Post by The Papa John's Pizza Man on Mar 25, 2018 16:37:09 GMT -5
The Cereal Man can be seen walking towards a small river in what looks like a forest. There are no other people in the forest or at least not any near The Cereal Man. For why would anyone want to get close to The Cereal Man? The average humans brain would automatically assume The Cereal Man’s existential and omnibenevolent teachings to be “insane” or “weird”. The Cereal Man knew this, of course. All his life he had been an outcast. He was excluded from all the other The Cereal Man Games as a young The Cereal Man because of his carbon-based life-form. All those times he watched all the other The Cereal Men play The Cereal Man Games, and while he watched he thought to himself.
About Cereal.
Only Cereal.
But this was why he was so uncomfortable. Now he was expected by the Action Wrestling Management to team his Cerealness with non-believers like Zombie McMorris, who would rather inject useless and omniscient-less powders into his body instead of injecting his consciousness into Cereal. The Cereal Man was too dark and edgy to team up with such Cerealess bomfoolians!
“I have astral projected my being into all nooks and crannies of every plane of reality in existence, yet never, in any of my Cereal-Vessels, Have I felt conflict such as this.” The Cereal Man cried to the sky.
The Cereal Man then turned around at the car he had used to drive to this river. He had filled the engine and inside of the mechanism with Cereal, as he always did. The Car struggled at first, most likely just the Car’s Cereal-less demons trying to hold their own against the cosmic entity named Cereal. Yet their attempt at evitabling the inevitable was futile and the car was soon inserted into the Cereal Hive Mind.
The Cereal Man opened the trunk and pulled out a huge bag filled to the brim with fruity pebbles boxes. He also pulled out a middle-aged man, who was tied up by his hands and feet and was also gagged.
The Cereal Man pulled out what had to be at least 80 boxes of Fruity Pebbles and one by one emptied them into the river. After the last box was emptied he got down onto his hands and knees.
“Oh Cereal Fishes of the great Cereal Kingdom of Space! Grant me Cereal-Vation as I baptise myself in this flood of Fruity Pebbles. And also please grant Zombie McMorris, tortured soul as he is, the intellect and greatness to grasp the cosmic beauty of Cereal and join me as a disciple of The Cereal. And finally, please, for the next match at least, Do not grant my opponents Cereal! Let their cereal-less-ness be not there as they struggle and scramble in the cereal-less-ness box. Rather, grant them toast and bacon, poor imitations of Cereal that pale in comparison to the real, eldritch, thing.
Haden has already started his descent into the dark. His lack of Cereal belief will drag him down until all he'll see is darkness! Like Quick-Cereal instead of Quick-Sand.
And Jay Frost: You cannot freeze the divine power of Cereal, no matter how many cold foods you use!
Thank you.”
And with that The Cereal Man jumped face first into the river and stayed there.
And stayed there.
And stayed there.
=25 Minutes Later=
The Scene opens on the set of BBC news at 10. A young man is anchoring.
News Anchor: Hello this is Chad Jordan with BBC News, it appears that popular American Wrestler named “The Cereal Man” was found unconscious in a National Park in the Amazon Rainforest.
He was found by local authorities when there where reports of a man driving a car through water to get to the forest.
Afterwards The Cereal Man was discovered unconscious, floating in a small body of water with an unidentified man tied up next to him.
After CPR was performed The Cereal Man woke up and screamed “My roast is ruined. Aurora Borealis. Aurora Borealis” before trying to drag the officer down into the river with him. After failing The Cereal Man swam away from authorities, more from this story later.
About Cereal.
Only Cereal.
But this was why he was so uncomfortable. Now he was expected by the Action Wrestling Management to team his Cerealness with non-believers like Zombie McMorris, who would rather inject useless and omniscient-less powders into his body instead of injecting his consciousness into Cereal. The Cereal Man was too dark and edgy to team up with such Cerealess bomfoolians!
“I have astral projected my being into all nooks and crannies of every plane of reality in existence, yet never, in any of my Cereal-Vessels, Have I felt conflict such as this.” The Cereal Man cried to the sky.
The Cereal Man then turned around at the car he had used to drive to this river. He had filled the engine and inside of the mechanism with Cereal, as he always did. The Car struggled at first, most likely just the Car’s Cereal-less demons trying to hold their own against the cosmic entity named Cereal. Yet their attempt at evitabling the inevitable was futile and the car was soon inserted into the Cereal Hive Mind.
The Cereal Man opened the trunk and pulled out a huge bag filled to the brim with fruity pebbles boxes. He also pulled out a middle-aged man, who was tied up by his hands and feet and was also gagged.
The Cereal Man pulled out what had to be at least 80 boxes of Fruity Pebbles and one by one emptied them into the river. After the last box was emptied he got down onto his hands and knees.
“Oh Cereal Fishes of the great Cereal Kingdom of Space! Grant me Cereal-Vation as I baptise myself in this flood of Fruity Pebbles. And also please grant Zombie McMorris, tortured soul as he is, the intellect and greatness to grasp the cosmic beauty of Cereal and join me as a disciple of The Cereal. And finally, please, for the next match at least, Do not grant my opponents Cereal! Let their cereal-less-ness be not there as they struggle and scramble in the cereal-less-ness box. Rather, grant them toast and bacon, poor imitations of Cereal that pale in comparison to the real, eldritch, thing.
Haden has already started his descent into the dark. His lack of Cereal belief will drag him down until all he'll see is darkness! Like Quick-Cereal instead of Quick-Sand.
And Jay Frost: You cannot freeze the divine power of Cereal, no matter how many cold foods you use!
Thank you.”
And with that The Cereal Man jumped face first into the river and stayed there.
And stayed there.
And stayed there.
=25 Minutes Later=
The Scene opens on the set of BBC news at 10. A young man is anchoring.
News Anchor: Hello this is Chad Jordan with BBC News, it appears that popular American Wrestler named “The Cereal Man” was found unconscious in a National Park in the Amazon Rainforest.
He was found by local authorities when there where reports of a man driving a car through water to get to the forest.
Afterwards The Cereal Man was discovered unconscious, floating in a small body of water with an unidentified man tied up next to him.
After CPR was performed The Cereal Man woke up and screamed “My roast is ruined. Aurora Borealis. Aurora Borealis” before trying to drag the officer down into the river with him. After failing The Cereal Man swam away from authorities, more from this story later.
