Bring the Rain
Apr 22, 2020 10:49:39 GMT -5
Spencer Adams, The Papa John's Pizza Man, and 11 more like this
Post by Derrick Vayden on Apr 22, 2020 10:49:39 GMT -5
I know you will find the fire
Just keep following the light
In the end, you'll see it's all about your willingness to fight
Let 'em bring on every challenge, let 'em put you to the test
Just another chance to show them, you belong here with the best
Havoc is where it all started for me. The event and the match have been the settings for big moments in my career. My match at Havoc last year against QDT for the 201 title was my coming out party, so to speak. It’s when everyone started to take notice of Derrick Vayden. It was when everyone realized that I wasn’t just another flash in the pan. That I was sticking around for the long haul.
My time in the Havoc Rumble itself last year, as short as it might have been, was monumental to my success in this company. I marched down to that ring, squared up with the US champ Dandy DiVito and kicked that motherfucker right in the dick. I showed the world that I wasn’t afraid to hang with the big guys. I definitely wasn’t ready to hang with them yet, but I certainly wanted to try anyways. And thus, the fabled #DickKickCity was born.
More recently, it was the Cruiserweight Havoc Rumble. A rumble specifically for us smaller duders. I was one of the favorites to win the whole thing. As fate would have it, I would enter first and start the match off with none other than two-time world champ, the first-ever Action Wrestling world champ Roy Speede. And you know what happened?
I lost.
That’s right, I didn’t win. But you know what else happened? I took the mythical Speede to his limit. I outlasted him and wound up spending more time in the match than anyone else. I didn’t win, but I made my mark on the match, on the cruiserweight division, and the company as a whole. This time... Iron Vayden was the one to be born.
Now we’re here. Year two of Derrick Vayden in Action Wrestling. My third Havoc Rumble overall. To say that I am prepared for this match is an understatement. I’m ready to prove that I belong at the top, that I’m more than just a cruiserweight in a world of heavyweights. I am the dark horse, I’m the man who will come from the bottom and knock it out of the fucking park.
I’ve dealt with adversity, with being the one nobody believed in throughout my career and throughout my life. Nobody thought I would make it in wrestling, be a champion, be the longest reigning champion. But here I fucking am. Standing up after all of that saying “thank you may I have another!”
So go ahead, keep doubting me. That simply makes me want it that much more. I don’t give a fuck if I have to start at number one again and go through a hundred motherfuckers. I want this more than you know. Now it’s time to go out there and take it.
I would like to properly kick things off against one man in particular. “The IllumiDaddy” Wesley. You just can’t let that go, can you? IllumiGnarly is dead, broseph. You killed it with your own fucking selfishness and unwillingness to share the spotlight. You saw Estrella creeping up in your rearview. You saw the heights Geri and I were reaching and you panicked. You cut the fucking cord thinking you were the sole reason for our success, that distancing yourself from us would kill any chances we had. Well that fucking backfired on you, didn’t it? We’re all better off without your fake-ass learning tree. You ain’t a daddy, my dude. You’re that sleazy uncle who mooches off of the family around him because you know he can get away with it. Well not anymore, chief.
Congrats on getting that last spot, my man. Too bad it will do nothing but delay the inevitable: you getting your ass tossed out like the fucking garbage you are. Whether it be by me, Geri, Estrella, or anyone else it really doesn’t matter. You’re the daddy that left to get smokes and never came back. Well, we don’t need you. Just don’t try crawling back when we make it big trying to reconnect.
Next, I want to talk about the man, the myth, the legend: Corey Black. You have a reputation unlike any other. You’re the definition of a living legend but quite frankly... I don’t get it. I mean, sure. Your Hardcore title reign is nothing to sneeze at. But looking closer at the level of competition you’ve faced while defending that thing… there’s really nothing there. How many times did you defend against that joke Wayne Austin? Of course, you’re the longest reigning champion in AW history. The powers that be have been padding your fucking stats! I’d still be cruiserweight champion to this day if I had the kind of competition you have had so far.
