Dripping in Gold: Part II
Jan 11, 2020 21:05:37 GMT -5
“The RevolutiDaddy” Wesley, Estrella Luiz ✨, and 2 more like this
Post by Derrick Vayden on Jan 11, 2020 21:05:37 GMT -5
Derrick Vayden sits slouched back in the most comfortable chair that the fanciest penthouse in Montgomery, Alabama could offer. That really isn’t saying much but you get the point. He’s sipping from a bottle of New Glarus Spotted Cow that he always packs with him because let’s be honest, no other beer even comes close. Around him are two of his iGnarly cohorts, Illumidaddy Wesely and Dreamcatcher Ariel Shadows. The two of them are taking time to prep and roll a new round of blunts using the finest weed that Estrella’s dad’s money could buy.
“So, it’s our turn to beat the filling out of Princess Lolly, huh? Goddamn, these Action Wrestling officials are ruthless. It wasn’t enough for Razzles to get her ass kicked multiple times by La Princesa. Wasn’t enough to have us embarrass her in front of her home crowd. But fine, who am I to reject the boss' orders? If they want me to take Mr. Mint’s peppermint ax and start a swingin’, by god I’ll start taking heads!
“What do you want me to say, Razzy? It was nothing personal? No no no, that can’t happen because I’m not a fucking liar. See, you and Kennedy did my friend dirty. Are you happy with yourself? You ruined a wonderful relationship all because you wanted to be the center of attention. And, as if it couldn’t get any worse, you go and make fun of Stepan Malikov all because English isn’t his first language. Despicable.”
“But! Despite all that, Razz, I really am so glad you have your cute bunny, your little kitty, and your brand new puppy, I really am. You have plenty of poor animals to bitch and moan to when things once again don’t go your way. Your friends are fucking sick of you and your constant complaining, you’ve blocked everyone else, so you’d better be happy those furballs of yours aren’t just a tiny bit smarter, or else they’d up and leave your ass too!
“Listen, Razzle dazzle, we’re not the bad guys here, you are. However, if you want to continue to play the victim, fine. I’ll be happy to go all Lord Licorice on your ass. I’ll toss you into the molasses swamp, watch you sink under and wait for the goddamn bubbles to rise.”
Vayden takes a long swig from his bottle followed by a loud, satisfied “ahhh”.
“And you, KMatt. You are just as bad as your pathetic little friend there. Wanna know why? Because you are the very opposite of us. iGnarly, in its form you see today, formed because we’ve all been overlooked in one way or another. But you? You get opportunity after opportunity and you always do jack shit with it. You’ve been given countless shots at the world title and you simply couldn’t hack it in any one of them.
“You even managed to win the TV title and what did you do? You fucking gave it up a month later. Just dropped it on the boss’ desk because you knew you weren’t cut out to defend it. That’s fine by me, to be honest. Because you doing that made sure that someone who actually deserved the belt got a chance to hold it. Lo and behold, look what happened. The woman who you helped along here in AW, La Princesa, Estrella Luiz would end up picking the belt up and fucking run with it. She’s done things in a few short weeks that you can only dream of.
"Speaking of Estrella, how does it feel, Kennedy, that the only reason you’re still relevant in 2020 is that she put you on the map? If it wasn’t for her using that little pinata you call a friend as batting practice and you coming to the rescue, nobody would even remember your name!
“You want a bold prediction? Nobody is going to remember your name after this match. I’m not gonna discount your previous accomplishments, but you’re old news, Ringo. It’s time to step aside and let the young guns take the spotlight, right? Unless you want to lose yet another world title opportunity before you head out?”
Derrick waterfalls a bit of beer into his mouth then holds the bottle out for Shadows and Wesley to take, however, both politely decline.
“Finally I’ll talk about the odd one out of this little story, Jacqui Monroe. Now, I’m not gonna go the ‘who TF are you?’ route. One, because it’s lazy. Two, because I know exactly who you are. The question I’d rather ask is… What the fuck are you doing in this match? Seriously, it’s like management knew they needed a third person for this match so they lined up a list of all the AW girls and threw a goddamn dart. I wonder how close we were to getting Zoey Sixx in this match. At least the theme of British girlies would make sense in that case.
