I Love You, Cassidy Adler! A Hot And Heavy Dating Simulator!
Apr 27, 2020 10:46:31 GMT -5
CJ Phoenix, Dandy DiVito, and 8 more like this
Post by Cassidy Adler on Apr 27, 2020 10:46:31 GMT -5
An over-the-top, Japanese inspired opening begins, showing an animated Cassidy Adler transitioning through a variety of scenes. First, him signing a contract alongside his sister, followed by a jump cut to them fighting and defeating silhouettes. Then, the two of them grabbing the World Tag Team Titles and raising them high.
Now a shot of Cassidy fighting more silhouettes, the ring apron reading “HAVOC” in the classic Action Wrestling Blue and Gold. Cass flips and bounds across the ring in the most overdramatized style imaginable, as he tosses opponents out of the ring and ducks and weaves away from blasts of fire, ice, lightning, and flurries of strikes that the silhouettes are throwing at him.
The scene turns slow-motion as Cassidy dumps the last figure out of the ring. He points to the sign over in the corner of the arena reading “Evolution III” and then finally, cuts to a starry-eyed girl in the crowd, virtually drooling over the Prince of Piping.
The opening ends, and a title screen appears.
I LOVE YOU, CASSIDY ADLER! A HOT AND HEAVY ACTION WRESTLING ROMANCE!
Fade to black.
You live alone and feel a void in your life. You wake up in the morning and feel a sudden motivation to better yourself, and decide to devour a well-balanced breakfast before heading to the gym to use that membership for the first time in several months. Gotta get your money’s worth somehow, right? And they caught you off-guard with that lock-in contract, so sucks to be you.
You arrive in the gym, but it’s early hours and there’s hardly anyone working out. Except for one guy. You can’t see him clearly yet, but you see everything you need to see: The perfect form as he curls those five pound dumbbells… WITH THE STRAPS ON. His biceps flex with each repetition performed. From behind, you can tell his hair is flawlessly done, tousled just enough to look natural, but looking too sexy not to have any maintenance performed on it.
He finally turns around, and you see him in all his glory: You know who he is immediately. How wouldn’t you? He’s the gravity-defying Pipe God, the Cocaine Commanding, Fuccboi Murdering Action Wrestling World Tag Team Champion, CASSIDY ADLER!
You swoon. You feel your heart… and it’s about to beat out of your chest. What do you do? (SELECT ONE!)
A: Greet Cassidy with a confident, beaming smile. Play with your hair a little and give him “the eyes” so he knows you’re interested.
B: Go home and feel down about yourself because you don’t think you’re in Cassidy’s league.
C: Just do your own thing and let him come to you if he’s interested. You know your own worth.
If you picked Option B!
The screen cuts away from the animated style of the video game, and to a video of Cassidy in the flesh, who is addressing the camera.
‘If you picked this option, you’re a bit of a fuckin’ bitch, aren’t you? No confidence in your game or your ability to get me. Or, if you’re one of my opponents in the Havoc Rumble… your chances of defeating me.
‘Man, I don’t blame y’all. I already know the types of guys that are gonna be picking this option when they see me in the ring. Derrick Vayden, Geri… Vayden. My guys, how are you doing? Was Olive and I burying your dreams underneath failure and disappointment enough for you guys to finally get it through your damn heads?
‘Fragile fuckin’ losers whose entire gimmicks can be summed up as: Inferiority Complexes. You tell yourselves these motivating words over and over. You believe that next time will be different. You look at Havoc and see an opportunity. I see Havoc and I realize that this is where your careers will be put to rest. Credibility? Gone. Respect? Diminished? Future marriage? Hopefully fuckin’ non-existent so I don’t have to put up with that cringe. Hotel? Trivago.’
He pauses.
