Lights, Camera, Action Wrestling! Ep. 2
May 19, 2019 4:42:34 GMT -5
via mobile
T.F.K., Guillotine (QDT), and 2 more like this
Post by CJ Phoenix on May 19, 2019 4:42:34 GMT -5
The episode begins with CJ Phoenix at home looking away from the screen.
Phoenix: Uhh yeah can you bring back a Snickers milkshake please? Mercí, mon petit chou!
He turns his attention to the camera.
Phoenix: Hello, everybody and welcome to episode dos of Lights, Camera, Action Wrestling! Another week has come and gone, which means it's time to recap the latest Monday Night Clash! My name is CJ Phoenix and there's a ton of stuff to go through that you may or may not have seen on the previous AW show. Hold on to your everythings because the recap starts now!
"My Shooter" by Groove Cutter plays as highlights from various AW events come across the screen before Kaiyah can be heard yelling "Lights! Camera! Action Wrestling!"
Instead of a split screen, the full screen shows what segment/match CJ talks about.
Opening Segment + FPV Segment
Phoenix: You wanna talk about strong starts? Well it doesn't start much strong than the Tort cloud rolling in to open the show. Adilene Floyd claims him worthy of a microphone and presents one to him. Torture asks everyone if they're having fun. Now, those of you at home heard a large pop, but I was actually in attendance. The inital response was a loud "NO!" chant. It wasn't because of AW. It was because most of the crowd was still butthurt about Game of Thrones disappointing them. Fortunately for me, I never saw that shit soooooo I cheered because I was having a blast!
Tort van Tortty Tort also reminded us that Michael Roman numeral ten still hasn't signed a contract, which is why he isn't there. The crowd calls bullshit and boos while Torture shows signs of being nervous. Will Mike sign next to the X? Who knows!? What if he wins the World Title without signing? Does AW have no World Champ on their roster then, or does the title get vacated immediately?
Before we can answer any of those questions, FPV comes out to save Tort from having the fans throw tomatoes at him over something that isn't fully in his control. Last week, FPV challenged Roy Speed to a match at Evolution: the Second Coming. Later that week, he revealed that for every time he lands a headshot, he's going to donate a thousand bucks to charity. That's pretty damn awesome, but Roy Speede sees that bet, and raises it with a whole match stipulation that pops the crowd even more than them seeing him. The first person to land five clean headshots on his opponent wins and the loser donates $25,000 to the charity of the winner's choice. So no neck pops or grazes. This has the makings to be the best 1v1 game of Call of Duty ever!
Daniel Westbrook vs Michael Trapson vs Derrick Vayden
Phoenix: The first match of the night is a triple-threat contest of cruiserweights. Daniel Westbrook, Michael Trapson, and Derrick Vayden show off their versatility that makes the Cruiserweight division such an innovative one.....and then Trapson turns the match into an action comedy by dancing. *pause* Somehow this works.
A clip of Trapson dodging Westbrook's clothesline attempt with a split.
Phoenix: Trapson says "Hee Hee!" en route to nailing the Moonwalk DDT, but Vayden says "Hell naw" and tosses Michael out of the ring, allowing him to steal the win like the Smooth Criminal he is.
Big Brother Segment
Phoenix: Keeping things in the Cruiserweight division, some guy claims to be Big Brother and is warning the Cruiserweights that he is both Head of Household and the winner of the Power of Veto. Be careful, guys, he might backdoor somebody next.
Karlie Nash Segment
Phoenix: Stalker victim Karlie Nash comes out to the ring to tell her story and encourage other victims to speak up so that they don't have to constantly live in fear. *pause* Wait, I'm getting word that that is NOT what happened. She actually showed up to talk shit about Bishop, call him a con man, and threaten that he won't make it to Evolution......well shit! Is she gonna kill him!? Wow. This show took a dark turn with the quickness.
Magic Maddox vs Alexander Pasternak(C) for the Cruiserweight Championship
Phoenix: Thankfully we're once again saved by the Cruiserweights. Before this match, Magic Maddox requested the help of Derrick Vayden. You see, the temps are rising, which means it's Beachkrew season again and he doesn't want to be swept up by the tide. Thankfully, the forcast didn't call for a beach invasion, but it there was a 100% chance of shenanigans. Pasternak takes advantage of a distracted ref to hit the Cyka Maker, which leads to him successfully retaining his title. What's even worse is that there was a group of people in the 10th row that managed to sneak in WHOLE ASS SURFBOARDS only for there to be no waves. Maybe next time.
