Post by T.F.K. on Mar 4, 2018 21:22:58 GMT -5
Cameras roll from black to a very disappointed looking Jefferson King sitting behind a rich mahogany desk dressed in a black suit and tie. His eyes stare daggers into Thad who sits across from him still in his ring gear with Craig looking like a beaten dog wearing a green turtle neck and orange slacks, resemble a live action Shaggy stunt double.
Thad looks over to Craig and shrugs toward Jefferson as Jefferson takes a deep breath. Jefferson’s eyes bounce from Craig and then back to Thad before he starts talking.
(Jefferson King)
You asked me to support you and I asked you to do one thing for me, son… Do you remember what that one thing was?
(TFK)
You asked me to win and not to disgrace our name…
Jefferson looks to Craig.
(Jefferson King)
And what good are you? Are you only good at holding his sledge while he pisses?
Jefferson shakes his head.
(Jefferson King)
Jesus Christ boys.
(Craig)
Well… it… was…
Jefferson cuts Craig off and points his ire toward Thad again.
(Jefferson King)
I make butt fucking shots that looked better than that match you had out there, so i ask where the hell was your head at?
(TFK)
I wanted that World title, pops… I wasn’t going to allow Spencer Adams to best me, but I must have wanted it too much.
(Jefferson King)
You think my actors don’t want that money shot to come sooner than the director calls for? You blew your load too soon and that is why Adams got the better of you out there. What was it, huh? Did that dirty spic, Gravedigger make you a promise or something? A promise that you’ll be his chosen one?
(TFK)
I don't know dad, maybe it's your super racist ass that is causing me to take the fall, huh?
Jefferson looks taken back.
(Jefferson King)
Racist ass? I love black people! Give me an Asian and a black man and I'll give you a tear jerker better than Arma-Fuckin-Geddon!
Thad rolls his eyes and Craig starts laughing nervously.
(Jefferson King)
What's so goddamn funny?
Craig still laughs.
(Craig)
Heh, ha, I don't know, ha ha…
Jefferson motions Thad to Craig.
(Jefferson King)
Do you mind?
Thad smacks Craig upside the back of his head and it silences him instantly.
(Jefferson King)
Thank you… Now where was I?
(TFK)
I think you were about to tell me why the hell you made me wear my wrestling gear all week…
Jefferson smiles a toothy smile.
(Jefferson King)
To me it was the equivalent to the walk of shame… I really wanted your loss to seep into that thick skull of yours. It's a lot more tame than what I put my actors through.
Craig slowly raises his right hand and Jefferson nods to him.
(Craig)
What do you have them do exactly?
Jefferson chuckles smugly.
(Jefferson King)
Let's just say it’d make that chode Weinstein blush.
Jefferson winks and continues digging into Thad.
(Jefferson King)
Answer me this, Franklin… Are these bosses of yours some of those pussies who believe in participation trophies or some shit?
Thad cocks his head to the left confused.
(Jefferson King)
The way I see it, you got bested by that Adams fellow and now you're being rewarded with an opportunity to yet another title? Or are you playing the part of their personal Hoover vac behind the scenes?
Thad waves the claim off.
(TFK)
Dad, it's because of my raw talent in the squared circle… Besides I leave the sucking up to Craig here.
Craig scoffs.
(Craig)
Hey!
(TFK)
Calm down I'm just fucking with you.
Thad looks back to Jefferson.
(TFK)
I have the face that MOTHERS will love and I am indeed the Director of Action Wrestling. I fell to Spencer Adams and my dreams for that World title has been snuffed out for the time being… But I can hear that U.S. title calling my name.
(Craig)
I bet it's allowed to call you Franklin…
Thad causes Craig to flinch.
(TFK)
Don't make me lend you to my dad to play his fluffier in one of his alternative sexuality films he makes in Tijuana…
Jefferson smirks and gives Craig a thumbs up.
(TFK)
This week I have a gentleman by the name of Chase Jackson standing in my way and I will not be bested again.
Jefferson pulls out a Cuban cigar from a cigar box on his desk.
(Jefferson King)
Don't make promises that you may not be able to fulfill.
Jefferson slowly lights the cigar, puffs away at it, and then blows a few rings toward Craig.
(Jefferson King)
Watch after my boy, will ya?
Craig nods still obviously nervous.
(Craig)
Uh yes, of course sir.
