And Plague Flowers the Kaleidoscope
Mar 3, 2020 16:15:12 GMT -5
“The RevolutiDaddy” Wesley, Bonnie Blue, and 7 more like this
Post by Joey Flash on Mar 3, 2020 16:15:12 GMT -5
Hazy silhouetted darkness. A figure. The feeling of oncoming dread in the pit in Jaisinder Montez’s after he realises he has said ‘Bloody Mary’ one too many times; this is actually happening - and it’s about to be...horrifying. Tick follows tock. A voice; quiet and metronomical but refreshing. The first autumnal raindrops after a scorching summer.
“Joseph Malignaggi isn’t a professional wrestler anymore. He’s good with his lot in life, for the first time in his twenty-seven years of existence he is content...he is happy. He doesn’t need the validation of the public nor the comforting embrace of his god-like status and record in the business anymore. He’s a father, a husband and a beloved public figure helping combat homelessness and education all across the East Coast. He left professional wrestling in a good place, he made his Action Wrestling debut in an epic match with his successor and did what every true professional in the sport does: passed the torch.
Joseph Malignaggi sits back and still watches from time to time, what was once teeth grinding intensity and collegiate level study while picking apart every little detail of a match is now a playful ‘Daddy-Daughter’ time for him where he gets to share the joy of the sport that made him the man he is today with the next generation. He sees the joy on Lucia’s face as she sees Bonnie Blue and Lissie Hope fighting tooth and nail with the best athletes in the world and he finds himself getting emotional at the way the business has evolved. Professional wrestling is in a good place. Action Wrestling is thriving, it has a positive fan-base and locker room with no caustic toxicity. Professional wrestling doesn’t need Joseph Malignaggi anymore, and, more importantly perhaps - Joseph Malignaggi doesn’t need professional wrestling.
WCF legend Joseph Malignaggi isn’t a name Action Wrestling fans care about, not truly. He’s a relic and a throwback to the golden-age of professional wrestling; he’s either romanticised or vilified. Is he the Greatest of All Time or is he an opportunistic snivelling bully who used the hard work of others to posit himself in advantageous scenarios? What if it’s both? What if it’s neither? These things don’t bother Joseph Malignaggi anymore. Though...there was a little something. A tiny gnawing feeling.
WCF Legend. WCF...WCF...WCF…it’s like a crutch these people hold onto to cling to their own relevance because they’re too terrified of failure to branch out on their own and forge their legacy anew. A man named Jaice Wilds is one such person. A man named Jaice Wilds is engaging on a ‘WCF Tour’ where he is taking his anger and frustration at this very position he finds himself in. Jaice Wilds hates the stranglehold those three letters have over the people he loves and cares about, the hold it has over him - even if he doesn’t realise it yet.
So here Jaice Wilds stands at the precipice of his own Nietzschen abyss crying for recognition and relevance from an already crumbled great city. His screams fall on deaf ears across every broken building of the city as he tries to salvage some dignity and self-esteem from the rubble. You scream and cry because you want reassurance that it’s not all bad and that you’re actually worth something. You begin trying to kick at the rubble now, but Jaice, you’re making a lot of noise now. You’re making too...much...noise. Joseph Malignaggi’s tiny gnawing feeling is growing."
A switch in tone, as the dulcet whispered voice grows in volume.
"You want this so badly Jaice don’t you? Your fragile little fucking ego can’t take it can it? Fine. Corey, Digger, Torture, Fly, Cairo...I’ve got this, the baby can have his bottle. I’m killing this right now. You don’t have to wait around Jaice, it’s okay I’ll skip you right to the last level and Akuma is waiting. Your constant whining, bleating and mewling is borderline insufferable, and I am not going to let anyone have to suffer your delusional, self-important, low-tier masquerading as a mid-carder bullshit anymore. Joseph Malignaggi doesn’t need professional wrestling, this is true. However for this one night, he wants it."
The dark haze is broken as a beam of light hits the charcoal Versace two piece, the sheen of the Ricci tan brogues, the wild black hair, the picture perfect smile that seems to emit caustic venom from the radiance.
“Just for you Jaice. Joey Flash is back.”
CU-
“-fuck no we ain’t doing that. You ain’t getting any respite from me. Fans said they want the old Joey, that stalking, snarling grey hoodie Joey. Not the one that faced Lockhart and gave him a good fight, but the one that is the single most dominant wrestler in the history of this sport - the one that kills you so bad it makes you consider your fuckin’ life, let alone your career. So, sorry Mr Wilds, you won’t be getting any funny skits, you won’t be seeing any glimpses into my home life, my business or introspection into me as a human being. You’re going to find out why my name is right to be feared, and why you are so very, very stupid for asking for this plate. What is about to happen here is your fault Jaice. Every single bit is your fault, this is Pandora's box laid fucking bare."