Prince Jimmy Dean Memorial Battle Royal Segment
Phoenix: Surfing on into the next segment we have Camila Gonzalez telling us about the Prince Jimmy Dean Memorial Battle Royal. She says the winner gets 10 grand that will be donated to the Prince Jimmy Dean Heart Fund. Everyone's happiness is collectively killed when the Syndicate shows up. Seth Colt says Carlos Lopez will win the match, and more importantly that he's a better teammate in NBA 2K19 than Chase "Guy who has the same name as the Phoenix but isn't even close to being the same guy" Jackson. Chase takes offense to this and snatches the microphone, causing fans to be excited for whatever reason. Unfortunately for the CJ that isn't the Phoenix, the Syndicate beat the shit out of him. He was probably carrying their 2K team anyway.
Dandy DiVito and Sam Kidsgrove Segment
Phoenix: We then cut to Sam Kidsgrove who is trying to get into the arena despite being suspended. Then, one of the guys with the surfboards gets tossed out after dropping the board on someone's head. Just kidding. It was just Dandy DiVito. Of course, since their rivalry is going by Pokemon trainer rules, it's on sight every time and they get into yet another brawl. This time, the vandalism victim is a car.....that belongs to Camila Gonzalez. One things for sure, no matter who wins this war between them, they're both getting sued.
Harry Diderot vs Lissie Hope
Phoenix: On to our next match featuring Harry Diderot taking on Lissie Hope. Recently, she was caught in something that looked like the intro to a strange orgy, or an average Friday night for a metal band in the 80s in the middle of a tour. The video's probably on PornHub somewhere, so you guys can debate on what it was there. Anyways, this match was no clusterfuck and Lissie overcame her rough week and stresses to overcome Harry and win the match. It seems like the final pages of Harry's career are being finished, but he's been pretty enjoyable to see in the ring.
Syndicate Segment
Phoenix: Speaking of wild orgies, metal bands, and other things cocaine has been a part of, our attention returns to the Syndicate as they come across the locker room of the tag champs, the Cocaine Cowboys. They realize their stuff is there, but the champs are not, so they desecrate them and mock the good ole lunatics. This ends with them pissing on the walls and the bags of the Tag Champs. That's disgusting. All that cocaine disrespected by piss. Lines have been drawn.
Ryan Elias vs Roger Payton vs Nathaniel Bowman
Phoenix: The next match features three newcomers battling each other as they try to make a name for themselves. It was a pretty good match, but so was the melee that broke out a good five or six rows behind me. That shit was epic! There had to have been at least a half dozen people slugging it out. Eventually, the guards broke it up but damn. Money well spent. Now where was I? Oh yeah, Ryan Elias won the match. Good showing by everybody involved.
Jakob Lister Segment
Phoenix: Jakob Lister makes his way to the ring and is probably talking shit about Hazel Overton. Hazelnut comes out and returns the favor by probably talking shit about Lister. The reason I'm saying probably is because I'm not sure if they hate each other, or they're hate-flirting into some wild sex that's gonna make the parents cover the eyes of their kids at Evolution. Kinda reminds me of Vegeta and Bulma.
Wikipedia Man vs James Wolf
Phoenix: Speaking of teasing something hardcore, we have a "Hardcore Championship Teaser" match. The tease is the title itself as we get to witness two more people beat the shit out of each other. However, this is the first time tonight that it's tamed. It's pretty ironic that this no holds barred brawl is the calmest, but it was still brutal nonetheless with James Wolf picking up the win. This gives him some consideration to compete for the incoming Hardcore Championship at Evolution. Other possible contenders include Dandy DiVito, Sam Kidsgrove, and the group of people beating the stuffing out of each other in the audience.
Hajeet Segment
Phoenix: Nate Burleson, who may or may not have been a wide receiver in the NFL, interviews Hajeet, the winner of last year's Breakfast Bowl Superbowl. Hajeet talks about sneezing chickens or something, and then they cheer because of how upbeat he is.