(TFK)
Don't worry, dad, I have this low budget jackass’s number.
Jefferson tips his head toward Thad.
(Jefferson King)
Go get’em Franklin.
We fade to black only to reemerge in the same office as before, This time around Thad isn't in his wrestling gear, instead he's wearing a plain white T with a pair of designer jeans and Craig continues to wear whatever he stole from Shaggy’s closet… Moving on...
Thad sits across from his father who’s slowly shaking his head in disappointment.
(TFK)
What?
Silence still clings to the air as Jefferson goes back and forth looking at his son and then at Craig. Craig whispers over to Thad as if Jefferson can't hear him.
(Craig)
Your dad's really freaking me out right now…
Jefferson catches them both off guard with his bellowing voice.
(Jefferson King)
BOYS! What the hell was that?
Thad shrugs.
(TFK)
It was a win, pops.
Jefferson mockingly smirks.
(Jefferson King)
It was a win? Is that what you call it? I bet Ms. January would call that Bukaki facial she got from Peter Driller and Stanley Rektor a win too, but it still looked like shit on camera. Jesus Christ Franklin! Is this what I get for backing you in this little venture of yours? Are you trying to give your old man a heart attack? Because you've come close with how poorly these performances have been… Hell, your grandpa would've changed the channel already, son.
(TFK)
A roll up is still a credible wrestling maneuver and I'm not going to sit here and defend it til I'm blue in the face. Was it camera worthy? No, but it got the job done.
Jefferson nods and then looks over to Craig who has a stupid surprised look on his face.
(Jefferson King)
Are you okay with that performance out there? As his hype man, would you be able to continue to boost him up for the masses?
Craig stumbles a bit but he replies.
(Craig)
Um, I mean, Thad has a natural talent out there and a talent like that doesn't come around every day. Look at Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth, Ali… They weren't always out there swinging their big dicks every time.
Jefferson doesn't hesitate to respond.
(Jefferson King)
That's because they didn't have the right director calling the shots… But I find it hard to sit idly by as Franklin let's opportunities slip through his fingers…
(TFK)
I get it, Spencer Adams got me dead to rights, but I have a title shot at Revolution that was written for me without question. I mean have you seen my opponents listed? It's like something straight out of a shitty western…
Craig smiles.
(Craig)
I loved Sandler’s Ridiculous 6.
(Jefferson and TFK)
You would.
Craig shrugs trying to act too cool to care. Jefferson looks to Thad.
(Jefferson King)
So your point is they're a ragtag bunch?
(TFK)
Breaking it all down and seeing the big picture here that Digger and Tort are attempting to make… They have all their demographics covered.
(Craig)
I did notice that fighter for hire dude with the giant tits is going to be in the match.
(TFK)
You do realize Rose is a girl, right? She's knocked men out who have said otherwise...
Craig shrugs.
(Craig)
Chicks with dicks are guys, Thad… Besides Rose knocks people out and wrestled all over before coming to the Eh Dub.
(Jefferson King)
You boys have a picture of this enigmatic lady?
Thad places his phone in front of Jefferson and clicks his photos app.
(Jefferson King)
Damn this Rose girl has a strong jaw…
(TFK)
I can see a leading role in one of your alternative sexuality films, dad.
(Jefferson King)
Could be a niche out there for her, I'm sure…
(Craig)
Rose is an impressive competitor too though, 2 and 1 so far and the loss on her record came from a handicap match…
(TFK)
I saw that Big Flop John Frost win his handicap match even while being outnumbered, the competitors didn't look awe inspiring out there. But speaking of the Big Flop…
Thad swipes left and Big John’s picture causes Jefferson to jump back a bit.
(Jefferson King)
Jesus Christ, that's Big John?
(TFK)
I know, he really does look to be getting in touch with that American Made look, huh?
Craig chuckles.
(Craig)
Is that Big John shopping at Big Lots?
Thad shrugs.
(TFK)
As I said… American Made. All he's missing is a Wal-Mart trip in sweatpants and some Real Tree gear.
(Jefferson King)
On a serious note, are you not worried about this guy, son? You did mention he single handedly won a handicap match against 3 of your other opponents.
Thad chuckles.