A deep breath.
"This is the biggest match of your career, no ifs, ands or buts. You’ve had World Championship matches and faced all sorts of top-tier wrestlers here in Action Wrestling but you know as well as I, that this...this is something completely different. Joey Flash is a completely different prospect to anything else that has ever existed in professional wrestling. This is a tape you could savour, be so prideful of, show your friends, show your family and pass down across generations of the Wilds family. It should be your crowning achievement, it should be the pinnacle of everything you’ve ever strived to achieve. Yet instead, the one question your children and your grandchildren will ask isn’t:
‘Hey pop-pop, what was it like to wrestle Joey Flash?’
"but instead"
‘Hey dickhead, why the fuck are you dressed as Aladdin?’
"Jaice, seriously, for this alone - I'm going to legitimately fucking murder you."
"I don’t even know where to begin with this shit. Like, I could stop the promo right now and it would already be enough. Do I even need to bother with this? You’re doing a fine fuckin’ job of killing yourself, you don’t even need my help. You legitimately lost a match that stipulated you have to wrestle as a Disney character for five weeks. I mean...fucking what?! I don’t...I can’t...Jaice I can’t even think of a way to put this eloquently or with flair: you are a complete fucking moron.
Your cringe-worthy demeanor has this already tailored for the perfect dissection, I almost didn’t say yes to this match because I didn’t want the second hand awkwardness of just sharing a ring with you. Joey Flash matches are collectors items, legacy, legendary shit and to be quite honest Jaice, I’m astounded. You’re like a magician. Every Joey Flash appearance is a main event, no ifs ands or buts. But apparently it turns out there is a but: you.
Motherfucker you’re the only person I could face where not only am I not the main event, but I’m like...fourth on the fucking card. Poor Corey is dropping seven figures into my bank account for a glorified squash match you fucking dork. I’m going to fucking gut you for making a mockery out of not only XIII but out of one of my two matches this year. Your very presence makes a main event match curtain-jerk fodder, this is how ludicrous of a human being you are. Elvis and MJ could return to life for one day only and be available for bookings with the caveat Jaice Wilds will be opening for them and they’d end up busking on the fucking streets instead with you dressed as Olaf dancing about next to them, obliviously nodding your head and taking credit for every twenty cents dropped into the hat."
"First things first fuckhead: no one cares about your past. I couldn’t give two donkey dicks and a chinchilla’s asshole about your history and what you have or haven’t won. Who you have and haven’t beaten. Every time your stupid little face appears on television you’re waffling about some dude no one has ever heard about or spamming acronyms, well Jaice, IDC WTF UR talking about. Imagine if I did this stupid shit? Half your fucking promos against Bonnie and Corey - your biggest matches in your career to date - were like this:
“Hah! See kid, you don’t understand what it was like back in the old days. You don’t got the heart B’wanne Bludde had, you’re not as mad as Vulgar, you don’t have the knowledge of Professor Coach, you ain’t got the strength of Stampy or the mystery of Anon Y. Mous, you don’t have the capricious originality of Oathbreaker or know what #lizardmaskmurder is.”
"IT’S FUCKING STUPID. No one wants to listen to some twat warble on for minutes on end about shit no one knows or cares about from years ago. Stop it.
I’m not fighting your history, I’m fighting the scared, pathetic, delusional little faggot who has been running his mouth for the past couple of months about how he wants to destroy WCF. This is just the thing Jaice, wanna know the reason you were the nearly man against Lockhart? Why since you’ve started the crusade against WCF you’ve already had your shit pushed in by Corey and Bonnie? Aight, let me see if you can figure out first before I tell you."
He pauses.
"Okay, people watching, what answers did you have?
Oh, sorry Jaice - your answer of ‘I wore a 45lb outfit to the ring and my legs were tired’ is incorrect. The correct answer as a lot of you correctly surmised was: complete and utter lack of comprehension and incisiveness. I wish I could see any academic papers you ever wrote, you’d just rehash facts and quotes with no commentary or analysis.
“Joey Flash you have an 0-1 record in AW!!”
“Joey Flash you lost to Grime!!”
“Joey Flash, how did it feel to have The Resurrection Man take your title?”
Yes I do.
Yes I did.
...and pretty fuckin’ hilarious.
The sickening thing is that this fucker legitimately believes that constitutes good, top tier work. I am fucking astounded at his lack of awareness. Where is your potent delivery? Where are the screwface quotes of yours? Where are intense metaphorical punchline deliveries? They do not exist. You are not a good promo, you’re an even worse fuckin’ wrestler. You’re an unmarketable, unremarkable midget with no redeeming qualities as a superstar. You are card filling fodder whose only title shots came when Action Wrestling was struggling for stars. Do you see Jaice main eventing now that Lissie, Dandy, Kidsgrove and QDT are established? Will anyone pick Jaice to win Havoc? Will anyone’s ‘dream card’ scenario ever involve a Jaice Wilds match? I’ll save you pondering:
No, he’s now fighting the greatest wrestler in the history of the sport, fourth on the card while dressed as Aladdin. You’re a fucking farce Wilds.