You know, Corey, everyone wonders why you refuse to spread your wings and fly away from the hardcore division. It’s because you’re scared. Scared to take on talent aside from parodies like Hot Shot or has-beens like ZMAC. You don’t want to team up with FPV because you’re afraid you’ll be exposed as the weak link of Man Made Gods you know you are. Frank’s world title reigns may have been below average at best, but at least he had the balls to shoot for the top. Meanwhile, you’re comfortable punching down at competition that’s barely a step up from the cruiserweight level.
Where’s the Corey Black of old? Where’s the Creeping Death from WCF who was the king of all wrestlers? He’s dead. In his place is a sad old man who is content with being the best in an anemic division full of nobodies. Just give up, CD. Ride off into the sunset like you should’ve done last year. Leave on your own terms before someone comes and takes your head.
Next up I’m going to talk about all of the cruiserweights in the match. A far more exclusive club than it was last year. The entire division was in it last year. This time, it’s what, seven of you? On that list, only one of you actually deserves to be in it and that’s QDT. The rest of you? You don’t belong. Take some advice from somebody who knows. Just quit, bow out now before you make a fool out of yourself. You are simply fish out of water in this match. After Quixote, PJPM is the closest thing to qualified. He came in sixth in the first Rumble. The only problem is, since then, he’s done absolutely nothing of note besides go through a shitty rebrand that has flopped in every sense of the word.
Keeton? Give me a fucking break. The definition of overhyped and underqualified. An epic waste of time, space, and energy. It’s clear to see that all of the most recent crop of cruiserweight “talent”, simply want to recreate my success. But you, JC, haven’t even tried to hide it. It seems like every week I’m told about you calling me out like a sentient Beanie Baby picking a fight with a pit bull. Thinking you’re a big tough guy when all you are is a mouse just begging to be a lion. You’re a poser, man. Just a fucking wannabe who, on his best day, couldn’t hold a candle to me or anything I’ve accomplished in that division. You call me a coward because you thought I was running from you. Well, I don’t see you chasing me either. I moved on to the next challenge in my career because there was nothing left for me to do in the cruisers. Meanwhile, you decided to stick with what you thought was the safe option and look how badly that backfired on you. You think you’re so much better than me. Well, I didn’t lose to fucking Spider Balls. That right there is all I need to prove that you can’t even shine my shoes. Nobody will have to remind me to kick your ass. It’s simply second nature.
Rain might have a shot. She’s used to competing in an ongoing battle royal within her own head. Then again she can’t even win amongst herself. Let alone against other people three times her size. Joe Smarts, Archimedes Skrue, Kuze, and Sara Pettis. Promising newbies but neither have really shown us anything worth being excited about. Nothing but numbers to pad someone’s elimination stat. That’s really what all of you are.
Nothing but cannon fodder.
Congrats on getting that last spot, my man. Too bad it will do nothing but delay the inevitable: you getting your ass tossed out like the fucking garbage you are. Whether it be by me, Geri, Estrella, or anyone else it really doesn’t matter. You’re the daddy that left to get smokes and never came back. Well, we don’t need you. Just don’t try crawling back when we make it big trying to reconnect.
Next, I want to talk about the man, the myth, the legend: Corey Black. You have a reputation unlike any other. You’re the definition of a living legend but quite frankly... I don’t get it. I mean, sure. Your Hardcore title reign is nothing to sneeze at. But looking closer at the level of competition you’ve faced while defending that thing… there’s really nothing there. How many times did you defend against that joke Wayne Austin? Of course, you’re the longest reigning champion in AW history. The powers that be have been padding your fucking stats! I’d still be cruiserweight champion to this day if I had the kind of competition you have had so far.
You know, Corey, everyone wonders why you refuse to spread your wings and fly away from the hardcore division. It’s because you’re scared. Scared to take on talent aside from parodies like Hot Shot or has-beens like ZMAC. You don’t want to team up with FPV because you’re afraid you’ll be exposed as the weak link of Man Made Gods you know you are. Frank’s world title reigns may have been below average at best, but at least he had the balls to shoot for the top. Meanwhile, you’re comfortable punching down at competition that’s barely a step up from the cruiserweight level.
