“Shooters Out Here”
Feb 24, 2019 18:57:00 GMT -5
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Alexander Pasternak and Jared Holmes like this
Post by Wade Moor on Feb 24, 2019 18:57:00 GMT -5
“#beachkrews #EffinRager is more than just our long overdue, inaugural pay per view, it’s going to be a crime scene. Multiple homicides under guise of a sanctioned wrestling event, all sprung from the endless well of our imaginations. Jaice Wilds is a dead man walking into his first Action Wrestling World Championship main event, but Alex Pasternak and I have the honor of killing the Cowboys From Hell’s wasted run as Tag Team Champions. They’ve misrepresented the entire division worse than #fightsmart, and that’s actually saying something considering they’re the worst team in this entire company. Somehow, you two goobers managed to fall in to worse favor then those morons and for that you surely face certain death?
“Yeah, you already know what it is. Or you don’t? I’m leaning towards the latter since you two hobgoblin looking motherfuckers only have about six brain cells to rub between your filthy fingers. I know you aren’t gonna make this match easy for us, we’ll just make it look that way. We know you’ll scratch, claw, chew, punch, axe wound, dick suck, triple backflip tombstone stunner, and sheeeeeeeeit you’ll even throw the god damn kitchen sink if you got it. Doesn’t matter, we got #beachbodies on it and your tag title reign is coming to a swift and decisive conclusion and it ends with either one of your shoulders pinned to the mat for the three count.”
Wade takes a deep, inflective breath and exhales with a force so # S t r o n K that ZMAC felt that shit pushin’ in a past life.
“Zombie McMorris, I remember when you used to be about something man. I remember when Honey Badger really didn’t give a fuck, but now? You’ve gone soft. Limp wristed. Teaming up with Beau Blaze? That’s beneath your potential. You make a great midcard champion. Television. UCI. United States even. Hell, you might even sniff out a World Championship match - though winning that is a different story. But that nilla Beau? He ain’t it, man. He had his chance to prove he belonged when we went one on one last week, but he crumbled to dust under pressure. Kind of sets a precedent for our forthcoming match, right? #beachkrew holds two wins over the Cowboys From Hell and yet you still probably think this isn’t going to be a one sided gob smack.
“Get real boys. As champions, you should be setting the pace, leaving us struggling to keep up, but really it just has us thinking: ‘is it really going to be this easy?’ Is this the failure of rookie or the veteran? ZMAC, you weren’t built for coexistence. Your selfishness is just too prevalent. It’s a parasite that latches on to any coop you’ve formulated at any given moment. Tell me, if our roles were reversed, would you be able to do what I’ve done? To step aside and let Ryan Lockhart have his deserved time in the sun? Would you mentor, not just one, but two Yung Beach Bois on their paths to greatness? You couldn’t even lead a thirsty horse to water, my guy. This is what separates me from you.
“Gah dayum Z, I still remember that bag of coke on a pole match like it was yesterday. That was Zombie McMorris at his peak. You were on that hard shit, that real shit...now you’re just real shit. Hangin’ and Bangin’ , LLC is in the pits and on the skids with you at the helm. You used to be a constant, a wyrm of power, but now you got the kid gloves on. What a total waste of star power, man. Now you’re so far down there, floating...floating through uncomfortable space. You’re just another lost one from a bygone era. Most dudes from your generation knew when to pack it up and cut their losses, but you’re still hanging on. By a thread, mind you, but you get the point.
“The two of us have been at this so long you could fill archives with the storied battles we’ve put on in that ring. I was young, still inexperienced, but the problem you face now is that I’ve amassed countless achievements Honey Badger could only dream of. I have the wherewithal and I’ve surpassed you in every facet of the business while you remained stagnant, even going so far as dropping down the card to secure your victorious ways. You went full Jaice Wilds. Never go full Jaice Wilds ELEMAYOH. It’s essentially career suicide to be that bad, but your boi Wade Moor sliding in with the assistance. No thanks necessary, it’ll be my pleasure.
“This ain’t a battle, a war, none of that shit. This is two better men absolutely outclassing the tag team champions and putting the entire division on notice, though you should have gotten the memo already when #beachkrew dumped that boiling water on Action Wrestlings nuts a couple of months ago. Nobodies safe around here anymore, least of all you Zombie. You’ve gotten pretty used to skating by, flying by the seat of those sixteen year old denim shorts, but we’re here to stamp that mediocrity out and drop it on its buster ass beans. You know, the kind of shit you used to do? Take out the trash? Until you became what ya hated the most. Souled out to the lowest bidder, that Beau Blaze, whackest Rookie of the Year of all time - since we know that real RotY trophy should be in my b o i Ryan’s case.