What grates on me the most about you though in truth is your straight up lack of self-awareness. See, at the top of the game when you’re fighting for titles every week and have a 2/1 record or better, I’m talking real top tier shit - you have a general idea of where your skills land you. You go into every match believing you can win, that you’re the best wrestler in the world. I mean shit, I watch promos from top guys now and they’re throwing around being the GOAT - I get it and I approve. Go into each match believing you’re the best, that you’re untouchable. Be confident, arrogant even and that will carry over to your performance in the ring, it will drag that extra one-percent out of you that you might need to conquer the challenge in front of you. That is a thing, even the people like Lissie or Frank who project how humble they are - they know. They know where their skills lie and know they’re objectively better than the person they’re facing any given week.
Greatness knows it’s great. The adverse is also true: shit knows it’s shit. They’ll put a good shot in, give a great effort, but already know before they even step through the ropes that there is a gulf in natural quality and class that hard work can’t bridge against certain opponents. You, Jaice - are a fucking anomaly.
You’re shit who believes whole heartedly it’s gold fuckin’ bullion. I could knock you out in five seconds and you’d wake up like ‘Uhhhh I beat him right?!’ Your whole shtick seems to legitimately be to constantly call out and harass competition either completely unrealistic or out of your league. From ridiculously pestering Power Word: Kill to fight you three-on-one, to your constant sniping at champions in every division to try and coerce them into your little boring game of ‘Get Wilds Over’. If they turn you down or ignore you, it’s a win for you: they are cowards, they refuse to fight you! If they fight you, they beat you and you come up with every excuse as to why.
I’d say it was devious and full of calculation if it was from anyone else. But honestly, I don’t think you’re a bad guy. I don’t think you do any of this to manipulate the market into a net-positive for you - I legitimately just think you’re this fuckin’ oblivious."
“Will anyone pick Jaice to win Havoc? Will anyone’s ‘dream card’ scenario ever involve a Jaice Wilds match?”
"Yes - YOU will. I mean man, you nearly beat Lockhart twice, you gave the bastardised BeachCrue what for by never winning a match against any of them and gave their fists a hell of a lot of swelling with your face. Good job. Little old me who beat and clean-swept Jared, Wade, Rabid, Kemp, Beaver, Obi, Gable and Aquarius without once tasting defeat has nothing on you champ.
The guy who always wins vs the guy who always loses. I wonder how this story will unfold? Every big feud, every big match - you go hunting for every opportunity and then get your shit summarily pushed in. You could write a thesis on defeat at this point, I mean, a shit, non-analysed thesis with no critical thinking but a thesis nonetheless. Let’s be honest with what this match is and where this match is going Jaice: I’m going to beat you. There is no objective way this match ends any other way. I have you beaten in every single comprehensible facet of this game.
I could beat you doing a concept promo.
I could beat you without shooting on you at all.
I could beat you shooting on myself.
I know this, I know this because you know that top-tier thing I was discussing earlier where you just ‘know’ about the outcome of a match? Well I’m even beyond that Jaice. My level is incomprehensible to you, but you? I comprehend you just fine, and you Jaice, are still shit and this match was over before it was even signed. It’s not like you even have a puncher’s chance, you’re not going to catch me with a lucky shot or be able to put me down long enough to register a two count, this is a legitimate impossibility for you.
My last five singles matches have been: Stephen Singh, David Sanchez, Corey Black, John Rabid and Ryan Lockhart - so either I’m severely lowering my standards or man...you’re a motherfucking beast!"
Flash hopes his fans still approve of deadpan sarcasm.
"You’re a fuckin’ joke Wilds. I took this match because I wanted to beat up a human punching bag and get paid handsomely for it. Your WCF Tour is a fuckin’ joke, you’re going to waste your entire 2020 going from event to event getting dismantled by every single person you face. You’ll end the year fighting Ultimate Destroyer in a ‘Loser gets shot in the face’ match, lose, die, then come back next week after revealing the stunt double returned and lost the match for you.
There are no excuses for what is going to happen to you at XIII, there is no secret to what is going to happen or why. There is no cosmic grand master plan at work here, there are two athletes stepping in the ring together: Jaice Wilds and Joey Flash - that alone is the reason for the inevitability of what happens. See, the thing about me Jaice is I’ve seen them all come and go - I’ve seen hype-jobs with no real substance, I’ve seen mid-card filler, I’ve seen immediate elites, I’ve seen uncut diamonds who just with the right polish and push can become elites in their own right. You Jaice, you’re none of these. See I could lay out exactly what it would take to beat me, and you still couldn’t do it. I could give you a bullet point layout of what tactics to take and how to improve your craft as a wrestler but it wouldn’t work. You can give a workman the step-by-step guide to craft something but if he’s lacking the tools, he won’t even get past step one.