(TFK)
The Big Flop was my first victory in Action Wrestling, what do I have to be worried with him for? Now everything he has done since, has been to prove that he's better than The Franchise Killer. I hit John with a T.F.K.O. and then those end credits rolled on him. The guy believes he's the most dominant big man in all of Action Wrestling but TFK will forever be a blemish on his record. He sees my victory has a chance thing, but he knows deep down inside that he underestimated me and it'll be a repeat come Revolution.
Craig swipes the phone this time.
(Craig)
If I wasn't married I'd show Beverly Adams a good time that's for sure.
Jefferson gives a thumbs up.
(Jefferson King)
That Beverly Adams’s ass is certified grade A choice USDA approved beef if you ask me. If this little wrestling venture of hers doesn't work out, I have a long list of Mandingos who'd thrive on some yellowtail.
(TFK)
Yeah she's hot, but no matter how lackluster her career is so far in Action Wrestling, she has a chance to still prove she's more than a pretty face. She's had of earned her spot in Action Wrestling… I mean she did injure Davoe with a vicious Irish whip to the turnbuckle… So she may be tougher than she looks.
Jefferson laughs.
(Jefferson King)
You're only saying that because you've never bagged an Asian before and you're a bit smitten. You gotta get your head out of that opium den snatch and focus on winning that US title, son.
(TFK)
Yeah yeah… My eye is on the prize, okay?
Thad shakes his head and then swipes the phone to the right.
Craig starts to laugh.
(Craig)
Is that a jock strap on his face?
(TFK)
Don't hate on the Galactic Warlock, Craig. He may look like a goofball and a sci-fi reject, but he won his first match in Eh Dub to get into this Six pack challenge… Even though, just like Rose and Beverly he played cannon fodder to boost the ego of Big John Frost last week. His character is pretty cool and all, but what else does he bring to the table? Kids buying his merch because he looks like a poor man’s superhero? I get it, comic movies are huge right now, but TakMak will be a joke as the US Champion. We don't even know where the man is from, so how can he represent the United States citizens?
(Craig)
I do enjoy his high flying prowess though… Superhero or not, he is pretty mesmerizing.
Craig’s focus disappears.
(TFK)
Flips can only get you so far… Besides, he's lacking that leading man star quality that makes for a great champion.
(Jefferson King)
I get a weird gimp mask feeling from this guy… Just watch your corn hole out there, son.
Thad swipes the phone right again.
(Craig)
WAFFLES!!
Thad rolls his eyes.
(TFK)
That's my point exactly… Dion the Lord of the Vine or whatever name he goes by. This guy screams Americana with his side gig as a waffle peddler at the Super 8. With all the Waffle Houses throughout America, how could a waffle peddler not be a stand out for representing this great nation?
(Jefferson King)
He's a big ginger I see and he's a bit regal too…
(Craig)
He's a god isn't he?
Thad makes everyone pump the brakes.
(TFK)
Guys, Dion isn't a God, its all showbiz remember. He can CGI enhance his eyes or whatever, but he's still a guy playing a part. There's footage floating around the interwebs that the Lord of the Vine put out himself about tearing the veil of his whole charade. He's a former World champion, but even that title reign has been outshadowed by anything else he has failed at doing. He was a favorite to go all the way in the World tournament at AW, but the pressure obviously became too much.
(Craig)
Still, he's a big guy and I'm looking forward to him squaring off with Big John.
(Jefferson King)
If you took my advice, I'd suggest letting the knuckle draggers duke it out and you pin that nice piece of yellowtail ass. Hell, I wouldn't even bust your balls if you landed your little roll up on her.
Thad strokes his chin acting as if he's deep in thought.
(TFK)
I may look like I'm some guy who lives in the self hype, but I have the skill to win out right… Even against giants and gods. Critics are going to be buzzing once I hold that US title above my head and don't get me started on Bernie Sanders and me standing in the same ring together… Bernie is going to go blind from how many flash bulbs are going to bombard him.
(Jefferson King)
Funny story about old Bernie…
Jefferson chuckles.
(Craig)
What's that?
Jefferson looks at the two guys very seriously trying not to crack up.
(Jefferson King)
Bernie Sanders shot a film for me… It was a porn reimagining of American Beauty… The only challenge was explaining why old Bernie wore a Luchador mask. Old jizz and rose petals everywhere… Those clean up young boys were put to work, that's for sure. Bernie glazed a chick like a donut, man!
Thad and Craig bust out laughing.
(TFK)
You've got to be kidding us.
Jefferson looks as serious as ever.