“Beau, what the fuck was that shit on Monday? I’ve never seen anybody blow their spot so trivially. Yeah, you were physically in the match but were you really there? Was your heart, mind, body, and soul in it? That was your championship defense right there, in that ring. You had your one actual chance to show me that you could go with the best of the best and you gassed the hell out. You goofy goober. What the hell kind of lazy Champions is the undercard breeding? I knew it was bad but I didn’t know the extent. You can’t excuse your way out of this lackadaisical, frivolous bullshit, no matter what counter argument you’ve prepared. Some dumb shit like; ‘losing up to the PPV was my plan all along. I was playing possum.’
“Eat shit, Beau, you fucking wet noodle. I don’t really understand where you stand in all this. You’ve likely gassed yourself up into thinking that match was a fluke, that #beachkrew still ain’t got shit on them Redneck Demons, but we currently hold two wins over you ding dongs so ain’t no posturing on some weak ass shiz. This isn’t Red, White, & Bruised you’re up against - though they fucking smacked you thoroughly too - you’re stepping into the ring this week with some real men and you’re the bitch among them. Just ask Ol Z after your loss at #EffinRager and he’ll tell ya that you just don’t belong.
“That match last week was just visual historical proof for everyone else that the Tag Team Championship belts need #beachkrew now more than ever, no ifs-ands-or buts about it. These belts bounced from the Good Lads, to #fightsmart, to Cowboys From Hell, all without much aplomb. A sigh and a whimper - how’s that sound for a tag name for you guys? Alex and I came up with that. Don’t say #beachkrew never gave you anything, because we’re about to take so much away from you. Your championships. Your careers. The ability to use the bathroom on your own. Your will to live. That’s the kind of shit you have to come out shootin’ with Beau, that’s the first thing that ZMAC should have taught you. You’re a pea shooter and I’m clippin’ you at a hundred yards. Like I said last week, mediocrity breeds mediocrity, and Ol Z is the king of that mountain.
“You know what #beachkrew had to go through for this match? This entire pay per view? We fought the most violent match of our entire careers and - like a tidal wave - came out the undisputed winners. Now we’re on the hunt for those Tag Team Championships and nothing can stop us from getting what we want, what we need. We don’t want the money from the gate boys, we want the blood from the kill, and trust me when I say we’re closers. The Cowboys From Hell? They’re impotent. Weak. They say they’re hawngry but when it comes time to eat? They ain’t got a hungry bone in their bodies. Their futures were sealed when #beachkrew decided to come for those scalps. Enjoy your last week as Tag Team Champions my nillas, it’s all downhill for you from here.”
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The VolkSWAGGIN is cleared out of most debauchery and partying, save for a few stragglers drinking 40s and smoking a bong. Pretty tame evening for a #beachkrew shin, but they had #EffinRager this weekend. As Jared would say “we can’t blow the party shot too early”. Jared was sitting alone to himself, mindfully scrolling the internet’s and twittersphere for all #EffinRager related dirt.
“Alex. Wade”, Jared called as Alex sat down next to Wade, “You believe the dirt sheets actually think we got Steve Orbit and Johnny Fly out of retirement for this shit? Fucking marks, Jesus fucking Christ.”
Jared wandered back into his own little world as Alex leaned closer to Wade to talk.
“You still thinking about what happened?” Wade asked.
“It hasn’t stopped man”, Alex replied, “I haven’t slept in days, I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind.”
“I can relate”, Wade added which seemed to relieve some of Alex’s tension.
“What the fuck are we going to do?” Alex exclaimed under his breath, “I don’t even know what I saw...or why...I don’t know if I can deal with this shit.”
Alex’s eyes seemed to wander, the color fading from them rapidly. Wade put his hand on Alex’s shoulder and gave him a little shake. He hesitantly returned to his conscious form and looked Wade dead in the eye.
“I just want it to stop”, Alex said pleadingly as he pulled a vial from his coat pocket and unscrewed the top.
“You have to lay off that shit”, Wade remarked, “It’s only going to make it worse.”
Alex ignored him and took a bump off the web of his thumb. He snorted deep and held his breath, his face scrunched into a ball. He released and did something Wade didn’t expect...he smiled.
“For a split second, right after”, Alex said, coughing a little into his balled fist, “I don’t think about it.”
“You want to tell me what you saw down there?”, Wade asked.
Wade could tell by the look on Alex’s face that his mind was drifting back, back to that day. Those gray skies filled with the smell of death, a murky pond a mirror into his soul. He drifted back, back...back...
Back.!//
.../back