Howdy Partner (700 words of infected hand shit)
Feb 2, 2020 19:13:35 GMT -5
Addy A and Dagvald Riddik like this
Post by Quixote Della Torre on Feb 2, 2020 19:13:35 GMT -5
Refreshingly, I sit in total anonymity in this dive bar in Bernalillo, New Mexico called "Silva's Saloon". But hey, most of these patrons probably don't have a TV and consider playing ménage a twat with their sisters the pinnacle of leisure pursuits. I try not to inhale the smoky filth around me (substances unknown). The waitress, name badge reading "Jana", taps her foot irritatingly to some queer ass song about dashes and dots.
Through the window, I see a beat up red 1998 Honda Civic pull right in front of the entrance with no regard for parking etiquette. A shifty looking oaf, drabbed in Adidas, with a bent nose and a patchy beard, staggers out the car. He's clearly knocked back one too many vodkas already. As he enters, the waitress greets him warmly.
Well hello there Mrs. Pendleton! The usual please.
She pours him some concoction as he snorts a line of coke off the bar. "M I S T E R S C A R S" is carved out onto the wood.
Not in here. Not around me. Anyway, HE'S here.
She rebukes him.
Already? Dang!
He looks around haphazardly before his eyes rest on me. He approaches and offers a handshake.
You're early, Quixote.
So you're who AW got to cover for Jenna, hey? Glad to see professional standards are improving.
No fraternising here. Heh heh. Never mind. I'm Michael Tarnovski. Great, let's start the interview. QDT, can you tell us who your mystery partner is for CruiserClash?
I have no partner. Everyone hates me, especially the fans, especially Jenna, Tawny, probably my unborn daughter too. I have no one. No one. Except Flop but there's no way... Surely...
To be confirmed. I'm literally inundated with offers. It's going to take me so long to sift through the plethora of approaches I've received. And there's no surprise; it's a guaranteed win for whoever steps in there with me. Millions of eyeballs descend on them by default. They get the prestigious QDT rub.
Many offers? Surprising. You don't seem to have many friends... Who are you looking for? A legend? A newcomer to take under your wing? Is there a particular person you have in mind?
Dune, SJW, Lockhart. Hell, I'd take Deruty if he'd be down for it. I need all the help I can get.
I couldn't give a crocodile's asshole. It could be anyone, Wrestler X, Eli Lobo, Simard, a ghost in a tracksuit for all I care. Pah, I can take down Keeton and Baker's alliance of averageness all alone if I so choose. But I'm a generous Fortress and I want to share the wealth of kicking their ridiculously miniscule willies.
Would you be prepared to let bygones be bygones if an old foe offered his services? Maybe someone who crossed you in the past?
YES! Please! Anyone!
We'll see. Better the devil you know, don't they say?
His phone rings. He excuses himself and takes the call off towards the bathroom area. This prompts my attention back to my phone. Let's try this again. Voicemail. Shit.
Bolas, call me back bro. You say you're my biggest fan, prove it. Why you blanking me? FUCK! Don't make me team with Flop.
I punch the wall in frustration. Flakes of skin hang off my knuckles. Jana the waitress comes over.
Sorry, I'll pay for any damage.
Don't flatter yourself, the wall's fine. I've come to show you something hot off the press.
She pulls her phone out of the back pocket of her satisfyingly revealing jean shorts. She pulls up a video of some kind.
Aww, you shot a selfie solo for The Fortress? Fisting I hope...
You say you want a partner? Looks like he's just posted on the AW Network.
I watch for a few minutes. Meanwhile, Tarnovski returns from the bathroom with a sick smile.
So that's your team mate this week!
I smell a rat.
Meh, whatever. Whoever it is, the outcome remains the same. QDT wins. CruiserClash scores sky high ratings. My buddy D-Day stays rich. Keeton is just... there. Aviator's dick gets kicked. And did I mention "QDT wins"? No need. QDT wins is life at this point.
Through the window, I see a beat up red 1998 Honda Civic pull right in front of the entrance with no regard for parking etiquette. A shifty looking oaf, drabbed in Adidas, with a bent nose and a patchy beard, staggers out the car. He's clearly knocked back one too many vodkas already. As he enters, the waitress greets him warmly.
Well hello there Mrs. Pendleton! The usual please.
She pours him some concoction as he snorts a line of coke off the bar. "M I S T E R S C A R S" is carved out onto the wood.
Not in here. Not around me. Anyway, HE'S here.
She rebukes him.
Already? Dang!
He looks around haphazardly before his eyes rest on me. He approaches and offers a handshake.
You're early, Quixote.
So you're who AW got to cover for Jenna, hey? Glad to see professional standards are improving.
No fraternising here. Heh heh. Never mind. I'm Michael Tarnovski. Great, let's start the interview. QDT, can you tell us who your mystery partner is for CruiserClash?
Many offers? Surprising. You don't seem to have many friends... Who are you looking for? A legend? A newcomer to take under your wing? Is there a particular person you have in mind?
Would you be prepared to let bygones be bygones if an old foe offered his services? Maybe someone who crossed you in the past?
His phone rings. He excuses himself and takes the call off towards the bathroom area. This prompts my attention back to my phone. Let's try this again. Voicemail. Shit.
Bolas, call me back bro. You say you're my biggest fan, prove it. Why you blanking me? FUCK! Don't make me team with Flop.
I punch the wall in frustration. Flakes of skin hang off my knuckles. Jana the waitress comes over.
Sorry, I'll pay for any damage.
Don't flatter yourself, the wall's fine. I've come to show you something hot off the press.
She pulls her phone out of the back pocket of her satisfyingly revealing jean shorts. She pulls up a video of some kind.
Aww, you shot a selfie solo for The Fortress? Fisting I hope...
You say you want a partner? Looks like he's just posted on the AW Network.
I watch for a few minutes. Meanwhile, Tarnovski returns from the bathroom with a sick smile.
So that's your team mate this week!
Meh, whatever. Whoever it is, the outcome remains the same. QDT wins. CruiserClash scores sky high ratings. My buddy D-Day stays rich. Keeton is just... there. Aviator's dick gets kicked. And did I mention "QDT wins"? No need. QDT wins is life at this point.