Where’s the Corey Black of old? Where’s the Creeping Death from WCF who was the king of all wrestlers? He’s dead. In his place is a sad old man who is content with being the best in an anemic division full of nobodies. Just give up, CD. Ride off into the sunset like you should’ve done last year. Leave on your own terms before someone comes and takes your head.
Next up I’m going to talk about all of the cruiserweights in the match. A far more exclusive club than it was last year. The entire division was in it last year. This time, it’s what, seven of you? On that list, only one of you actually deserves to be in it and that’s QDT. The rest of you? You don’t belong. Take some advice from somebody who knows. Just quit, bow out now before you make a fool out of yourself. You are simply fish out of water in this match. After Quixote, PJPM is the closest thing to qualified. He came in sixth in the first Rumble. The only problem is, since then, he’s done absolutely nothing of note besides go through a shitty rebrand that has flopped in every sense of the word.
Keeton? Give me a fucking break. The definition of overhyped and underqualified. An epic waste of time, space, and energy. It’s clear to see that all of the most recent crop of cruiserweight “talent”, simply want to recreate my success. But you, JC, haven’t even tried to hide it. It seems like every week I’m told about you calling me out like a sentient Beanie Baby picking a fight with a pit bull. Thinking you’re a big tough guy when all you are is a mouse just begging to be a lion. You’re a poser, man. Just a fucking wannabe who, on his best day, couldn’t hold a candle to me or anything I’ve accomplished in that division. You call me a coward because you thought I was running from you. Well, I don’t see you chasing me either. I moved on to the next challenge in my career because there was nothing left for me to do in the cruisers. Meanwhile, you decided to stick with what you thought was the safe option and look how badly that backfired on you. You think you’re so much better than me. Well, I didn’t lose to fucking Spider Balls. That right there is all I need to prove that you can’t even shine my shoes. Nobody will have to remind me to kick your ass. It’s simply second nature.
Rain might have a shot. She’s used to competing in an ongoing battle royal within her own head. Then again she can’t even win amongst herself. Let alone against other people three times her size. Joe Smarts, Archimedes Skrue, Kuze, and Sara Pettis. Promising newbies but neither have really shown us anything worth being excited about. Nothing but numbers to pad someone’s elimination stat. That’s really what all of you are.
Nothing but cannon fodder.
It was a rare, beautiful day in Milwaukee. My best friend Magic Maddox and I were out on the deck, overlooking the expansive woods in my backyard. In my hand, a bottle of Spotted Cow. In Magic’s, a glass of red wine. The sun was just beginning to set, washing us in the orange and yellow rays.
The days are counting down, DV. Are you ready?
Yeah, man. Ready to take it to all those bastards in Havoc.
...Okay, that’s good… But I’m talking about Makayla.
Oh. Right. Yeah, I can’t wait. But I’ll be even more ready if I can win this thing for her.
Maddox grew a sly smirk on his face as he took a sip of his wine. I rolled my eyes and sighed.
I hate that look, Magic Man. I really do.
I just can’t believe it.
What??
Do you realize that this time last year, you were wrestling solely for the fame and the money?
Yeah. So what?
So! Now you’re engaged and talking about fighting to provide for your daughter. You’ve really grown, DV. It makes me really happy to see.
I tried to fight it, but a smile grew on my face as well. I tried to hide it from my friend by taking a drink of my beer.
I swear to Ian if you start crying or try to hug me I’m smashing this over your head.
Oh come on, Derrick! Play the tough guy all you want but it’s nothing you need to hide. I can see it in you. You’re completely different from the person I met last year. This time last year, could you have imagined having a child of your own? Or having a girlfriend that you were going to ask to marry you??
I shook my head, my smile becoming a bit more apparent.
See?
Hey, to be fair, I wouldn’t have thought that about Geri because we were too busy kicking the shit out of each other back then.
Magic waved his hand dismissively, scoffing.
That’s beside the point! What I’m saying is “Wisconsin’s Finest” is nothing like the Derrick Vayden sitting next to me right now. In just one year you’ve grown exponentially that no one could have-
Okay! All right, Magic Mike, I get your point! I appreciate the kind words but stop before you hurt yourself.