Kyle Kemp Segment
Phoenix: Switching gears from upbeat to beaten up, Camila tells Kyle Kemp that they would've been pub stomped had Jared Holmes not walked out on Link and sided with Ganondorf. Kemp rubs his victory from last week in her face and tells her that he's gonna steal the show at Evolution, even if he has to wrestle a mop. Just be sure to let the crew backstage know beforehand so that they don't accidentally put the mop in what I'm guessing will be the Hardcore Championship match. If that happens, the mop might break, though it would show incredible toughness if it came back to compete in a second match.
Scott Slayer vs LA Johnny Stylez
Phoenix: Monday Night Clash is interrupted by Mortal Kombat as the Stylez of LA Johnny Cage collide with a King Arthur mod that calls itself Scott Slayer. The two do battle in a match that goes into the third round. Sir Slays A Lot comes out with the win, but then fucking Shang Tsung shows up posing as Bobby Rage and beats the hell out of Scott after the match. Damn you, Shang Tsung! You no good, soul stealing bastard!
Shadowlove Segment
Phoenix: Former football star Nate Burleson returns to let us know that it's never too early to sign up for fantasy football! Also, he attempts to interview the Handsome Half-Predator Apex Sensei, Shadowlove. Unfortunately, before Shadowlove could get a word out, Jared Holmes comes up and awkwardly claps at him like he drunk the last beer in the fridge before Jared could. It looked like something was about to happen, but we ended up getting 9,500 ping and lagged out.
Footage of Jared Holmes walking up with his slow clap plays all the way to the freeze frame.
Jay Mack Segment
Phoenix: After rebooting the whole damn system, we see Jay Mack in the ring looking nervous and lost like a five year old in a corn maze. Apparently, Camila told him that he had a Hardcore Championship teaser match. What she meant by that was he's about to be eviscerated. Corey Bull returns to AW and the fans go wild. He gets in the ring and treats Jay like a China shop, leaving him in pieces after winning the....match? Someone get a broom...and an ambulance.
Karlie Nash vs Bishop
Phoenix: Actually, bring TWO ambulances because if what Karlie Nash was saying earlier in the night comes to fruition in this match, this place might as well be a crime scene. And a fucking crime scene it is because after she wins the match via submission, she locks in the hold some more. Then, Nikki hands her a chair and she cracks Bishop AND Priest with it! Might as well put her in consideration for the Hardcore division.
Spencer Adams Segment
Phoenix: Simmering down to more peaceful things, Spencer Adams realizes he doesn't have a match at Evolution. So what does he do? He challenges Kyle Kemp to a match. Obviously, we had two similar instances last week where nothing happened, which means.....wait. Hold up. Kyle Kemp came down and signed for the match? Well damn. GG well played.
Jaice Wilds Segment
Phoenix: We return to the office of Camila Gonzalez where Jaice Wilds comes in and.....apologizes? On top of that, he speaks respectfully and things seem to be pretty calm, until a damn grizzly bear attacks Jaice! The bear spears him through a wall! What kind of beast....oh, oh it's not a bear. It's Corey Black. Well. Corey Black ambushed Jaice Wilds and it's a good thing the ambulances were already called.
Hazel Overton vs Claire Hawkins(C) for the Television Championship
Phoenix: Here comes a Havoc rematch as Hazel Overton looks to reclaim the TV title from Claire Hawkins. The referee gets knocked around a bit, but Claire defends her title despite Hazel and Ashley's efforts to screw her over. Now Hazel can go hate fuck Jakob, or kill him. However that goes. We got ambulances.
William Moor Segment
Phoenix: The endless dice roll that is Wade/William Moor makes his way to the ring. The dice lands on a 6, which is even, so we get William to start the segment. He apologizes for what happened to QDT last week. For those who don't know, Quixote Della Torre came up one week short of becoming the longest reigning 201 Champion ever because Eli Lobo got ambushed and Alexander Pasternak took his spot and won the title. Willie Moor happened to come across the bludgeoned Lobo, and people are blaming him for it. QDT comes out to hear Will's plea. Sadly, he picked the wrong time to do so as the die lands on a 1, so Wade's back and on the attack as he dismamtles Quixote. QDT is brought to what's probably the 20th ambulance that has shown up tonight and Moor smiles like the psycho he is. Actually, while we're on the subject of psychos, Dandy DiVito and Sam Kidsgrove are already out of police custody and Dandy's heading to England to continue the world tour of fighting with Sam. I wouldn't be surprised if their match took place on another damn planet at this point.
