Post by Derrick Vayden on Jan 24, 2020 23:13:43 GMT -5
I set my phone down onto the table. I had just finished a call with Geri after her “Spirit of Wrestling” podcast appearance. She sounded so fired up. God, I love how passionate she gets.
I set Spotify to play my band’s debut album, which was already a smash hit (as if that were any surprise), took a few darts into one hand, my handheld in the other, and made my way up to the strip of yellow tape on the floor.
“Since I stepped foot here in Action Wrestling, one thing I’ve learned is that it is much easier to achieve your goals when you visualize your target. And then… strike.”
As the last word left my mouth, I let the first dart fly. I smirked as I turned the camera towards the board, where the dart had pierced the photo of Chase Jackson and Lindsey right in his eye…
Bullseye.
“When everything around you is crumbling to pieces when the world is falling away, all you have to hold onto is love. Good thing for you, Chase and Lindsey, because it seems like the world of wrestling for you has been hit with a fucking meteor. There’s nothing left here for you because the fact of the matter is that there are people who are much more talented AND interesting than you. And their names are Derrick Vayden and Geri Miller. Higher quality versions of yourselves in every way. Proven last week when I rolled your ass up to pin you in eight fucking seconds. Pathetic.”
I sang along to the song under my breath as I took a few steps to the right in front of the next board. I closed my eyes and set up my shot, throwing another perfect throw… Right between the eyes of Karlie Nash.
“I almost feel bad for these two. It almost feels like I’m just piling on at this point. I mean, Karlie and Nikki were on top of the world at Evolution. They literally rose above the best that the tag division had to offer to claim the tag team titles. However, they were quickly and easily exposed when bigger and quite frankly better talent came along. Once legitimate competition turned up, Nash and Vaughn nestled nicely into their rightful places in the basement of the tag division.
“What have you done since you lost the tag team titles to be proud of? You run your mouths like you own the place, or even have careers worth bragging about. But we both know you’re fucking worthless nowadays. The only thing even remotely entertaining is waiting to see what freakshow Karlie is going to screw next. But even then, the darkest depths of PornHub has her beat on that front, so we’re back to useless status, aren’t we?
“I suppose one thing of note you did was put my dear friend Estrella on the shelf. You did everything in your power to end her career and you couldn’t even do that right! In fact, we should be thanking you. Your best efforts actually did nothing but make her even better. So thanks for doing what you do best, failing. Because that just made us, The Cool Kidz, even stronger and that much more dangerous.
“But seriously, at what point do you just give it up? Let Karlie live the rest of her days trolling the women’s retirement homes while Nikki continues dominating in those no-name MMA rings over the competition that makes Professor Coach look like the GOAT. Face facts, ladies, the tag division has forgotten about you. Action Wrestling has forgotten about you. So hows about you just fucking walk away.”
I smiled to myself as I heard Geri’s voice come through my phone. I insisted she feature on a couple of songs and she simply couldn’t say no. The voice of an angel, the looks of a goddess, and wrestling ability like no other. How the fuck did I get so lucky?
Walking up to the third line, I twirled the remaining dart in my hand. This one was extra special. I’ve been waiting for this one for a while. I spun around and launched the final dart as hard as I could, sending it speeding towards the board, burying the point deep into the heart of Raging Dead. I laughed as I spoke.
“What is your obsession with me, dude? You beat me, congratu-fucking-lations, pal. Too bad that was the last thing you’ve done here that matters. While you continue to reminisce on your fifteen minutes of fame, I’ve been winning. I’ve been making my name known through brute fucking force. Now you and Carnivore are clinging to the rotting carcass that was the MadClan. Everyone else bailed because they couldn’t cut it, much like you should but you two are just too stubborn.
“Let’s face facts, boys. You’re just chickens without heads now that you’re on your own. You don’t have any free will or original thought in your head now that the madbitch tucked tail and ran. Now you’re just a couple of wannabes trying and failing to be somebody in this company. You want to be what iGnarly is. Powerful, successful, actually matter.
“Kinda funny. Multiple personalities between you yet neither of you have ANY personality at all. Strange.
“But seriously, I’ll admit it. You changed me, Dead. You forced me to evolve into who I am now. And now look at us. You’re busy getting your ass kicked while I’m busy doing the kicking. You and Carnivore took an L in your debut match as a team while Geri and I took that big, fat W in ours. All the while you’re just punching up at us, talking shit on Twitter because you know that’s the only way we’ll sink to your level.
“Get ready. Revolution, the tag division, and all of AW are about to become…
Cool.”
I wink at the camera as I switch it off.