Post by The Papa John's Pizza Man on Mar 18, 2018 19:42:31 GMT -5
The scene opens at a local court room. Not many people are attending.
The trial in question is against The Cereal Man. Who was recently arrested after driving a car through a local Target. The Cereal Man has stabled a box of Cereal to his knee to stop the police from taking it from him. He also still has his masked attire on.
Judge: Ok, This is the trial of Mr The Cereal Man? Who is facing charges of assault, Grand Theft of an Automobile and public indecency. How do you plead, Mr The Cereal Man.
The Cereal Man stands. He does not have a lawyer.
The Cereal Man: I plead for the leading race of this earth to understand the cosmic, power and loveliness of all Cereal life forms and inject that wisdom into their eyes to become part of The Cereal CyberSpace.
Judge: Just guilty or not guilty.
The Cereal Man: I am only guilty of forcefully awakening the sleeping, cerealess corpses of your human brothers and sisters, child! JAIL ME! THE CEREAL WILL CONSUME THE JAIL AND THEN IT WILL TURN ALL INTO CEREAL!
Judge: Guilty. Or Not Guilty.
The Cereal Man: I am of Not Guilte
Judge: Ok, so you have been accused of driving a stolen car into the window of a target last Wednesday. How would you explain that?
The Cereal Man: Oooooh National Cereal Day! The greatest day I've ever been inside! My Essence has been freaking out ever since it became a known element of this universe. It was so beautiful. It was as if the Cereal planets had possesed me and Cerealntrolled my every impulse. How could I not drive the Car into the Tar of Gets? How could I, as a philosopher of the Cereal not break the windows and allow the Cereal all around to enter the concrete square?!
Judge: Ok, so you say you did this because of The Cereal Dieties?
The Cereal Man: The Cereal Dieties did it using my Human body as a aiming reticle, Judge.
Judge: Ok....ok. Right! Here we are, your assault case. Eye-witnesses have said you tackled one of them employees.
Got him into a choke hold and then started screaming the words "Insert Yourself" over and over as you poured Cereal into his mouth.
How do you plead for that charge?
The Cereal Man: I am only guilty of saving the masses from a Cerealess doom.
Judge: Ok, so not guilty.
The Cereal Man: I cannot stay in jail even if my brain wanted me to. The Cereal Dishes require me to attend the Actioned Wrestling. To face two very Cerealess opponents. Both not without their flaws.
One, a Zombie. He's so lacking in the ultimate Carbon Element of Cereal that his UnCerealessness has managed to reverse the effect of death itself.
He is doomed to wander for all eternity, always feeling as if a cosmic material is missing from his body as his hunger slowly eats him up from the inside, never finishing it's meal.
What do you give a man that has nothing?
Cereal.
And finally Alex Hayden. Loyal soul. Yet his loyalties lie in the wrong places. He is loyal to people and things instead of the Cosmic Hive Mind of Cereal.
How could I ever be loyal to a man who will never be loyal to Cereal? My consiousness would never do that.
I will free both of you from your collective prisons and unleash you into a free world of Cereal and Fruititions all around.
The judge coughs shortly as The Cereal Man stares at the box of Cereak stabled to his knees, without blinking.
Judge: Ok, you're clearly insane. I belive Mr The Cereal Man would best be placed into a Mental Asylum until-
The Cereal Man: Never!
Judge: Guards!
The Cereal Man gnaws his cuffs off with unhuman strength and runs away from the police. He trips on one of the stands and dolphin dives through the window of the courtroom while screaming the word "CracklePop" as loud as possible. He can be seen running away in the distance as the police leave the courtroom to follow him.
The trial in question is against The Cereal Man. Who was recently arrested after driving a car through a local Target. The Cereal Man has stabled a box of Cereal to his knee to stop the police from taking it from him. He also still has his masked attire on.
Judge: Ok, This is the trial of Mr The Cereal Man? Who is facing charges of assault, Grand Theft of an Automobile and public indecency. How do you plead, Mr The Cereal Man.
The Cereal Man stands. He does not have a lawyer.
The Cereal Man: I plead for the leading race of this earth to understand the cosmic, power and loveliness of all Cereal life forms and inject that wisdom into their eyes to become part of The Cereal CyberSpace.
Judge: Just guilty or not guilty.
The Cereal Man: I am only guilty of forcefully awakening the sleeping, cerealess corpses of your human brothers and sisters, child! JAIL ME! THE CEREAL WILL CONSUME THE JAIL AND THEN IT WILL TURN ALL INTO CEREAL!
Judge: Guilty. Or Not Guilty.
The Cereal Man: I am of Not Guilte
Judge: Ok, so you have been accused of driving a stolen car into the window of a target last Wednesday. How would you explain that?
The Cereal Man: Oooooh National Cereal Day! The greatest day I've ever been inside! My Essence has been freaking out ever since it became a known element of this universe. It was so beautiful. It was as if the Cereal planets had possesed me and Cerealntrolled my every impulse. How could I not drive the Car into the Tar of Gets? How could I, as a philosopher of the Cereal not break the windows and allow the Cereal all around to enter the concrete square?!
Judge: Ok, so you say you did this because of The Cereal Dieties?
The Cereal Man: The Cereal Dieties did it using my Human body as a aiming reticle, Judge.
Judge: Ok....ok. Right! Here we are, your assault case. Eye-witnesses have said you tackled one of them employees.
Got him into a choke hold and then started screaming the words "Insert Yourself" over and over as you poured Cereal into his mouth.
How do you plead for that charge?
The Cereal Man: I am only guilty of saving the masses from a Cerealess doom.
Judge: Ok, so not guilty.
The Cereal Man: I cannot stay in jail even if my brain wanted me to. The Cereal Dishes require me to attend the Actioned Wrestling. To face two very Cerealess opponents. Both not without their flaws.
One, a Zombie. He's so lacking in the ultimate Carbon Element of Cereal that his UnCerealessness has managed to reverse the effect of death itself.
He is doomed to wander for all eternity, always feeling as if a cosmic material is missing from his body as his hunger slowly eats him up from the inside, never finishing it's meal.
What do you give a man that has nothing?
Cereal.
And finally Alex Hayden. Loyal soul. Yet his loyalties lie in the wrong places. He is loyal to people and things instead of the Cosmic Hive Mind of Cereal.
How could I ever be loyal to a man who will never be loyal to Cereal? My consiousness would never do that.
I will free both of you from your collective prisons and unleash you into a free world of Cereal and Fruititions all around.
The judge coughs shortly as The Cereal Man stares at the box of Cereak stabled to his knees, without blinking.
Judge: Ok, you're clearly insane. I belive Mr The Cereal Man would best be placed into a Mental Asylum until-
The Cereal Man: Never!
Judge: Guards!
The Cereal Man gnaws his cuffs off with unhuman strength and runs away from the police. He trips on one of the stands and dolphin dives through the window of the courtroom while screaming the word "CracklePop" as loud as possible. He can be seen running away in the distance as the police leave the courtroom to follow him.