‘ZMAC and Odin, you’ll probably do this shit too, right? You have a tendency to overlook anyone who you don’t deem as “worthy” even though your own standards fluctuate worse than Olive's moods. Runs of momentum followed by runs of being absolutely butchered by supposed “lesser talents” according to your critiques. It’s pretty fuckin’ laughable. You stare superstardom in the face and pretend it’s nothing, but lemme tell you… this shit is real. I couldn’t care for your records and achievements. Look at the names I’ve ethered and scorched in the past and you’ll realize you don’t differ too much from them. You’re both just set to be added to the list.
‘Teo, bud? This’ll be you too, won’t it? You disappoint me. After everything I did for you, after my own sister and I had to defeat James Nightingale and Gravedigger for you because you were that fuckin’ inept that she had to come in and help… and this is how you repay me? By discrediting my name and acting as though you did all of the work? We know that’s not true. But then again, that’s how you always deal with your problems, right? When you know you can’t beat them, you run for the fuckin’ hills and hope that they don’t come to follow you. Well guess what? I’m coming. All that upward mobility and momentum I gave you? It all comes crashing down when I put you to fuckin’ bed at Havoc.
‘If you picked this option, you’re a pussy and I’m gonna humiliate you at Havoc. Game over.’
GAME OVER flashes on the screen. Should’ve picked a better option!
If you picked Option C!
Cassidy once again appears on screen in his real-life self, rather than his stylized animated self. He grins.
‘Playing hard to get, huh? Lissie, this is pretty much your option isn’t it? You do everything with such spirit and vigor. So much energy behind your words. You pretend to be unfazed, you pretend that you’re good enough to do everything with the same effort and nonchalance that your heroes do, because you’re a lil fuckin’ wannabe without any real sense of self-identity. Isn’t that right?
‘Sorry, love. Putting the blade to your flesh isn’t a personality or something that’s gonna give you that extra… edge.’
He winks.
‘Was that play on words a bit much for you? Don’t breakdown into tears for me, sweetheart. It ruins your mascara. When I’m dicking you down I want you to look your best, okay? We had fun our first time, didn’t we? Our match was great and the sex after was just as memorable. But c’mon… you know I threw you a line and you took it and fuckin’ ran. You thought I was being serious with this hoodie shit? You really thought that’s me? That I give a damn about that sort of thing?
‘No, Lissie. I was showing you one simple thing: I don’t care. But you? You care too much. You care about everything. Every mishap, every failure, and every success. You’re the Queen of overindulgence and digging yourself a fuckin’ grave before anyone else needs to do it for you.
‘Those successes have bloated your ego, and your failures have reversed the effects. You’re the fat kid who went on the diet, lost the weight, and then put it all back on after trying too damn hard and burning themselves out. It’s gonna happen again, Lissie. You’re gonna come close, you’re gonna perform well, you’re gonna be right near the end…
‘And then your overconfidence will prove to be a slow and insidious killer. And when you’re in the ring with me? Well, shit. You’re as good as dead, man.’
He waves his hand dismissively.
‘But enough about her. Who else fits this category, you ask? Corey Black, step right up. You love to sit there pretty with your hollow title reign, cherry-picking the opposition. Beating the new guys before they can come into their own. Avoiding the World Title scene for the moment until the time is right. Fuck, your entire introduction into this place was a whole six months of poking and prodding at a legendary athlete, a master of wrestling, a hero of the sport… drumroll pleeassseee… it’s Jaice Wilds.
‘Can you hear the fuckin’ crickets? That was months ago, Corey. It shouldn’t matter anymore, right? Well, no. It does. It matters a lot. You’re a legend of the game and one of the most dangerous competitors in this match. This is not a fact that can be disputed. But even so, you’re not gonna fuckin’ matter, are you? Because you’re a complacent pile of shit who pretends he has heart for the game. But let’s be real, if you were really all in on this shit? You’d have aimed straight for the top. For the best of the best. Not this shit that you’ve relegated yourself to.
‘Maybe you were just building momentum for this very moment. Maybe you’ll snatch the glory for yourself and win this whole damn thing… or maybe the younger, hungrier, better looking, more marketable athlete and future World Champion will do it first.