TFK Segment
Phoenix: Speaking of other planets, TFK continues to call out Norse God Odin. Thad talks about how Odin's too old for this shit and Thor and Loki are better anyway. Well Odin ain't taking that shit tonight as he comes out, makes the crowd go beserk, and chokeslams the Thadster. I guess that means their match is set at Evolution. Cool! I like closure.
Alex Richards vs Hajeet
Phoenix: The penultimate match of the night was a contest between Alex Richards and Hajeet. Almost a David vs Goliath feel to this one, but the real highlight is the fact that so many wrestlers were in the crowd tonight. I was there. Odin was there. Oh, and Noble Savage was there as well! Richards wins the match, but he don't give a damn about that, he wants to fight Savage. Hell, even Torture comes out to try and convince to sign with AW. Noble Savage says.......nothing. And then she leaves. And so the saga continues.
Backstage Happenings
Phoenix: Moments later, yet another hockey game took place outside of the ring as the teams involved in the tag title match have gotten impatient. Dream Daddy almost accidentally sneaks in a TV title match at Evolution against Claire Hawkins and Torture announces the Tag Title match will be a TLC match. Glad to see a peaceful solution here. Nothing like a Tender Love and Care match for everyone to hug it out.
Casey Holiday vs Shadowlove
Phoenix: The main event of the night was a 1v1 between Casey Holiday and Shadowlove. It was a great, back and forth match with Holiday getting a hard-earned win. Glad to see the last match have no shenanigans........four whole seconds later, shenanigans happen as Chris Santiago just pops up in the ring and assaults Casey. He even cracks her skull with her own All In briefcase. *sigh* Alright, bring in ambulance #53.
Ryan Lockhart Ends The Show
Phoenix: It appears a record was set for most ambulances called to the same spot for different emergencies in one night. Our reward is Ryan Lockhart talking shit about Michael X. The silent killer emerges and......holy shit he wants a microphone! Is he gonna say shit!? *pause* Nope! But he does flatline Lockhart AGAIN, once more proving that actions speak louder than words.
The screen goes back to a shot of CJ looking at the camera.
Phoenix: Aaaaaannnnnnnnd cut! That wraps up another Action Wrestling recap and what. A. Show. It. Was! I think there may have been more fights outside of the ring than there were fights inside of it. Either way, I can't wait until the puck drops at the start of the next Clash and the whole city decides to get into a brawl! Until then, stay safe, stay blessed, and stay awesome!
Phoenix: Uhh yeah can you bring back a Snickers milkshake please? Mercí, mon petit chou!
He turns his attention to the camera.
Phoenix: Hello, everybody and welcome to episode dos of Lights, Camera, Action Wrestling! Another week has come and gone, which means it's time to recap the latest Monday Night Clash! My name is CJ Phoenix and there's a ton of stuff to go through that you may or may not have seen on the previous AW show. Hold on to your everythings because the recap starts now!
"My Shooter" by Groove Cutter plays as highlights from various AW events come across the screen before Kaiyah can be heard yelling "Lights! Camera! Action Wrestling!"
Instead of a split screen, the full screen shows what segment/match CJ talks about.
Opening Segment + FPV Segment
Phoenix: You wanna talk about strong starts? Well it doesn't start much strong than the Tort cloud rolling in to open the show. Adilene Floyd claims him worthy of a microphone and presents one to him. Torture asks everyone if they're having fun. Now, those of you at home heard a large pop, but I was actually in attendance. The inital response was a loud "NO!" chant. It wasn't because of AW. It was because most of the crowd was still butthurt about Game of Thrones disappointing them. Fortunately for me, I never saw that shit soooooo I cheered because I was having a blast!
Tort van Tortty Tort also reminded us that Michael Roman numeral ten still hasn't signed a contract, which is why he isn't there. The crowd calls bullshit and boos while Torture shows signs of being nervous. Will Mike sign next to the X? Who knows!? What if he wins the World Title without signing? Does AW have no World Champ on their roster then, or does the title get vacated immediately?
Before we can answer any of those questions, FPV comes out to save Tort from having the fans throw tomatoes at him over something that isn't fully in his control. Last week, FPV challenged Roy Speed to a match at Evolution: the Second Coming. Later that week, he revealed that for every time he lands a headshot, he's going to donate a thousand bucks to charity. That's pretty damn awesome, but Roy Speede sees that bet, and raises it with a whole match stipulation that pops the crowd even more than them seeing him. The first person to land five clean headshots on his opponent wins and the loser donates $25,000 to the charity of the winner's choice. So no neck pops or grazes. This has the makings to be the best 1v1 game of Call of Duty ever!