(Jefferson King)
I don't joke about film, son… If you don't believe me, ask him when he presents you with that US title.
Thad nods along.
(TFK)
Alright, I'll do that…
Thad smiles and Jefferson nods.
(Jefferson King)
You've got the best genes in you, so you just gotta go out there and show the world exactly that.
Craig pats Thad on the back.
(Craig)
It's your time.
(TFK)
And it's your time to hype me.
Craig looks to Jefferson and shrugs, then nods.
(Craig)
Okay, coming right up…
Craig stands up and turns toward the godlike camera. He then clears his throat before speaking.
(Theatrical Movie Voice Guy)
A six pack challenge may sound like a typical American weekend, maybe with some PBR and some chicken wings… But that's not what this six pack challenge brings. Oh NO, it brings a pedigree fit for a KING and a bunch of worthless peasants. The Franchise Killer will square off against some of Action Wrestling’s hungriest competitors and everyone is looking to be THEE FIRST US Champion of the Eh Dub. The one thing they're unaware of though…
Craig pauses.
(Theatrical Movie Voice Guy)
The script has already been finalized and only a select few have had the honor to peer upon its pages… Spoiler alert in coming.
Craig issues a theatrical pause for dramatic purpose.
(Theatrical Movie Voice Guy)
TFK is the ONE who will walk out as the Action Wrestling US Champion. Once those end credits roll and all eyes are on my boss… Then you will realize THE DIRECTOR of Action Wrestling has a vision that is designed for the fans and designed to piss off the rest of the roster.
Craig presents Thad to the godlike camera.
(Theatrical Movie Voice Guy)
Let's be honest… He truly does have the FACE your mother would love and he IS your champion.
Thad pats Craig on the back before stepping toward the camera.
(TFK)
Thank you, Craig. Beverly Adams, Rose, Dion, TakMak, and Big John…
Thad smiles that Hollywood smile to the camera.
(TFK)
You all have been asleep for far too long and you're going into this match thinking that you have old Thad here figured out… That's your first mistake. The second being is you imagining yourselves walking away with MY US title. The statement and the proclamation has been taking the internet all week… At Revolution you all will realize I'm more than some internet buzz and some face your mother loves… I AM YOUR FIRST EVER US CHAMPION.
Thad winks at the godlike camera.
(TFK)
Roll those end credits.
Fade out to black with Thad smiling.
Thad looks over to Craig and shrugs toward Jefferson as Jefferson takes a deep breath. Jefferson’s eyes bounce from Craig and then back to Thad before he starts talking.
(Jefferson King)
You asked me to support you and I asked you to do one thing for me, son… Do you remember what that one thing was?
(TFK)
You asked me to win and not to disgrace our name…
Jefferson looks to Craig.
(Jefferson King)
And what good are you? Are you only good at holding his sledge while he pisses?
Jefferson shakes his head.
(Jefferson King)
Jesus Christ boys.
(Craig)
Well… it… was…
Jefferson cuts Craig off and points his ire toward Thad again.
(Jefferson King)
I make butt fucking shots that looked better than that match you had out there, so i ask where the hell was your head at?
(TFK)
I wanted that World title, pops… I wasn’t going to allow Spencer Adams to best me, but I must have wanted it too much.
(Jefferson King)
You think my actors don’t want that money shot to come sooner than the director calls for? You blew your load too soon and that is why Adams got the better of you out there. What was it, huh? Did that dirty spic, Gravedigger make you a promise or something? A promise that you’ll be his chosen one?
(TFK)
I don't know dad, maybe it's your super racist ass that is causing me to take the fall, huh?
Jefferson looks taken back.
(Jefferson King)
Racist ass? I love black people! Give me an Asian and a black man and I'll give you a tear jerker better than Arma-Fuckin-Geddon!
Thad rolls his eyes and Craig starts laughing nervously.
(Jefferson King)
What's so goddamn funny?
Craig still laughs.
(Craig)
Heh, ha, I don't know, ha ha…
Jefferson motions Thad to Craig.
(Jefferson King)
Do you mind?
Thad smacks Craig upside the back of his head and it silences him instantly.
(Jefferson King)
Thank you… Now where was I?
(TFK)
I think you were about to tell me why the hell you made me wear my wrestling gear all week…
Jefferson smiles a toothy smile.
