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Post by J.C. Keeton on Jan 24, 2020 14:13:34 GMT -5
I waited till I posted something I really felt good about before asking for feedback and this was it. I think I'm finally getting a grip on shoot being the focus after coming from places where CD was the focus. Lemme know what y'all think. actionwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/5058/sacrifice
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Post by Quixote Della Torre on Jan 24, 2020 20:21:30 GMT -5
Been crazy busy today and am up in about 5 hours to go to a work conference so please forgive me if this is rushed or doesn't make full sense.
I'll start by saying I've been really enjoying your work since you arrived. You write very clearly and Keeton feels incredibly grounded in the world of AW, which is refreshing as most newcomers often take time to get absorbed in the overarching narratives in anything other than a superficial way. You seem to read the shows, have a good sense of what's going on and who's around.
You were one of my picks for the Havoc Rumble and you've not disappointed since then. I was also very flattered to read your incredibly kind words towards me on the chat.
This RP has elements that are great but a few things that perhaps could've been better and you might have done better in previous RPs.
The opening character development piece is a little long for a 700 word RP and not enough is happening to warrant the words you've given it. In a 4k, it'd have worked better. You're communicating the tension between J.C. and his legendary father. I just feel this could've either been less on the nose or more punchy, dramatic. Show not tell perhaps.
The shoot has some very nice lines and word choices. You write well. My favourite aspect, again, is how you refer to the bigger picture of the division, D-Day, Keeton's Rumble exploits and so on. You also connect Kabukii well into it.
Your shoot on him was dismissive which is often considered a no no in e-wrestling. However, by referencing that very thing, you in some ways show Keeton's deviation from the competitive respect he grew up around.
I found some of the Kabukii shoot lacking in understanding of specifics of that character, which is unlike your general form. There's a few little interesting changes happening lately with Kabukii I'd have liked to have seen referenced.
You sold yourself well and it was a decent RP, though not your best IMHO. I want to see you come out the box a bit more structurally and setting wise because you have the skill to pull it off.
Another good RP for you. You're a big asset for CruiserClash and I'm sure we will meet one on one in the future, although Baker and Kabukii are tough opponents for our characters.
Might add another post if I've missed something or didn't express something properly. I'm falling asleep now so better just press post 😉 Keep up the good work.
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Post by J.C. Keeton on Jan 24, 2020 20:56:06 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback and I really appreciate the thought you put into making it constructive and honest. The balance between CD and shoot is something I'm definitely struggling with because I felt like the two RPs I did that were pure shoot hurt me but having too much CD can as well. I recognized the changes to Kabukii and debated including mentioning them but I felt like that went against the theme of the RP with making everything about him seem unimportant. I thought JC came off very heelish but it just started coming out and I went with it.
Thanks again man, and since you mentioned it I'd be curious to know which one of my RPs you liked the best. Feel free to PM me if you don't want to post it here.
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