Magic giggled.
Fair enough.
Maddox and I clanked our drinks together and took a drink.
So Walter finally decided to pop back up, huh? Big. Fucking. Deal. Am I the only one who finds that funny? This guy thumped me in the Wrestler of the Year tournament. Made me look like a novice, green as grass. I didn’t stand a chance. But you know what? I came back the very next week and I kept kicking. In fact, I fought harder than I had been before that match. Losing in that fashion pissed me off to no end and made me want to succeed that much more.
Now, look at what happened when Walter lost. He lost the world title and crawled back into whatever fucking hole he crawled out of. Big scary monster couldn’t handle losing an important match so he ran. He ran and hid like a little bitch. So now he’s back and we’re supposed to believe he’s still some monster to be feared? I don’t buy it. Not anymore. Wrestler of the year, monster of the year, all of it is irrelevant because you’ve done absolutely nothing
The story of Walter has gone through so many reboots and sequels that have ruined his credibility. I just can’t wait for the moment he goes to fucking space or takes Manhattan.
Can we take a second to talk about just how many has-beens are in this Rumble? I mean Jesus Christ, are we sure the WCF reunion isn’t taking place in Action? How many so-called alumni do we need taking spots from people much more deserving? You got people like Damian Kaine, Bonnie Blue, Crow McMorris, Teo Blaze, and Joey Flash. Of all those legendary names, their accolades in AW add up to a single blink and you’ll miss it tag title run. On the opposite end? A whole lot of missed opportunities and pointless feuds and rivalries all designed to jerk each other off.
My point? Sure, these names make any wrestling historian rock hard. But the fact of the matter is they haven’t done shit in Action Wrestling and it will stay that way. With few exceptions like FPV and Odin, stalwarts of the biggest buttrape federation in the world have done and will continue to do nothing but take up roster space that could go to someone in their prime, someone who would be more valuable of an asset to the company than a cheap nostalgia act. They choose to exclusively fight amongst each other because they know anyone else will expose them for the out of touch old guards that they are.
Now, this one will hurt a little bit. Lissie Hope, my friend. I don’t say that sarcastically. Through our very weird relationship, we’ve reached a point where I can honestly consider you a friend. Maybe it’s from our mutual respect for one another or maybe it’s through Estrella and Geri. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I’m not going to enjoy what I’m about to say…
Liss, I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t believe you could do it, win All-In but you did. I didn’t think you could win the world title while also holding the briefcase but you did that too. I didn’t think you’d cash it in but you did that too. You blew me away with everything you’ve done since we came into this place. But man… those reigns were rough to watch. You beat Dandy to win it the first time, no small feat. But you lost it a mere week later. Then you cashed in on Frank and won it again! ...Only to lose it back to Frank within a month.
It seems to me that you are given plenty of opportunities. Rightfully so, might I add. But it's ultimately what you do with those opportunities that matter. And to your credit, you’re batting around a .400 with them. Not great, but not horrible either. But the ones you do land, you hardly get anywhere with ‘em. You held onto that briefcase far too long. You had countless chances to win that belt with ease and you simply didn’t because you were afraid. The bright lights of the main event, the weight of the belt on your shoulders… you buckled, Lissie. You broke apart under the pressure and you failed.
Just face it, Lissie. You’re not cut out for the main event. You’re not fit for the world title picture. You have all the tools in the world to succeed in any other title scene you want. But I’m sure you’re just going to be stubborn and continue to ignore those close to you if their opinions don’t line up with your feelings. Go out and dominate the US title. Maybe toss around the cruisers for a little bit. Then maybe, just maybe, you can take another crack at the world scene.
Havoc is just another spot for you to fail. It's inevitable. And I would honestly hate to see you fall back into a bad headspace after another devastating loss but I guess there’s nothing I can do to stop you and your masochistic tendencies. I’m sorry, Lis. I truly am.
