Doubt & Worry (1225 words)
Dec 8, 2019 12:11:08 GMT -5
Hobo, Quixote Della Torre, and 1 more like this
Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2019 12:11:08 GMT -5
"This doesn't seem real to me, I'm going to be in a wrestling match after... ten years, that's insane. I grew up so much since then." Blindman wandered down A1A, the cameraman Kyle holding his phone to record them. Cameron wears black pants. Black shoes and his unreleased SEO shirt, "Twisted Light: Completely Crooked Society. A white cross with a dark shadow hanging over it."
"I burned bridges, but I learned along the way that life is random and chaotic, Hevel, like chasing the wind. Hevel is Greek meaning like smoke, it appears real, but if you reach out and grab it, you can't." Blindman twitches his body, a nervous tick. "Ecclesiastes read it; it's futureproofed or don't and toil under the sun." Cameron laughs. It is bitter, but he smiles anyway.
"Moving on, I've tried many things, in and out over the years. Some lasted some didn't; I like to think of myself as a jack of all trades, or more flavorful a Bard. Bards tend to be in the background, helping out when they need to." Cameron stops putting down his arms and relaxing. “I wonder how people do it, giving there all in everything they do. I don’t do that, I quit, and I can admit that now.”
“It’s fine, bro, all that matters is you’re here now,” Kyle, the cameraman, spoke up. “You can’t erase the past.”
“Thanks, friend. I think time away has changed me, for the better, I wish I acted better to my peers,” Cameron chuckled to himself. “Ya know it’s funny, how I came into my own after high school and SEO. I from what I watched to what I played, I feel like I came into my own.” Kyle held his heads up, signaling that they reached there intended destination, a D&D shop, so he turned off the video recorder.
---
In a dimly lit room, Kyle and Cameron were watching tv when Cameron’s phone rang. It was his brother Nate. “Hey, bro! What are you calling at this hour for?”
“Hey, just calling to wish you luck, it’s not every day you hear about someone jumping back into wrestling.” Cameron smiled at that. “You said you’re inside your head too much, you feeling ok?”
“Well, Truth be told I’m nervous, how will the crowd treat me? Will I be rusty? Will my opponent be too difficult for me to handle?” Cameron says, rocking back in his chair. “Doesn’t help I don’t know anyone or that everyone seems pretty wrapped up in their world.” Cameron sighed, something Nate picked up on.
“Hey, Bro, you got this; stop doubting yourself, man.” Nate encouraged over the phone. “You’re strong, don’t forget that. Got it?’
“Thanks; I wish you could go on this journey with me, Bro. It’s an exciting career full of ups and downs.” Cameron paused, thinking. “If I were able, I’d help you out of that dead-end job, so you don’t toil under the sun. Like, Dad.” Cameron stopped rocking in the chair. “Just want you, our family, and I to be happy.”
“I hear you, bro, I’ll get out of this one day, even if it takes years. In the meantime, focus on yourself, ok?” It was more of a demand than a question. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m tired, see ya later.” Call ends.
“Your bro cares for you. A lot, right?” Kyle observed. “Everything happens for a reason.” Cameron nods along, as Kyle adds. “You know I can’t see that, right?”
“Oh, I know, I’m just thinking is all. Like is life random and chaotic, or is there meaning in everything we do?” Cameron asked to no one in particular.
---
Cameron Bats got home from training excited. Closing the door behind him, he got out his earbuds and phone. So, he could listen to music while he talked. “Look, I got a story to tell, but I have no idea how to say it or where to start.” Blindman takes a deep breath. “In 2015, I had a time where I wasn’t eating or sleeping well; my life was in danger! So, I called out, thankfully my Bro’s phone answered. I screamed for him! My Dad came picking me up, I then blabbed on and on about non-sense for the next 24 hours.”