Step one: Avoid surface level self braggadocio bullshit.
If you can even manage this I will be absolutely fuckin’ blown away Jaice. You’ve been doing this for what? Eleven years at this point and we haven’t even managed to get this far. I think if it were going to happen it would have happened for you already, this is just...it for you. This is your level. Never once have I seen anything remotely unique, intriguing, creative or original from you - you’re the only cunt who sticks so rigidly to his formulaic approach for such a long time without ever changing things up. You’re as tedious as the fuckers who do ‘Rap’ promos and do shit like:
I’m too fast.
I’ll put you on blast.
I’ll kick your ass.
"You’ve probably fucking done one of them. I want to legitimately throttle you. Ten plus years in and this is where we are at with you. I’m expecting that sort of shit more than I am something that makes this a match worth watching or caring about. You pride yourself on your veteran status and yet where does that even fucking leave you? Maybe you could survive with the bullshit you spew now back then, but sorry Jaice, in this world Joey Flash happened and everything changed. The era you’re in now expects more, it fucking demands more because of where I stand as its flag-bearer. The Lockharts, the Hopes, the DiVito’s are born from my seeds, I’m the birds and the fuckin’ bees and now Daddy’s back from paternity leave.
What do I see when I look at you, Jaice? It’s not enmity, it’s not anger...it’s pity. I pity you because when I look at you and what you’ve accomplished, when I look at your record, when I look at the effort you consistently put in to try and get people to notice you and to care and are constantly ignored and pushed to one side. You can make all the noise in the world, you can scream and shout from every rooftop about how great you are and how you belong in the big matches and to get the big shots and sure, people might listen. Maybe. But even if they listen, Jaice, they aren’t going to care. Why?
Because you’re Jaice fucking Wilds.
Perpetual dork, loser, whiner, bullshit artist, excuse making Jaice Wilds.
Man-child, weak willed, spineless, low-card, snot nosed, condescending Jaice Wilds.
Generic, uncreative, boring, stable appropriating, always the bridesmaid never the bride Jaice Wilds.
Going to get his face turned to fucking mush and made to reconsider this whole ridiculous ‘WCF Tour’ bullshit Jaice Wilds.
If you keep fucking up everything you ever try to accomplish, alienate all the people who ever try to be your allies, anger the promoters you are working for with your mud-show amateur self-entitled bullshit schtick and continue to annoy and irritate anyone who ever has to even so much as hear a word come from your lips then maybe...it’s not them - it’s you. This beating isn’t going to be to humble you, because I doubt losing this match is going to even have that effect on you - I’d be conceited if I thought that much. I hope just for one second as you’re lying up at the ceiling after I put your fuckin’ lights out you actually consider where you’re at in life and where you want to be.
Do you want to be respected as a competitor, an athlete, a fighter, a person? Do you want for people to hear the name Jaice Wilds and think ‘Fuck, that guy is one hell of a wrestler.’ Now is your time to actually make a fucking go of your career. You won’t though, eleven years worth of experience shows this much. You’ll lose this match, deflect from the loss, move on to the next poor fucker who has to deal with your bullshit and repeat ad-nauseum. You’re never going to amount to shit in Action Wrestling. There is no agenda against you, there is no-one keeping Jaice Wilds buried, there is no conspiracy. You’re a delusional, self-serving twat of a man who is so blinded by ignorance it’s staggering. You are a cringe worthy fucking weirdo who makes those associate with him bland and shit by proxy. You’re the only cunt who could make time-travel and aliens feel so fucking dull; I feel like a worse professional wrestler just from recording the promo for our match.
At the end of the day, who is worse off here? Is it you for the absolute fuckin’ annihilation of a clinic I put on when we step through the ropes...or is it me for having to face an obese midget dressed as Aladdin?
Bodybags on deck, you’re finished."
“Joseph Malignaggi isn’t a professional wrestler anymore. He’s good with his lot in life, for the first time in his twenty-seven years of existence he is content...he is happy. He doesn’t need the validation of the public nor the comforting embrace of his god-like status and record in the business anymore. He’s a father, a husband and a beloved public figure helping combat homelessness and education all across the East Coast. He left professional wrestling in a good place, he made his Action Wrestling debut in an epic match with his successor and did what every true professional in the sport does: passed the torch.