Now, look at what happened when Walter lost. He lost the world title and crawled back into whatever fucking hole he crawled out of. Big scary monster couldn’t handle losing an important match so he ran. He ran and hid like a little bitch. So now he’s back and we’re supposed to believe he’s still some monster to be feared? I don’t buy it. Not anymore. Wrestler of the year, monster of the year, all of it is irrelevant because you’ve done absolutely nothing
The story of Walter has gone through so many reboots and sequels that have ruined his credibility. I just can’t wait for the moment he goes to fucking space or takes Manhattan.
Can we take a second to talk about just how many has-beens are in this Rumble? I mean Jesus Christ, are we sure the WCF reunion isn’t taking place in Action? How many so-called alumni do we need taking spots from people much more deserving? You got people like Damian Kaine, Bonnie Blue, Crow McMorris, Teo Blaze, and Joey Flash. Of all those legendary names, their accolades in AW add up to a single blink and you’ll miss it tag title run. On the opposite end? A whole lot of missed opportunities and pointless feuds and rivalries all designed to jerk each other off.
My point? Sure, these names make any wrestling historian rock hard. But the fact of the matter is they haven’t done shit in Action Wrestling and it will stay that way. With few exceptions like FPV and Odin, stalwarts of the biggest buttrape federation in the world have done and will continue to do nothing but take up roster space that could go to someone in their prime, someone who would be more valuable of an asset to the company than a cheap nostalgia act. They choose to exclusively fight amongst each other because they know anyone else will expose them for the out of touch old guards that they are.
Now, this one will hurt a little bit. Lissie Hope, my friend. I don’t say that sarcastically. Through our very weird relationship, we’ve reached a point where I can honestly consider you a friend. Maybe it’s from our mutual respect for one another or maybe it’s through Estrella and Geri. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I’m not going to enjoy what I’m about to say…
Liss, I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t believe you could do it, win All-In but you did. I didn’t think you could win the world title while also holding the briefcase but you did that too. I didn’t think you’d cash it in but you did that too. You blew me away with everything you’ve done since we came into this place. But man… those reigns were rough to watch. You beat Dandy to win it the first time, no small feat. But you lost it a mere week later. Then you cashed in on Frank and won it again! ...Only to lose it back to Frank within a month.
It seems to me that you are given plenty of opportunities. Rightfully so, might I add. But it's ultimately what you do with those opportunities that matter. And to your credit, you’re batting around a .400 with them. Not great, but not horrible either. But the ones you do land, you hardly get anywhere with ‘em. You held onto that briefcase far too long. You had countless chances to win that belt with ease and you simply didn’t because you were afraid. The bright lights of the main event, the weight of the belt on your shoulders… you buckled, Lissie. You broke apart under the pressure and you failed.
Just face it, Lissie. You’re not cut out for the main event. You’re not fit for the world title picture. You have all the tools in the world to succeed in any other title scene you want. But I’m sure you’re just going to be stubborn and continue to ignore those close to you if their opinions don’t line up with your feelings. Go out and dominate the US title. Maybe toss around the cruisers for a little bit. Then maybe, just maybe, you can take another crack at the world scene.
Havoc is just another spot for you to fail. It's inevitable. And I would honestly hate to see you fall back into a bad headspace after another devastating loss but I guess there’s nothing I can do to stop you and your masochistic tendencies. I’m sorry, Lis. I truly am.
Geri and I sat on the couch in my living room. A half-eaten pizza sitting on the table in front of us and a shitty Netflix movie playing on TV in the background.
Hey, Derrick?
Yeah?
What are we gonna do? When it’s just us.
I chuckled a little bit.
What do you mean?
I mean when you and I are the final two in the Rumble. Who wins?
I shrugged nonchalantly.
Coin flip?
Now it was Geri’s turn to chuckle.
You’d really leave something like main eventing Evolution up to chance?
Hell no. While you’re distracted by the coin, I’ll throw you out and win.
She burst out laughing and smacked me hard yet playfully.
You’re supposed to say you would throw yourself out and let me win!
Why would I do that?
Because you love me soooooo much!
Well… yeah. But… I like winning too.
More than your fiance?
No. But, if I win, we both win, right?
Of course.
Geri smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me.