“After that, I was hospitalized, and my mind locked on meds.” Cameron rocked back and forth, clearly uneasy. “Being in a hospital with actually crazy people, no phone or track of time sucks. It hurts a lot more than any beatings I’ll receive here. Having faint reconciliations of the past, knowing I’m not myself or able to feel full emotions is awful.” Cameron took the time to switch the song on his phone. “A part of me died somewhere, and I’ll never be the same!”
“All I want to do is live again; instead, I feel like I’m drowning and being buried beneath. You can’t defeat a broken man, who has to rebuild himself. All I have to do- all I can do- is fight as my life depended on it because I already did that, I’ll do it again over and over. I know what happens to me if I quit; I’ll fall back into my old ways. I know my past cannot be rewritten or undone.” Blindman says, walking around his apartment. “I need a time machine, cause the old me never tried or cared enough; he was the King of Excuses. Who I am Hates Who I been, crossed too many lines… Never again!”
“I need some junk food.” Blindman starts looking over his food supply.
---
“Hey Cameron, you ok?” A voice rang on the phone; it was a voicemail. “I can hear you, man, it’s scary what happened to you. Please don't think everything’s your fault.”
“Believe me when I tell you, everything that happened to you was tragic, but you lived, you can make a difference now.” Jake recorded, Cameron didn’t expect to hear this when he woke up. “Man, you might think you’re along on this journey, but you’re not; we support you mate. If this all crashes down, you tried, that’s all that matters. Man, even if you never do anything life is worth living, you got that?” Blindman nodded along, taking it all in.
“So, quit feeling sorry for yourself and focus. Got that?” Blindman started towards the door; it looked beautiful outside. “Pretty cool, you’re living the dream man. Kick butt out there!” Blindman grabbed his cane and started walking.
Outside was pretty, the blue sky was partly covered in clouds, and the birds were singing. Cameron sighed in relief. He made it one more night, as he walked, he felt the cool breeze. Everything was right, as it always was. Even if he was off his meds last night. Cameron sat by his favorite tree and prayed.
“God, thank you for this beautiful day, the night was peaceful and quiet. God, I give you praise, your grace and mercy know no bounds. I am but dust in the wind, yet you love me more than the birds, fishes, and even the plants. If they can live this life carefreely without worry, I have faith you will provide for me and all my wishes and desires in my heart. May all glory be in your name, and in Jesus' name, I pray. Amen!”
"I burned bridges, but I learned along the way that life is random and chaotic, Hevel, like chasing the wind. Hevel is Greek meaning like smoke, it appears real, but if you reach out and grab it, you can't." Blindman twitches his body, a nervous tick. "Ecclesiastes read it; it's futureproofed or don't and toil under the sun." Cameron laughs. It is bitter, but he smiles anyway.
"Moving on, I've tried many things, in and out over the years. Some lasted some didn't; I like to think of myself as a jack of all trades, or more flavorful a Bard. Bards tend to be in the background, helping out when they need to." Cameron stops putting down his arms and relaxing. “I wonder how people do it, giving there all in everything they do. I don’t do that, I quit, and I can admit that now.”
“It’s fine, bro, all that matters is you’re here now,” Kyle, the cameraman, spoke up. “You can’t erase the past.”
“Thanks, friend. I think time away has changed me, for the better, I wish I acted better to my peers,” Cameron chuckled to himself. “Ya know it’s funny, how I came into my own after high school and SEO. I from what I watched to what I played, I feel like I came into my own.” Kyle held his heads up, signaling that they reached there intended destination, a D&D shop, so he turned off the video recorder.
---
In a dimly lit room, Kyle and Cameron were watching tv when Cameron’s phone rang. It was his brother Nate. “Hey, bro! What are you calling at this hour for?”
“Hey, just calling to wish you luck, it’s not every day you hear about someone jumping back into wrestling.” Cameron smiled at that. “You said you’re inside your head too much, you feeling ok?”
“Well, Truth be told I’m nervous, how will the crowd treat me? Will I be rusty? Will my opponent be too difficult for me to handle?” Cameron says, rocking back in his chair. “Doesn’t help I don’t know anyone or that everyone seems pretty wrapped up in their world.” Cameron sighed, something Nate picked up on.
