Britney is feeling it!
Shia Labeouf: Everyone down, but Britney! Here comes number eight!
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BUZZZ!
Paul Rudd: Oh no..
Shia Labeouf: I thought he was in prison?
Paul Rudd: Ladies and gentlemen, “Tiger King” Joe Exotic is in Hollywood Havoc!
Shia Labeouf: Exotic pointing straight ahead at Spears, obscenities flying her way.
Paul Rudd: I think he has her confused with Carol Baskin.
Shia Labeouf: Joe Exotic stepping over the ropes.
Paul Rudd: CLOTHESLINE FROM BRITNEY SPEARS! EXOTIC IS OUT!
Joe Exotic: I am never going to financially recover from this!
Shia Labeouf: That was quick!
Paul Rudd: Countdown on the clock!
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BUZZZ!
Shia Labeouf: Steve Carell draws nine! Michael Scott is here, folks!
Paul Rudd: WAIT! JOHNSON THROWS SPEARS OVER THE TOP! BRITNEY SPEARS IS ELIMINATED!
Shia Labeouf: ROCK GOES OVER TOO! KEVIN HART OUT OF NOWHERE!
Paul Rudd: That’s THREE eliminations for Hart! The smallest man out there is showing out today!
Shia Labeouf: Kevin Hart and Jack Black enter at one and two and are STILL in this one!
Paul Rudd: Kick to the gut of Hart from Carell!
Shia Labeouf: DDT drops Kevin Hart!
Paul Rudd: Kick to Black as well here.
Shia Labeouf: Uppercut counter sends Carell off the ropes.
Paul Rudd: POWERBOMB FROM JACK BLACK!
Shia Labeouf: Jack has him up!
Paul Rudd: OUT GOES CARELL!
Shia Labeouf: They’ve cleared the house! Countdown up!
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BUZZZ!
Paul Rudd: Marc Maron draws number ten!
Shia Labeouf: Dandy’s pick to win I’m sure.
Paul Rudd: Maron in now, Jack Black with the spear!
Shia Labeouf: NO! Maron side steps! Jack Black sent through the ropes and out!
Paul Rudd: Kevin Hart stumbling into the arms of Marc Maron!
Shia Labeouf: Snap powerslam from Maron!
Paul Rudd: Maron standing tall right now!
Shia Labeouf: Just waiting on the clock!
Paul Rudd: Not gonna have to wait much longer!
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BUZZZ!
Shia Labeouf: Even the daytime stars are here!
Paul Rudd: Dr. Phil enters at eleven!
Shia Labeouf: Dr. Phil taking his time coming down to the ring, trying to reason with Maron!
Dr. Phil: Son, we don’t have to fight. We can be more civil. Let’s just...talk about it.
Paul Rudd: Get in there already!
Shia Labeouf: Phil pacing on the outside, not wanting any part of the action just yet.
Paul Rudd: Pathetic.
Shia Labeouf: Looks like he’s bided his time long enough!
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BUZZZ!
Paul Rudd: Final entrant! Who’s it gonna be?
Shia Labeouf: Danai Gurira! The Walking Dead’s Michonne rushing down to ringside!
Paul Rudd: Danai grabs hold, Dr. Phil is in trouble!
Shia Labeouf: Good GOD!
Paul Rudd: Sent head first into the steps!
Shia Labeouf: Ref immediately calling for medical attention! Dr. Phil might’ve just died.
Paul Rudd: She legitimately caught him outside.
Shia Labeouf: Medics have arrived. They..yes, Dr. Phil does not have a pulse I’m hearing. Dr. Phil has just died tonight.
Paul Rudd: Who cares?
Shia Labeouf: Yeah, you’re right.
Paul Rudd: Danai in the ring now, her and Maron pacing around each other.
Shia Labeouf: Kevin Hart is basically out of it here. It looks like it will be either Maron or Gurira’s match to win.
Paul Rudd: Chop from Gurira!
Shia Labeouf: Overhand right from Maron!
Paul Rudd: Another chop from Gurira..and another!
Shia Labeouf: Knee strike right to the face of Marc Maron!
Paul Rudd: Gurira off the ropes!
Shia Labeouf: Maron ducks it! Fireman carry! He has Gurira up!
Paul Rudd: Maron trying to dump Gurira over the top rope! Can he do it?!
Shia Labeouf: Both stars struggling here as Gurira grabs hold of the top rope, trying desperately to stay in this thing!
Paul Rudd: On the apron now, trading blows once again!
Shia Labeouf: Shoulder block from Maron!
Paul Rudd: Drop toe hold on the apron!
Shia Labeouf: Maron is out! It’s just Gurira and-
Paul Rudd: KEVIN HART! KEVIN HART LAUNCHING HIMSELF TOWARDS THE ROPES!
Shia Labeouf: GURIRA HITS THE FLOOR! KEVIN HART WINS! KEVIN HART WINS!
Paul Rudd: HE ENTERED AT NUMBER ONE AND NOW, KEVIN HART WINS HOLLYWOOD HAVOC!
Shia Labeouf: I think he’s going to cry right now!
Paul Rudd: Clinging to the ropes, he gave it his all here tonight!
Shia Labeouf: WAIT A MINUTE!
Paul Rudd: JACK BLACK IS IN THE RING! JACK BLACK IS STILL IN THIS THING!
Shia Labeouf: He went through the middle ropes earlier!
Paul Rudd: Kevin Hart is oblivious!
Shia Labeouf: JACK BLACK LIFTS UP HART AND….
Paul Rudd: HART HITS THE FLOOR! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!
DING DING DING!!
Shia Labeouf: Jack Black steals one! Jack Black is the winner in the first ever Hollywood Havoc!
Paul Rudd: We saw co-stars collide, prisoners released, and I am one hundred percent sure that Dr. Phil has passed away!
Shia Labeouf: Congratulations once more to Jack Black! Thanks for watching, Ladies and Gentlemen and we’ll see you at the Havoc Rumble!