“Seriously, girl. Your inclusion in this match is so fucking random. Wahey, since you’re here, might as well tear you up like your useless teammates.
“Where do I start with you? Maybe the fact that you’re just another bitch to jump ship from Trinity Wrestling? You’re not even one of the notable ones like Thomas Snow or Flop. You just kinda slipped in unnoticed. Not because you’re some hidden gem, no. Rather because nobody fucking cared about you. They didn’t care then and they don’t care now. You could have stayed semi-retired. Hell, permanently retired, and nobody would have ever noticed.
“To be honest, the only smart thing you’ve ever done in your career is trying to pretend you aren’t from Nowheresville, Iowa. I mean, you don’t have the talent nor the personality to put that mind-numbingly boring state on the map. Once again… Thomas Snow, you are not, my friend. I mean, you’d stick out like a sore thumb if we’re actually supposed to believe you’re from Japan. Not only because you’re head and shoulders taller than anyone there, either.”
Ariel taps Derrick on the arm and offers him a freshly rolled blunt. He politely declines and takes another big swig from his bottle. She just shrugs and lights it up, taking a drag from it herself.
“The past year I’ve been making the best of a bad situation. I took that cruiserweight title and held it in a vice grip for as long as I wanted. And I refuse to let anyone forget that my monstrous reign STILL is not officially recognized as the longest in this company’s history.
“Now it’s time for me to collect for the dues I’ve paid. I decided to stop being a fucking yes man. I decided that I’m going to do whatever it is I need to do to get ahead here in Action Wrestling. That’s why I joined up with a group of like-minded individuals because we’re all working towards a collective goal. That goal being: make Action Wrestling give a fuck about us, ya dig?”
Vayden takes one more swig from his beer, finishing it off. He tosses the bottle onto the floor.
“You ain’t seen nothing yet, Action Wrestling. One thing we all have in common is that we’ve managed to persevere despite you all trying to keep us down. Longest reigning cruiserweight champion, soon to be longest reigning tag team champions, soon to be longest reigning TV champion, a fucking Olympic gold medalist. We’re dripping in gold, motherfuckers. You’ve done everything from ignoring our accomplishments to booking us in meaningless matches if you even book us at all!
"But don’t worry, guys. We’ll do your job for you. We’ll make sure everyone remembers the names of Shadows, Luiz, Miller, Wesley, and Vayden. We started things off last week and it will only get worse from here on out. These three yahoos are going to learn first hand just how bad it’s going to get for all of you who get in our way.
"We are IllumiGnarly, and you’ll never forget us now."
“So, it’s our turn to beat the filling out of Princess Lolly, huh? Goddamn, these Action Wrestling officials are ruthless. It wasn’t enough for Razzles to get her ass kicked multiple times by La Princesa. Wasn’t enough to have us embarrass her in front of her home crowd. But fine, who am I to reject the boss' orders? If they want me to take Mr. Mint’s peppermint ax and start a swingin’, by god I’ll start taking heads!
“What do you want me to say, Razzy? It was nothing personal? No no no, that can’t happen because I’m not a fucking liar. See, you and Kennedy did my friend dirty. Are you happy with yourself? You ruined a wonderful relationship all because you wanted to be the center of attention. And, as if it couldn’t get any worse, you go and make fun of Stepan Malikov all because English isn’t his first language. Despicable.”
“But! Despite all that, Razz, I really am so glad you have your cute bunny, your little kitty, and your brand new puppy, I really am. You have plenty of poor animals to bitch and moan to when things once again don’t go your way. Your friends are fucking sick of you and your constant complaining, you’ve blocked everyone else, so you’d better be happy those furballs of yours aren’t just a tiny bit smarter, or else they’d up and leave your ass too!
“Listen, Razzle dazzle, we’re not the bad guys here, you are. However, if you want to continue to play the victim, fine. I’ll be happy to go all Lord Licorice on your ass. I’ll toss you into the molasses swamp, watch you sink under and wait for the goddamn bubbles to rise.”
Vayden takes a long swig from his bottle followed by a loud, satisfied “ahhh”.
“And you, KMatt. You are just as bad as your pathetic little friend there. Wanna know why? Because you are the very opposite of us. iGnarly, in its form you see today, formed because we’ve all been overlooked in one way or another. But you? You get opportunity after opportunity and you always do jack shit with it. You’ve been given countless shots at the world title and you simply couldn’t hack it in any one of them.