(Jefferson King)
To me it was the equivalent to the walk of shame… I really wanted your loss to seep into that thick skull of yours. It's a lot more tame than what I put my actors through.
Craig slowly raises his right hand and Jefferson nods to him.
(Craig)
What do you have them do exactly?
Jefferson chuckles smugly.
(Jefferson King)
Let's just say it’d make that chode Weinstein blush.
Jefferson winks and continues digging into Thad.
(Jefferson King)
Answer me this, Franklin… Are these bosses of yours some of those pussies who believe in participation trophies or some shit?
Thad cocks his head to the left confused.
(Jefferson King)
The way I see it, you got bested by that Adams fellow and now you're being rewarded with an opportunity to yet another title? Or are you playing the part of their personal Hoover vac behind the scenes?
Thad waves the claim off.
(TFK)
Dad, it's because of my raw talent in the squared circle… Besides I leave the sucking up to Craig here.
Craig scoffs.
(Craig)
Hey!
(TFK)
Calm down I'm just fucking with you.
Thad looks back to Jefferson.
(TFK)
I have the face that MOTHERS will love and I am indeed the Director of Action Wrestling. I fell to Spencer Adams and my dreams for that World title has been snuffed out for the time being… But I can hear that U.S. title calling my name.
(Craig)
I bet it's allowed to call you Franklin…
Thad causes Craig to flinch.
(TFK)
Don't make me lend you to my dad to play his fluffier in one of his alternative sexuality films he makes in Tijuana…
Jefferson smirks and gives Craig a thumbs up.
(TFK)
This week I have a gentleman by the name of Chase Jackson standing in my way and I will not be bested again.
Jefferson pulls out a Cuban cigar from a cigar box on his desk.
(Jefferson King)
Don't make promises that you may not be able to fulfill.
Jefferson slowly lights the cigar, puffs away at it, and then blows a few rings toward Craig.
(Jefferson King)
Watch after my boy, will ya?
Craig nods still obviously nervous.
(Craig)
Uh yes, of course sir.
(TFK)
Don't worry, dad, I have this low budget jackass’s number.
Jefferson tips his head toward Thad.
(Jefferson King)
Go get’em Franklin.
We fade to black only to reemerge in the same office as before, This time around Thad isn't in his wrestling gear, instead he's wearing a plain white T with a pair of designer jeans and Craig continues to wear whatever he stole from Shaggy’s closet… Moving on...
Thad sits across from his father who’s slowly shaking his head in disappointment.
(TFK)
What?
Silence still clings to the air as Jefferson goes back and forth looking at his son and then at Craig. Craig whispers over to Thad as if Jefferson can't hear him.
(Craig)
Your dad's really freaking me out right now…
Jefferson catches them both off guard with his bellowing voice.
(Jefferson King)
BOYS! What the hell was that?
Thad shrugs.
(TFK)
It was a win, pops.
Jefferson mockingly smirks.
(Jefferson King)
It was a win? Is that what you call it? I bet Ms. January would call that Bukaki facial she got from Peter Driller and Stanley Rektor a win too, but it still looked like shit on camera. Jesus Christ Franklin! Is this what I get for backing you in this little venture of yours? Are you trying to give your old man a heart attack? Because you've come close with how poorly these performances have been… Hell, your grandpa would've changed the channel already, son.
(TFK)
A roll up is still a credible wrestling maneuver and I'm not going to sit here and defend it til I'm blue in the face. Was it camera worthy? No, but it got the job done.
Jefferson nods and then looks over to Craig who has a stupid surprised look on his face.
(Jefferson King)
Are you okay with that performance out there? As his hype man, would you be able to continue to boost him up for the masses?
Craig stumbles a bit but he replies.
(Craig)
Um, I mean, Thad has a natural talent out there and a talent like that doesn't come around every day. Look at Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth, Ali… They weren't always out there swinging their big dicks every time.
Jefferson doesn't hesitate to respond.
(Jefferson King)
That's because they didn't have the right director calling the shots… But I find it hard to sit idly by as Franklin let's opportunities slip through his fingers…
(TFK)
I get it, Spencer Adams got me dead to rights, but I have a title shot at Revolution that was written for me without question. I mean have you seen my opponents listed? It's like something straight out of a shitty western…
Craig smiles.
(Craig)
I loved Sandler’s Ridiculous 6.
(Jefferson and TFK)
You would.