But the same thing happens if I win, right?
Yeah, but… Your record against me isn’t exactly stunning.
She smacked me again. Still playful, but much harder.
Do you want to sleep on the couch?
I shrug.
It is pretty comfy. And the cats will keep me company.
Fine. But that’ll be the only kitty you get tonight.
She winked at me, a devious smirk on her face. I smirked back at her. She really knows how to win an argument…
Frank Venable Patrick. I mentioned you earlier, but I’m sure you already knew that because you’re an attention whore. Another “main eventer” who clearly doesn’t have any sort of lasting power. You’re the first-ever three-time AW world champion yet your 71 combined days is still behind three other champions who only held it once. You’re one of the duders who are ruining the world title by turning it into an expensive game of hot potato. And yet you continue to get opportunities to redeem yourself even though you’ve proven time and time again that you simply don’t deserve them. I’m all for being perseverant, but goddamn, man you’re just delusional. It doesn’t matter if it’s Walter or Richards or anyone else. You’ll always be second place to someone else. But that’s A-okay with you, right? You’re content with using the belt as a volleyball, passing it back and forth just to make your resume look phenomenal with no regard for the legacy for the title. Only this time, you got 60 motherfuckers in your way and you don’t have enough ammo to “headshot” all of ‘em. But I’d like to see you try.
Are we sure it’s a good idea to let a senior citizen compete in what boils down to a test of endurance? Sorry, Odin. I know old dude jokes are overused low hanging fruit, that’s why I led with it and now I’m moving on.
Y’know, I was honestly shocked to discover you beating Walter was your first world title here. Someone with the name recognition you have, I assumed you were dripping in gold. But then I realized you are much like Corey Black. You spent most of your time here beating up people far below your skill level and shied away from the big time because you didn’t want to tarnish the mythos of you being this unstoppable god. Lo and behold, you finally grew a set and went after the world title, only to lose it three weeks later in your first defense. What a shocker, the All-Father being a mere mortal. Fucking pathetic, dude. You’re only in the match to be one of those big guys who everyone says “oh they’ll have a hard time taking him out!” only to be thrown out with ease. Step aside, old man. Lay down and just die already.
KOS, you call yourself the-
Bet you thought I was going to roll with that dead meme, didn’t you? Unlike you, Spencer, I’m not predictably boring.
For whatever reason, you seem to be the Action Wrestling golden boy. You were literally handed a random title shot which you used to skip the line in the tag rankings and face FemDom. Yeah, it’s easy to become a triple crown winner when you’re sucking off the AW higher-ups more than a goddamn algae eater.
You’re just a stooge, man. A corporate yes man who is willing and eager to sell his dignity in exchange for a tiny bit of fame. I’m sure I would be considered a future hall of famer too if I was willing to figuratively and literally kiss the bossman's ass as hard and as frequently as you do. Likewise, Spence, you would be stuck in the middle of the pack just like I am if you had the slightest shred of self-respect in you.
The only difference is, I know for a fact you would give up as soon as you were in my shoes because you can’t handle adversity as I do. If you had to actually work for an opportunity, you’d probably cut and run, probably dub yourself the Trinity World champion to give yourself some imaginary clout just to feel somewhat relevant. It’s sick, it’s pathetic, and I would honestly feel bad for you if I gave a shit about you.
Finally, I want to talk about one Dandy DiVito. The man of prophecy, the one to finally knock Ryan Lockhart off his throne! The man… the man who’s fallen off the fucking wagon since then. Lissie fucking embarrassed you, took your title, and turned you into a fucking pussy. You ran off to lick your wounds, came back, and went on some idiotic strike like some anti-vaxxer protest. Now you’re back and you think you would just waltz into the world title match at Evolution? What the fuck have you done lately? Beat Kaiju Collins then lose to Grayson fucking Ward? You let that cult leader school dropout get the best of you? Goddamn, dude. Even that washed up Speede is too good for you!
