Post by Bad Ass Bob on Jan 15, 2020 8:39:21 GMT -5
OWWW!
After a commercial break the first thing we see is a young man we have literally never seen before screaming. The man pulls a dart out of his back. Bad Ass Bob stares him down.
BAB: You were in the way of my dart board.
Man: I don't see any dart board.
BAB: When you're Bad Ass Bob the world is your dart board. You gonna give me back my dart?
The man hands it over.
Man: Umm sorry.
BAB: That's better. Now.. I introduced myself. Who the hell are you?
Man: I'm Max Bloom.
BAB: Who the hell is a Max Bloom?
Bloom: The new interviewer.
Bob looks disappointed.. then shrugs.
BAB: Close enough.. let's go to the ring.
Bloom: In ring interview? Cool.
Motorhead and Gene Chandler.. a combination no one ever wanted hits as Bad Ass Bob rushes through the curtain doing whatever he wants to do. With the interviewer.He might be drinking a beer. He might be smoking some grass. He could be eating a slice a pizza or looking at a nudie magazine Bob don't give a fuck. The crowd boos but Bob ignores them. He don't give a fuck. Bob climbs to the top rope facing the fans.. then makes gestures as if he's peeing on all of them. Then does the same to the ref. Is that smart? Bob don't give a fuck he's a bad ass. For his part Max Bloom just looks happy to be there.
Bloom: Hold on.. ya mind if I do my thang?
BAB: Go right ahead.
Bloom: Welcome everyone to the first edition of... THE MAX FACTOR!
The crowd.. goes silent.
BAB: You're boring the people. I remember that. I used to bore the people.
Bloom: Well.
BAB: Don't talk.. you already lost them. I didn't want an interview this week. I wanted a match. But they didn't give me a match. Back in the day I would have accepted that. Maybe sulked a little. Fuck that. I'm Bad Ass Bob.. I want a match.. I make my own match. Ring the bell.
Bloom: Wait.. I'm not a wrestler.
BAB: Get me a referee and ring that bell else I'm kicking both of your asses.
A referee enters the ring and sounds the bell. Max decides to go on the offensive. Throwing punches.. weak punches. Lots of weak punches. He starts shucking and jiving like he's Shane or something. Bob just glares at him.
BAB: Would you stop that? You're embarrassing yourself.
Rake to the eyes. Short arm headbutt. Bob grabs the legs... gives Max a wishbone.. then does it again.
Chris Avery: Is it wrong I'm kind of enjoying this?
Billy: I'm not. He messed with my Arby's.
Bob drops an elbow right to the inner thigh. Then monkey flips Max into the corner. He follows him in.. hanging him upside down in the tree of woe.
Chris Avery: Where's he's going to go from here? Running dropkick to the jaw. He might have broke it. I don't think Max is going to be joining the broadcast team anytime soon.
Billy: He's not a wrestler.. they need to stop this.
Bob shoots him off the ropes connecting with his right hook the Wing and a prayer redux. One foot cover.
1..
2..
Bob pulls his foot off.. heading to the top rope.
BAB: Shut You Up Didn't I?
Chris Avery: Bob hits that moonsault again! I don't know how Bob became a Bad Ass but I know the cruiserweight division is that much more competitive because of it! Another one foot cover.
1..
2..
3!
Billy: I hope QDT kicks his ass.
Chris Avery: Your winner tonight is Bad Ass Bob who apparently makes his own matches as well as his own rules.
Billy: This poor kid never had a chance. He just wanted an interview.
BAB: Instead.. he got Bob’d!
Bob crows to the announce team as he walks to the back getting a mixed reaction from the crowd.
After a commercial break the first thing we see is a young man we have literally never seen before screaming. The man pulls a dart out of his back. Bad Ass Bob stares him down.
BAB: You were in the way of my dart board.
Man: I don't see any dart board.
BAB: When you're Bad Ass Bob the world is your dart board. You gonna give me back my dart?
The man hands it over.
Man: Umm sorry.
BAB: That's better. Now.. I introduced myself. Who the hell are you?
Man: I'm Max Bloom.
BAB: Who the hell is a Max Bloom?
Bloom: The new interviewer.
Bob looks disappointed.. then shrugs.
BAB: Close enough.. let's go to the ring.
Bloom: In ring interview? Cool.
Motorhead and Gene Chandler.. a combination no one ever wanted hits as Bad Ass Bob rushes through the curtain doing whatever he wants to do. With the interviewer.He might be drinking a beer. He might be smoking some grass. He could be eating a slice a pizza or looking at a nudie magazine Bob don't give a fuck. The crowd boos but Bob ignores them. He don't give a fuck. Bob climbs to the top rope facing the fans.. then makes gestures as if he's peeing on all of them. Then does the same to the ref. Is that smart? Bob don't give a fuck he's a bad ass. For his part Max Bloom just looks happy to be there.
Bloom: Hold on.. ya mind if I do my thang?
BAB: Go right ahead.
Bloom: Welcome everyone to the first edition of... THE MAX FACTOR!
The crowd.. goes silent.
BAB: You're boring the people. I remember that. I used to bore the people.
Bloom: Well.
BAB: Don't talk.. you already lost them. I didn't want an interview this week. I wanted a match. But they didn't give me a match. Back in the day I would have accepted that. Maybe sulked a little. Fuck that. I'm Bad Ass Bob.. I want a match.. I make my own match. Ring the bell.
Bloom: Wait.. I'm not a wrestler.
BAB: Get me a referee and ring that bell else I'm kicking both of your asses.
A referee enters the ring and sounds the bell. Max decides to go on the offensive. Throwing punches.. weak punches. Lots of weak punches. He starts shucking and jiving like he's Shane or something. Bob just glares at him.
BAB: Would you stop that? You're embarrassing yourself.
Rake to the eyes. Short arm headbutt. Bob grabs the legs... gives Max a wishbone.. then does it again.
Chris Avery: Is it wrong I'm kind of enjoying this?
Billy: I'm not. He messed with my Arby's.
Bob drops an elbow right to the inner thigh. Then monkey flips Max into the corner. He follows him in.. hanging him upside down in the tree of woe.
Chris Avery: Where's he's going to go from here? Running dropkick to the jaw. He might have broke it. I don't think Max is going to be joining the broadcast team anytime soon.
Billy: He's not a wrestler.. they need to stop this.
Bob shoots him off the ropes connecting with his right hook the Wing and a prayer redux. One foot cover.
1..
2..
Bob pulls his foot off.. heading to the top rope.
BAB: Shut You Up Didn't I?
Chris Avery: Bob hits that moonsault again! I don't know how Bob became a Bad Ass but I know the cruiserweight division is that much more competitive because of it! Another one foot cover.
1..
2..
3!
Billy: I hope QDT kicks his ass.
Chris Avery: Your winner tonight is Bad Ass Bob who apparently makes his own matches as well as his own rules.
Billy: This poor kid never had a chance. He just wanted an interview.
BAB: Instead.. he got Bob’d!
Bob crows to the announce team as he walks to the back getting a mixed reaction from the crowd.