Joseph Malignaggi sits back and still watches from time to time, what was once teeth grinding intensity and collegiate level study while picking apart every little detail of a match is now a playful ‘Daddy-Daughter’ time for him where he gets to share the joy of the sport that made him the man he is today with the next generation. He sees the joy on Lucia’s face as she sees Bonnie Blue and Lissie Hope fighting tooth and nail with the best athletes in the world and he finds himself getting emotional at the way the business has evolved. Professional wrestling is in a good place. Action Wrestling is thriving, it has a positive fan-base and locker room with no caustic toxicity. Professional wrestling doesn’t need Joseph Malignaggi anymore, and, more importantly perhaps - Joseph Malignaggi doesn’t need professional wrestling.
WCF legend Joseph Malignaggi isn’t a name Action Wrestling fans care about, not truly. He’s a relic and a throwback to the golden-age of professional wrestling; he’s either romanticised or vilified. Is he the Greatest of All Time or is he an opportunistic snivelling bully who used the hard work of others to posit himself in advantageous scenarios? What if it’s both? What if it’s neither? These things don’t bother Joseph Malignaggi anymore. Though...there was a little something. A tiny gnawing feeling.
WCF Legend. WCF...WCF...WCF…it’s like a crutch these people hold onto to cling to their own relevance because they’re too terrified of failure to branch out on their own and forge their legacy anew. A man named Jaice Wilds is one such person. A man named Jaice Wilds is engaging on a ‘WCF Tour’ where he is taking his anger and frustration at this very position he finds himself in. Jaice Wilds hates the stranglehold those three letters have over the people he loves and cares about, the hold it has over him - even if he doesn’t realise it yet.
So here Jaice Wilds stands at the precipice of his own Nietzschen abyss crying for recognition and relevance from an already crumbled great city. His screams fall on deaf ears across every broken building of the city as he tries to salvage some dignity and self-esteem from the rubble. You scream and cry because you want reassurance that it’s not all bad and that you’re actually worth something. You begin trying to kick at the rubble now, but Jaice, you’re making a lot of noise now. You’re making too...much...noise. Joseph Malignaggi’s tiny gnawing feeling is growing."
A switch in tone, as the dulcet whispered voice grows in volume.
"You want this so badly Jaice don’t you? Your fragile little fucking ego can’t take it can it? Fine. Corey, Digger, Torture, Fly, Cairo...I’ve got this, the baby can have his bottle. I’m killing this right now. You don’t have to wait around Jaice, it’s okay I’ll skip you right to the last level and Akuma is waiting. Your constant whining, bleating and mewling is borderline insufferable, and I am not going to let anyone have to suffer your delusional, self-important, low-tier masquerading as a mid-carder bullshit anymore. Joseph Malignaggi doesn’t need professional wrestling, this is true. However for this one night, he wants it."
The dark haze is broken as a beam of light hits the charcoal Versace two piece, the sheen of the Ricci tan brogues, the wild black hair, the picture perfect smile that seems to emit caustic venom from the radiance.
“Just for you Jaice. Joey Flash is back.”
CU-
“-fuck no we ain’t doing that. You ain’t getting any respite from me. Fans said they want the old Joey, that stalking, snarling grey hoodie Joey. Not the one that faced Lockhart and gave him a good fight, but the one that is the single most dominant wrestler in the history of this sport - the one that kills you so bad it makes you consider your fuckin’ life, let alone your career. So, sorry Mr Wilds, you won’t be getting any funny skits, you won’t be seeing any glimpses into my home life, my business or introspection into me as a human being. You’re going to find out why my name is right to be feared, and why you are so very, very stupid for asking for this plate. What is about to happen here is your fault Jaice. Every single bit is your fault, this is Pandora's box laid fucking bare."
A deep breath.
"This is the biggest match of your career, no ifs, ands or buts. You’ve had World Championship matches and faced all sorts of top-tier wrestlers here in Action Wrestling but you know as well as I, that this...this is something completely different. Joey Flash is a completely different prospect to anything else that has ever existed in professional wrestling. This is a tape you could savour, be so prideful of, show your friends, show your family and pass down across generations of the Wilds family. It should be your crowning achievement, it should be the pinnacle of everything you’ve ever strived to achieve. Yet instead, the one question your children and your grandchildren will ask isn’t:
‘Hey pop-pop, what was it like to wrestle Joey Flash?’
"but instead"
‘Hey dickhead, why the fuck are you dressed as Aladdin?’
"Jaice, seriously, for this alone - I'm going to legitimately fucking murder you."
"I don’t even know where to begin with this shit. Like, I could stop the promo right now and it would already be enough. Do I even need to bother with this? You’re doing a fine fuckin’ job of killing yourself, you don’t even need my help. You legitimately lost a match that stipulated you have to wrestle as a Disney character for five weeks. I mean...fucking what?! I don’t...I can’t...Jaice I can’t even think of a way to put this eloquently or with flair: you are a complete fucking moron.
