Dagvald Riddik
Professional Wrestler
Everything can be a joke if you just laugh
Posts: 70
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Post by Dagvald Riddik on Feb 10, 2020 16:41:05 GMT -5
I’m gonna put myself out there and ebeg for some feedback on the Alek Shades roleplay. This is my first time rping with the fleshed out vision I have for this character, but I know I still have a lot of growing into his skin to do. It was easy to write 700 words but I’m not sure they were as good as I want them to be. My biggest worry is that it Instead of being unique or intriguing it all came off as nonsensical unreadable jibberish. I think I did a much better job with his dialogue in a segment which will air on tonight’s CruiserClash, so if anyone would like to consider that once it’s posted and give feedback that would be great too. I have a general idea for Alek’s character and I have a very big payoff planned which I really hope I can see through to the end. Any and all help is appreciated, if you feel you need to tear the whole thing apart to help me then go for it. actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/5181/embrace-inner-freak
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Post by Dandy DiVito on Feb 10, 2020 18:11:38 GMT -5
Compliments: Solid character intro, good humor, vivid scene setting Suggestions: Do more explicit shoot work, cut back on some of that vivid scene setting to allow yourself more words to do other necessary work ------------------------------------- The most lasting impression I have is this: The ending is a nice, unexpected bit of humor.
Generally, you are effectively setting your scenes (it's one of the reasons that last bit really just works), but here's my fear on that in a 700 word cap environment: you burn a lot of words just setting the scene. They're not words used for character development or for shoot, but scene description. When it comes to the 700 word caps, you have to decide what's important and stick to the bones of that, imo. You can cut a more of descriptive stuff for the flavor of shoot and character development more often than not, so I would advocate for cutting back on the scene settings to allow a harder go on CD and shoot.
Finding the right balance on those RP aspects is the biggest challenge of the 700 word count stuff. TBH, I'm still struggling with striking that correct balance within my secondary's RPs (and have struggled with that same issue for all prior secondaries as well).
There isn't a more challenging RP to write in the 700WC division than a debut, but yours is a solid introduction which builds a framework that you can easily flesh out more in future bookings.
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Alek Shades
Professional Wrestler
The Clairvoyant
Posts: 7
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Post by Alek Shades on Feb 15, 2020 12:37:06 GMT -5
Again, I really appreciate the feedback. I just finished my second RP in less than an hour (I know because I put on Lateralus while writing it and haven't even made it through the album yet lol). I had my suspicions when creating this character for the cruiserweight roster, and it feels like they have come true. This is probably the worst possible character to have in a division where I can only write 700 words. He's long winded, extra as fuck and loves long sentences. That's on top of my natural appreciation for scene development and in depth descriptions before my characters even being speaking. However, I realized that there is a surprising potential for development in dialogue alone. You can express what the character is thinking both internally regarding his evolution and externally regarding his opponents with some of the same concepts. I might be open to asking for Alek to be bumped to the main roster, but for now I don't think that will be necessary. I also think it would be easier to write one 4k Dag RP, but more difficult to manage two characters at 2k each. I don't want to bite off more than I can chew right now but I am having fun exploring a new character with a new story. I want to see if I can carry at least one major story arc to a conclusion before I make any drastic changes. I hope to incorporate the feedback from Dandy, if anyone would like to leave their thoughts on my latest RP or future work here that would be awesome as well. Either way, I do have my sights set on the Cruiserweight championship!
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Post by Psycho Vulcan Sentai (Kaz) on Feb 15, 2020 14:24:57 GMT -5
Like yourself, I’m writing a character I feel like I’m struggling to hammer down to just 700 words per roleplay. It provides an interesting challenge in itself to strike a delicate balance with “The Big 3” - in no particular order, character development, match relevance, and description - while maintaining an entertaining approach without it seeming formulaic.
In that regard, I feel like you’re doing very well. In your recent roleplay, I would say first time readers got a sense of Alek Shades philosophical approach to match study, a bit of growth for the character, and also some great shoot against Jake Fog. Scene description was entirely absent, but with the 700 word limit, you work it in where you can. This piece didn’t suffer from a lack of description, I think it would it would have the same effect with or without it.
I like the character and definitely want a little more of the world he lives in but that can easily be tackled in a future promo. Great work!
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