‘Corey? You’re looking at him. The blueprint for success. You were the original prototype, I”m just the updated model. You’re fuckin’ done when I get in there.
A brief pause.
‘And well, this whole category pretty much just sums up Joey Flash and Ryan Lockhart, right? The hot ex-girlfriends who broke up with the good looking and “nice” guy to try and play the field and find something better… just to come scurrying back once they realize they ain’t satisfied.
‘Like, fuck me. Can’t you guys just stay away, even for a little bit? Motherfuckers be here talking about an “itch” and shit like you got a STD. What, your fragile egos can’t handle not being the center of attention? You can’t ride into the sunset and accept you aren’t shit here anymore and just give it up? Nah, you can’t. For as much as you want to sit there and rock yourselves to sleep, telling yourselves that “This place needs me”... it just fuckin’ doesn’t, and that hurts, yeah?
‘I get it. I do. Your most apt comparison is the guy who peaked in high school. You did well for your time. You were the best at what you did. When we get together at the reunions in 20 years, you’ll talk about how you scored the game-winning touchdown and how you held the best parties with the best drugs and girls… and then when somebody asks what you’ve done since then, you’ll say: “Fuckin’ nothing.”
‘And that’s what you guys are gonna do this match. Fucking. Nothing.
‘If you picked this option, you get 1 point. You’re smart, you get “the game” so to speak… but “getting” it isn’t enough to win it, not when I’m involved.’
+1 POINT!
If you picked Option A!
Cut to real-life Cassidy, who flashes you a smile.
‘Nice! This is the right option. You know what you want and you’re here trying to get it. You’re an upfront type of person. Confident. Willing to do the hard stuff.
‘Crow, you’re the only guy who I think really fits the mold here. I’m not spitting bullshit here, you’re the scariest motherfucker I’ve been in the ring with. When I said you’re ten times the wrestler I am, I wasn’t fuckin’ joking. And you proved it.
‘But I’m not a liar, Crow. And what I said was the truth. It doesn’t matter how much better you are then me, you don’t have the mentality to beat me and you never will. I’ve got too many tricks in the bag, I’ve got too much awareness and knowledge of the situation to ever allow myself to be outperformed. When guys like you and me square off? One of us thinks it’s gonna be a fair, honorable contest. That guy loses. The other one flips a coin that both show the same side. That guy wins. That guys me.
‘You gotta change if you wanna be the best. Keep making the same mistakes? And I’ll put you down time and time again. Until you fuckin’ learn.
‘If you picked this option though? Good for you! You’re a solid person. Better than I’ll ever be, probably! Three points!’
+3 POINTS!
Now, if you picked the wrong option, it’s okay! This is a game for you to learn how to become a better you, someone good enough to be recognized and maybe even respected and cherished by the one and only Cassidy Adller! So even if you didn’t pick Option A, it’s cool. Keep playing!
The next scene plays, your bold approach successfully secured a date with Cassidy Adler. You guys have strolled into a coffee shop playing some relaxing music. The guitar strums are so romantic, you feel yourself blushing, but you hide it from Cass, who has chosen a cute little spot over by some couches, with a table in between you two.
Everything is going perfect, you’re chatting about what each of you two do, even though you already know all there is to know. He seems genuinely interested. You feel a little bit of a romantic spark. What could possibly go wro-
BZZT! BZZT!
Oh no! A text from your friend! What’s she saying?
‘I’m leaving now! Where do you want to meet?’
You completely forgot you had organized to meet with your friend today! Uh oh! Things could really go downhill from here. If you cancel, you could really hurt their feelings. But if you leave Cassidy now… you know he’s a busy guy, this might be your only chance to really make an impression!
What do you do?!
Option A: Tell your friend you’re really sorry, but something else has come up and you really have to attend to it! It’s URGENT.
Option B: Tell them the truth.
Option C: Don’t respond.
Once you select your option, we once again fade to Cassidy Adler…
If you picked Option B!