Craig shrugs trying to act too cool to care. Jefferson looks to Thad.
(Jefferson King)
So your point is they're a ragtag bunch?
(TFK)
Breaking it all down and seeing the big picture here that Digger and Tort are attempting to make… They have all their demographics covered.
(Craig)
I did notice that fighter for hire dude with the giant tits is going to be in the match.
(TFK)
You do realize Rose is a girl, right? She's knocked men out who have said otherwise...
Craig shrugs.
(Craig)
Chicks with dicks are guys, Thad… Besides Rose knocks people out and wrestled all over before coming to the Eh Dub.
(Jefferson King)
You boys have a picture of this enigmatic lady?
Thad places his phone in front of Jefferson and clicks his photos app.
(Jefferson King)
Damn this Rose girl has a strong jaw…
(TFK)
I can see a leading role in one of your alternative sexuality films, dad.
(Jefferson King)
Could be a niche out there for her, I'm sure…
(Craig)
Rose is an impressive competitor too though, 2 and 1 so far and the loss on her record came from a handicap match…
(TFK)
I saw that Big Flop John Frost win his handicap match even while being outnumbered, the competitors didn't look awe inspiring out there. But speaking of the Big Flop…
Thad swipes left and Big John’s picture causes Jefferson to jump back a bit.
(Jefferson King)
Jesus Christ, that's Big John?
(TFK)
I know, he really does look to be getting in touch with that American Made look, huh?
Craig chuckles.
(Craig)
Is that Big John shopping at Big Lots?
Thad shrugs.
(TFK)
As I said… American Made. All he's missing is a Wal-Mart trip in sweatpants and some Real Tree gear.
(Jefferson King)
On a serious note, are you not worried about this guy, son? You did mention he single handedly won a handicap match against 3 of your other opponents.
Thad chuckles.
(TFK)
The Big Flop was my first victory in Action Wrestling, what do I have to be worried with him for? Now everything he has done since, has been to prove that he's better than The Franchise Killer. I hit John with a T.F.K.O. and then those end credits rolled on him. The guy believes he's the most dominant big man in all of Action Wrestling but TFK will forever be a blemish on his record. He sees my victory has a chance thing, but he knows deep down inside that he underestimated me and it'll be a repeat come Revolution.
Craig swipes the phone this time.
(Craig)
If I wasn't married I'd show Beverly Adams a good time that's for sure.
Jefferson gives a thumbs up.
(Jefferson King)
That Beverly Adams’s ass is certified grade A choice USDA approved beef if you ask me. If this little wrestling venture of hers doesn't work out, I have a long list of Mandingos who'd thrive on some yellowtail.
(TFK)
Yeah she's hot, but no matter how lackluster her career is so far in Action Wrestling, she has a chance to still prove she's more than a pretty face. She's had of earned her spot in Action Wrestling… I mean she did injure Davoe with a vicious Irish whip to the turnbuckle… So she may be tougher than she looks.
Jefferson laughs.
(Jefferson King)
You're only saying that because you've never bagged an Asian before and you're a bit smitten. You gotta get your head out of that opium den snatch and focus on winning that US title, son.
(TFK)
Yeah yeah… My eye is on the prize, okay?
Thad shakes his head and then swipes the phone to the right.
Craig starts to laugh.
(Craig)
Is that a jock strap on his face?
(TFK)
Don't hate on the Galactic Warlock, Craig. He may look like a goofball and a sci-fi reject, but he won his first match in Eh Dub to get into this Six pack challenge… Even though, just like Rose and Beverly he played cannon fodder to boost the ego of Big John Frost last week. His character is pretty cool and all, but what else does he bring to the table? Kids buying his merch because he looks like a poor man’s superhero? I get it, comic movies are huge right now, but TakMak will be a joke as the US Champion. We don't even know where the man is from, so how can he represent the United States citizens?
(Craig)
I do enjoy his high flying prowess though… Superhero or not, he is pretty mesmerizing.
Craig’s focus disappears.
(TFK)
Flips can only get you so far… Besides, he's lacking that leading man star quality that makes for a great champion.
(Jefferson King)
I get a weird gimp mask feeling from this guy… Just watch your corn hole out there, son.
Thad swipes the phone right again.
(Craig)
WAFFLES!!
Thad rolls his eyes.
