Post by Olivia R. Adler on Jan 5, 2020 21:15:04 GMT -5
"Good morning, Internet," speaks Olive from beyond the ether, her voice somehow more nasal than usual. "And welcome to my meme page.
"I'm so sorry that I can't grace you with my always-charming presence today, but I'm sure you wouldn't want to see me like this. If you couldn't tell from the sound of my voice, I'm a little under the weather. Such are the consequences of hanging around small children during family holiday celebrations; as always, toddlers are monsters.
"Maybe I should cut to the chase. Hi Timmy. Hi Jordan. I'm gonna keep this short, because I'm sure it'll hurt to listen to me as much as it does for me to talk right now but I just want you to know, that while I've been obsessing over your tape, I just can't shake this overwhelming respect for you two. I mean, your sheer willingness to go out there and fall flat on your faces to elevate those around you is inspiring. It's a selflessness I admittedly lack. Cass and I, well, I think our ambitions have been made readily apparent. But you two, just so eager and willing to lend a helping hand. That's where your little name comes from, right? Talent Enhancers?
"Wait a second, none of that's true, is it? Your unique ability to flop like a fish at the first sign of competition isn't kindness. It's incompetence. It's complacency. It's being so fucking inept at your chosen trade that it can be mistaken for intentional. But this isn't some charming little, so bad it's good kinda flick, is it boys? Try as you might, you can't even pass for the likes of Samurai Cop or Thankskilling. Nah, huns, your shtick is straight up Nine Lives tier bullshit. Maybe you two ought to pull a Spacey and fucking kill me so I don't have to live in a world where I spent hours upon hours breaking down film of bottomfeeders. Is this some kind of joke to you? Because I'm going to fill you in on a little secret, I do not like having my time wasted.
"I'm not going to bother to dignify you with anything more venomous.
"So here it is, cards on the table. Enjoy your return, you goddamn losers. But don't you dare call it a comeback."
"I'm so sorry that I can't grace you with my always-charming presence today, but I'm sure you wouldn't want to see me like this. If you couldn't tell from the sound of my voice, I'm a little under the weather. Such are the consequences of hanging around small children during family holiday celebrations; as always, toddlers are monsters.
"Maybe I should cut to the chase. Hi Timmy. Hi Jordan. I'm gonna keep this short, because I'm sure it'll hurt to listen to me as much as it does for me to talk right now but I just want you to know, that while I've been obsessing over your tape, I just can't shake this overwhelming respect for you two. I mean, your sheer willingness to go out there and fall flat on your faces to elevate those around you is inspiring. It's a selflessness I admittedly lack. Cass and I, well, I think our ambitions have been made readily apparent. But you two, just so eager and willing to lend a helping hand. That's where your little name comes from, right? Talent Enhancers?
"Wait a second, none of that's true, is it? Your unique ability to flop like a fish at the first sign of competition isn't kindness. It's incompetence. It's complacency. It's being so fucking inept at your chosen trade that it can be mistaken for intentional. But this isn't some charming little, so bad it's good kinda flick, is it boys? Try as you might, you can't even pass for the likes of Samurai Cop or Thankskilling. Nah, huns, your shtick is straight up Nine Lives tier bullshit. Maybe you two ought to pull a Spacey and fucking kill me so I don't have to live in a world where I spent hours upon hours breaking down film of bottomfeeders. Is this some kind of joke to you? Because I'm going to fill you in on a little secret, I do not like having my time wasted.
"I'm not going to bother to dignify you with anything more venomous.
"So here it is, cards on the table. Enjoy your return, you goddamn losers. But don't you dare call it a comeback."