That’s gotta be a kick in the dick man (oh… poor choice of words?). I mean, you used Alex Richards like a puppet in order to get what you wanted until you thought he wasn’t of use anymore. But, in a hilarious twist of fate, ARich managed to win the world title before you got a chance to recapture it. Gotta hurt, man. Now you won’t even get a chance to get payback on him, because he’ll be in the REAL main event of Evolution while you’re lost in the middle of the card against a legends nostalgia act.
Are we sure it’s a good idea to let a senior citizen compete in what boils down to a test of endurance? Sorry, Odin. I know old dude jokes are overused low hanging fruit, that’s why I led with it and now I’m moving on.
Y’know, I was honestly shocked to discover you beating Walter was your first world title here. Someone with the name recognition you have, I assumed you were dripping in gold. But then I realized you are much like Corey Black. You spent most of your time here beating up people far below your skill level and shied away from the big time because you didn’t want to tarnish the mythos of you being this unstoppable god. Lo and behold, you finally grew a set and went after the world title, only to lose it three weeks later in your first defense. What a shocker, the All-Father being a mere mortal. Fucking pathetic, dude. You’re only in the match to be one of those big guys who everyone says “oh they’ll have a hard time taking him out!” only to be thrown out with ease. Step aside, old man. Lay down and just die already.
KOS, you call yourself the-
Bet you thought I was going to roll with that dead meme, didn’t you? Unlike you, Spencer, I’m not predictably boring.
For whatever reason, you seem to be the Action Wrestling golden boy. You were literally handed a random title shot which you used to skip the line in the tag rankings and face FemDom. Yeah, it’s easy to become a triple crown winner when you’re sucking off the AW higher-ups more than a goddamn algae eater.
You’re just a stooge, man. A corporate yes man who is willing and eager to sell his dignity in exchange for a tiny bit of fame. I’m sure I would be considered a future hall of famer too if I was willing to figuratively and literally kiss the bossman's ass as hard and as frequently as you do. Likewise, Spence, you would be stuck in the middle of the pack just like I am if you had the slightest shred of self-respect in you.
The only difference is, I know for a fact you would give up as soon as you were in my shoes because you can’t handle adversity as I do. If you had to actually work for an opportunity, you’d probably cut and run, probably dub yourself the Trinity World champion to give yourself some imaginary clout just to feel somewhat relevant. It’s sick, it’s pathetic, and I would honestly feel bad for you if I gave a shit about you.
Finally, I want to talk about one Dandy DiVito. The man of prophecy, the one to finally knock Ryan Lockhart off his throne! The man… the man who’s fallen off the fucking wagon since then. Lissie fucking embarrassed you, took your title, and turned you into a fucking pussy. You ran off to lick your wounds, came back, and went on some idiotic strike like some anti-vaxxer protest. Now you’re back and you think you would just waltz into the world title match at Evolution? What the fuck have you done lately? Beat Kaiju Collins then lose to Grayson fucking Ward? You let that cult leader school dropout get the best of you? Goddamn, dude. Even that washed up Speede is too good for you!
That’s gotta be a kick in the dick man (oh… poor choice of words?). I mean, you used Alex Richards like a puppet in order to get what you wanted until you thought he wasn’t of use anymore. But, in a hilarious twist of fate, ARich managed to win the world title before you got a chance to recapture it. Gotta hurt, man. Now you won’t even get a chance to get payback on him, because he’ll be in the REAL main event of Evolution while you’re lost in the middle of the card against a legends nostalgia act.
I sat down in the rocking chair placed next to the empty crib. I absentmindedly rocked back and forth as I watched the teddy bears on the mobile slowly spin. I smiled to myself.
You’ll be here soon enough, Princess. We’re all so excited to see you...
I raised the camera in my hand and pointed it at myself, the smile melting off my face.
I’m more than a Cruiserweight. I’m more than a tag team guy. It’s time people take fucking notice. I know I’m not the favorite, or even in the top ten but the fact is I should be. I should be considered one of the best wrestlers in this company but I haven’t and that infuriates me. So yeah, bring the fire. Bring the rain. Bring all the angels in Heaven and all the demons in Hell. Come Hell or high water I will be walking out of Havoc as the last man standing.
Keep doubting me. I dare you. Come Havoc, you will regret it.