‘Wow, you’re good at this, huh? Correct answer.
‘Walter, you’re a blunt guy. You get this kind of thing. Put your needs first, satisfy the urges, the cravings. That’s what you need. You had your freedom restricted for so long, that getting in this ring and spilling blood set you free.
‘A true to life monster. I could hit you as hard as I wanted and you probably wouldn’t feel a thing. If Crow scares me, you fuckin’ horrify me. But here’s the thing.
‘You’re not invincible. And you know it too, don’t you? That’s why you’re so brutally honest. Even if you’re fuckin’ deluded, you say what you really think, even if it comes back to slap you in the face later down the road.
‘For all your words of strength, for everything you said about building the World Title anew, raising it from the ashes and giving it a true purpose, a true meaning… it all crumbled in a split second and sent you into the shadows, until you’ve returned to try and repeat the process
‘Since you’re all about purpose, tell me… is this yours? A madman with delusions of grandeur and self-importance that proves to be nothing more than a paper mache wall the moment someone proves that you too are breakable?
‘Keep entertaining yourself with this belief that you’re here for something greater, for a higher purpose than us mortals can possibly imagine. While you’re doing that? I’ll just dump you over the rope from behind. No honor, no respect, no greater meaning. Just me being the guy that’s gonna win this fuckin’ match.’
+3 POINTS!
If you picked Option C!
‘Ooo, you little snake. Playing dirty, are we? If this wasn’t a game about being a decent person, I’d award you max points personally. But we’re trying to be nice here.
‘But Dandy, you’ve never given a fuck about that, have you? Y’know what, though? I respect it. It’s cool. That’s my vibe. That’s how I’ve been rolling this entire time. I’ll look you in the eyes, slam you in the nuts and roll you up for the win if I gotta. I’ve got no shame in that. You and I? We’re scrappers, it’s how we do.
‘But there’s a key difference between all of this. You recruit people to do your bidding, to work towards your plans, to do your work for you. Sure, you’ll get in there and scrap when you need to. But it’s not what you’re all about. You’d rather take the route of least resistance. That’s why you’ve got a reputation as a backstabbin’ little cunt, and that’s why you’re not a real man.
‘When I spit in someone’s face and shit on what they’ve worked for? I’ll look ‘em in the eyes as I do it, and watch as the light fades from them. You? You’ll stab ‘em in the back and won’t even think twice about it. It’s pretty sad to watch. Looking at you, it’s almost like watching an old friend go further and further down a bad path.
‘But it’s not gonna matter, is it? In a battle among thieves, the winner is always me. This won’t be an exception’
0 POINTS!
If you picked Option A!
‘Ah, you’re one of these, aren’t you? Half-truths. Not cowardly enough to tell a straight lie, but not brave enough to tell them how it really is. A disease that seems to plague a few people here at Action Wrestling.
‘But Spence… you’re the worst offender of them all, aren’t ya? Your entire career is just filled with these little half-truths. You expect us to add them all up and come to the conclusion that you, Spencer Adams, KOS, Mr. General Manager, what it is that given year… is one of the best to do it in our business.
‘But we see through that shit, don’t we? And it hurts. It rocks you to your core, because this is what you’ve dedicated the best parts of your adult life to. The grind, the struggle. You fuckin’ clawed for that World Title and to defend it, but you coulnd’t do it without your buddies, could you? You take credit for making those around you “better” like you tried to do with Lincoln, Kyle, Teo, and even Crow now… but it’s the same way LeBron makes people better, isn’t it?
‘You make yourself the system and for a while, everything looks great. You look like you’re on top of your game. Then a real contender comes and blows you out of the fuckin’ water and that’s that. You crumble and then you attempt to rebuild somewhere else. Whether that be with a new company, a new group, or a new persona, it all leads back to the same road.
‘It’s cool. I don’t blame you. If I was in your shoes? I’d probably do the same thing. But guess what, Spence?