Daniel Westbrook vs Michael Trapson vs Derrick Vayden
Phoenix: The first match of the night is a triple-threat contest of cruiserweights. Daniel Westbrook, Michael Trapson, and Derrick Vayden show off their versatility that makes the Cruiserweight division such an innovative one.....and then Trapson turns the match into an action comedy by dancing. *pause* Somehow this works.
A clip of Trapson dodging Westbrook's clothesline attempt with a split.
Phoenix: Trapson says "Hee Hee!" en route to nailing the Moonwalk DDT, but Vayden says "Hell naw" and tosses Michael out of the ring, allowing him to steal the win like the Smooth Criminal he is.
Big Brother Segment
Phoenix: Keeping things in the Cruiserweight division, some guy claims to be Big Brother and is warning the Cruiserweights that he is both Head of Household and the winner of the Power of Veto. Be careful, guys, he might backdoor somebody next.
Karlie Nash Segment
Phoenix: Stalker victim Karlie Nash comes out to the ring to tell her story and encourage other victims to speak up so that they don't have to constantly live in fear. *pause* Wait, I'm getting word that that is NOT what happened. She actually showed up to talk shit about Bishop, call him a con man, and threaten that he won't make it to Evolution......well shit! Is she gonna kill him!? Wow. This show took a dark turn with the quickness.
Magic Maddox vs Alexander Pasternak(C) for the Cruiserweight Championship
Phoenix: Thankfully we're once again saved by the Cruiserweights. Before this match, Magic Maddox requested the help of Derrick Vayden. You see, the temps are rising, which means it's Beachkrew season again and he doesn't want to be swept up by the tide. Thankfully, the forcast didn't call for a beach invasion, but it there was a 100% chance of shenanigans. Pasternak takes advantage of a distracted ref to hit the Cyka Maker, which leads to him successfully retaining his title. What's even worse is that there was a group of people in the 10th row that managed to sneak in WHOLE ASS SURFBOARDS only for there to be no waves. Maybe next time.
Prince Jimmy Dean Memorial Battle Royal Segment
Phoenix: Surfing on into the next segment we have Camila Gonzalez telling us about the Prince Jimmy Dean Memorial Battle Royal. She says the winner gets 10 grand that will be donated to the Prince Jimmy Dean Heart Fund. Everyone's happiness is collectively killed when the Syndicate shows up. Seth Colt says Carlos Lopez will win the match, and more importantly that he's a better teammate in NBA 2K19 than Chase "Guy who has the same name as the Phoenix but isn't even close to being the same guy" Jackson. Chase takes offense to this and snatches the microphone, causing fans to be excited for whatever reason. Unfortunately for the CJ that isn't the Phoenix, the Syndicate beat the shit out of him. He was probably carrying their 2K team anyway.
Dandy DiVito and Sam Kidsgrove Segment
Phoenix: We then cut to Sam Kidsgrove who is trying to get into the arena despite being suspended. Then, one of the guys with the surfboards gets tossed out after dropping the board on someone's head. Just kidding. It was just Dandy DiVito. Of course, since their rivalry is going by Pokemon trainer rules, it's on sight every time and they get into yet another brawl. This time, the vandalism victim is a car.....that belongs to Camila Gonzalez. One things for sure, no matter who wins this war between them, they're both getting sued.
Harry Diderot vs Lissie Hope
Phoenix: On to our next match featuring Harry Diderot taking on Lissie Hope. Recently, she was caught in something that looked like the intro to a strange orgy, or an average Friday night for a metal band in the 80s in the middle of a tour. The video's probably on PornHub somewhere, so you guys can debate on what it was there. Anyways, this match was no clusterfuck and Lissie overcame her rough week and stresses to overcome Harry and win the match. It seems like the final pages of Harry's career are being finished, but he's been pretty enjoyable to see in the ring.
Syndicate Segment
Phoenix: Speaking of wild orgies, metal bands, and other things cocaine has been a part of, our attention returns to the Syndicate as they come across the locker room of the tag champs, the Cocaine Cowboys. They realize their stuff is there, but the champs are not, so they desecrate them and mock the good ole lunatics. This ends with them pissing on the walls and the bags of the Tag Champs. That's disgusting. All that cocaine disrespected by piss. Lines have been drawn.
