Post by The Papa John's Pizza Man on Feb 2, 2020 15:17:41 GMT -5
There comes a time in every The Cereal Man's The Cereal Life where they think "am I doing the right thing?"
The Cereal Man lies motionlessly in some underground bunker, on a dirty mattress, surrounded by boxes of gloriously devoured Cereal.
The Cereal Man spits out a piece of cardboard and begins to think.
Verbally.
"Ah, this Human Brain. How you wrestle my mind with Superstars of contemplation and thought.
Had you not helped me prior, these human arms would have killed you.
Would've disemboweled you and filled your BowelSpace with Cereal, brain. In the hope you could be reincarnated as a box of cereal, and there would be Cereal function instead of cognitive function in this body of mine.
There are no mercy-thinks about my actions, my crusades against the valleys of morals and ethics have all been for good reasoning. All for good Cereal.
But for other foods? Foods that are not cereal and whence suck gorilla donkey dick?
Trying to shove non-cereal down people's throats is kinda fucking weird."
The Cereal Man had recently masterminded the death of Mr Peanut. Mr Peanut was an remorseless bastard of a peanut, who probably supported fracking and misunderstood bus etiquette. His death was most deserved.
But did The Cereal Man do it for the right reason?
As The Papa instructed, he snook into the Advertising Department of Kratt Heinz and held them at gunpoint until they decided to kill him.
The Cereal Man didn't even understand how a peanut could be that big, nevermind wear a hat and monocle.
It was all so confusing.
He looked across the dirty, almost cerealess room his accomplice to the deletion of Mr Peanut.
A familiar, very big man in a balaclava calmly eating a Papa John's cheese pizza. Letters can be seen tattooed all over his face through the holes in his mask.
"How could you debauch yourself so thoroughly by ingesting that cheese covered tactical c4 of a food?
How could any dumb homosapien do the same? And make several entire Brick-Cubes to house the creation of these wretched culinary devices?!
I have been loyal to these fast friends for too long, far too long. I must destroy them- nay... I must osmose them."
"Just let me eat my food," The other man says as The Cereal Man rises to his feet.
"They give out their instructions of control and subordination as they spread their influence like a wave of evil monpolisation!! Cereal is nothing like this! Cereal is a gift from the Milky Way, kissed by a billion stars, like some astrophysical whore!!
Pizza is-.. it's like meh!
It's-!
It's Italian!
Cereal is Everyone-talian!! FOR ALL THINGS TO INGURGITATE!!
You acknowledge who else is probably Italian?
Shaun Young,"
"He doesn't sound Italian,"
"That mongrel horse is a symptom of the problem! By not eating Cereal, humanity make themselves susceptible to these horrendous cheese diseases. Cheeseases!!!
I must make an example out of him in order to fully indicate to the planet Eath that I dislike Pizza. By beating his skin and then stealing his teeth,"
The other man makes a tired frown as The Cereal Man gleefully picks up some of the remnants of cereal.
"Papa John and their associates have eaten me. But this cereal is the painful cereal. Cereal of Penance, like the one's that have unrefrigerated milk,"
"Why do you ea-"
"SILENCE!!! I will destroy The Papa from the inside. And then I will conquer and destroy all other foods in this plane of eating and drinking!! And then HUMANITY WILL BE FORCED TO SUBMIT TO CEREAL AS ALL GOOD THINGS SHOULD BE!!
VIVA LA CEREAL!!
I LIVE IN CEREAL!!" The Cereal Man continues screaming as The Other Man scrambles to leave the room.
The Cereal Man, with a brutalitating gaze and a feral growl crawls over to the leftover slices of Pizza.
He picks one one up and stares at it, with eyes filled with naught but fury and anger. He puts the pizza slice into a nearby bin.
"Focus your eyes on me, Papa John. Soon I shall pluck them out. And fill them with Cereal.
Ew
That sounded kinda gory, geez-"
The Cereal Man lies motionlessly in some underground bunker, on a dirty mattress, surrounded by boxes of gloriously devoured Cereal.
The Cereal Man spits out a piece of cardboard and begins to think.
Verbally.
"Ah, this Human Brain. How you wrestle my mind with Superstars of contemplation and thought.
Had you not helped me prior, these human arms would have killed you.
Would've disemboweled you and filled your BowelSpace with Cereal, brain. In the hope you could be reincarnated as a box of cereal, and there would be Cereal function instead of cognitive function in this body of mine.
There are no mercy-thinks about my actions, my crusades against the valleys of morals and ethics have all been for good reasoning. All for good Cereal.
But for other foods? Foods that are not cereal and whence suck gorilla donkey dick?
Trying to shove non-cereal down people's throats is kinda fucking weird."
The Cereal Man had recently masterminded the death of Mr Peanut. Mr Peanut was an remorseless bastard of a peanut, who probably supported fracking and misunderstood bus etiquette. His death was most deserved.
But did The Cereal Man do it for the right reason?
As The Papa instructed, he snook into the Advertising Department of Kratt Heinz and held them at gunpoint until they decided to kill him.
The Cereal Man didn't even understand how a peanut could be that big, nevermind wear a hat and monocle.
It was all so confusing.
He looked across the dirty, almost cerealess room his accomplice to the deletion of Mr Peanut.
A familiar, very big man in a balaclava calmly eating a Papa John's cheese pizza. Letters can be seen tattooed all over his face through the holes in his mask.
"How could you debauch yourself so thoroughly by ingesting that cheese covered tactical c4 of a food?
How could any dumb homosapien do the same? And make several entire Brick-Cubes to house the creation of these wretched culinary devices?!
I have been loyal to these fast friends for too long, far too long. I must destroy them- nay... I must osmose them."
"Just let me eat my food," The other man says as The Cereal Man rises to his feet.
"They give out their instructions of control and subordination as they spread their influence like a wave of evil monpolisation!! Cereal is nothing like this! Cereal is a gift from the Milky Way, kissed by a billion stars, like some astrophysical whore!!
Pizza is-.. it's like meh!
It's-!
It's Italian!
Cereal is Everyone-talian!! FOR ALL THINGS TO INGURGITATE!!
You acknowledge who else is probably Italian?
Shaun Young,"
"He doesn't sound Italian,"
"That mongrel horse is a symptom of the problem! By not eating Cereal, humanity make themselves susceptible to these horrendous cheese diseases. Cheeseases!!!
I must make an example out of him in order to fully indicate to the planet Eath that I dislike Pizza. By beating his skin and then stealing his teeth,"
The other man makes a tired frown as The Cereal Man gleefully picks up some of the remnants of cereal.
"Papa John and their associates have eaten me. But this cereal is the painful cereal. Cereal of Penance, like the one's that have unrefrigerated milk,"
"Why do you ea-"
"SILENCE!!! I will destroy The Papa from the inside. And then I will conquer and destroy all other foods in this plane of eating and drinking!! And then HUMANITY WILL BE FORCED TO SUBMIT TO CEREAL AS ALL GOOD THINGS SHOULD BE!!
VIVA LA CEREAL!!
I LIVE IN CEREAL!!" The Cereal Man continues screaming as The Other Man scrambles to leave the room.
The Cereal Man, with a brutalitating gaze and a feral growl crawls over to the leftover slices of Pizza.
He picks one one up and stares at it, with eyes filled with naught but fury and anger. He puts the pizza slice into a nearby bin.
"Focus your eyes on me, Papa John. Soon I shall pluck them out. And fill them with Cereal.
Ew
That sounded kinda gory, geez-"