Your cringe-worthy demeanor has this already tailored for the perfect dissection, I almost didn’t say yes to this match because I didn’t want the second hand awkwardness of just sharing a ring with you. Joey Flash matches are collectors items, legacy, legendary shit and to be quite honest Jaice, I’m astounded. You’re like a magician. Every Joey Flash appearance is a main event, no ifs ands or buts. But apparently it turns out there is a but: you.
Motherfucker you’re the only person I could face where not only am I not the main event, but I’m like...fourth on the fucking card. Poor Corey is dropping seven figures into my bank account for a glorified squash match you fucking dork. I’m going to fucking gut you for making a mockery out of not only XIII but out of one of my two matches this year. Your very presence makes a main event match curtain-jerk fodder, this is how ludicrous of a human being you are. Elvis and MJ could return to life for one day only and be available for bookings with the caveat Jaice Wilds will be opening for them and they’d end up busking on the fucking streets instead with you dressed as Olaf dancing about next to them, obliviously nodding your head and taking credit for every twenty cents dropped into the hat."
r/SelfAwareWolves
Spotted this fucking gem yesterday. r/wrasslin credit.
xtremeaerialist -430 points - 5 hours ago
I hate these old time wrestlers who constantly parade around their accomplishments while putting down and burying the current crop of active wrestlers. Listen NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR OLD TITLES AND WHAT FEDERATIONS YOU USED TO BE IN!!!
I am goddamn sick of it, I personally think especially in Action Wrestling when people try to live off their WCF or UCI legacies it is pretty pathetic and I am annoyed by it. I think the use of these federations should be banned from all promotional material. I personally HATE when people just spam this stuff in their builds to match rather than discussing their opponents and dissecting them as people and wrestlers. What does everyone else think? Also what does everyone think about the XIII card? BTWF, REBEL, GWF, Xtreme HardCore Wrestling, Underground X, WCF, NBW, UCI, AW, APW legend Jaice Wilds is going to wipe the floor with Joey Flash imo
Spotted this fucking gem yesterday. r/wrasslin credit.
xtremeaerialist -430 points - 5 hours ago
I hate these old time wrestlers who constantly parade around their accomplishments while putting down and burying the current crop of active wrestlers. Listen NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR OLD TITLES AND WHAT FEDERATIONS YOU USED TO BE IN!!!
I am goddamn sick of it, I personally think especially in Action Wrestling when people try to live off their WCF or UCI legacies it is pretty pathetic and I am annoyed by it. I think the use of these federations should be banned from all promotional material. I personally HATE when people just spam this stuff in their builds to match rather than discussing their opponents and dissecting them as people and wrestlers. What does everyone else think? Also what does everyone think about the XIII card? BTWF, REBEL, GWF, Xtreme HardCore Wrestling, Underground X, WCF, NBW, UCI, AW, APW legend Jaice Wilds is going to wipe the floor with Joey Flash imo
"First things first fuckhead: no one cares about your past. I couldn’t give two donkey dicks and a chinchilla’s asshole about your history and what you have or haven’t won. Who you have and haven’t beaten. Every time your stupid little face appears on television you’re waffling about some dude no one has ever heard about or spamming acronyms, well Jaice, IDC WTF UR talking about. Imagine if I did this stupid shit? Half your fucking promos against Bonnie and Corey - your biggest matches in your career to date - were like this:
“Hah! See kid, you don’t understand what it was like back in the old days. You don’t got the heart B’wanne Bludde had, you’re not as mad as Vulgar, you don’t have the knowledge of Professor Coach, you ain’t got the strength of Stampy or the mystery of Anon Y. Mous, you don’t have the capricious originality of Oathbreaker or know what #lizardmaskmurder is.”
"IT’S FUCKING STUPID. No one wants to listen to some twat warble on for minutes on end about shit no one knows or cares about from years ago. Stop it.
I’m not fighting your history, I’m fighting the scared, pathetic, delusional little faggot who has been running his mouth for the past couple of months about how he wants to destroy WCF. This is just the thing Jaice, wanna know the reason you were the nearly man against Lockhart? Why since you’ve started the crusade against WCF you’ve already had your shit pushed in by Corey and Bonnie? Aight, let me see if you can figure out first before I tell you."
He pauses.
"Okay, people watching, what answers did you have?
Oh, sorry Jaice - your answer of ‘I wore a 45lb outfit to the ring and my legs were tired’ is incorrect. The correct answer as a lot of you correctly surmised was: complete and utter lack of comprehension and incisiveness. I wish I could see any academic papers you ever wrote, you’d just rehash facts and quotes with no commentary or analysis.
“Joey Flash you have an 0-1 record in AW!!”
“Joey Flash you lost to Grime!!”