Ryan Elias vs Roger Payton vs Nathaniel Bowman
Phoenix: The next match features three newcomers battling each other as they try to make a name for themselves. It was a pretty good match, but so was the melee that broke out a good five or six rows behind me. That shit was epic! There had to have been at least a half dozen people slugging it out. Eventually, the guards broke it up but damn. Money well spent. Now where was I? Oh yeah, Ryan Elias won the match. Good showing by everybody involved.
Jakob Lister Segment
Phoenix: Jakob Lister makes his way to the ring and is probably talking shit about Hazel Overton. Hazelnut comes out and returns the favor by probably talking shit about Lister. The reason I'm saying probably is because I'm not sure if they hate each other, or they're hate-flirting into some wild sex that's gonna make the parents cover the eyes of their kids at Evolution. Kinda reminds me of Vegeta and Bulma.
Wikipedia Man vs James Wolf
Phoenix: Speaking of teasing something hardcore, we have a "Hardcore Championship Teaser" match. The tease is the title itself as we get to witness two more people beat the shit out of each other. However, this is the first time tonight that it's tamed. It's pretty ironic that this no holds barred brawl is the calmest, but it was still brutal nonetheless with James Wolf picking up the win. This gives him some consideration to compete for the incoming Hardcore Championship at Evolution. Other possible contenders include Dandy DiVito, Sam Kidsgrove, and the group of people beating the stuffing out of each other in the audience.
Hajeet Segment
Phoenix: Nate Burleson, who may or may not have been a wide receiver in the NFL, interviews Hajeet, the winner of last year's Breakfast Bowl Superbowl. Hajeet talks about sneezing chickens or something, and then they cheer because of how upbeat he is.
Kyle Kemp Segment
Phoenix: Switching gears from upbeat to beaten up, Camila tells Kyle Kemp that they would've been pub stomped had Jared Holmes not walked out on Link and sided with Ganondorf. Kemp rubs his victory from last week in her face and tells her that he's gonna steal the show at Evolution, even if he has to wrestle a mop. Just be sure to let the crew backstage know beforehand so that they don't accidentally put the mop in what I'm guessing will be the Hardcore Championship match. If that happens, the mop might break, though it would show incredible toughness if it came back to compete in a second match.
Scott Slayer vs LA Johnny Stylez
Phoenix: Monday Night Clash is interrupted by Mortal Kombat as the Stylez of LA Johnny Cage collide with a King Arthur mod that calls itself Scott Slayer. The two do battle in a match that goes into the third round. Sir Slays A Lot comes out with the win, but then fucking Shang Tsung shows up posing as Bobby Rage and beats the hell out of Scott after the match. Damn you, Shang Tsung! You no good, soul stealing bastard!
Shadowlove Segment
Phoenix: Former football star Nate Burleson returns to let us know that it's never too early to sign up for fantasy football! Also, he attempts to interview the Handsome Half-Predator Apex Sensei, Shadowlove. Unfortunately, before Shadowlove could get a word out, Jared Holmes comes up and awkwardly claps at him like he drunk the last beer in the fridge before Jared could. It looked like something was about to happen, but we ended up getting 9,500 ping and lagged out.
Footage of Jared Holmes walking up with his slow clap plays all the way to the freeze frame.
Jay Mack Segment
Phoenix: After rebooting the whole damn system, we see Jay Mack in the ring looking nervous and lost like a five year old in a corn maze. Apparently, Camila told him that he had a Hardcore Championship teaser match. What she meant by that was he's about to be eviscerated. Corey Bull returns to AW and the fans go wild. He gets in the ring and treats Jay like a China shop, leaving him in pieces after winning the....match? Someone get a broom...and an ambulance.
Karlie Nash vs Bishop
Phoenix: Actually, bring TWO ambulances because if what Karlie Nash was saying earlier in the night comes to fruition in this match, this place might as well be a crime scene. And a fucking crime scene it is because after she wins the match via submission, she locks in the hold some more. Then, Nikki hands her a chair and she cracks Bishop AND Priest with it! Might as well put her in consideration for the Hardcore division.
Spencer Adams Segment
Phoenix: Simmering down to more peaceful things, Spencer Adams realizes he doesn't have a match at Evolution. So what does he do? He challenges Kyle Kemp to a match. Obviously, we had two similar instances last week where nothing happened, which means.....wait. Hold up. Kyle Kemp came down and signed for the match? Well damn. GG well played.