“Hey, Bro, you got this; stop doubting yourself, man.” Nate encouraged over the phone. “You’re strong, don’t forget that. Got it?’
“Thanks; I wish you could go on this journey with me, Bro. It’s an exciting career full of ups and downs.” Cameron paused, thinking. “If I were able, I’d help you out of that dead-end job, so you don’t toil under the sun. Like, Dad.” Cameron stopped rocking in the chair. “Just want you, our family, and I to be happy.”
“I hear you, bro, I’ll get out of this one day, even if it takes years. In the meantime, focus on yourself, ok?” It was more of a demand than a question. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m tired, see ya later.” Call ends.
“Your bro cares for you. A lot, right?” Kyle observed. “Everything happens for a reason.” Cameron nods along, as Kyle adds. “You know I can’t see that, right?”
“Oh, I know, I’m just thinking is all. Like is life random and chaotic, or is there meaning in everything we do?” Cameron asked to no one in particular.
---
Cameron Bats got home from training excited. Closing the door behind him, he got out his earbuds and phone. So, he could listen to music while he talked. “Look, I got a story to tell, but I have no idea how to say it or where to start.” Blindman takes a deep breath. “In 2015, I had a time where I wasn’t eating or sleeping well; my life was in danger! So, I called out, thankfully my Bro’s phone answered. I screamed for him! My Dad came picking me up, I then blabbed on and on about non-sense for the next 24 hours.”
“After that, I was hospitalized, and my mind locked on meds.” Cameron rocked back and forth, clearly uneasy. “Being in a hospital with actually crazy people, no phone or track of time sucks. It hurts a lot more than any beatings I’ll receive here. Having faint reconciliations of the past, knowing I’m not myself or able to feel full emotions is awful.” Cameron took the time to switch the song on his phone. “A part of me died somewhere, and I’ll never be the same!”
“All I want to do is live again; instead, I feel like I’m drowning and being buried beneath. You can’t defeat a broken man, who has to rebuild himself. All I have to do- all I can do- is fight as my life depended on it because I already did that, I’ll do it again over and over. I know what happens to me if I quit; I’ll fall back into my old ways. I know my past cannot be rewritten or undone.” Blindman says, walking around his apartment. “I need a time machine, cause the old me never tried or cared enough; he was the King of Excuses. Who I am Hates Who I been, crossed too many lines… Never again!”
“I need some junk food.” Blindman starts looking over his food supply.
---
“Hey Cameron, you ok?” A voice rang on the phone; it was a voicemail. “I can hear you, man, it’s scary what happened to you. Please don't think everything’s your fault.”
“Believe me when I tell you, everything that happened to you was tragic, but you lived, you can make a difference now.” Jake recorded, Cameron didn’t expect to hear this when he woke up. “Man, you might think you’re along on this journey, but you’re not; we support you mate. If this all crashes down, you tried, that’s all that matters. Man, even if you never do anything life is worth living, you got that?” Blindman nodded along, taking it all in.
“So, quit feeling sorry for yourself and focus. Got that?” Blindman started towards the door; it looked beautiful outside. “Pretty cool, you’re living the dream man. Kick butt out there!” Blindman grabbed his cane and started walking.
Outside was pretty, the blue sky was partly covered in clouds, and the birds were singing. Cameron sighed in relief. He made it one more night, as he walked, he felt the cool breeze. Everything was right, as it always was. Even if he was off his meds last night. Cameron sat by his favorite tree and prayed.
“God, thank you for this beautiful day, the night was peaceful and quiet. God, I give you praise, your grace and mercy know no bounds. I am but dust in the wind, yet you love me more than the birds, fishes, and even the plants. If they can live this life carefreely without worry, I have faith you will provide for me and all my wishes and desires in my heart. May all glory be in your name, and in Jesus' name, I pray. Amen!”