(TFK)
That's my point exactly… Dion the Lord of the Vine or whatever name he goes by. This guy screams Americana with his side gig as a waffle peddler at the Super 8. With all the Waffle Houses throughout America, how could a waffle peddler not be a stand out for representing this great nation?
(Jefferson King)
He's a big ginger I see and he's a bit regal too…
(Craig)
He's a god isn't he?
Thad makes everyone pump the brakes.
(TFK)
Guys, Dion isn't a God, its all showbiz remember. He can CGI enhance his eyes or whatever, but he's still a guy playing a part. There's footage floating around the interwebs that the Lord of the Vine put out himself about tearing the veil of his whole charade. He's a former World champion, but even that title reign has been outshadowed by anything else he has failed at doing. He was a favorite to go all the way in the World tournament at AW, but the pressure obviously became too much.
(Craig)
Still, he's a big guy and I'm looking forward to him squaring off with Big John.
(Jefferson King)
If you took my advice, I'd suggest letting the knuckle draggers duke it out and you pin that nice piece of yellowtail ass. Hell, I wouldn't even bust your balls if you landed your little roll up on her.
Thad strokes his chin acting as if he's deep in thought.
(TFK)
I may look like I'm some guy who lives in the self hype, but I have the skill to win out right… Even against giants and gods. Critics are going to be buzzing once I hold that US title above my head and don't get me started on Bernie Sanders and me standing in the same ring together… Bernie is going to go blind from how many flash bulbs are going to bombard him.
(Jefferson King)
Funny story about old Bernie…
Jefferson chuckles.
(Craig)
What's that?
Jefferson looks at the two guys very seriously trying not to crack up.
(Jefferson King)
Bernie Sanders shot a film for me… It was a porn reimagining of American Beauty… The only challenge was explaining why old Bernie wore a Luchador mask. Old jizz and rose petals everywhere… Those clean up young boys were put to work, that's for sure. Bernie glazed a chick like a donut, man!
Thad and Craig bust out laughing.
(TFK)
You've got to be kidding us.
Jefferson looks as serious as ever.
(Jefferson King)
I don't joke about film, son… If you don't believe me, ask him when he presents you with that US title.
Thad nods along.
(TFK)
Alright, I'll do that…
Thad smiles and Jefferson nods.
(Jefferson King)
You've got the best genes in you, so you just gotta go out there and show the world exactly that.
Craig pats Thad on the back.
(Craig)
It's your time.
(TFK)
And it's your time to hype me.
Craig looks to Jefferson and shrugs, then nods.
(Craig)
Okay, coming right up…
Craig stands up and turns toward the godlike camera. He then clears his throat before speaking.
(Theatrical Movie Voice Guy)
A six pack challenge may sound like a typical American weekend, maybe with some PBR and some chicken wings… But that's not what this six pack challenge brings. Oh NO, it brings a pedigree fit for a KING and a bunch of worthless peasants. The Franchise Killer will square off against some of Action Wrestling’s hungriest competitors and everyone is looking to be THEE FIRST US Champion of the Eh Dub. The one thing they're unaware of though…
Craig pauses.
(Theatrical Movie Voice Guy)
The script has already been finalized and only a select few have had the honor to peer upon its pages… Spoiler alert in coming.
Craig issues a theatrical pause for dramatic purpose.
(Theatrical Movie Voice Guy)
TFK is the ONE who will walk out as the Action Wrestling US Champion. Once those end credits roll and all eyes are on my boss… Then you will realize THE DIRECTOR of Action Wrestling has a vision that is designed for the fans and designed to piss off the rest of the roster.
Craig presents Thad to the godlike camera.
(Theatrical Movie Voice Guy)
Let's be honest… He truly does have the FACE your mother would love and he IS your champion.
Thad pats Craig on the back before stepping toward the camera.
(TFK)
Thank you, Craig. Beverly Adams, Rose, Dion, TakMak, and Big John…
Thad smiles that Hollywood smile to the camera.
(TFK)
You all have been asleep for far too long and you're going into this match thinking that you have old Thad here figured out… That's your first mistake. The second being is you imagining yourselves walking away with MY US title. The statement and the proclamation has been taking the internet all week… At Revolution you all will realize I'm more than some internet buzz and some face your mother loves… I AM YOUR FIRST EVER US CHAMPION.
Thad winks at the godlike camera.
(TFK)
Roll those end credits.
Fade out to black with Thad smiling.