Jaice Wilds Segment
Phoenix: We return to the office of Camila Gonzalez where Jaice Wilds comes in and.....apologizes? On top of that, he speaks respectfully and things seem to be pretty calm, until a damn grizzly bear attacks Jaice! The bear spears him through a wall! What kind of beast....oh, oh it's not a bear. It's Corey Black. Well. Corey Black ambushed Jaice Wilds and it's a good thing the ambulances were already called.
Hazel Overton vs Claire Hawkins(C) for the Television Championship
Phoenix: Here comes a Havoc rematch as Hazel Overton looks to reclaim the TV title from Claire Hawkins. The referee gets knocked around a bit, but Claire defends her title despite Hazel and Ashley's efforts to screw her over. Now Hazel can go hate fuck Jakob, or kill him. However that goes. We got ambulances.
William Moor Segment
Phoenix: The endless dice roll that is Wade/William Moor makes his way to the ring. The dice lands on a 6, which is even, so we get William to start the segment. He apologizes for what happened to QDT last week. For those who don't know, Quixote Della Torre came up one week short of becoming the longest reigning 201 Champion ever because Eli Lobo got ambushed and Alexander Pasternak took his spot and won the title. Willie Moor happened to come across the bludgeoned Lobo, and people are blaming him for it. QDT comes out to hear Will's plea. Sadly, he picked the wrong time to do so as the die lands on a 1, so Wade's back and on the attack as he dismamtles Quixote. QDT is brought to what's probably the 20th ambulance that has shown up tonight and Moor smiles like the psycho he is. Actually, while we're on the subject of psychos, Dandy DiVito and Sam Kidsgrove are already out of police custody and Dandy's heading to England to continue the world tour of fighting with Sam. I wouldn't be surprised if their match took place on another damn planet at this point.
TFK Segment
Phoenix: Speaking of other planets, TFK continues to call out Norse God Odin. Thad talks about how Odin's too old for this shit and Thor and Loki are better anyway. Well Odin ain't taking that shit tonight as he comes out, makes the crowd go beserk, and chokeslams the Thadster. I guess that means their match is set at Evolution. Cool! I like closure.
Alex Richards vs Hajeet
Phoenix: The penultimate match of the night was a contest between Alex Richards and Hajeet. Almost a David vs Goliath feel to this one, but the real highlight is the fact that so many wrestlers were in the crowd tonight. I was there. Odin was there. Oh, and Noble Savage was there as well! Richards wins the match, but he don't give a damn about that, he wants to fight Savage. Hell, even Torture comes out to try and convince to sign with AW. Noble Savage says.......nothing. And then she leaves. And so the saga continues.
Backstage Happenings
Phoenix: Moments later, yet another hockey game took place outside of the ring as the teams involved in the tag title match have gotten impatient. Dream Daddy almost accidentally sneaks in a TV title match at Evolution against Claire Hawkins and Torture announces the Tag Title match will be a TLC match. Glad to see a peaceful solution here. Nothing like a Tender Love and Care match for everyone to hug it out.
Casey Holiday vs Shadowlove
Phoenix: The main event of the night was a 1v1 between Casey Holiday and Shadowlove. It was a great, back and forth match with Holiday getting a hard-earned win. Glad to see the last match have no shenanigans........four whole seconds later, shenanigans happen as Chris Santiago just pops up in the ring and assaults Casey. He even cracks her skull with her own All In briefcase. *sigh* Alright, bring in ambulance #53.
Ryan Lockhart Ends The Show
Phoenix: It appears a record was set for most ambulances called to the same spot for different emergencies in one night. Our reward is Ryan Lockhart talking shit about Michael X. The silent killer emerges and......holy shit he wants a microphone! Is he gonna say shit!? *pause* Nope! But he does flatline Lockhart AGAIN, once more proving that actions speak louder than words.
The screen goes back to a shot of CJ looking at the camera.
Phoenix: Aaaaaannnnnnnnd cut! That wraps up another Action Wrestling recap and what. A. Show. It. Was! I think there may have been more fights outside of the ring than there were fights inside of it. Either way, I can't wait until the puck drops at the start of the next Clash and the whole city decides to get into a brawl! Until then, stay safe, stay blessed, and stay awesome!