“Joey Flash, how did it feel to have The Resurrection Man take your title?”
Yes I do.
Yes I did.
...and pretty fuckin’ hilarious.
The sickening thing is that this fucker legitimately believes that constitutes good, top tier work. I am fucking astounded at his lack of awareness. Where is your potent delivery? Where are the screwface quotes of yours? Where are intense metaphorical punchline deliveries? They do not exist. You are not a good promo, you’re an even worse fuckin’ wrestler. You’re an unmarketable, unremarkable midget with no redeeming qualities as a superstar. You are card filling fodder whose only title shots came when Action Wrestling was struggling for stars. Do you see Jaice main eventing now that Lissie, Dandy, Kidsgrove and QDT are established? Will anyone pick Jaice to win Havoc? Will anyone’s ‘dream card’ scenario ever involve a Jaice Wilds match? I’ll save you pondering:
No, he’s now fighting the greatest wrestler in the history of the sport, fourth on the card while dressed as Aladdin. You’re a fucking farce Wilds.
What grates on me the most about you though in truth is your straight up lack of self-awareness. See, at the top of the game when you’re fighting for titles every week and have a 2/1 record or better, I’m talking real top tier shit - you have a general idea of where your skills land you. You go into every match believing you can win, that you’re the best wrestler in the world. I mean shit, I watch promos from top guys now and they’re throwing around being the GOAT - I get it and I approve. Go into each match believing you’re the best, that you’re untouchable. Be confident, arrogant even and that will carry over to your performance in the ring, it will drag that extra one-percent out of you that you might need to conquer the challenge in front of you. That is a thing, even the people like Lissie or Frank who project how humble they are - they know. They know where their skills lie and know they’re objectively better than the person they’re facing any given week.
Greatness knows it’s great. The adverse is also true: shit knows it’s shit. They’ll put a good shot in, give a great effort, but already know before they even step through the ropes that there is a gulf in natural quality and class that hard work can’t bridge against certain opponents. You, Jaice - are a fucking anomaly.
You’re shit who believes whole heartedly it’s gold fuckin’ bullion. I could knock you out in five seconds and you’d wake up like ‘Uhhhh I beat him right?!’ Your whole shtick seems to legitimately be to constantly call out and harass competition either completely unrealistic or out of your league. From ridiculously pestering Power Word: Kill to fight you three-on-one, to your constant sniping at champions in every division to try and coerce them into your little boring game of ‘Get Wilds Over’. If they turn you down or ignore you, it’s a win for you: they are cowards, they refuse to fight you! If they fight you, they beat you and you come up with every excuse as to why.
I’d say it was devious and full of calculation if it was from anyone else. But honestly, I don’t think you’re a bad guy. I don’t think you do any of this to manipulate the market into a net-positive for you - I legitimately just think you’re this fuckin’ oblivious."
“Will anyone pick Jaice to win Havoc? Will anyone’s ‘dream card’ scenario ever involve a Jaice Wilds match?”
"Yes - YOU will. I mean man, you nearly beat Lockhart twice, you gave the bastardised BeachCrue what for by never winning a match against any of them and gave their fists a hell of a lot of swelling with your face. Good job. Little old me who beat and clean-swept Jared, Wade, Rabid, Kemp, Beaver, Obi, Gable and Aquarius without once tasting defeat has nothing on you champ.
The guy who always wins vs the guy who always loses. I wonder how this story will unfold? Every big feud, every big match - you go hunting for every opportunity and then get your shit summarily pushed in. You could write a thesis on defeat at this point, I mean, a shit, non-analysed thesis with no critical thinking but a thesis nonetheless. Let’s be honest with what this match is and where this match is going Jaice: I’m going to beat you. There is no objective way this match ends any other way. I have you beaten in every single comprehensible facet of this game.
I could beat you doing a concept promo.
I could beat you without shooting on you at all.
I could beat you shooting on myself.
I know this, I know this because you know that top-tier thing I was discussing earlier where you just ‘know’ about the outcome of a match? Well I’m even beyond that Jaice. My level is incomprehensible to you, but you? I comprehend you just fine, and you Jaice, are still shit and this match was over before it was even signed. It’s not like you even have a puncher’s chance, you’re not going to catch me with a lucky shot or be able to put me down long enough to register a two count, this is a legitimate impossibility for you.
My last five singles matches have been: Stephen Singh, David Sanchez, Corey Black, John Rabid and Ryan Lockhart - so either I’m severely lowering my standards or man...you’re a motherfucking beast!"
Flash hopes his fans still approve of deadpan sarcasm.
"You’re a fuckin’ joke Wilds. I took this match because I wanted to beat up a human punching bag and get paid handsomely for it. Your WCF Tour is a fuckin’ joke, you’re going to waste your entire 2020 going from event to event getting dismantled by every single person you face. You’ll end the year fighting Ultimate Destroyer in a ‘Loser gets shot in the face’ match, lose, die, then come back next week after revealing the stunt double returned and lost the match for you.