‘I’m already a champion, I’m already a winner, and at Havoc? I continue my ways.
‘And you’ll just continue to yours… hiding behind brave words and noble causes, only for it to get you nothing but short bursts of satisfaction and success. Man, if you don’t get your fix soon, you might be in a Lissie Hope situation, ey?
‘When that time comes, I’ll be there for you, man.
‘To fuckin’ laugh in your face and flaunt my Tag Team and World Titles in your face.’
Realization dawns on Cassidy’s face.
‘Hey, the more I think of it, the more I realize that this is kind of FPV’s whole gimmick too, you get me? The guy sits there and puts on this whole nice guy act for the fans. He was meant to be the relatable, common guy, right? But that whole thought process goes to shit once you realize that there’s no-one as selfish as Frank.
‘Those same fans he promises to fight for, the same ones he swore he would defeat Walter for? Yeah. All bullshit. But it’s still a half-truth, because Frank DOES care, guys. Just as long as it benefits him. Belt on the line? Frank gives you his all. Nothing at stake? Frank’s ghosting you, simple as that.
‘So much for a People’s Champ, huh? At least when I tell these people I don’t give a fuck about them, I’m just saying the truth. But you, Frank? They expect better.
‘And they’ll get to witness it when I clobber Richards for the World TItle.’
A wink from the Tag Champ.
+1 POINT!
You’re nearing the end of Chapter 1 of “I Love You, Cassidy Adler!”. You’ve met him at the gym and you’ve had your first date. You can’t stop thinking about him. He’s already your phone wallpaper. You just want to put his initials on your Instagram Bio and update your Facebook Relationship status… but you know you can’t yet, not until he’s yours for good.
It’s been a couple of days since you guys met and… well, you know what you did.
But anyway, you get a phone call from him! You drop the dog you were carrying like a baby the second you receive the text, you couldn’t possibly miss the chance of hearing his gorgeous voice once more. He says something magical to you.
“Wanna watch me kill some scrubs at Havoc?”
Option A: Oh my God, yes! I would love to come watch you win Havoc!
Option B: What’s Havoc?
Option C: I’m gonna have to pass.
If you picked Option C!
‘What the fuck were you thinking with that selection?’
0 POINTS!
If you picked Option B!
‘Heh. That’s kinda cool, pretending you don’t know about all this wrestling shit. I feel you on that though. I have to pretend a lot too. Like pretending that I give a fuck about people like Karlie Nash, James Nightingale, Adelaide Ainsworth, Corey Bull, and more. I’ve literally got the entrant list in front of me and for most of them I’m like “who the actual fuck is this?”
‘And then it hits me: These are all just people that are filling up the match so I can break the elimination record while winning the match. In that moment of realization, the whole universe made sense to me.
‘And then I went back to playing Madden.’
+1 POINT!
If you picked Option A!
‘The obvious answer, even if most of you don’t want to admit it. Everyone’s life tells a story, man. Some people go through hardships and have to overcome adversity. Some people go through ups and downs and end up somewhere in the middle. Others start off well, and then regress as time goes on.
‘My story? I’m just a fuckin’ winner. That’s the theme. That’s the story. And that’s what happens at Havoc.’
+3 POINTS!
Time for your final score for Chapter 1! If you scored…
0: Cassidy thinks you’re weird. Like… really fucking weird. He makes fun of you to his friends and Olive sometimes.
1-2: Cassidy would fuck you if you put a paperbag over your head and didn’t speak at all.
3-8: There’s a decent chance Cassidy would willingly have casual sex with you, congratulations!
9: Wow. Like… just wow. You’re cool. Cass would probably let you fuck his life up.
Thank you for playing “I Love You, Cassidy Adler!” If there are any bugs or glitches, be sure to let our team know! Chapter 2 and onwards will be released at a later date!
But for now, have one final choice:
Option A: Watch Cassidy Adler win Havoc.
Option B: Watch Cassidy Adler win Havoc.
Option C: Watch Cassidy Adler win Havoc.