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Pleaze <3
Nov 21, 2019 20:26:09 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Estrella Luiz ✨ on Nov 21, 2019 20:26:09 GMT -5
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Post by Ned the Intern on Nov 21, 2019 20:44:27 GMT -5
Right off the bat, explaining the actions was a great choice. The "Why Estrella?" theme is always a hit when there is a heel turn. Stepping out of the shadows, being her own woman... all relatable.
The feeling of abandonment and how the sadness feeds right into anger... powerful stuff.
I like the simple transition in the scene from giggling to cackling. Very villainous. Easy to picture it.
As a newcomer, I don't know the history with Tennison and WCF... but you have enough of an overview to make it believable that this is how she feels about it. Graphic way to tell him to go fuck himself, but it's a damn good line.
Flop is... Flop.
Haha... you SHOULD smash all us newcomers with a shovel!
Making Razzles your main target is fitting. Making it all about the hatred for Matthews is a good way to justify this new attitude.
Overall, this is a good heel run. She justifies her actions, and believes what she is doing is right.
I dig it.
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Post by Shadowlove on Nov 21, 2019 22:17:06 GMT -5
Me being one of your “unbiased“ marks, have always thought that you could capture the sweet and innocence of Estrella and show off her vindictive wickedness like it was the back of her hand to Kennedy’s face, IC, of course.
I might’ve predicted Flop, but I wouldn’t be too pleasantly surprised if you won the TV title. It was Championship quality stuff.
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Post by Dandy DiVito on Nov 22, 2019 15:55:09 GMT -5
I'm going to point out something that Lissie pointed out to me before I really busted out and started going hard in the main event: when you dictate who is speaking with their name, you cost yourself words. Your RP with those labels is 994, so you're right up against the edge of the 1000 limit. If you just let the color coding and voice of your writing tell your reader(s) who is speaking, you'd have saved yourself about 30 words (especially in an RP where no one else is speaking). Granted in this RP, 30 words is probably not a make or break number, but it would allow you to do a little bit more if you feel like you needed just that little touch of polish that you didn't have the words left to do.
Now, to be fair, that is a nitpick just to offer up a constructive place to grow, but it is a thing to be aware of. That all established, if that's my only real point of criticism (and it's not even really criticism as much as it's just a thing to be aware of), you're doing a good job and you should be proud of your piece here.
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Post by Shadowlove on Nov 22, 2019 16:49:53 GMT -5
I totally agree with Dandy, when it’s crunch time, you definitely need every word that you can get and having that extra 30 plus words is gold. Especially, when writing multiple characters in one RP like I do. When I first started my RP’s were: Miss Miyamoto: “Hi, biscuits.”Shadowlove: “Hi, gravy.”Now: “Hi, biscuits.” “Hi, gravy.”With color coding, but now I just color code what they say with blue for Miyamoto and black for Shadow, and different colors for my guest star appearances. Another plus for me, has been going “BOLD” when it comes to Shadow & Miyamoto’s spoken dialogue. And I’m very finicky when it comes to description and neatness. So, I like making my RP’s descriptive and easy for the reader to read. And the other thing I like doing, is to edit the RP to utilize the whole page as I did here.
**see how much neater my post is as compared to Dandy?**
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Post by Lissie Hope on Nov 22, 2019 17:01:25 GMT -5
Yeah I finally used the full page alignment for those little city interludes, as well as a nice novelish script, and it came out super pretty (at least in my opinion, heh). I like writing my dialogue narratively, so the color coding doesn’t work quite as well for me, so I simply italicize Lissie’s to differentiate her from the guests. We all have our own preferences but there’s a nice way to take parts from everyone’s styles to make your own. I will forever fall on the “it’s a waste of words to write who’s speaking each time” though.
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Post by Shadowlove on Nov 22, 2019 17:20:03 GMT -5
The Key factor is, you don’t have to change the uniqueness of the way that you write your character, but there are plenty of ways to clean up your RP in order to stand out and still be unique that identifies your character’s role-play. You know a Wade, Dandy, Lissie, F.P.V., Walter, Shadow, Kidsgrove, Bull, CD, Richards, KOS, Kemp, Teo, T.F.K., Odin/Zombie, and Kennedy & Estella for example when it comes to a unique appearance. Everyone is unique in their own way, the new people have been hitting it out of the park with their roleplaying as well. That is what makes AW: Action Wrestling. Keep up the good job, ever’body.
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