“You even managed to win the TV title and what did you do? You fucking gave it up a month later. Just dropped it on the boss’ desk because you knew you weren’t cut out to defend it. That’s fine by me, to be honest. Because you doing that made sure that someone who actually deserved the belt got a chance to hold it. Lo and behold, look what happened. The woman who you helped along here in AW, La Princesa, Estrella Luiz would end up picking the belt up and fucking run with it. She’s done things in a few short weeks that you can only dream of.
"Speaking of Estrella, how does it feel, Kennedy, that the only reason you’re still relevant in 2020 is that she put you on the map? If it wasn’t for her using that little pinata you call a friend as batting practice and you coming to the rescue, nobody would even remember your name!
“You want a bold prediction? Nobody is going to remember your name after this match. I’m not gonna discount your previous accomplishments, but you’re old news, Ringo. It’s time to step aside and let the young guns take the spotlight, right? Unless you want to lose yet another world title opportunity before you head out?”
Derrick waterfalls a bit of beer into his mouth then holds the bottle out for Shadows and Wesley to take, however, both politely decline.
“Finally I’ll talk about the odd one out of this little story, Jacqui Monroe. Now, I’m not gonna go the ‘who TF are you?’ route. One, because it’s lazy. Two, because I know exactly who you are. The question I’d rather ask is… What the fuck are you doing in this match? Seriously, it’s like management knew they needed a third person for this match so they lined up a list of all the AW girls and threw a goddamn dart. I wonder how close we were to getting Zoey Sixx in this match. At least the theme of British girlies would make sense in that case.
“Seriously, girl. Your inclusion in this match is so fucking random. Wahey, since you’re here, might as well tear you up like your useless teammates.
“Where do I start with you? Maybe the fact that you’re just another bitch to jump ship from Trinity Wrestling? You’re not even one of the notable ones like Thomas Snow or Flop. You just kinda slipped in unnoticed. Not because you’re some hidden gem, no. Rather because nobody fucking cared about you. They didn’t care then and they don’t care now. You could have stayed semi-retired. Hell, permanently retired, and nobody would have ever noticed.
“To be honest, the only smart thing you’ve ever done in your career is trying to pretend you aren’t from Nowheresville, Iowa. I mean, you don’t have the talent nor the personality to put that mind-numbingly boring state on the map. Once again… Thomas Snow, you are not, my friend. I mean, you’d stick out like a sore thumb if we’re actually supposed to believe you’re from Japan. Not only because you’re head and shoulders taller than anyone there, either.”
Ariel taps Derrick on the arm and offers him a freshly rolled blunt. He politely declines and takes another big swig from his bottle. She just shrugs and lights it up, taking a drag from it herself.
“The past year I’ve been making the best of a bad situation. I took that cruiserweight title and held it in a vice grip for as long as I wanted. And I refuse to let anyone forget that my monstrous reign STILL is not officially recognized as the longest in this company’s history.
“Now it’s time for me to collect for the dues I’ve paid. I decided to stop being a fucking yes man. I decided that I’m going to do whatever it is I need to do to get ahead here in Action Wrestling. That’s why I joined up with a group of like-minded individuals because we’re all working towards a collective goal. That goal being: make Action Wrestling give a fuck about us, ya dig?”
Vayden takes one more swig from his beer, finishing it off. He tosses the bottle onto the floor.
“You ain’t seen nothing yet, Action Wrestling. One thing we all have in common is that we’ve managed to persevere despite you all trying to keep us down. Longest reigning cruiserweight champion, soon to be longest reigning tag team champions, soon to be longest reigning TV champion, a fucking Olympic gold medalist. We’re dripping in gold, motherfuckers. You’ve done everything from ignoring our accomplishments to booking us in meaningless matches if you even book us at all!
"But don’t worry, guys. We’ll do your job for you. We’ll make sure everyone remembers the names of Shadows, Luiz, Miller, Wesley, and Vayden. We started things off last week and it will only get worse from here on out. These three yahoos are going to learn first hand just how bad it’s going to get for all of you who get in our way.
"We are IllumiGnarly, and you’ll never forget us now."