Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2019 12:27:18 GMT -5
So, I just made my Roleplay for the clash, I spend all morning writing most of it. Amy Question or Feedback is welcome. Thanks
Doubt & Worry
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Post by Quixote Della Torre on Dec 15, 2019 19:08:02 GMT -5
Hi. You write very well. The presentation is clear and easy to read. As a Christian, I very much like the vibe of a character of faith not portrayed as unlikeable, pious, hypocritical or any of those tropes. I liked a lot of your choice of wording and there's a lot of potential here when you get more used to AW.
On the possible improvements side... I'd say there was a lot of exposition through dialogue and it felt quite 'on the nose' at times. It seems like there's an interesting backstory but I would've liked to have had it shown more than told perhaps or perhaps been a bit more cryptic/intriguing. Also, you didn't mention your opponent at all which will cost you in matches.
Overall, you seem a great recent addition to the fed and I look forward to seeing what you go onto doing!
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