There are no excuses for what is going to happen to you at XIII, there is no secret to what is going to happen or why. There is no cosmic grand master plan at work here, there are two athletes stepping in the ring together: Jaice Wilds and Joey Flash - that alone is the reason for the inevitability of what happens. See, the thing about me Jaice is I’ve seen them all come and go - I’ve seen hype-jobs with no real substance, I’ve seen mid-card filler, I’ve seen immediate elites, I’ve seen uncut diamonds who just with the right polish and push can become elites in their own right. You Jaice, you’re none of these. See I could lay out exactly what it would take to beat me, and you still couldn’t do it. I could give you a bullet point layout of what tactics to take and how to improve your craft as a wrestler but it wouldn’t work. You can give a workman the step-by-step guide to craft something but if he’s lacking the tools, he won’t even get past step one.
Step one: Avoid surface level self braggadocio bullshit.
If you can even manage this I will be absolutely fuckin’ blown away Jaice. You’ve been doing this for what? Eleven years at this point and we haven’t even managed to get this far. I think if it were going to happen it would have happened for you already, this is just...it for you. This is your level. Never once have I seen anything remotely unique, intriguing, creative or original from you - you’re the only cunt who sticks so rigidly to his formulaic approach for such a long time without ever changing things up. You’re as tedious as the fuckers who do ‘Rap’ promos and do shit like:
I’m too fast.
I’ll put you on blast.
I’ll kick your ass.
"You’ve probably fucking done one of them. I want to legitimately throttle you. Ten plus years in and this is where we are at with you. I’m expecting that sort of shit more than I am something that makes this a match worth watching or caring about. You pride yourself on your veteran status and yet where does that even fucking leave you? Maybe you could survive with the bullshit you spew now back then, but sorry Jaice, in this world Joey Flash happened and everything changed. The era you’re in now expects more, it fucking demands more because of where I stand as its flag-bearer. The Lockharts, the Hopes, the DiVito’s are born from my seeds, I’m the birds and the fuckin’ bees and now Daddy’s back from paternity leave.
What do I see when I look at you, Jaice? It’s not enmity, it’s not anger...it’s pity. I pity you because when I look at you and what you’ve accomplished, when I look at your record, when I look at the effort you consistently put in to try and get people to notice you and to care and are constantly ignored and pushed to one side. You can make all the noise in the world, you can scream and shout from every rooftop about how great you are and how you belong in the big matches and to get the big shots and sure, people might listen. Maybe. But even if they listen, Jaice, they aren’t going to care. Why?
Because you’re Jaice fucking Wilds.
Perpetual dork, loser, whiner, bullshit artist, excuse making Jaice Wilds.
Man-child, weak willed, spineless, low-card, snot nosed, condescending Jaice Wilds.
Generic, uncreative, boring, stable appropriating, always the bridesmaid never the bride Jaice Wilds.
Going to get his face turned to fucking mush and made to reconsider this whole ridiculous ‘WCF Tour’ bullshit Jaice Wilds.
If you keep fucking up everything you ever try to accomplish, alienate all the people who ever try to be your allies, anger the promoters you are working for with your mud-show amateur self-entitled bullshit schtick and continue to annoy and irritate anyone who ever has to even so much as hear a word come from your lips then maybe...it’s not them - it’s you. This beating isn’t going to be to humble you, because I doubt losing this match is going to even have that effect on you - I’d be conceited if I thought that much. I hope just for one second as you’re lying up at the ceiling after I put your fuckin’ lights out you actually consider where you’re at in life and where you want to be.
Do you want to be respected as a competitor, an athlete, a fighter, a person? Do you want for people to hear the name Jaice Wilds and think ‘Fuck, that guy is one hell of a wrestler.’ Now is your time to actually make a fucking go of your career. You won’t though, eleven years worth of experience shows this much. You’ll lose this match, deflect from the loss, move on to the next poor fucker who has to deal with your bullshit and repeat ad-nauseum. You’re never going to amount to shit in Action Wrestling. There is no agenda against you, there is no-one keeping Jaice Wilds buried, there is no conspiracy. You’re a delusional, self-serving twat of a man who is so blinded by ignorance it’s staggering. You are a cringe worthy fucking weirdo who makes those associate with him bland and shit by proxy. You’re the only cunt who could make time-travel and aliens feel so fucking dull; I feel like a worse professional wrestler just from recording the promo for our match.
At the end of the day, who is worse off here? Is it you for the absolute fuckin’ annihilation of a clinic I put on when we step through the ropes...or is it me for having to face an obese midget dressed as Aladdin?
Bodybags on deck, you’re finished."