Post by Roy Speede on Mar 18, 2018 21:31:05 GMT -5
Darkness. No visual; just a voice. That of Alex Haden.
Alex Haden: "What's up everybody? Alex Haden here, and first things first I wanna apologize for not having a visual to accompany this rendition of the #MonopolyOnTalent's weekly broadcast, but I'm sure you all are still excited from my debut last week. Anyway, I had made a pretty dumb decision and put my phone in my back pocket for a post-debut selfie, and a particularly hard landing on it diving to the outside shattered the screen and the camera lens into little pieces. So yeah, my phone still works for the time being, but this particular recording is gonna be without any visual to accompany my voice. Hang in there, I've got a few things to say.
"First, Cereal Man, what the hell bro? I thought I was going into that match with a halfway competent partner. Love the idea of a good bowl of cereal in the morning, as do most people, but for the love of Toucan Sam, get it together in that ring or I won't hestitate to kick you up and down the entrance ramp like is going to happen this week. You proved to us all last week that you weren't GRRRRREAT like I had hoped you were, and have given Zombie and I the chance to remind you that 201 and Fun is for kids, silly rabbit. I had hoped that the promise with which you joined this company wasn't going to be for naught, but alas, we were all disappointed; what happened to 'The Talent You Can See'?
"It disappeared. And sooner or later, so is your career. You managed to lose a potentially great ally in yours truly, and in MY division, that's not a good thing.
"Moving on, my other opponent this week is Zombie McMorris, the Coked-Up Madman himself. On one hand, I'm excited to see someone with the kind of history in this business that he has signed up for the 201 And Fun division. On the other hand, I want to know what sort of scale you stepped on that validated your existence on this side of the roster; last I looked, your profile on WCF's roster page had you listed at 220 pounds, and I want to know what sort of diet you're on to drop that much weight that quickly, because that's freaking incredible and whatever you did to manage that, we could market that and become even richer than we already freakin' are.
"But no, in all seriousness, you're one of the only people in the history of the 201 and Fun division that's a threat to me. The #MonopolyOnTalent can handle just about anything thrown its way, but The Walking Deadbeat? You're the kind of guy that always has a trick up his sleeve, so I feel like I'm going to have to watch my back around you. That's good in this business. You have an advantage over a lot of us; but what that means, also, is that you're a target, and when you go up against the #MonopolyOnTalent, you're staring down an opponent whose sole intention is to Moonwalk right over you and bury you so far into the mat that by the time you regain consciousness they'll have broken the ring down and left you on that cement floor to carry everything to the next arena on our tour. Made simple, despite last week, I have no desire to end Cereal Man's life. But Zombie, I fully intend to put you right back in the fucking ground where you belong.
"See, you may be the Honey Badger who just don't care about a damn thing, but you should care. You should realize that your chaotic nature is your ultimate downfall; I'm not afraid to walk into the valley of the shadow of death, because I know that when the dust settles I'll be walking right back out again. That's just how the #MonopolyOnTalent works; at others' expense."
Alex Haden: "What's up everybody? Alex Haden here, and first things first I wanna apologize for not having a visual to accompany this rendition of the #MonopolyOnTalent's weekly broadcast, but I'm sure you all are still excited from my debut last week. Anyway, I had made a pretty dumb decision and put my phone in my back pocket for a post-debut selfie, and a particularly hard landing on it diving to the outside shattered the screen and the camera lens into little pieces. So yeah, my phone still works for the time being, but this particular recording is gonna be without any visual to accompany my voice. Hang in there, I've got a few things to say.
"First, Cereal Man, what the hell bro? I thought I was going into that match with a halfway competent partner. Love the idea of a good bowl of cereal in the morning, as do most people, but for the love of Toucan Sam, get it together in that ring or I won't hestitate to kick you up and down the entrance ramp like is going to happen this week. You proved to us all last week that you weren't GRRRRREAT like I had hoped you were, and have given Zombie and I the chance to remind you that 201 and Fun is for kids, silly rabbit. I had hoped that the promise with which you joined this company wasn't going to be for naught, but alas, we were all disappointed; what happened to 'The Talent You Can See'?
"It disappeared. And sooner or later, so is your career. You managed to lose a potentially great ally in yours truly, and in MY division, that's not a good thing.
"Moving on, my other opponent this week is Zombie McMorris, the Coked-Up Madman himself. On one hand, I'm excited to see someone with the kind of history in this business that he has signed up for the 201 And Fun division. On the other hand, I want to know what sort of scale you stepped on that validated your existence on this side of the roster; last I looked, your profile on WCF's roster page had you listed at 220 pounds, and I want to know what sort of diet you're on to drop that much weight that quickly, because that's freaking incredible and whatever you did to manage that, we could market that and become even richer than we already freakin' are.
"But no, in all seriousness, you're one of the only people in the history of the 201 and Fun division that's a threat to me. The #MonopolyOnTalent can handle just about anything thrown its way, but The Walking Deadbeat? You're the kind of guy that always has a trick up his sleeve, so I feel like I'm going to have to watch my back around you. That's good in this business. You have an advantage over a lot of us; but what that means, also, is that you're a target, and when you go up against the #MonopolyOnTalent, you're staring down an opponent whose sole intention is to Moonwalk right over you and bury you so far into the mat that by the time you regain consciousness they'll have broken the ring down and left you on that cement floor to carry everything to the next arena on our tour. Made simple, despite last week, I have no desire to end Cereal Man's life. But Zombie, I fully intend to put you right back in the fucking ground where you belong.
"See, you may be the Honey Badger who just don't care about a damn thing, but you should care. You should realize that your chaotic nature is your ultimate downfall; I'm not afraid to walk into the valley of the shadow of death, because I know that when the dust settles I'll be walking right back out again. That's just how the #MonopolyOnTalent works; at others' expense."